1.26.11 ? Thursday
8:30am -- Took 5 mg. This was my first dose ever. Didn?t feel anything.
12:00pm -- 5mg. Felt a bit of somnolence for a few hours afterwards and also a very tiny, subtle relaxed feeling. Or was I just imagining it?
5:30pm -- 5mg. Felt nothing.
Cravings to drink or do drugs are very strong this evening, but I did neither.
Total = 15mg
Note: For the first time in over 20 years, I actually slept through almost the entire night (7 hours straight) without waking up.
1.27.11 ? Friday
8:00am ? 5mg.
9:00am ? 5mg.
2:00pm ? 5mg.
3:00pm ? 5mg.
6:00pm ? 10mg. Still feeling nothing at all. Just incredibly hungry and thirsty. (Ate about 5 times today?)
9:00pm ? 10mg. Still feeling absolutely nothing at all. WTF???
Cravings for alcohol and/or drugs are incredibly powerful this evening. But I somehow managed to remain abstinent.
Once again, my ability to sleep almost through the whole night was amazing. I did wake up after the first two hours due to having to use the bathroom, and I recall a bizarre dream and the feeling (in the dream) that I was stoned out of my mind, almost to the level of being paralyzed and nauseous, from the Bac.
Total = 40mg
1.28.11 ? Saturday
8:00am ? 10mg. Appetite is outrageous. I was starving about an hour after waking up, which is unheard-of for me.
12:00pm ? 10mg. Ate again at noon. Huge appetite, and feeling absolutely no other effects from the Baclofen. A couple of hours later I felt a tiny, very subtle feeling of relaxation and spaciness that was quite nice.
3:00pm ? 10mg. Felt nothing.
6:30pm ? 10mg. Still feeling nothing. Still have out-of-control appetite. If this keeps up, I?m not going to be able to keep taking Baclofen. I?m going to be grossly overweight in no time at this rate. AND I am having way worse cravings than before I started taking it. I?m starting to feel bummed out.
8:20pm ? The cravings are INSANE tonight. I haven?t had cravings this bad in such a long time, I hadn?t even remembered what they were like. I want so badly to drive down the street to the liquor store, I can hardly stand it. I don?t know what?s holding me back, other than I am afraid to drink while taking Baclofen, because I don?t know what the side effects will be like.
Total = 40mg
Perhaps I shouldn?t add this to the post... I hope this is not TMI, but I am really upset right now and need a bit of support/advice/help/feedback, or something?
Just got off the phone with my ex-girlfriend (she is also a recovering alcoholic; uses AA to stay sober). I was telling her about how low I?ve been feeling, that I isolated all day, that my best friend (who is also a recovering addict) never called me back today and I?m worried about him due to his outing to a casino last night with his new gf who is a cocaine user, that the Baclofen doesn?t seem to be doing anything for me except increasing my cravings and appetite, and finally, I came out and confessed to her that I am still in love with her and can?t get past it. Her response to that confession, as I was crying, was to say that perhaps we just shouldn?t talk at all, that the only thing I need to be focusing on right now is my sobriety, and that she is NEVER going back there with me--she has made a decision, and we will never, ever be more than friends again in this lifetime. She was emphatic about that. She couldn?t have made it clearer. She said that at any rate I am not ready for a relationship and that I need to stop looking outside myself for things or people to make me feel better.
She then proceeded to yell at me for over a half an hour about how I?m not working the program, am not taking it seriously, just want a little pill to take away all of my problems, that my spiritual life is for shit, that I?m self-pitying (about having been adopted and having had an addict/alcoholic birth mother), need to grow up, need to make a decision once and for all to just not drink or do drugs, need to go to meetings way more often, even if I?m tired after work (that?s no excuse), need to call my sponsor and others in the program more, and that the only reason I stayed clean for the 7 months in rehab was because stuff wasn?t available to me there, etc. Damn, she was just flat-out brutally harsh with me. It hurt really bad to hear all that, especially coming from her. I know that what she said was mostly true, but I had just made myself totally vulnerable to her, and that was her response. It just felt so cold-hearted to hear all that (in the form of yelling) from someone you?re in love with. I kept saying ?I know, I know? to what she was saying, but then she would just respond ?I know you know all this, but it?s not about knowing, it?s about doing? when are you going to start actually acting on what you know??
Sorry for the sob story. But it just made me second-guess the whole Baclofen thing. Maybe I am just looking for an easy way out?
I was on the verge of driving to the liquor store when she called, so I am actually grateful that she did call. And now the liquor stores are closed, so I must go to bed sober.
Good night, all, and thanks for reading.
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