Bruun's Titting UP

[Doggygirl]

Bruun's Titting UP

HEY TITGUNS!!!!!!
So what is your plan now? Is it time to put one in writing? Is it time to try something that maybe you haven't tried before? (I don't know what all you have tried besides bac!)

NONE of us are hopeless as long as we are still alive my friend. So holster those babies up and let's figure out how we're gonna get some AF time on you.



DG

[Seethepony]

Bruun's Titting UP

Hmm, titguns...

Time I read this thread!

[Bruunhilde]

Bruun's Titting UP

You guys are all too funny, and lovely - Rudy & Evey, thanks so much for the support, I can't say it will keep me posting for a long time, but it will keep me posting for now.

TITGUNS, okay, gotta give that train a rail to run on, right DG?

So, my goal is still to be a hard body and sexy at 50. That's more than a year from now, so this I guess, will be my next step.

For you lucky lurkers who haven't read the past pages, I could not do bac due to my blood pressure, which skyrocketed on bac (I have a pre-existing HBP condition). I did try Topa (topiramax?) which helped somewhat but made my hair fall out (also had this SE before without the Topa but Topa made it worse). And I'm a chick (note the tits everywhere) and so that's a bad side effect.

So, welcome Everyone & Pony. Let me know if you have any suggestions. I am struggling with AL today. I got into some type of control twice in the past twelve mos, in that sometimes I could do 4 days of 4 or less beers a day, but would binge a couple times on the weekend perhaps. Then I got on the HCG diet and was already controlling somewhat, then did the HCG which required injections, which made it scary and serious and I was able to stick to the non-AL regimen. Unfortunately, I'm extremely suggestible, and when I hear others drinking on the diet, I decided I could too. Stupid and spineless I know, but that's how I am in these situations. And I haven't been able to get back to moderation or AF ever since.

So, I'm out of town and expect to mod on Thurs at least.

Also going to purchase NAL online.

Any helpful or commiserating thoughts welcome. :l Anyone taking anyone commentary here as indictments, please don't. It's my own genetics, weaknesses, my own addictions, and I'm trying to admit my issues in this forum. I'd like to keep it free and open here, and blameless. I blame myself not you, and I appreciate everyone's love, carefulness, and kindness. I can't promise to be AF, or a medster, or an alcoholic. I hope some day to be AF and free, I hope to be blameless, but with the life I've led, I know I've caused harm but I'm also aware people have done (look at the war, murders, hate in the world) MUCH worse, so I can be forgiven and so can we all.

Love muchies,

Guns

[Murphyx]

Bruun's Titting UP

Bruunhilde;1111651 wrote: so I can be forgiven and so can we all.

Mmmmmmm, not sure I'd forgive my dog if it washed it's shitty arse in my pool.

Love ya Titguns!

[Isolde]

Bruun's Titting UP

Bruunhilde;1111651 wrote:
I did try Topa (topiramax?) which helped somewhat but made my hair fall out (also had this SE before without the Topa but Topa made it worse). And I'm a chick (note the tits everywhere) and so that's a bad side effect.Topirimate, brand name Topamax.
I've gone through a couple of cycles of EXTREME hair shedding, so I know what that does to a girl mentally! It's absolutely stress-incuding, which just makes the hair jump out of your head faster!
I was on Topa for a few months as well. It did work somewhat for me too, at least at the beginning, mostly by making me feel drunk quicker, so I needed to drink less AL. I very quickly found it easy to drink through the bit of help that Topa initially seemed to give me. In any case, it made me as dumb as a brick (also about as coordinated as one!), and I couldn't take it any longer. I absolutely wasn't myself.

Bruunhilde;1111651 wrote:
Also going to purchase NAL online.

Good luck with this! I think it's a step in the right direction. I've heard about a lot of success stories with Nal. Lo0p is a veritable fount of information when it comes to Nal and TSM, so he'd be a good one to talk to if you have any questions, etc.

Bruunhilde;1111651 wrote:
Guns

:H :goodjob:

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Bruun's Titting UP

:l and :h
Ne

[bleep]

Bruun's Titting UP

Hah. I've been through a cycle of hair shedding as well. Had nothing to do with topa, more to do with being a guy.

Amazingly, one of my dad's friends pulled me aside the other day, and whispered about a "cure" for our condition. He's a hardened alcoholic who has been free from booze for 20 odd years, so my first thought was this, but I was confused. Why was he whispering? Why now, when it's no longer a problem? Baffled, I looked at him. He was furtively looking about, and rubbing his head.

When I figured out he was talking about a cure for baldness, I was hard pressed not to burst out laughing. He takes it seriously though. He's hunting about for a missing ingredient, some herb or something, before he'll pronounce his formula complete. He won't tell anyone his magic formula though! I'll keep you updated as to how it develops!

I find the whole thing hilarious! It's hair. Hardly worth letting it ruin your day if it decides it wants to travel.

TitGuns, sorry to hear you are still going though a rough patch. Hang in there. Good luck with the naltrexone. There is a genetic marker test that apparently can predict success quite accurately - have you considered having it done?

[Bruunhilde]

Bruun's Titting UP

Yup, need to find Coalfire's link for that test. Too tired now. Tried ordering Nal today and had such issues with the website I ran outta time. Time to veg, too tired. And hung. Nothing uglier than a hanging TG.

[Bruunhilde]

Bruun's Titting UP

I managed to not drink myself to death tonight, first night in weeks. I overdid it many many nights in a row thinking, oh, I'll just have a couple tonight, or just buy a bottle of wine and then end up driving to the store after drinking much of the bottle (against my own rule of thumb to not drive after more than 1 drink) which basically flipped my switch (made me so mad at myself). If I go out and drive, even if I think I'm fine, that is NOT fine.

So I thought back to when I moderated well through various times in my life, and it's ALWAYS been when I've forced a pattern, any pattern, that kept me out of the house after work. I cannot be home after work, period, or it's pure hell to not cave/impossible. Then when I do head home, after killing a couple of hours somehow (gym, class, dog park etc), I have to eat or bring ready to eat food as soon as I get home or before I get home. I have to eat my biggest meal, and not have any wine or liquor around, but I can have beer around. That way, I don't feel anxiety about having no booze (how did I end up this way?), but the booze won't fit in my tummy and my blood sugar is stabilized by the protein rich dinner.

So that worked for me tonight, although I won't say I'm without drinking thoughts. It's 10:30pm and I just took 25mg of baclofen due to underlying panic/anxiety I've been pushing through this week/month/year/life. It seems to help a bit. Xanax helps me not drink too, by the same reduction of anxiety. Unfortunately I don't want to rely on addictive drugs but I guess a little pill every day is easier on your body than a load of AL.

Ordered Nal tonight.

[bleep]

Bruun's Titting UP

I managed to find that thread Bruun, it's here:

https://www.mywayout.org/community/f2...rch-48970.html

And the link to the testing site is https://www.23andme.com/

I really hope you find success with naltrexone!

[Bruunhilde]

Bruun's Titting UP

Thanks bleep, very kind of ya.

I don't care if Mondays blue
Tuesdays gray and Wednesay too
Thursday I don't care about you
It's Friday I'm in love....

[Bruunhilde]

Bruun's Titting UP

Feeling gloomy and doomy

Good afternoon everybody!

It's afternoon and I'm in my bathrobe, raining here and I drank wine the last two nights. Feeling down about it.

Got confirmation that my NAL order is en route. Bleep, I sent away for the gene test.

Note my personal pc broke down and I think a new hard drive is required, and I can't access MWO from my work computer anymore (getting paranoid) so if I'm not here posting, it doesn't mean I'm ignoring MWO nor that I'm sitting on the curb unwashed with a bottle in a bag.

Found out my high-priced petsitter is definitely lying to me about what she does for my dog. My neighbor and I were on the phone when petsitter came and went within 5 minutes (my neighbor checked the time during our conversation). Neighbor called because she hadn't seen petsitter and was wondering if Wonderdog was being cared for in my absence last week. I came home and dog was strangely out of it, I suspected he was depressed or sedated. Petsitter is a vet tech so has access to sedatives, and me being paranoid and angry, I suspect anything is possible with the crappy petsitter. After she left my house (she was there from 4:18-4:23pm and on her cellphone the entire visit), I received a text from her at 4:37 saying the dog got his walk, yay. Petsitter also did not clean up cat furball, she doesn't clean up dog poop nor scoop the cat litter. She sucks. I have to travel Wednesday and don't have time to find a new one although I started the search yesterday. Sigh.

Rudy, Evey, let me know how it's going. My plan for tonight is to have a couple of beers and 25mg of bac an hour or so before the witching hour (which seems to be getting earlier and earlier on weekends, for me). I am out of wine and not buying more. I am going to shop for some good dinner foods so I can fill up on good stuff and not have blood sugar issues. I am addicted to the low-blood sugar = drink a beer = feel the relief/buzz moment of the day. Eating helps me avoid that or keeps it from spiraling crazily out of control, at least some of the time.

Also, am trying to commit to myself to be out of the house after work, because that always helps me start later, at least, and sometimes it helps me moderate. However it's raining today so no dogpark and walking the dog in the rain just doesn't appeal.

Am also restarting the HCG, because I thought the HCG helped me with my cravings. It's supposed to help reduce appetite in general, so it makes perfect sense.

Saw my mom and dad Friday, mom said I have cheekbones again. The HCG made me lose fat in different places than I usually do when I lose ten pounds. Funny that I still have the new cheekbones because I have regained four pounds, and I'm beginning to feel ugly. I think it's time to focus hard again on my diet and the HCG, and try the thought control (thinking more positively vs depressively) on my gloom/doom bullshit. I have to get AF or in control. I have antabuse but don't want to take it. I'm praying NAL works. The gene test will be something to look forward to. I'm hoping it tells me I have genes that make me look like a 20-year old when I'm 50, and make me go AF at 49 ( in a couple months).

DG, how's your dad?

[bleep]

Bruun's Titting UP

Good luck on the gene test Bruun. In the meantime, I have some really good news for you, that will allow you to save some money immediately!

Fire your "high-priced petsitter" Do this immediately, and feel good about it. This forum has opened my eyes about Americans, I had in my head the stereotypical view, but I realise that most of you are actually decent human beings. Who would have thought? The petsitter, though, sadly, reinforces the stereotyped view. What does a petsitter do, particularly if she doesn't pick up dogshit? This would be the only thing I would think you need a petsitter for, ever. She is definitely lying to you about what she does for your dog. She does nothing at all, she just sits there texting on her phone for a few hours, and then bills you. Highly, it seems.

I know you lot value your pets, and hold them in high esteem, so what I am going to say may shock and horrify you, but it is the truth. Your pets are animals. They may provide comfort and love and companionship, and do all of this gleefully and unconditionally, and for that they deserve your love in return, but they are still animals. They do not need to be supervised when you are not there. They will not kill themselves, or accidentally turn the gas on when nobody is looking. They will sit around and relax, waiting for you to come home, and then they will be happy again. Being alone will not harm their psyche, nor damage them emotionally. Any damage done will be immediately forgotten in the hairball explosion of unbridled joy you will see when you meet again. Try it.

Despite me not really liking pets that much, my wife loves them and we have several creatures roaming our house. They are all happy, well-adjusted beasts, and could hold their own on the canine equivalent of Oprah, describing how they coped when we went away (they were fine. every time).

I'm trying to convince Mrs Bleep that the same is true of our two year old child, but she's just not buying it. Yet.

[Bruunhilde]

Bruun's Titting UP

Ha, bleep, good post.

I can leave the cats with no problem, the dog however has separation anxiety which manifests in diarrhea fests on the finished wood floor when he gets really upset or excited. He's a rescue dog and many of them have separation anxiety, his breed in particular. I have no dog door for him to come and go if he has to P or oop, so someone has to let him out. Doggy door would allow the cats out and they would become coyote food immediately. Thus, I need someone there twice a day for more than 5 minutes.

Funny how we Americans have this rep for either being mean buggers, or stupid happy dorks, and we don't even know the people exist who have that impression, because our media is corporate owned and they don't want us to know there are civilizations beyond our own. After all, it could influence our buying patterns in a bad way or something.

Ciao, I will be offline.

[bleep]

Bruun's Titting UP

Hopefully you'll get this before you go then - I won't go into the separation anxiety issue. We'll have to agree to disagree on that one, before we even debate it!

Why on earth do you need a high priced petsitter, when their chief function is to open the door every couple of hours to let the dog out? Can't you train the dog, or just keep him outside when you aren't home?

Which would be cheaper - a floor cleaning service once a month, or a high priced petsitter?