Indifference.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Indifference.

:H
Yep. I suppose you can go that route if you want.

I slept, too. Woke up at 3am, though, and stayed in bed until 4am. I am going to miss the cold, dark mornings, but it's time to go down another notch I think. bummer. Still, I was up and active for 19 hours yesterday. WOW. Amazing how much one can get done, isn't it?
My forsythia is blooming. The first indication of spring. New life. It's hard not to read into that, isn't it?
Sorry, I'm all sorts of mellow and reflective and introspective this morning. I'm enjoying it, but boy is it fun to swear a little, you know?

[bleep]

Indifference.

Went out last night with a really good friend, and did what I used to regard as a cracking night out, sitting in a pub drinking beer. The first one was great, but I had to really force the other four down, and ended up leaving early. I now regard five beers as a really heavy night, it's been a long while since I've had that amount of alcohol in one night, and I feel like shit now as a result. I don't like sitting in a pub drinking anymore, which came as a shock, it must be said

Two months ago I would have regarded five beers as a practically AF night, now it lays me low. This is a very powerful drug. It's made me realise that I am drinking now only because I had moderation as a goal, not because I actually want to moderate. Well, I did want to moderate, from back then, but now that it's a choice, and a simple one at that, I realise I no longer want to drink. A very powerful drug indeed!

So I'll see where I go. It won't bum me out if I have a glass of wine, but I'm going to get it out of my head that I have to drink, simply because I chose to moderate.

I was just reading through my old thread. Man, I was certifiable. Huge incident followed by huge incident, followed by me confidently announcing that I was increasing my already hectic dose. What was I thinking. I was wondering what this guy was up to, I kept having to remind myself it was me! What a wally.

Ne, you didn't swear once in that post, you've confused me?

[Lo0p]

Indifference.

I was watching... I was there... waiting for this. I didn't know for a fact you were going to be fine but...

[coalfire]

Indifference.

So I'll be a insulin snorting, fat, cranky, red-faced bastard who can't give a fuck, getting angry at nothing, and pissed off with life?

Thats funny. It conjures up such a lovely image!

[Lowcountryman]

Indifference.

Hi Bleep,

Still drinking right? 5 beers in a pub might not be as much as you're used to, but it's not very promising. Well, I would worry if I were you. So no switch/indifference for you then but I know it wasn't your goal in the first place.

Now that you have decided that you don't want to drink anymore, do you also consider to titrate up? Or are you taking on other tools, like willpower?

Bleep, just stop boozing. Don't forget how happy you were being 'Ryan a former alcoholic'. The silent prayer you offered in your kid's room. The sheer happiness that Mrs Bleep regained her trust in you? Is there a reason not to go AF? Is there a reason to let the Jack Bauer in you give the slightest chance again? Jack Bauer always gets what he wants, but I might have missed some plots. I think you are just one step away from the Switch. Not being able to drink a lot, not being able to get pissed is very recognizable. It's a (just) stage in the process imo.

You know now it can be done by Bac. So it really is a choice you will have to make (reminds me of this beautiful George Jones song btw:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YueIJ88OLsw[/video]]YouTube - George Jones - Choices )
I recall the drinking against the will. Haha, wtf was that for anyway

Low








Low

[bleep]

Indifference.

Hi Low,

I would say the switch is very real - most nights I have a glass of wine, and just leave it. It is mostly habit, and one glass of wine actually tastes nice - after that, they start tasting shit.

The five beers? Same thing really. The first was a treat, the rest were because I was in a pub, with a good friend, trying to be social. The last two were an effort, that I just couldn't keep making, so I said my goodbye's. It doesn't worry me that I drank 5 beers, I can feel in my head where I am, and it's a good place to be. I haven't been pissed since the switch, and can't see it happening. This was as close as I've been, and it felt unpleasant.

Drinking always made me feel more alive, I never actually felt pissed, even when trolleyed. That night, I could feel the booze in my head, and could judge its effects on me, and I didn't like it.

Social drinking was always my goal, but as I said, it's changing. I see a life where it's the odd glass at a function or celebration, and nothing else really.

Thanks for checking in Low, I always enjoy your thought-provoking posts.

[bleep]

Indifference.

It's been 6 or so weeks since I hit indifference, I though I would just update as to where I find myself.

Most nights, I have glass of wine, or half a glass. I normally have it just after I get home. I find it a very relaxing way to unwind from the day, having a few sips of wine in the garden. That will be my consumption for the night. Occasionally, I have none at all, or two. I think about 3 or 4 times, I've had three, some nights it just feels nice, so I go with it. The 5 beers mentioned above is the most I've had, and I found it unpleasant. I really can't see myself ever getting drunk again.

I find that a very normal thought, pre-switch it was something I did almost every night. I just cannot imagine why it ever struck me as a good idea, although I know that, at the time, it was not only a good idea, it was the only idea. The complete 180? (thanks Is!) in my thoughts I find very strange, despite how normal it now feels. I catch myself pouring my half-glass of wine, and I smile to myself. Who is this guy who inhabits my body now? I used to get the biggest wine glass and pour it to the very top, have a quick sip, then re-fill it. Now it's a half glass.

I really like this guy who is me now. He seems much calmer and more reasonable. I miss the release of getting pissed, but, as I've said before, I'm sure something will come up here.

All in all, I'm delighted with the way things have turned out. I would never have thought this possible a few short months ago. If anyone reading this is trying to decide whether baclofen is for them, I urge you to give it a go.

[help4me]

Indifference.

Hey Bleep... your post is so refreshing to me. You sound a lot like me.

I am exactly one month into indifference. I never ever ever thought where I am right now is where I would ever be. Last week I had a business trip to England where normally I would have been scared at how I would handle my "extra" drinking after leaving the pub at night.... well, this time, I did have a couple glasses of my dry white wine and that was it! I went back to my hotel, and finished up some work and went to bed. Every night! I honestly cannot believe how this BAC has worked for me.

I got home and was worried that I'd start to pick up the nightly drinking again...but, not a chance. Like you, if I choose to have a glass, that's it. I am fine to have it and be done with it... absolutely AMAZING!!! This BAC is a true miracle to me and worth every bit of side effect that I trudged through.

[Bruunhilde]

Indifference.

Congrats to you both, what a difference a couple of months makes. I look forward to hearing how your life changes, bleep, as you evolve without AL.

[bleep]

Indifference.

Thanks Bruun.

Help, it is amazing. Just a pill, after all this time. Who would have thought it could be so simple?

[Isolde]

Indifference.

bleep;1070249 wrote:
This is a very powerful drug. It's made me realise that I am drinking now only because I had moderation as a goal, not because I actually want to moderate. Well, I did want to moderate, from back then, but now that it's a choice, and a simple one at that, I realise I no longer want to drink. A very powerful drug indeed!
bleep;1070968 wrote: Social drinking was always my goal, but as I said, it's changing. I see a life where it's the odd glass at a function or celebration, and nothing else really.

Bleep, I feel like you're my bac brother. I haven't identified with anyone else's journey so much as I have with yours.
I know EXACTLY what you mean about the initial decision to moderate. Ever since I've hit the big switch, I really just haven't wanted to drink. I thought about having one here or there just for the heck of it, but would then realize that I didn't really want it, so I didn't force it.
It amazes me that this could happen, that I just wouldn't want to drink one day and end up being AF 99% of the time by choice.
If someone had told me this was going to happen at the beginning of my bac journey (or halfway through, or 3/4s of the way, etc.), not only would I have not believed them, but I would have found it very upsetting!!
And now.. I find it really fucking awesome.

And I really like this chick who is me now.

Btw, excellent job on keeping up with all of the bazillion forum posts lately! I see you chiming in here, there and everywhere with helpful advice.
:goodjob:

[TracyA]

Indifference.

Bleep, it's so good to hear your story. It seems unreal to me, but I know that it is real.

And, echo Iso, you help so many people here. You really are wonderful.

[bleep]

Indifference.

Thanks Is and Tracy! Just trying to give a bit back to the forum that I reckon probably saved my life!

It truly is weird to the nth degree. I always thought that to make a decision like this would be a battle, a force of willpower, not just a default position. How things change...

[Murphyx]

Indifference.

bleep;1074646 wrote:
It truly is weird to the nth degree. I always thought that to make a decision like this would be a battle, a force of willpower, not just a default position. How things change...

Mad isn't it? And ever so cool.

And I'd also like to echo the comments about the way you help everyone, particularly the noobs. That's so important. I know it's impossible to quantify to what extent, but I reckon you're actually helping to save people's lives. Far out!

We love ya bro!

[bleep]

Indifference.

Shit, you guys are making me feel all bashful! Thanks Murph.

I'm going to be tied up horribly for a week or so, so may disappear for a while.

While I've the bashful feeling going on, I love you all back. You were all responsible for helping me through a very rough time, and I'm extremely grateful, thanks very much for that

Dig your new avatar Murph. It fits well!