Bruun's Titting UP

[Bruunhilde]

Bruun's Titting UP

I already do!

:H

Isolde;1218196 wrote: That's a good point. You might want to consider putting some coconut oil into your dog's food. They LOVE it and it's as good for them as it is for us.

Here is a good link that I came across - http://laughingdoginc.com/wdj_coconut_oil_article.pdf

[Bruunhilde]

Bruun's Titting UP

What do you expect from a BC, afterall? LOL, just kidding Brenda, I know my dog likes cigars too. But human poop? Pray tell, was this in your travels to Bedfordshire or NYC?

ifulovelife2;1218238 wrote: Good question, Lushy. If one cares to observe my Border Collie whilst out and about in the park, doing his own thang, you'll note that his preferred foodstuff is crap. He loves to eat all crap, whether from dog, geese, rabbit, fox, he loves it all. I even once saw him running delightedly, with his head held high, his tail in the air and a human turd in his mouth.

So, I've caught him eating crap a hundred times, but NEVER have I even once found him with a wild turkey or chicken in his mouth.

[Bruunhilde]

Bruun's Titting UP

WTF? Status Update by Bruuuuuuun

Hi everyone, I enjoy all your posts and that this thread has a life of its own with you all, kindred spirits sharing so much good stuff! I thought I'd butt in though, hope you don't mind, with a personal update. Here are my thoughts...

I feel like I'm in a deeeeeep open grave with no way to get out. I wish I had a partner to help me with this. But I always pushed them away, I'm so stubborn. I need a ladder and some encouragement, or a knight who is recovered perhaps?

It's not just alcohol, but alcohol is part of the problem. It occured to me that when I was a pre-pubescent kid, I was very thin. Puberty loaded me up with giant boobs and arms, and horrible periods. I also have high testosterone which complicated the whole thing. Women can get huge arms, let me tell you from experience. I have more of a physique than a figure, or I should say I used to before I titted down and stopped the gym discipline. Now I just look like a bag lady instead of a stud muffin.v

I also think I had insulin resistance as a kid which probably contributed to my falling so hard for alcohol the first sip. I was a cookie monster, my mom had to hide the birthday cakes from me if they had chocolate frosting, I'd lick it all off and figure no one would know it was me. Maybe I am demented too.

Lately, I've been drinking fairly moderately, nothing crazy, about what I drank 15 years ago so its like I have made some progress, yes, but I'm still not where I want to be in most ways in my life. Including alcohol.

I used to socialize every weekend, but now I live in the suburbs, ACH! WTF? Kids, parents, soccer, etc? Ugh. I wanted a dog and a home... I wanted peace and quiet. I don't have either.

In my first 35 years, I went to the gym after 10 hours at work, daily for two hours and do weights and heavy cardio so no time for socialization during the week unless it was drinking at bars with work peeps or neighbors - that's how I found my men. I also used to feel like my life sucked because it was all workworkwork, commute, workoutworkout, bed.
And it really sucked when I was fit as hell and the men looked like pregnant unsheared sheep, but they expected Barbie, this is Southern Cal and all the myths are true.

I guess I feel there's not much point in discipline because when I was disciplined, I still felt like my life sucked. But I see Isolde and Ru and others feeling so good, it is inspiring but maddening because I've lost my mojo. I'm in the hole, you see. The campfire is just cold smoke wafting over me. How do I get up there, I don't think I've been around one since girlscouts? Is, you've been feeling down, besides the hot yoga (which I think would kill me at this point I'm so out of shape), what are you doing for yourself?

So life's purpose or lack thereof - that's why I did all the years of reading, the seeking and now I think I really need to start that meditation. RedT said something profound on the meditation thread in holistic, that reading is not doing, and doing alone is not realistic for many of us. That SO tells my story.

Anyways, I've been stewing, sleeping more than is normal, not wanting to get out of bed and face the day. I need some campfire warmth around me, so I'm laying myself out and staying close to the flame. Can we sing Kumbaya? Maybe that will get my brainwaves in the right groove.
{{{{hugs to all}}}

Took the pup to the park at lunch today, so feeling like a decent "parent" for a Thursday. :l He's such a doll. But he wouldn't eat that damn turkey wing. It must not be fresh enough, he's very picky. He's the Queen's Taster, after all. If he won't eat it, I won't eat the one in the fridge.

[RudyB]

Bruun's Titting UP

aww, bruun, so sorry to hear you're down in the dumps. dammit.

you said something about life purpose, which is kinda cool because, as i was sneaking my smoke out the bathroom window, i read a random section in the book drive, about aging baby boomers finding happines when they find a purpose. to find a life's purpose is such a tall order! but a momentary purpose can be great, too, i think.

stinks that you live in the suburbs. double dammit. but what could you find with a little purpose in your neighborhood (thereby cutting out any commute)? something that would be easy and fun and connect you to others? we really are meant to be connected, and that can be very difficult, especially as singletons.

i feel funny breezing back in and doling out advice, especially since you weren't even necessarily looking for it, but, i gotta say from experience that i became very happy when i got sober (that's super that your drinking is now moderate!), and especially when i found fun stuff to do that involved others. what could that be for you? your fitness has been buggin you, so what athletic thing could you do that would serve that purpose, too? have you checked out rowing (sounds like you may have great arms for it!)?

frickin i feel for you, living in so co. ergh. i'd bristle constantly, living there.

wish i could offer you a seat by my woodstove, but it's cold these days, and i don't hang downstairs anymore past seven pm, as the beast lurks about, aggressively making himself at home.

chin up, bruun. you'll run into a recovered knight to hold your hand and share his shield. meanwhile, we'll keep the fire aerated and fed here, so it won't be just smoldering blah.

huge cyber hugs to you. wish they could be in person. (can you come to my birthday party, maybe?)

xo xo rudy

[Grommet]

Bruun's Titting UP

Hey Bruu,

I love campfires. Grew up in so cal (not alot of campfires there), now live in the burbs of a big east coat city. Still light a campfire in the backyard though, drives the neighbors crazy.

I can relate to how you're feeling. Need to finish up the leaves tomorrow evening and I will throw some sticks on the fire pit for you and crank up a flame. If any of the bitty bitch neighbors complain (male and female...) I'll just say I'm doing it for Bruu.

Hang in there.

[redhead77]

Bruun's Titting UP

There are a whole lot of gospel versions of Kumbaya. :H I found this version by a single man who seems pretty cool. Here ya go, I hope it helps to get your brainwaves grooving.

http://youtu.be/SeJ86poZq60[/video]]Kum Ba Ya - YouTube

[Bruunhilde]

Bruun's Titting UP

Thanks Red, can't access youtube or I'd probably be a happier person being able to TUNE in all the time, lol.

Thanks Rudy, needed the reminder that alcohol is depressing. and Grommet, thanks so much, fires are great and pissing off neighbors too.

[LadyLush]

Bruun's Titting UP

Bruunhilde;1218743 wrote: What do you expect from a BC, afterall? LOL, just kidding Brenda, I know my dog likes cigars too. But human poop? Pray tell, was this in your travels to Bedfordshire or NYC?

Bruun,
Is your dog named "Monica"...:H

I push everyone away too. My grave is also deep.

I guess I feel there's not much point in discipline because when I was disciplined, I still felt like my life sucked. But I see Isolde and Ru and others feeling so good, it is inspiring but maddening because I've lost my mojo. I'm in the hole, you see. The campfire is just cold smoke wafting over me. How do I get up there, I don't think I've been around one since girlscouts? Is, you've been feeling down, besides the hot yoga (which I think would kill me at this point I'm so out of shape), what are you doing for yourself?

Don't know how to multi-quote so here it is. I'm here too Bruun. Where is our mojo? I stay at home and don't go out either. How do I get up as well?
I know the holidays are a part. Cold smoke and no real fire is here too. I KNOW exactly what you are feeling and you are not alone.
Let's get it back my friend! We can do it. Coconut oil?

Love all,
LL:l

[redhead77]

Bruun's Titting UP

I forgot and I know this was talked about just recently but...
Imagine my voice singing it to you..:H

Kumbaya my Bruun, kumbaya
Kumbaya my Bruun, kumbaya
Kumbaya my Bruun, kumbaya
Oh Bruun, kumbaya

Someone's singing Bruun, kumbaya
Someone's singing Bruun, kumbaya
Someone's singing Bruun, kumbaya
Oh Bruun, kumbayah

Someone's laughing, Bruun, kumbaya
Someone's laughing, Bruun, kumbaya
Someone's laughing, Bruun, kumbaya
Oh Bruun, kumbaya

Someone's crying, Bruun, kumbaya
Someone's crying, Bruun, kumbaya
Someone's crying, Bruun, kumbaya
Oh Bruun, kumbaya

Someone's praying, Bruun, kumbaya
Someone's praying, Bruun, kumbaya
Someone's praying, Bruun, kumbaya
Oh Bruun, kumbaya

Someone's sleeping, Bruun, kumbaya
Someone's sleeping, Bruun, kumbaya
Someone's sleeping, Bruun, kumbaya
Oh Bruun, kumbaya
Oh Bruun, kumbaya

[spacebebe01]

Bruun's Titting UP

Hi Bruun, Ive not been here for a little while, broken laptop and being in the hole myself, i used to be in the gym for hours a day, had a firm fit bod, the tan, the clothes, and also felt lonely and shit, thats not the answer, being single is tough but the thought of letting someone in seems even tougher in a scary way. x

[Grommet]

Bruun's Titting UP

Bruun, just finished up the leaves (a 6 week process that has made me hate the fall). Put a little lighter fluid on our burn pile and started tossing sticks in as I was working my way round the yard. Sure enough, Stu (a neighbor on our south side) came out and asked me to keep the smoke down as they were having a dinner party (just spare me)

Oh boy, he had no idea he just through me a beach ball to knock out of the park. I calmly said I would do my best but I promised a friend I would light a campfire because she was not feeling well.

Well, the "she" and "friend" thing threw him for a whirl. Interesting how that's going to play out in the neighborhood.. But frankly I could give a crap. As i write, the fire is still smoking big time:H

So what's the point of this story? I dunno. Maye just that I, we, others, have gone through these life examinations ad nauseum. I keep all this stiff in because i feel like I have to keep a strong front. It does not help with my recovery. But I respect your strength to be able to lay it all out. I know its an "anonymous" forum. But its still hard for me sometimes. The folks you have given accolades to have been my inspiration also. But you too have been an inspiration.

OK, nuff of this sentimental stuff. I think its time to go throw some sand on the fire pit...

Be well Bruun

[spacebebe01]

Bruun's Titting UP

I like the new avatar Bruun

[Bruunhilde]

Bruun's Titting UP

Awe, Red, you tear me up, the whole song, for me. :l Kumbaya Red, may we both be more peaceful. That was a balm to my soul.

Grommet, thanks so much for the support, you don't know how much your words mean to me, thank you for your openness. And the smoke from the fire! LOL, loved that. Can't imagine 6 weeks of raking damn leaves.

Lady, I don't know where the mojo went if it even existed ever, but I'm glad we're not alone after all. It seems like so many people aren't feeling this way but lo and behold, many of us are. That's sad too, because I don't want people to feel like this, but at least we're not alone. Not as long as we can join here and feel supported.

About the CO, I just read a book (The Thousand Autumns of Jacob de Zuet or something) for about an hour after sleeping in and finally got up, I'm so cold, even with the heat on I can't warm up - I can't imagine how folks in cold areas do. Such a harder life. But anyways I'm having hot green tea with CO in it, because CO actually warms me up. I guess its revving the metabolism after all.

Space, I agree - seems if you don't have a family or if you're done with that part, being alone and lonely is pretty common. Our internet dependent society is both a boon and a curse. All these people alone in their boxes, which is a privilege (we don't have to share) but alienating.

Okay, its the weekend at least, so go outside if we can, I'm going to the farmers market and then to lunch or the local art gallery with a friend and maybe to see her new kitten.

What are you all up to?

[Bruunhilde]

Bruun's Titting UP

Red, clear out your inbox! :thanks:

[RudyB]

Bruun's Titting UP

grommet, are you a man or a woman? i am sorry, i just can't remember, and maybe that's because you don't pour your guts out like some of us!! i loved your leaf-fire story. wow. (and not knowing your gender made your neighbor's possible puzzlement my own as well, extramore!) sure is different in other parts! leaf fires, man, that's incense! shit, here, the fire dpt practices putting out car fires from time to time (fortunately not often!) by lighting a real car on fire. boy does that stink, and they're over a mile away! people used to burn garbage around here quite a bit, but i don't notice it much anymore. maybe the fact that it's now against the law has finally sunk in.

i feel so sad about our culture, and about how many people live isolated in their little boxes. yes, this internet is a beautiful thing in that it connects us to others we'd otherwise never know. but it's too bad that so many of us have become so dependent on it to feel a part of something larger. how much more difficult it must be to make pathways to others when you live in a place that does not suit your character. i am so blessed, as you all well know, to live in an area that is vastly rich in the characters that populate it, as well as in the beauty that surrounds. many of my neighbors are my friends, and there is no shortage of those! i truly wish i could more effectively -more concretely than through my words- share the wealth. hey bruun, any chance your job could relocate you to upstate new york (or even nyc)? makes me think of when i lived in park slope, bklyn, in the late
90's. the neighborhood was full of young families and strollers. it was so hard to be a single woman there, with no boyfriend, dealing with the strollers jamming the sidewalk, instead of admiring all the hot single guys. i used to love to venture over to williamsburg (bklyn) with that end in mind. where you live has such an impact on how you live, doesn't it?! (anybody even slightly inclined to move to this area, i'll hold your hand and show you the entrance. but i warn you, ny is so very fucking expensive!)

speaking of friends and neighbors, my gal next door has been here all day with her boys who played with g while she cleaned my house (i did too, among other things). now we're all about to head a few miles up the hill for a collaborative dinner with friends. god i wish you gals -bruun, lushie, space, red, grommet (gal or guy?), anybody else lurking by the fire- could join us. as they say: come in in, the water is truly very pleasant. (they do say that, don't they?)

love you all! chins up. things will get better.

xo rudy