Bruun's Titting UP

[LadyLush]

Bruun's Titting UP

Hey all!

Grommet definitely has some fire (pun), but I think only a male would think about knocking the beach ball out of the park vs. a promise to a friend. (girls aren't that nice :-).
Wish we were going too Rudy!
Well, gotta get ready to get out with a friend. Yucky weather here in Texas; they are calling for sleet on Monday! SUCKS! I am from Connecticut and these folks don't have a clue going over bridges! I would like to beat every one of them with their damn brake pedal.

Have a great evening and I hope to check in later. A fire sure sounds nice!


LL:l

[Bruunhilde]

Bruun's Titting UP

Lush, you obviously never met me or most of the women I call friends, we girls are nice and thoughtful to boot. So there! Maybe it's just Texas and Connecticut?

I know NYC and wouldn't move there at this point - I had my big city experience. I've thought about which city to move to and am looking around longer term for that move.

Good day all, or good evening!

[Grommet]

Bruun's Titting UP

Bruun,

I received one of those emails where you "forward it to 10 friends and you will be saved" things a couple of weeks ago. Normally I just trash them, but this one I read through because it was "100 tips for a happy life from a woman who just turned 100".

One of the tips was probably something others have heard but I had not (not verbatim, loose recollection): "If you and everyone you know were to throw your problems in a big pile and you can trade any problems you want, you might be surprised that after reading all the others you'll start digging through the pile to find your own".

For me (living in the burbs) this one opened my eyes a bit.

Rudy, with regard to my gender, my real name is Pat... (one of my all time favorite SNL skits)

After re-reading my post your comment made me laugh out loud. Lets just say if my my spouse found me in the shower with someone of the same sex, I'd be thrown out on the street. If I found my spouse in the shower with someone of the same sex I'd jump in. I guess its pretty obvious now...

[Doggygirl]

Bruun's Titting UP

Bruun & friends!!! Hi!!!

((((Bruun)))) It seems that so many of us really question who we are and what we're doing at this middle stage of life. I was so very lost for so very long....I think I understand what you are talking about......and you are so right about the internet being a connecting blessing, but an isolating curse at the same time. I am so glad you went out today to the market and... did you meet your friend's kitten? I know when I am feeling the most like sticking my head back under the covers is when I MOST need to get my ass out of the house! I am glad to read you are considering where you might want to end up in the longer term. Living in a place where you are not happy stinks. I hope you can find some shorter term things to do that give you some fulfillment. Is there any volunteering that would feel good for you?

Grommet - I love that saying from the 100 year old woman. I think she is right - I will keep my problems!

I am thinking of you all so often as I go through my days. Like today we cracked open the Tropical Traditions Gold coconut oil and I of course thought of all of you!!! It is WAY better than Nutiva IMO!!!

I adore you guys. I am going to think of you all tomorrow when I go for a walk around my neighborhood and can't breathe for all the leaves burning! :H:H

I want to make the most of right now.

DG

[RudyB]

Bruun's Titting UP

hi ho doggy, i feel like i haven't seen you in a while, but i guess i haven't been around much lately.

ok, so, grommet, you may know i can be a little daft. i take it from your riddle that you're gay, but i can't for the life of me discern which gender. (my friend brenda knows this dark secret about me: there are many jokes that go careening way over the top of my head. i'm thinking i've irreparably damaged our friendship with that confession.) the name pat doesn't help, either, as you know (i think that was a joke, and if it was, i got it!). but i'll definitely be looking up that snl skit! thanks for the tip.

dinner was great and quick. gosh, some people have such nice, airy houses. mine is a small farmhouse that feels so darn quaint compared to some of the places i see around here. but i'll take it over any more floor space to keep clean!

bruun, i wouldn't take nyc again, either. but there are some decent cities and lovely small towns a little north of there... i hear, though, that austin ranks pretty high on excellent places to live. where might you go, if you care to share?

night night everybody. sweet dreams.

xo rudy

[Doggygirl]

Bruun's Titting UP

hi rudyb!!!! i haven't been here much either lately. it is so wonderful to touch base and just *see* you and the gang and bruun!

dg

[Isolde]

Bruun's Titting UP

RudyB;1220050 wrote:
ok, so, grommet, you may know i can be a little daft. i take it from your riddle that you're gay, but i can't for the life of me discern which gender.

:H Oh my god, Roo. I have to thank you for that. I'm sitting here in the worst funk (a hopeless, weepy funk, the kind where I just want this day to end already, even though it wasn't bad per se), and reading that you think Grom is gay actually made me laugh out loud.

Grom is a guy! If his wife caught him in the shower with another guy, he'd be out on his ear, but if she were showering with another female, he'd hope to turn it into a threesome!

:l :thanks:

[RudyB]

Bruun's Titting UP

thanks, isolde! sorry gromm! dammit. well, if i don't get jokes, at least i can be the butt of one, huh?! fuckin far out, man. i've outdone myself, another Obvious totally missed. (you know, there's at least seven different kinds of intelligences, but i don't think they've yet dubbed a 'jokes' intelligence. perhaps they should, in my honor. i'll be the marker for the low end of the spectrum. godddammmit! and ha ha!) (is, as i began to read your post, i was absolutely certain that you were going to say that you had just as much trouble puzzling the shower one out, and were about to thank me for admitting it so you didn't have to. i really did sit there and roll the scenarios through my mind, and i couldn't make heads or tales of it still. so there. my secret is out! (but it's not that i'm gay (that was a joke.)))

isolde, sorry to hear about that kind of day (mine was monday), but i am glad i had a part in lifting your spirits.

xo rudes

[Isolde]

Bruun's Titting UP

I caught up on the last few days of the thread, and there is so much I wanted to respond to as I was reading, but I wasn't going to. My mood is way too desolate for that. But the above laugh got me feeling a bit better.

Bruun, that my name is one of the ones you chose to throw out as someone who is feeling so good both surprised and flattered me. I have been dealing with so much mental stuff for awhile now. I find that when I am feeling down and blah and crappy (like I am tonight), I tend to not do much posting. But when I am feeling like I'm on top of the world and life really IS worth living, I feel like connecting with everyone and my positive energy comes pouring through.

I wish I could tell you what else I've done besides hot yoga to make myself feel better. Some things that worked in some moods didn't work in others. For instance, when I was feeling all around anxious for no reason and overwhelmed by everything, I got myself out of the house and spent time with friends or family. Being with other people got me out of my head. Roo is definitely on the right track with saying that we're not meant to live all isolated. I envy her situation with close neighbors and friends! Then my mood shifted, and there were times that I went out and was surrounded by people and I just wanted to be home by myself.

I identify with so much of what you wrote. Lately I have been feeing a lot of the same things, like that my life has no purpose. Sometimes I feel like I am just killing time until the end. I start getting very dark, negative thoughts, about how time is steadily hurtling us all forward and how will it be when my dog gets old and dies, and my parents die.. ? Really nasty macabre stuff. Ugh, just writing it down makes me want to start crying again! But also what you wrote about how you had the routine of work, working out, and going to sleep. You were in great shape, but had no time to meet anyone. On my way to hot yoga this afternoon, I was thinking that there is no time in my current routine to date anyone. The thing is, right now, I'm ok with that. I really do enjoy my hot yoga classes, and going to the gym and lifting weights. It doesn't leave me much free time, but right now, that is a GOOD thing. I suppose if someone came along that really fanned my flames, I'd make time.
But I am definitely getting the whole, "What is the POINT of everything?" kind of thoughts lately. I'm not where I want to be in life, but the problem is that I don't know WHERE I want to be. It's not where I currently am though. One thing that I do that helps which I can share when I get like this (good reminder for me right now, too), is think about all of the things right NOW that I'm grateful for, for any little thing that makes me happy. Like Roo's post that made me laugh, like hearing the windchimes on the back patio singing in the breeze. I may have mentioned my gratitude journal before. It's a good habit. Every day, write down 5 things that you were grateful for that day. You can write down more of course if there were more than 5. And if you are just having a shitty fucking day and can't think of anything that you're grateful for, then just be grateful that you're breathing. It's a good practice to keep as it helps to keep you present. At first it can be very difficult to think of 5 things, so the next day, you start looking for things to be grateful for, and the more you look, the more you see. It's a great way to cultivate gratitude.

The messed up thing is that I actually had a REALLY awesome week. I had my appt. with the psychiatrist on Monday and we talked about ADD, along with all of the other issues I've been dealing with recently. Long story short, he gave me a trial Rx of Adderall. Wow. Just wow. I took it on Tuesday and it was like someone flipped a switch. No more overwhelming anxiety, no more negative thoughts about the future, no more feeling like I was stuck in a pit that I couldn't climb out of. I was focused, present, and motivated. For the first time in a LONG time, I began to get excited about the rest of my life. So why do I feel like shit now? Well, he only wrote me a small Rx, because he said he will never prescribe Adderall or Ritalin, because there are just too many dishonest people out there claiming they have ADD so that they can sell the meds. He said that if the Adderall works, he'll prescribe a long acting stimulant called Vyvanse which has no potential for abuse. I'm fine with that, so long as it works as well. So for the last 2 days I haven't taken any because I want to have enough on my workdays to last until my appt. on Tuesday. And so I'm back in the pit.
Based on my symptoms, he said we might want to try out some anti depressants going forward. I'd really rather avoid those if at all possible. And judging by my response to the ADD med, I'm hopeful that I won't have to go that route.

Roo had some really good tips. Combine physical and social activities. I'm also curious where you would like to move, if you don't mind sharing.

As far as hot yoga goes, there are people at every level of physical fitness in the classes. The instructors always encourage people to accept wherever they are at in their practice, that wherever they are is where they should be. I have had to back off a lot due to my knees, and I actually got props from one of the instructors after class the other day because she could see that I was doing a better job at listening to my body, rather than just trying to power through to get into the poses. Not that you'd want to do hot yoga or regular yoga even, but just saying that if you did, your current level of physical fitness would be perfect, no matter what it is.

Ok, here is a real tip that has helped me - BE PRESENT.
This is something that I realize I'm not doing when I am feeling at my worst. The gratitude journal helps with this too. Being presnt helps me get out of my head, especially when I am having dark, negative thoughts about the future.

[Isolde]

Bruun's Titting UP

Bruunhilde;1219834 wrote:
About the CO, I just read a book (The Thousand Autumns of Jacob de Zuet or something) for about an hour after sleeping in and finally got up, I'm so cold, even with the heat on I can't warm up - I can't imagine how folks in cold areas do. Such a harder life. But anyways I'm having hot green tea with CO in it, because CO actually warms me up. I guess its revving the metabolism after all.
I find that CO warms me up too.

Bruunhilde;1219834 wrote:
Okay, its the weekend at least, so go outside if we can, I'm going to the farmers market and then to lunch or the local art gallery with a friend and maybe to see her new kitten.
Sometimes the weekends are hard for me. It's so much time to fill up! If I don't stay busy, I tend to get... well, like I am now! There's only so long I can just keep going and going and going though. The art gallery sounds nice! As does the kitten. Cute furry little critters sure make ya feel better!

Bruunhilde;1219834 wrote:
What are you all up to?

Finishing putting up Christmas decorations. Hot yoga earlier today, chest and triceps at the gym tomorrow (how predictable am I?!).
Although, my best friend is in town from Israel, and we spent all day yesterday together, which was wonderful. It's the kind of friend that you can go without seeing or talking to for ages, and when you finally see each other again, it's as though no time has passed. So we hung out all day, ran some errands together, tried out a raw food restaurant for lunch (we both used to do the raw vegan thing). My brother invited everyone over for dinner, so that was a very nice way to wrap up the evening, even though the food was ALL non paleo (which I've just begun). Lots of carbs and sugar. But sacrificing the diet for a night was worth spending time and enjoying being with with everyone.

Grommet;1220044 wrote:
One of the tips was probably something others have heard but I had not (not verbatim, loose recollection): "If you and everyone you know were to throw your problems in a big pile and you can trade any problems you want, you might be surprised that after reading all the others you'll start digging through the pile to find your own".

That is really good! And yes, it is most likely true. Even though sometimes it REALLY doesn't feel like it. Do I have to take back as many problems as I threw in? :H

Glad I decided to check in. I'm feeling decidedely better. Thanks y'all. :l

[RudyB]

Bruun's Titting UP

good to read those posts, isolde, and i'm glad you're feeling better. i hope everybodys' moods start lifting pronto. this evening, my friend -who's a bit more into astrology than i- recommended that i not sign any agreement w my ex until tuesday the 13th (or is it this tuesday?), which is exactly when mercury goes straight (out of retrograde). if there's anything to astrology, maybe she has a point. (at the very least, the stuff is fun to fancy, and the moon does pull the tides, right?)

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Bruun's Titting UP

Grommet;1220044 wrote:

One of the tips was probably something others have heard but I had not (not verbatim, loose recollection): "If you and everyone you know were to throw your problems in a big pile and you can trade any problems you want, you might be surprised that after reading all the others you'll start digging through the pile to find your own".
I'm doing some enlightening work with a woman who pointed out that there really aren't any unique problems. You can imagine that at first this was really annoying to hear. But the more I dive into it, the more I realize it's akin to that old saying that there really aren't any new stories to be written. We write the same ones over and over.

On a different note, I started trying to read the Dalai Lama's book, On Being Happy or some such thing. It annoyed me, too. I am not ready for the Dalai Lama. And I think that both he and I are okay with that.

Grommet;1220044 wrote: my real name is Pat... (one of my all time favorite SNL skits)

:H:H:H


There is so, so much to respond to. I logged on to respond to your initial post, Bruun, about the general malaise and also about the depths of the hole. I think Isolde about summed it up, though. But I wanted to say that I get where that is.

Isolde;1220062 wrote:
But I am definitely getting the whole, "What is the POINT of everything?" kind of thoughts lately.
...
Ok, here is a real tip that has helped me - BE PRESENT.

I really see the "what is the POINT???" as tentacles of the beast, honestly, and do my very best, my absolute most insistent and determined best, to identify and deal with those feelings.

The one universal thing, the only insurance I have, is the "Just BE present" thought. I can't pull a rabbit out of a hat, or find a solution in a chemical, or develop a new positive habit in the very moment when I am struggling. I can remind myself that the POINT is simply right now. What else matters? Listening to guided meditation has helped me a great deal with this. Also, putting my butt on a mat and doing it. (Which is very uncomfortable, ftr. Why is that so hard? But perhaps, and I think this is true, it is uncomfortable because it is change. Change is hard and scary and uncomfortable and I really dislike it, but damn if it isn't what I covet more than anything.)

Many hugs, and thanks again for the campfire.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Bruun's Titting UP

DG! One more paper to write for me! whew. Due tomorrow. I realized that I have set everything up to NOT finish it on time!!! That ugly habit, the one that forgets the priorities and is so scared of actual success has GOT to GO.
So I'm off to finish it up now, before my day gets completely away. Hope your end isn't as much of a mental challenge! Good luck!!!

Is, I have some maybe pertinent experience with adderall. One of these days, very soon, I'll post my thoughts.

Bruun, did you see the kitten? There's a part of me that thinks, "awwww, what a great break from the bleakness." There's another part of me that thinks it would be just the thing to send me into sobs. Or conniptions of anger. Effin' cat. So cute. what the hell??? :H
My poor dog. She bears the brunt of all my mind(less) meanderings. From "OMG I'm stressed so you're sick!" to "awwww" to "WHY are you so damn CUTE?!?!? It's an affront!" Fortunately I do not act on these thoughts. If she'd stop reading my mind, though, we'd both be better off!

[Bruunhilde]

Bruun's Titting UP

Thanks for bringing up goose Ne, reminds me I have to clean out pup's ears. It's dogpark day for him and he's been the best gentleman in the park lately, dogfight after dogfight I call him and he comes to chase the ball and avoid the havoc. Bless his heart.

Grommet, the trading problems one is so true, I know I have a good opportunity at a good life, it that I'm making a mess of it. It could be SO much worse in so many ways.

I'd probably move to somewhere I had family, because I've moved every five years a good 400 miles away each time, I only have long distance long term friends. And most of them are married with children while my sisters aren't. I guess I'll end up in hateful LA, I'm trying to find a secret enclave there that's quiet and tucked away. If I can ever retire, I could live where a commute wasn't an issue. That's a very big IF, however.

Is, you sound so much like me so often - your ritalin experience shocked me, on the one hand I was thrilled to hear how well it worked, and hope it works for me. On the other hand, these doctors being so afraid! Why tease you with it if he's not willing to subscribe it? AD's did nothing for me. If he's willing to rx vyvanese, how is that different? Here's a quote:
Lisdexamfetamine can be habit-forming. Do not take a larger dose, take it more often, take it for a longer time, or take it in a different way than prescribed by your doctor. If you take too much lisdexamfetamine, you may find that the medication no longer controls your symptoms, you may feel a need to take large amounts of the medication, and you may experience symptoms such as rash, difficulty falling asleep or staying asleep, irritability, hyperactivity, and unusual changes in your personality or behavior. Overusing lisdexamfetamine may also cause sudden death or serious heart problems, such as heart attack or stroke.
Tell your doctor if you or anyone in your family drinks or has ever drunk large amounts of alcohol, uses or has ever used street drugs, or has overused prescription medications. Your doctor will probably not prescribe lisdexamfetamine for you.
Do not stop taking lisdexamfetamine without talking to your doctor, especially if you have overused the medication. Your doctor will probably decrease your dose gradually and monitor you carefully during this time. You may develop severe depression and extreme tiredness if you suddenly stop taking lisdexamfetamine after overusing it.

[Isolde]

Bruun's Titting UP

Bruunhilde;1220495 wrote:
Is, you sound so much like me so often - your ritalin experience shocked me, on the one hand I was thrilled to hear how well it worked, and hope it works for me. On the other hand, these doctors being so afraid! Why tease you with it if he's not willing to subscribe it? AD's did nothing for me. If he's willing to rx vyvanese, how is that different? Here's a quote:
Lisdexamfetamine can be habit-forming. Do not take a larger dose, take it more often, take it for a longer time, or take it in a different way than prescribed by your doctor. If you take too much lisdexamfetamine, you may find that the medication no longer controls your symptoms, you may feel a need to take large amounts of the medication, and you may experience symptoms such as rash, difficulty falling asleep or staying asleep, irritability, hyperactivity, and unusual changes in your personality or behavior. Overusing lisdexamfetamine may also cause sudden death or serious heart problems, such as heart attack or stroke.
Tell your doctor if you or anyone in your family drinks or has ever drunk large amounts of alcohol, uses or has ever used street drugs, or has overused prescription medications. Your doctor will probably not prescribe lisdexamfetamine for you.
Do not stop taking lisdexamfetamine without talking to your doctor, especially if you have overused the medication. Your doctor will probably decrease your dose gradually and monitor you carefully during this time. You may develop severe depression and extreme tiredness if you suddenly stop taking lisdexamfetamine after overusing it.

Yup, of course there is a list of scary possible SEs. I'm quite sure that Ritalin and Adderall have similar ones. Vyvanse is different from those in that it's a long acting stimulant, and it's supposedly impossible to get the euphoric high from it that apparently both Ritan and Adderall can induce (being on bac, I'm not sure I'd even be capable of feeling that from the Adderall anyway though).
My doc at least does know about my history with AL, because I told him all about bac and why I take it. I read a ton of reviews on Vyvanse, and a lot of people love it. One thing I've noticed from the Adderall is once it's out of my system (which is after about 5 hours), I crash and hard. I feel overall body tension when I'm on it (which really isn't too unpleasant, kind of like being on HDB), and I clench my teeth. From what I've read, these things are much less likely to happen w/Vyvanse.
I did read that eventually people can develop a tolerance to all of the ADHD meds and need to increase the dose. Apparently not taking it daily helps with that. However, right now, I think daily is the way to go for me. I'm 3 days off of it right now and am back to dealing with not being comfortable in my head. I actually had a couple of glasses of wine last night with my nightly xanax dose (still am sleeping like crap w/out it) with the intention of getting numb. And it worked beautifully. It felt like I could breathe again and I had a mellow rest of the evening. But I felt the discomfort again the second I woke up this morning.
I kept busy all day though, had a great fasted workout and got a lot done. Now to figure out what to do w/the rest of the evening....