Bruun's Titting UP
Winetasting, Horseback riding, and Acid Dreams
Hey Ig, no jinx, thanks for poking me. I like knowing someone is out there...
Anne, so sorry I totally missed your post prior to my "breakthrough" post - I read the link on ayahuasca and loved it, it sounded alot like the book I mentioned by Kira Salek. I so want to do this but I'm not sure about the trek up the river in the forest. The book scared me away, too many dangerous things in that area AND crime! The character in the story was such a hardass, I'm really not. Anyways, thanks for posting it. Do you have any idea if it's considered more or less effective than ibogaine? Ibogaine may be less expensive if you get it done in TJ (Tijuana) vs Peru, given the travel costs and need to be transported to the shaman and then pay the shaman and fly home again.
I went horseback riding and winetasting yesterday, it was a lunch/winetasting/riding package deal we purchased months ago and I had been AF for 5 days, and yesterday I guess was AF 6 - sorta. I did wine taste, but they put maybe a tablespoon or two in each taste and there are 5-6 tastings per session. We went to two wineries, and on an empty stomach, I got a little tipsy after just that tiny bit of wine - I guess it was 1/3 glass at that point. I had expected to be fed lunch first! Then we went riding, and to another winery. OMG so hot outside but the pony was lovely and the trail very western dusty movie style, I had my hat and my horse was a sweet Palomino mare. When that was done, it was 3:30 by the time we ate our "gourmet lunch" - a chicken leg, small salad, potato chips from the bag and beans from a can. Hmph. Then we drove home, and I just walked in the door and started heating up food, stuffing it in my face. I had NO DESIRE to have any alcohol. I had less than half a glass and hadn't craved it. Amazing. And I don't feel any cravings right now, but in the evenings I do constantly need to distract myself from drinking thinking, but it's not really white knuckling. This happened, this strange sort of easy start, in my last effort to go AF - it was right after I developed some confidence that I could have AF days for the first time in my life, which had been the prior two weeks off and on. Plus I was desperate to stick to my diet, but this time around I AM DEDICATING myself to being a new person physically and emotionally, so I expect better results. My mistake the first time, of course, was that I became cocky, I thought, I can have one glass or two glasses of wine, no problem, I think I'm in control now. You KNOW where that thinking gets you, so this time I'm going to be much more careful. Yesterday was a revelation however, that I could go somewhere, have half a glass of wine over an afternoon and enjoy it without desperately racing home to get hammered. I guess the secret is to have other things to do during that time, rather than just sitting there drinking and talking, or drinking and watching TV, etc.
Another item of note, I think I posted back in time that I had ordered neurontin (gabapentin) again and have been taking it to quell the AL cravings and it seems to help quite a bit PRN. I do have trouble sleeping lately but not sure it's due to that, because I had ten (300mg) pills previously without that issue, and I don't think they're time released. I say that because I bought 600mg this time and am splitting the pills in half, for the same dosage at cheaper prices. I thought perhaps I could attribute this experience I"m about to describe to the gabapentin but since I've never had this problem in about 13 pills, I thought, why now?
The night before last, I was trying to sleep and it was either Friday or Saturday night, so it was right after that breakthrough. I had hallucinogenic dreams in vivid color for the first time in my life. Colors and patterns and themes, it reminded me that Beatles short film I think called The Yellow Submarine which is like a LSD dream, I had assumed. I don't recall anything about the dreams except they only lasted (I think) during the first hour of trying to sleep as I was dozing off. I woke from them in a rush, like I was experiencing waking up from an eventful dream, like what's going on!? I felt like something was different, something was happening. I don't really know how else to describe it. I had a fleeting notion that all the work I've been doing on myself and my drinking, and the neurontin or something is rewiring my brain somehow, or helping me to change things, to allow different patterns in my brain.
So again that brings me back to you guys, thank you for all your help, I think it's making a difference and I definitely recommend that book You Can Heal Your Life if you're open to that stuff. First time I read it, I wasn't ready. But it was on hand for me, when I became ready.
Thanks Nev, Ig, DG, Rudy, Green, Bleepster, Red, Anne, Rusty!
And that's the news from here. Still going strong. :l
Winetasting, Horseback riding, and Acid Dreams
Hey Ig, no jinx, thanks for poking me. I like knowing someone is out there...
Anne, so sorry I totally missed your post prior to my "breakthrough" post - I read the link on ayahuasca and loved it, it sounded alot like the book I mentioned by Kira Salek. I so want to do this but I'm not sure about the trek up the river in the forest. The book scared me away, too many dangerous things in that area AND crime! The character in the story was such a hardass, I'm really not. Anyways, thanks for posting it. Do you have any idea if it's considered more or less effective than ibogaine? Ibogaine may be less expensive if you get it done in TJ (Tijuana) vs Peru, given the travel costs and need to be transported to the shaman and then pay the shaman and fly home again.
I went horseback riding and winetasting yesterday, it was a lunch/winetasting/riding package deal we purchased months ago and I had been AF for 5 days, and yesterday I guess was AF 6 - sorta. I did wine taste, but they put maybe a tablespoon or two in each taste and there are 5-6 tastings per session. We went to two wineries, and on an empty stomach, I got a little tipsy after just that tiny bit of wine - I guess it was 1/3 glass at that point. I had expected to be fed lunch first! Then we went riding, and to another winery. OMG so hot outside but the pony was lovely and the trail very western dusty movie style, I had my hat and my horse was a sweet Palomino mare. When that was done, it was 3:30 by the time we ate our "gourmet lunch" - a chicken leg, small salad, potato chips from the bag and beans from a can. Hmph. Then we drove home, and I just walked in the door and started heating up food, stuffing it in my face. I had NO DESIRE to have any alcohol. I had less than half a glass and hadn't craved it. Amazing. And I don't feel any cravings right now, but in the evenings I do constantly need to distract myself from drinking thinking, but it's not really white knuckling. This happened, this strange sort of easy start, in my last effort to go AF - it was right after I developed some confidence that I could have AF days for the first time in my life, which had been the prior two weeks off and on. Plus I was desperate to stick to my diet, but this time around I AM DEDICATING myself to being a new person physically and emotionally, so I expect better results. My mistake the first time, of course, was that I became cocky, I thought, I can have one glass or two glasses of wine, no problem, I think I'm in control now. You KNOW where that thinking gets you, so this time I'm going to be much more careful. Yesterday was a revelation however, that I could go somewhere, have half a glass of wine over an afternoon and enjoy it without desperately racing home to get hammered. I guess the secret is to have other things to do during that time, rather than just sitting there drinking and talking, or drinking and watching TV, etc.
Another item of note, I think I posted back in time that I had ordered neurontin (gabapentin) again and have been taking it to quell the AL cravings and it seems to help quite a bit PRN. I do have trouble sleeping lately but not sure it's due to that, because I had ten (300mg) pills previously without that issue, and I don't think they're time released. I say that because I bought 600mg this time and am splitting the pills in half, for the same dosage at cheaper prices. I thought perhaps I could attribute this experience I"m about to describe to the gabapentin but since I've never had this problem in about 13 pills, I thought, why now?
The night before last, I was trying to sleep and it was either Friday or Saturday night, so it was right after that breakthrough. I had hallucinogenic dreams in vivid color for the first time in my life. Colors and patterns and themes, it reminded me that Beatles short film I think called The Yellow Submarine which is like a LSD dream, I had assumed. I don't recall anything about the dreams except they only lasted (I think) during the first hour of trying to sleep as I was dozing off. I woke from them in a rush, like I was experiencing waking up from an eventful dream, like what's going on!? I felt like something was different, something was happening. I don't really know how else to describe it. I had a fleeting notion that all the work I've been doing on myself and my drinking, and the neurontin or something is rewiring my brain somehow, or helping me to change things, to allow different patterns in my brain.
So again that brings me back to you guys, thank you for all your help, I think it's making a difference and I definitely recommend that book You Can Heal Your Life if you're open to that stuff. First time I read it, I wasn't ready. But it was on hand for me, when I became ready.
Thanks Nev, Ig, DG, Rudy, Green, Bleepster, Red, Anne, Rusty!
And that's the news from here. Still going strong. :l
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