Murph’s Baclofen (or should that be BacloFUN) diary

[bleep]

Murph’s Baclofen (or should that be BacloFUN) diary

You mean you don't? I'm consorting with peasants? Yegads!

I'm off!

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Murph’s Baclofen (or should that be BacloFUN) diary

It's Africa, ffs! For 20 cents, or the Zim equivalent of $2,687,593.99 you, too can have a family crest. With lions and tigers and bears.
Oh MY!

[Murphyx]

Murph’s Baclofen (or should that be BacloFUN) diary

Ne/Neva Eva;1137136 wrote: That's a pretty cool history, Murph. Mine also includes family (a lot of 'em) from the backwoods in a state I won't mention for fear of offending. Suffice it to say, it might ring true to what you put on RudyB's thread. 'splains everything. :H

Well a?knowin that do splain everthang mah frien.

[RedThread12]

Murph’s Baclofen (or should that be BacloFUN) diary

Neurotransmitters and supplements that might help

Hi Murph: I saw somewhere that you were interested in what I was taking. I actually did post it a while back. You should be able to find it somewhere around here: https://www.mywayout.org/community/f2...fen-48777.html

It's clear that it's not all good for everybody, but you can try working your way through the list to see what feels right. I'm traveling out of the country just now for 7 weeks. Took 1/2 a suitcase just to pack all that stuff.. But now I'm hooked, it's worth it.

[Murphyx]

Murph’s Baclofen (or should that be BacloFUN) diary

Thanks for that RedT, I'll start to work my way through it and see what clicks for me.

I've sent you a PM about another related thing.

Have fun wherever you are.

[LittleLessBoozin']

Murph’s Baclofen (or should that be BacloFUN) diary

Hey Murph:

I've been reading about volcanoes due to being a sad bastard, and what should I happen upon but your next profile picture?

;-)

Paul.

File:Mercury god.jpg - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

[Murphyx]

Murph’s Baclofen (or should that be BacloFUN) diary

Hmmmm, here's another one of Mercury:
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedi...ie_%282%29.JPG

Clearly he's a grower and not a shower. :H

[Murphyx]

Murph’s Baclofen (or should that be BacloFUN) diary

What a great day I had yesterday; we spent the morning on the meads with the dogs. We had a picnic in the sun and we all played around in the river and laughed and had huge fun. It was the sort of day one remembers having as a child, but suspects memory of playing tricks and exaggerating what was in actual fact probably pretty mundane. It was 30c, not a cloud in sight, low humidity and a light breeze; absolutely perfect. Perfect weather and a perfect morning. I’m having a lot of them lately. I’m eating good food, exercising and losing fat; I haven’t been so healthy, fit and lean for years. The bac-fog has lifted (thanks to piracetam) and I’ve had a chance to get a grip on my financial and business worries. Life is good. And the best thing, the thing that makes this all so much better than it would otherwise be, is the fact I don’t have to worry about alcohol anymore. Indifference. Not indifference to alcohol, but indifference to worrying about alcohol. Not the switch, I don’t think that ever happened to me. No, that’s not true; it happened. In fact, it happened more than once.

I first switched on 04 Feb 2011 at a dose of 150; I lost the desire to drink vast quantities of alcohol. But I still drank most evenings; only 1 drink, sometimes only a sip, but sometimes, not often, a little more. I worried about this. My God my drinking was reduced, to within the limits prescribed by the health authorities, probably for the first time in my adult life. But I wasn’t in control. I didn’t decide to have that evening drink, the decision was out of my hands. The baclofen switch means you’re in control of the booze, not the other way round…right? So, I panicked; I upped the dose in search of true indifference. Take more bac, that’s the answer. It always is.

On 175 I felt another, temporary, relief from craving, but I still wanted to drink. Less, much, much less than pre-baclofen, oh man, no comparison; but the urge was still there. I could have fought the urge, I’m sure. It would be difficult, but the urge was minimal compared to the old days, the bad days, when evil Murph was in charge. But fighting urges has never been a strong point of mine. And anyway, I wouldn’t need to because the baclofen switch makes that a moot point. Once you switch you don’t need to fight urges; there are no more urges, no desire for alcohol. Indifference means you can take it or leave it. You don’t feel compelled, there is no force, nothing that overrides your better judgement. So onwards and upwards; let’s get to that switch, the real switch, the one we all aim for. Take more bac.

Over the next few months I played around with my dose to see what worked. Could I find a level that made me truly indifferent? I experimented with dosing patterns: different amounts in each dose, alternative periods between doses, even the big one hit per day dose. Nothing changed; I still wanted to drink. Not a lot, I didn’t want to get pissed every day, but nor was I indifferent. And I should have been.

So, we all know the answer don’t we? When you’re having problems, whether they are side effects or a wobble in your feelings about booze, all you need do is take more bac. So five weeks ago I upped the dose to 225. And holy fuuuuuuck, that was one hell of a ride. I was out of it. Man, but I was tripping. The surge of positive emotions was unlike anything I had previously experienced. I was utterly overwhelmed by a sudden love of …well…everything: every person and every object, all actions and all activities, each sight, sound, smell, taste and touch, they overpowered me with an all-encompassing deluge of pure, basic, beautiful love. And clarity. I understood everything: what had gone wrong in the past and why, how to improve my present, and I had a clear vision of the future; I knew exactly what I was to do and how to go about it. This lasted a day, before I started to come down from the high. Over the next few days it wore off and Newton’s third law of motion jumped up and bitch-slapped me. For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. Apparently that applies to emotions as well as motion. I ended up in the deepest of depressions. So close to the edge. I hadn’t really given suicide any serious thought for a long time, not since I was a teenager, but 4 weeks ago I was planning an alternative and final My Way Out. Only the realisation that it was a chemical reaction that would surely pass, allowed me to keep it together. But the amazing thing is, I didn’t turn to the bottle, even then, even in that deepest of pits I didn’t consider drink as a solution. I considered suicide, but not drink. Lol, how fucked up is that? And thank God I didn’t drink, perhaps if I had I wouldn’t have been able to rationalise the whole thing. No, not God, thank baclofen.

I didn’t drink at all from the day the 225 hit me. I was sober and effortlessly so for 3 weeks. Then the cravings started to return, but I held out. I wanted to make sure I made it to the 30 day mark. I don’t know why, but people seem to think it’s some sort of important milestone. So I stuck it out. I tried to convince myself I was using only the merest touch of willpower to keep from drinking, but in actual fact I was white-knuckling it. When the 30 days were up I couldn’t hold back any longer; I had a drink and it was good and so I had another etc etc. And the same the next day and the one after. OK, that switch didn’t last so I have to take more bac. More bac always works, it’s always the answer. Baclofen makes us all indifferent, it’s just a matter of taking more until you get to that point.

Eventually I realised, the problem wasn’t the amount of baclofen, it was my attitude to it. I expected baclofen to take away my cravings, when in actual fact, all it was doing for me, all it ever could do for me, was reduce my desire for booze, just as it had 5 months ago at 150mg.

The switch doesn’t exist for me. And I think I know why. I don’t suffer from anxiety. I’m not anxious; I never have been, well not as an adult anyway. Except for a period long ago when I was an actor, when I was almost paralysed with fear and tension and loss of concentration and I would be shitting myself on a daily basis (figuratively speaking, not literally…well almost never literally), but once I walked out on to the stage or the set I was absolutely calm and in control. Apart from that time, I have never been even slightly anxious. I don’t worry about things irrationally. I’m not tense. I’m not easily startled. I’ve never had a panic attack. I’m not edgy or irritable, except when drunk. I’m not concerned about how others perceive me. I know that if I have to chat with someone, I can do so easily (although perhaps not when Skyping lol). I’m simply not anxious.

Baclofen is an anxiolytic. It relieves anxiety and panic and it relaxes muscles (another symptom of anxiety). THAT is how you achieve true indifference. THAT is how you switch. If you drink because of anxiety, baclofen can help you to 100% indifference. Anxiety seems to be such a common theme amongst us here. I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve read people reporting relief of their anxiety, sometimes even though they didn’t previously even realise they were anxious. But if that’s not the reason you drink, then you won’t permanently switch. You won’t reach 100% indifference. And why I never will, no matter what dosage I go up to.

I suspect those who didn’t suffer from anxiety but who have achieved long-term abstinence, have employed a certain amount of willpower/white-knuckling in order to do so. But nowhere near as much as they would have needed without the assistance of baclofen. Baclofen helps reduce our cravings, even if it doesn’t eliminate them. It worked wonders for me at 150 mg. Many people have reported great results at much lower doses; in extreme cases, even from the very first pill.

Baclofen works, not just for the anxious, but for almost everyone.

Baclofen works, just not in the way we’d all like it to.

So now I can drop back down to 150 knowing that I will be able to keep my drinking to a low level and keep evil Murph at bay. That’s a hell of a result; much, much better than I could possibly have hoped for a year ago. I won’t go down just yet though because I’ve already upped my dose to 275 and I’m rather enjoying the feeling. I am familiar enough with baclofen to know what to expect and deal comfortably with any side effects. As it happens the side effects are all good and I might even add another 50 on top tomorrow…just for shitz and giggles.

I realise I haven’t cracked a single joke or misogynistically ranted in this entire post and that’s the only reason most of you bother to read my drivel. So:

Q. Why do women have small hands?

A. To make my knob look big. Oops, I meant to say bigger… damn it, too late now.

Does Baclofen Work? YEAH BABY!!!

[bleep]

Murph’s Baclofen (or should that be BacloFUN) diary

That's a long post Murph.

And a really, really good one. You may have hit the nail on the head. I still drink, a bit. And your reasons make sense. While I was never anxious as such, I did notice baclofen removed something, some feeling that I never knew existed until it was gone. It wasn't a major thing though, although I'm glad it's gone. My reply is a bit rambling, I think I'm going to take some time to think about what you've just written.

But I think you're 100% right.

[redhead77]

Murph’s Baclofen (or should that be BacloFUN) diary

Murphy,

I can't begin to tell you how much comfort this one post has given me. I've felt like such a freak with my baclofen experience, and while ours aren't the same, many of the things you've written have rang true for me. Even some of the depression stuff. I find baclofen to work well as to actually relieve some depression, but when I'm altering my dosages, I do notice I change. I had the same experience on my switch dose, as to thinking I understood everything, loved everyone and everything. Hence, the whole CL bloke thing. I cringe a bit when I read what I divulged about myself. In retrospect, the whole thing was even a little dangerous. In the sense that I was in a very vulnerable state. I wasn't thinking clearly. This would never happen on the dose I'm on now. I'm not seeing the world in bac colored glasses. I am a little bit, but in a good way. I'm not way over the edge, like I was before.

I have been battling my thoughts on indifference or the switch for a long time. I believe the switch does exist, but again, I still was having or pouring that glass of wine, even when I was 'indifferent'. I then was confused if that meant I was truly indifferent. It did give me the tool to think logically in regards to alcohol. To decide not to pour that drink, but often I did anyway. Even if I didn't finish it. Just like you're explaining. I want to go back there now after learning how to do a bit of white knuckling to stay AF.

Thank you Murphy. I have a feeling this post may be controversial. Yet, I haven't read another person post anything, that helped me to understand this, as well as you just did. It makes me feel not so alone in my experience.

PS. We've all figured out there are two sides to you. If you need to make a serious post then by all means, do it. We'll still read it. :h

[taw]

Murph’s Baclofen (or should that be BacloFUN) diary

Wow Murph! Excellent post! Seems to make sense for me. I have suffered from depression my whole life but never much anxiety...bac has definitley not had the calming effects on me has it has for so many others...if anything I feel anxious on bac! Up to 250 and not seeming much of a difference...little bit, but not as much as you...maybe I will ramp up to 300 this weekend, 3 days off from work...and just see....

Thanks for posting all that Murph!

[bleep]

Murph’s Baclofen (or should that be BacloFUN) diary

You should really put that in it's own thread.

[redhead77]

Murph’s Baclofen (or should that be BacloFUN) diary

One other thing I'd like to mention. I do and have experienced crippling anxiety. Baclofen has helped me immeasurably with the anxiety (although I realize it can cause anxiety for some). It still doesn't stop some of the triggers that occur. I believe in my case (and probably many) that alcoholism is multifaceted. This is what I was trying to get at on Ne's thread when I said, do you really believe that one pill can fix everything? Can it break habits? Stop triggers? Correct blood sugar problems? Fix traumatic lifetime experiences? Cure depression? It can certainly help depression and anxiety in some, but I believe some of you realize, many people may need other help. This is just food for thought. I've spent a ton of time thinking about it. And it bothers me a great deal. I understand that alcoholism is biochemical, and baclofen will fix this part. What about the rest that so many deal with?

[Murphyx]

Murph’s Baclofen (or should that be BacloFUN) diary

redhead77;1138305 wrote: Hence, the whole CL bloke thing. I cringe a bit when I read what I divulged about myself. That whole period was down to bac. It messes with your brain, in some good ways, but it also leaves us open and vulnerable. We can think, feel and do things that are not only out of character but also dangerous. Just put it down to experience; in the big scheme of things it matters not a jot.

redhead77;1138305 wrote: PS. We've all figured out there are two sides to you. Are you talking about the cross-dressing thing? I only do that at weekends and wtf are you doing telling everyone about it anyway?

In case you’re referring to something else entirely, everyone please ignore what I just wrote OK?

bleep;1138289 wrote: My reply is a bit rambling, I think I'm going to take some time to think about what you've just written.

I’m really looking forward to your thoughts Bleepster. Don’t worry about rambling, I don’t…obviously.

taw;1138310 wrote: Wow Murph! Excellent post! Seems to make sense for me. I have suffered from depression my whole life but never much anxiety...bac has definitley not had the calming effects on me has it has for so many others...if anything I feel anxious on bac! Up to 250 and not seeming much of a difference...little bit, but not as much as you...maybe I will ramp up to 300 this weekend, 3 days off from work...and just see....

Thanks for posting all that Murph!

Taw, one of the problems we have here, and it really is a huge problem as far as I’m concerned, is that we all try to explain baclofen and alcoholism and the way we react to both of them through our own experiences. That’s a big mistake and one we all need to try and address. Bac may work for me in one way, but a different way for you. Bleep can chuck an extra hundred mg in his gob without much effect, while so can I, it has a profound and fun effect for me, but for someone else it could cause an overdose. One person cured their SEs with an increase in dose and while that works for probably most people, there are others it could be devastating for. I get all bac-happy, loved up and horny as hell on 170 mg, but I couldn’t recommend that dose to anyone else because it might turn them into a vegetable.

Now that all said, as you’ve got 3 days off work I would certainly try ramping up to 300 and see what happens.

redhead77;1138327 wrote: It still doesn't stop some of the triggers that occur. I believe in my case (and probably many) that alcoholism is multifaceted. … Can it break habits? Stop triggers? Correct blood sugar problems? Fix traumatic lifetime experiences? Cure depression?

Absolutely agree with you on that RedH. There are a lot of things that need addressing in many of us and bac can’t cure them all. But it can help with the booze and then we have a chance of dealing with the other stuff.

[Jo80]

Murph’s Baclofen (or should that be BacloFUN) diary

I don't actively save the planet but I do what I can and would never intentionally damage it. I am posting here to avoid sms/email/phone to people I will regret in the morning but the al has got the better of me tonight and i hope you murphyx and others will understand. Also, i have reasonably sized boobs.