Bruun's Titting UP

[Isolde]

Bruun's Titting UP

Happy Saturday all!

Well, today (I should be leaving NOW, actually), I'm heading over to the ex's to grab the last of my things. He is moving today too and we are closing on Tuesday. Now I just gotta find somewhere to put all that crap. I know I could sell some things on Craig's List, but fielding phone calls/emails and making arrangements to show people stuff, etc., is SOOOO not me. I've got an Excalibur dehydrator from my raw food days that I know I could probably get $100-$200 for. I'll have to find some motivation for figuring out what to do with everything.

Then tomorrow I'm getting together with my best guy friend, who everyone thinks is gay because he's very metro and great at picking out clothes, for himself and for girls. He's going to help me pick out an LBD for a bachelorette party next weekend. It's a requirement for attendance, as well as a party wig! Should be fun. I also need to find a dress for my brother's wedding next month.

Aside from that, making time for the gym. Per Cass's recommendation, I picked up Spark and started it this morning. I have a feeling it's going to give me a lot more motivation to work out!

Ok, gotta run, will check in later. Bruun, Roo, DG, Red, LL, Ginger and Petey (and whoever else I may have missed), hope you have a great one! :l

[Cassander]

Bruun's Titting UP

Isolde;1193481 wrote: Per Cass's recommendation, I picked up Spark and started it this morning. I have a feeling it's going to give me a lot more motivation to work out!

Hi Is

I hope it does! Spark is not directly related to alcohol or addiction recovery, but, but, I really think its all related in the great scheme of things! There are good sections on anxiety, alcohol and addiction and you can skip straight to them if you want.

Just as bac rewires our brains, Spark shows that so does exercise. And the amazing thing is that we not only become less anxious or less addicted, there is evidence that our cognitive abilities can improve.

Unaddicted...happier...and smarter, too. Wow.

I think the story at the beginning about schoolkids test scores actually improving with regular exercise is amazing.

Anyway, I hope you enjoy it and if so will recommend it here because I really really think its an important part of the whole story.

Cass

[RudyB]

Bruun's Titting UP

ok, so what's ldb? and i have the same task ahead, is: breast pump; rototiller that we used once; ancient rototiller that barely works. other stuff, i'm sure. fielding calls and mkg apptments is a pain in the ass! but that's how i met my ex bf... but we see where that went for a whole effin year! (is, you remind me that i have a dehydrator i've been meaning to put to use. any tips on what i should suck the water out of for good, on-the-go eats?)

bruun, i saw 'night on earth,' an excellent film of five shorts, in spain with the guy who sold flowers on las ramblas. i had had a crush on him for weeks, he was so cute. so we finally went out: smoked some hash and went to the movies. he wanted to kiss me, but by then i was bored with him and really wanted to watch the show. that romance went nowhere. the film rocked my world! it was in at least two languages, one of them english, and they were all subtitled in spanish. fun! there's a great scene with rosie perez, cursing out a guy in the ghetto neighborhood of bushwick, brooklyn. classic! and so satisfying to understand some of those subtitles.

so, i thought i was in for a day alone, but you'll never guess what has transpired. you really won't. my ex came down to the house to shower before taking our son to his whirly-twirly class, girlfriend came, too. that's fine, she seems very cool, a professional artist and all, single mom of a 14 month old(!), mature. we said hello, i in my nana's bathrobe, and she in her comfy sweats, hair stringy with wet. oh no! i felt when ex and g drove away, leaving gf on the bench in the side yard, making use of the wi fi. oh jeez, i guess i won't be alone today!

but i just went inside, from the other side of the house, to make some de-tox tea and have a little smoke of something funky (which helps tremendously with my run, among many other things), and saw that she had left. good. i don't want an audience today, or a new best friend in my divorce partner's new girlfriend.

it is so deeply satisfying not to have to scurry around, cleaning up evidence (beer bottles or watery vodka juice), but instead to have a very decent home to present and share. (we're a bunch of progressives here in the hudson valley! how many breaking-up couples do this kind of thing??!! all i can say is that we're doing very well by our son, and that is the most important thing; he sees his parents being civil with one another -most of the time- and taking really good care of him.)

this morning my father called and we had one of our lovely chats. we spoke about parenting, and he laughed, somewhat surprised, when i suggested that there should be a parenting test that everyone is required to pass before procreating. there are so many children -probably the majority of my students are in this category- who get terrible, neglectful parenting. it is so sad! and i think about it all the time. last night, when i was in target for my friday night fun with my son, i saw many children who clearly were not getting what they deserved. but i rushed my mind back to that place of 'every child is loved, and that is to be relied upon.' yeah, ok, sure, pollyanna, but... and the mind churned through this for a few moments every time it reoccurred to me.

i applaud people (bruun, murph, anyone else?) who don't have children because they know they couldn't do it right, people who resist the pressure or allure of societal norms or familial expectations. it's not an easy job, being a parent, and it's one that, if you're gonna do it, you'd better do it right. it's only fair to the child, and it's only fair to society.

dad and i talked about the frightfulness of those unfortunate, undernourished (emotionally, mentally, and physically) children becoming adults and running this sinking-ship of a country. i pointed out that these won't be the adults who run the country. they will be the ones scraping along the bottom in a meager existence: in prisons; on welfare; jobless; teen-parenting. the leaders will be adults like who my son will become: kids whose parents most naturally do an excellent job tending to the needs of small ones. kids like all of them who go to my son's progressive, expansive, private school. what a privelige and a blessing! (sometimes i look around me, often i do, and i bask in the glory of being so affluent. i live better than at least 99% of the population of the rest of the world. and i feel i got here somewhat by accident. but i know those seemingly-random choices i've made along the way (like getting a really good education, buying a house outside the city) were borne of -only possible through- the (financial, intellectual, emotional) privelige from which i came.

i wish i could share some of my incredible fortune with the deserving but not-having of the world. where is the balance, i ask, when i think of those wall street mobsters who never, ever look at a price tag, yet my good friend neighbor cleaned my house for a few hours yesterday so she could go buy dinner for her children. hail hail the protesters who are gritando -screaming- for justice. please everybody pray that this movement outlasts its motivator: the evil of polar realities.

doggy, good luck on your midterm! i hope you have some interesting classmates.

as for me, i shall, without witness, go for a run. (oh good, i just remembered the unwanted witness of my neighbor, but it appears they have not come up for the weekend.) the leaves are blowing off the trees in great number today, so there will be plenty of vitamin d seeping in (that and the fact that i'll be running close to high-noon). then, to get gas for the stove so i can cook again. (funny, i just knew i was gonna run out of gas, without any clues, and i did. woman's instinct.) i'll force myself into another cool local wi-fi cafe where i'll write but not be isolated.

i am so happy that it's the start of a beautiful saturday, free of childcare duties, which are so all-consuming, and i've no desire to fill whatever void used to arise with pounds of bubbly ale. i was doing that from time to time up until a couple of weeks ago! i'm so glad i've figured out my dosing schedule and gotten back to indifference! (i wonder if i would've found this happy place much sooner -say maybe at 140 instead of 180- if i hadn't been drinking committedly straight through. i am quite sure that i would have.)

i could go on forever, as you see, but the lovey surrounds await my step-step and deep breathing. (just took a bronkaid, and yes, is is right, wow how deeply goes the breath!)

!feliz dia a ustedes!

xo rudy

[RudyB]

Bruun's Titting UP

...oh, but that parenting test would be so utterly unfair; only people with money and advantages would pass, and the rest would be left to die off. a better idea would be to make things fair, narrow the spectrum of privelige and give everybody their fair share. then, by nature of our society, everybody would pass the test, but we wouldn't need one. (makes me think of scandanavian countries, where nobody suffers the way folks do here. we should look at them for guidance.)

[RudyB]

Bruun's Titting UP

los sueNos cambiaron el destino de los hombres, y de las naciones. dreams changed the destiny of men, and of nations. the song is called seguiremos - we will continue.

('if they say 'you fell,' i say i'm getting up. if they say 'you're lost,' i say i'm finding my way. if they say 'you're sleeping,' better: i'm dreaming. hoy sabemos que lo importante es soNar. today we know that the important thing is to dream.)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q6rKPeLqfys[/video]]Seguiremos Macaco - YouTube

enjoy!

[RudyB]

Bruun's Titting UP

cassander, hi! i always love reading your posts. and they always give me something to say...

i think i'll get spark, too! love that stuff about exercise, and am experiencing it myself (to say nothing of my sudden lack of addiction): i can think clearly, very clearly now! subtract alcohol and add purely fun exercise and watch what happens! i can't stop writing and churning things over in my mind in a most refreshing and fulfilling way, especially because i can keep track of thought to thought. i've figured out so many things about myself and my life and how i want to live it. i am doing those things every day.

your mention of test scores and exercise, cass, further ignites my enthusiasm for the afterschool program i'm going to do, starting real soon. it will involve philosophical discussion, group activities that engage multiple parts of the person: the physical, mental, and emotional, for example, and most certainly exercise. it feels so good to be a positive role model for these children. not only do i express and acknowledge some deeper ways of thinking about things on a daily basis, i also do so from a package (my body) that can only serve to inspire. now, lest i sound vain, i mean that in the most genuine way possible that would convey that people learn by example and by what is modeled for them. it always annoys me to see potentially healthy adults in the role of teacher live in bodies that they obviously do not take care of; it's like they're saying 'fuck you' to themselves. i'm not talking about people with health issues who just can't keep their weight down. i'm talking about, for example, a male gym teacher in his late twenties in perfect health who put on 30 unnecessary pounds in a couple of years, thereby making him less inspiring to his students. 'hey, if that's what exercise is gonna get me, why bother?' (that kind of attitude, obviously, would happen before a kid would have caught on to how incredibly wonderful exercise feels.) anyway, you get my point.

so, my mind/body/spirit club will be a winner! and it will make winners out of the youth who join. i have high hopes. wish me luck. and help me think of a name for it, would you?

ok, cleaning help is on the way. but i'm sure i'll be back...

xo ru

[Bruunhilde]

Bruun's Titting UP

Howdy Roo, DG, Red, LL, Ginger and Bammers,

DG, how did Thursday's test go? When do you get your result? Did you get Monday's test result back? Yes, how wonderful you get to school yourself on something you're passionate (and so good at) now that you're free and you freed yourself, so admiring of you.

Roo, what amazement I have for your life. I would love to live where it's progressive and you have sucurity and family and friends AND that amazing son. Thanks for your kudos on the knowing not to have kids, because I'm feeling awfully lonely and sad about that sometimes, but I do know I would have made a terrible mother in part due to the alcohol. With some help, a calm husband perhaps and being AF, I could have done it. But how does one find a good partner when one has no self esteem and when I spent my nights escaping at the gym and booze? There's no balance there, no emotional growth, no understanding of the world. My worst issue was bringing children into this world of suffering, how could I in good conscience do that? I couldn't. I didn't enjoy my life nor have meaning, so bringing a child to bring meaning, so I could guide that child the way I was guided (poorly), didn't make sense.

I was listening to the CD A Path with Heart by Jack Kornfield again, and one of the most profound things he said that I can't hear enough is that when we look at our suffering as part of the suffering off ALL, our share of the world's suffering, we can open our hearts and take it in, take our own in and take others in when we feel strong enough, and use the exercise he calls compassion (I think) and breathe in the suffering, and visualize your heart as a fire that cleanses and clears the suffering so that you breathe out compassion, take in the pain and cleanse it and breathe out compassion to the suffering in the world.

This helps me with my struggle around giving back. I want to take in one or two of those orphaned Haiti kids or African kids or ? And make lives for them, but in SO Cal I couldn't do it, I'd need a neighborhood like Hillary Clinton imagines, a village. I would need a village to help me raise a child since I clearly can't do it on my own but would love to rescue some small soul that suffers and help create love in the world and in that child's heart.

Is and Roo and DG, if you guys have things to sell, post them here on this thread! I'd love to have a rototiller but fear shipping of same would negate savings of buying quality used item that large from trusted friend?
I say list'em, post pictures, and I'll do the same. What do I have? I've been giving it all away but I do have an aquarium (20-30gal?) in new condition. Will have to think on what else.

Yes, what is IDB? And Spark, is it a book?

Roo, good luck with the race, rowing sounds like something I could feel good about doing. I have huge upper body strength. Too much testosterone for a chick, which explains my hair loss they say. Shit.

Drinking kombucha for breakfast this AM then going to the Farmers Market to buy my green smoothie and free range organic eggs and something else, what else, I don't remember.

Which reminds me, I did the snapfish thing and still couldn't post the picture. WTF. I need someone to help me. I posted a picture of my cat to snapfish, and then went to the picture and copied the link and pasted it here. A red x in a box appeared. Did anyone see an actual picture or did everyone see the red box with the x?

Let me do it again to illustrate what I'm doing wrong so as to get rescued. Happy Saturday all, lovely Saturday. I woke up this morning thinking I was wearing my suit and that I had to work. Lovely Saturday, freeing Saturday.

Here's the cat:

Oooh, interesting, the bank has filtered that site out as media sharing. Any other sites you guys can suggest that my company hasn't blacklisted? I can't post on MWO on my personal laptop cuz for some reason I can't post on MWO from there with the new settings from the new hard drive. I can post to Fbook so one would think MWO would be fine. And I'm not getting my computer geek guy to check into my alkie web site posting issue....

[Isolde]

Bruun's Titting UP

RudyB;1193521 wrote: (is, you remind me that i have a dehydrator i've been meaning to put to use. any tips on what i should suck the water out of for good, on-the-go eats?)
I have a great recipe for teriyaki kale chips! They are rather labor intensive, but oh-so-satisfying. A friend of mine also does something similar with spinach, though she cooks hers.
That being said, anything you eat in its whole form (with the water in it), will be better for you. Those teriyaki kale chips took the place of potato chips for me for awhile though!

RudyB;1193521 wrote:
(we're a bunch of progressives here in the hudson valley! how many breaking-up couples do this kind of thing??!! all i can say is that we're doing very well by our son, and that is the most important thing; he sees his parents being civil with one another -most of the time- and taking really good care of him.)
I feel the same way about my ex. We work together, have gone through figuring out how to deal with the financials of the house together, including selling it and moving and figuring out who gets what. We've both thanked each other over the process, and have said how glad we are that we've been able to stay friends. I still dog-sit for him whenever he goes out of town. Heck, I think it was the dog that kept me hanging on for longer than I should have! We picked her out together and everything has been 50/50 with her, and we both love her to death. I was moving back to a house that already has dogs though, so he got to keep her so he wouldn't be alone. Sometimes I'll take her for a weekend just because I miss her. :h

RudyB;1193521 wrote:
i applaud people (bruun, murph, anyone else?) who don't have children because they know they couldn't do it right, people who resist the pressure or allure of societal norms or familial expectations. it's not an easy job, being a parent, and it's one that, if you're gonna do it, you'd better do it right. it's only fair to the child, and it's only fair to society.

I decided not to have children. Not because I don't think I would do a good job. I've actually had quite a few people tell me that they thought I would be a great mom. But I've just never had the desire or urge to procreate. I've never been a baby person. Having never felt that pull at 32 now, I don't think it's going to happen, and I'm fine with that. It was a relief to me the day that I realized that I didn't HAVE to have kids. Kids seem to like me though. My brother's getting married next month, and I know they definitely want to have a family. I can't wait until they have kids! I very much want to be an aunt! The only thing that gets me sometimes is I worry that I'll be all alone when I get older, with no kids, grandkids.. I know people that have had kids specifically for that reason. I'm not saying it's right or wrong, I'm sure they love their kids to death, I'm sure I would too if I ended up having any, it just doesn't seem enough of a reason for me, personally, to choose to bring a child into this world.

Roo, how does smoking something strange benefit your run? I'm very curious about that!

RudyB;1193521 wrote:
i could go on forever, as you see, but the lovey surrounds await my step-step and deep breathing. (just took a bronkaid, and yes, is is right, wow how deeply goes the breath!)

Bronkaid does great things for working out! Especially running!!
I envy you running among the falling leaves of autumn, it sounds so picturesque! We just got a "cool front" come through, so it's pleasantly breezy out today and will "only" get up to 84?. :H

[RudyB]

Bruun's Titting UP

bruun, kudos, again. though your story is a bit sad. you're a strong and smart woman, you are. i sometimes feel so grateful that i only have one child whom i can pour all of my good into, and help him be a survivor in this frightening world.

god that jack is a sage! what great imagery you share (of his); i'll use that when i'm enveloped in the suffering of my students.

yep, we have to create those hilary neighborhoods in these times; they don't happen organically anymore, most places. i -once again- marvel at my great good fortune, as i have that village right in my back yard. so many people are with me in this journey that sometimes it hardly feels true to call it 'single motherhood.'

oh and yes, if you can get your hands on an oar, bruun, do it! you'll LOVE it, and i guarantee the rest of your body will balance out! you won't feel top-heavy any more. i couldn't believe how much i was engaging the backs of my thighs last time i rowed! and the core, oh the core, it is like flexible iron these days! (you'll be inspired to post pictures of your abs once you're at it for a while. and you'll love the incredible people you will meet!)

bruun, you could take in a starving soul, if you set your heart on it. hitch your wagon to a star. watch how you feel when you're solidly sober (which you will be, and soon)...

oh good, so you can have kombucha! yum! try it instead of beer, it works! and yes, i had that same thing with the red x, and that's all i saw on your post before when you tried it. but i didn't have that problem with snapfish. sorry, but i can be of no help in advising you. when i go back to try it again, i'll be sure to let you know what worked (surely it will again, right?!).

saturdays are heavenly!!!!

xoxo mwaaa!
roo

[RudyB]

Bruun's Titting UP

is, thanks for the tips on the waterless food. the dehydrator will stay in the garage for now. that reminds me, i've been meaning to get the juicer out of the basement.

the smoke before the run has to do with its heightening of my sensual nature. it gets me deep into my body, and makes the music that much more captivating. just a bit of the good stuff is very grounding, and the interest in every detail becomes heightened, whether it's words in a song or thoughts in my imagination. i swear, it's at the heart of why sometimes i can't stop running. or maybe i'm made of motors. either way, i can run without it, and sometimes do, but i prefer not to.

i doubt you need worry about being alone, is. you'll probably always surround yourself with people who love you who have kids, and you'll be part of their hillary villages. it's a beautiful thing that you listen to yourself and do what's right for you. (remember, you're always welcome to live here with us -you too, bruun- and make yourself a part of this village raising a child. brussels sprouts are going to be gone soon , so you won't have to harvest them.)

so great about you, your ex, and your dog! glad you have that, too.

xo ru
...i'm off to cook brussels sprouts and finish those goat ribs. thanks ruca and chula.

[GingerDust]

Bruun's Titting UP

I just raced through my fav threads and decided that it's too overwhelming to respond to everything. We're having a crazy, busy weekend. I predict next week will be uber-busy too (my inbox must be overflowing).

Glad everyone is doing well. Happy brussels sprouts, dreams, messy "ex" relationships and all that to every one.

[Cassander]

Bruun's Titting UP

RudyB;1193548 wrote: ...
your mention of test scores and exercise, cass, further ignites my enthusiasm for the afterschool program i'm going to do, starting real soon. it will involve philosophical discussion, group activities that engage multiple parts of the person: the physical, mental, and emotional, for example, and most certainly exercise.

Hi Rudy

Yes, please read Spark...it will resonate...it will validate what you are doing for yourself...

also pls read the link below about what exercise can do for your students:

http://www.johnratey.com/Articles/Ex...ic_Strides.pdf

Maybe show the article to your head of school?

Cass

[Isolde]

Bruun's Titting UP

Oh, I completely forgot to respond to what an LBD is - little black dress.

On the contrary, Roo. I would have loved to harvest the brussels sprouts!
I can absolutely see how a little toke would do that to your run. I know it definitely makes me appreciate music more, and heightens my other senses as well. I may have to give that a try sometime!

Have had an incredibly busy but productive day. Went and picked up all my stuff from the house, which I could not BELIEVE how much stuff it WAS! Holy shnikes!! It is amazing how much junk you can accumulate over a few years. I came home and unloaded, then attempted to find a place for everything, as best I could. I threw a lot of stuff away (it's so liberating!), and boxed up a bunch of other things to donate. Have only just now finished cleaning the house and sat down around the campfire with all of you here, enjoying a cup of tea.

I'll probably make some dinner soon. I'm thinking salmon and asparagus, something light and easy. Then I have a date with Spark and the chair massager (doesn't that sounds like something which massages chairs?), which I almost was going to donate.... I sat down for one more date with it and it felt so good, that I couldn't bear to let it go. :H

[Isolde]

Bruun's Titting UP

Cass, some of Ratey's other books sound very intriguing also:

A User's Guide to the Brain
Shadow Syndromes
The Neuropsychiatry of Personality Disorders

Fascinating stuff!

[RudyB]

Bruun's Titting UP

i just ordered 'spark.' guess i'll stop with my netflix; i've got so much to read!!!

is, bon apetit! i thought of you over my brussels sprouts tonight.