Bruun's Titting UP

[Bruunhilde]

Bruun's Titting UP

Thanks DG, and I can't believe all these wise words come from a 29YO. I always thought you were joking (the recycling of age 29 until you're 50 kind of joking) because you sound SO together and mature. You're going to be a force in this world at the rate you're going.

For the record, and I'll post this on the gabapentin thread also, gabapentin CAN be abused so it's best to use with caution. Also, tolerance can grow so going on and off it is best. I'm taking it "AS NEEDED" which is sometimes daily and then sometimes not. I have not experienced any "high" feeling except once, and I've taken it 15+ times.

I feel like I'm beginning a new chapter, DG. :l

[LadyLush]

Bruun's Titting UP

Bruun,

You are doing so very, very well! My grandfather on my moms side was also an alcoholic. My mom considers it a weakness and a flaw in ones character; I also say WTF.

Your reaction to Gabapentin mirrors my reaction to Baclofen.
I am so very glad you found it!

Stay strong my friend!:l

LL

[Doggygirl]

Bruun's Titting UP

Bruunhilde;1147767 wrote: Thanks DG, and I can't believe all these wise words come from a 29YO. I always thought you were joking (the recycling of age 29 until you're 50 kind of joking) because you sound SO together and mature. You're going to be a force in this world at the rate you're going.
I'm really 53 but don't tell anyone, OK?

For the record, and I'll post this on the gabapentin thread also, gabapentin CAN be abused so it's best to use with caution. Also, tolerance can grow so going on and off it is best. I'm taking it "AS NEEDED" which is sometimes daily and then sometimes not. I have not experienced any "high" feeling except once, and I've taken it 15+ times.

I'm assuming the gabapentin thread is in....holistic? Or meds - must be one of the two. I'll find it.



I feel like I'm beginning a new chapter, DG. :l

YEAH!!!! :yougo::yougo: You DESERVE IT!!! One of my AA sponsees texted me today and she said "I love me." She has seen things that you and I have only dreaded and feared. That text made my heart sing and your mention of a new chapter makes me feel exactly the same way as her text did. :l

DG

[Bruunhilde]

Bruun's Titting UP

Lush, it's funny how we all react differently to meds, eh? Yes, I found a solution to my daily binging. At least short term. I'm not sure about gabapentin long term (although it also works well on my aches and pains so I'd like to keep it up PRN).

DG, funny, that text is exactly what I was chanting to myself today on the drive to the dog washer. I start with "I approve of me" and the idea is to get to "I love you" in the mirror but I'm saying "I love me" into the windshield instead. It feels so good to not be "down" on everyone else all the time. Now that I've eased up on myself, I am finding myself also easing up on everyone around me. :l

Edit: I should say that my thread is for myself and anyone who can benefit from reading it. If it's too personal for you, please don't read it. Carry on!

[SlipperyPete]

Bruun's Titting UP

Bruunhilde;1147773 wrote: I start with "I approve of me" and the idea is to get to "I love you" in the mirror but I'm saying "I love me" into the windshield instead. It feels so good to not be "down" on everyone else all the time. Now that I've eased up on myself, I am finding myself also easing up on everyone around me. :l

Wow B, ain't this the truth. Isn't it amazing that as we get sober, we realize how truly awesome we are? For the first time in years, I'm able to honestly tell myself that I love myself, and miraculously, OTHER people are suddenly better too! It's crazy!

[Bruunhilde]

Bruun's Titting UP

Yup, so you're seeing it too, huh? Amazing weird, I so wish I could have gotten to this place twenty years ago! At least I got here, and hopefully will continue to grow from here. I consider the other possibility, that I never got here, and it makes me shudder. Life was not worth living, and now suddenly there's a hopeful future and I'm not a shameful shell of a person. I am a fighter, damn it, and I've survived against all odds. I spent my whole life afraid to death of everything and everyone and it was all a bad dream in my head.

[SlipperyPete]

Bruun's Titting UP

Absolutely. One of my biggest regrets is that I've wasted so much time destroying myself and being afraid, but at least we've gotten to this point. Also, sometimes I like to tell myself that I can appreciate the good things in life more than the average person, simply because I've been so low for much of my life. It's a special perspective that only we have.

[Doggygirl]

Bruun's Titting UP

Bruunhilde;1147793 wrote: Yup, so you're seeing it too, huh? : Amazing weird, I so wish I could have gotten to this place twenty years ago! At least I got here, and hopefully will continue to grow from here. I consider the other possibility, that I never got here, and it makes me shudder. Life was not worth living, and now suddenly there's a hopeful future and I'm not a shameful shell of a person. I am a fighter, damn it, and I've survived against all odds. I spent my whole life afraid to death of everything and everyone and it was all a bad dream in my head.

:yougo::yougo::yougo::yougo::yougo::yougo:

And those are for you too Slippery Pete! It's so amazing when the fog starts to lift, isn't it?

DG

[bleep]

Bruun's Titting UP

Bruun, your posts are uplifting!

DG, I'm also shocked to hear you are 29! You're much wiser than that! As Slippery says, this gives an insight that "normal" people don't have, and you're a great example of that. I also think you'd make a great counsellor.

[Doggygirl]

Bruun's Titting UP

And the longer I am 29, the more insightful I become. Until the early alzheimers sets in, at which point I start forgetting all my new insights.

Sigh....



DG

[Bruunhilde]

Bruun's Titting UP

Update: For the record, I am also taking 25mg baclofen a day. I have been on the 20-25mg for months. The only difference to my being able to stop drinking was the adding of the gabapentin, and perhaps a personal revelation about my life.

Yesterday I caved and bought a bottle of wine. I believe it was because I was bored, and maybe because I forgot to take bac in the late afternoon. I took it at bedtime to help me sleep, though. The gabapentin alone did not help me avoid the AL enough to get me through. I was in the store and bought one bottle of chardonnay. I drank three glasses and felt I was white knuckling to not drink the rest.

However, the good news is I did NOT drink the rest and had no hangover.

Still, if I had been only on bac, my bottle of wine would have been gone based on my past six months on bac at this and higher levels so the gabapentin is working. Plus, my mood is still elevated, and I feel great. I'm now exercising.

DG, Pete, Bleep, never fear, I am still moving forward and I guess I'm just working out the kinks in my armour.

[bleep]

Bruun's Titting UP

Armour needs a couple of dents for it be authentic Bruun.

Well done on not finishing the bottle - that's something I could never do. An open bottle of wine was like an invitation to continue. Something is working!

[SlipperyPete]

Bruun's Titting UP

This is all great to hear, B. Care to elaborate on your revelation? No worries if you don't want to.

[Bruunhilde]

Bruun's Titting UP

Hey Pete, it's in here I think most of it is posted 7-11-11 or earlier, just scroll down. If you want me to elaborate more, I will.

[Doggygirl]

Bruun's Titting UP

Hey Bruun! I am so happy for you and your progress!!! Like Bleep, I stand in awe of your ability to not finish the whole bottle. My central problem with AL is that once I start I can't stop. One bottle would not be enough for me. (maybe a box, LOL! I drank the finest don't you know!)

At any rate....if what you are doing allows you to stop after a few glasses, that is progress indeed. Even if your goal is to be AF - it is a JOURNEY. What bleep said about the dings in the armour!

I am still battling the sugar monster and your talk of wondering what happened (boredom? something else?) reminds me of how I view the aftermath of my sugar dive bombs. Anyway...we will all get our stuff figured out eventually if we keep working at it!!!!!!

Happy Sunday!

DG