Sassy's bac journey

[terryk]

Sassy's bac journey

Hey Sassy, I'm pasting my reply to you on RedHead's thread here:

SassyLassy;1111614 wrote: Red,

Don't want to hijack your thread, but thank you for asking...I'm at 250 right now. Biggest side effects that bother me: water weight gain/edema. MY FEET ARE ROUND!! This is just in the last week or 2. I've taken to wearing support hose to keep from having completely unidentifiable ankles! Haven't had any AF days, so that may be holding me up. Wanting, wishing, waiting
Hey sassy, I had nasty edema too for a while. So much so that I dropped a BP Med, norvasc (a calcium channel blocker that also causes edema) permanently. The edema was periodic from around 100-200 or so lasting for 10-14+ days at a time. It passed and has never returned post switch. Sorry redhead for continuing the hijack. Glad to hear that things are starting to shape up for you -tk

Lo0p;1112188 wrote: I can't help but think: Isn't peripheral edema a side effect of alcohol abuse? Isn't it a sign that this sh&t is getting serious?
.

Ascites, water retention in the peritoneal cavity (yer belly) is a sign of serious liver damage. The edema I had was definitely caused by the baclofen (and the calcium channel blocker I was taking - still had the edema when I discontinued the ccb).

I believe baclofen affects electrolyte channels in some way. I don't understand the physiology well enough to make a hypothesis without more boning up on the biology. I do know that when my bac dose was cut from 235 to 80, my potassium level dropped (dangerously) for a few days and had to be supplemented. Baclofen *may* affect efficiency of renal clearance, but I can't find evidence any where of it damaging or dangerously overtaxing the kidneys. I'm guessing that it's something that the body has to get used to, and as I've said, I've had my episodes and they've completely resolved themselves (and a few other folks have mentioned it here as well).

And, Sassy, maybe you should watch your sodium intake?

Otherwise, I agree that you seem to be on track and well on your way. 250 is indeed high, and when I got there, I *really* started to think "oh fuck, I haven't reached my switch, I'm almost at 300!!!! What am I going to do???" When it happened at 280, I was completely surprised, totally shocked, didn't see it coming, and *KNEW* that it was real (and by that time reports of others going over 300 to reach there switch were surfacing anyway...so). Anyway, you go girl. -tk

p.s. did you mention an anti-depressant that you are taking?

[redhead77]

Sassy's bac journey

SASSY!!!!

I guess we were cross posting last night. I woke up to this and feel terrible. Your last 2 posts were to me and I didn't respond on here. I thought we were discussing them elsewhere, maybe? You have posted a lot with little response. I am truly sorry. I will try to do a better job of being supportive. And ftr, you are one of the cool people.

[redhead77]

Sassy's bac journey

Lo0p;1112188 wrote: I can't help but think: Isn't peripheral edema a side effect of alcohol abuse? Isn't it a sign that this sh&t is getting serious?

I don't really have the time to check into it right now but do we really think this is an SE of baclofen? Could you be projecting this SE onto baclofen? Please don't chastise me for this people I'm just thinking out loud.

Peripheral edema can be a serious side effect of alcohol abuse. It can indicate heart failure, kidney failure, liver failure (although that would usually manifest in different ways). It can also be a temporary benign problem, that doesn't indicate any major underlying health threat. It is a problem if it persists and doesn't resolve shortly. Or if she's having trouble breathing or other issues. I have read a number of people here that have had swelling extremities on baclofen. I don't know if it's a coincidence or not. Never hurts to see a doc Sassy. Are we projecting this onto baclofen?

[redhead77]

Sassy's bac journey

terryk;1112357 wrote:


Ascites, water retention in the peritoneal cavity (yer belly) is a sign of serious liver damage. The edema I had was definitely caused by the baclofen (and the calcium channel blocker I was taking - still had the edema when I discontinued the ccb).

I believe baclofen affects electrolyte channels in some way. I don't understand the physiology well enough to make a hypothesis without more boning up on the biology. I do know that when my bac dose was cut from 235 to 80, my potassium level dropped (dangerously) for a few days and had to be supplemented. Baclofen *may* affect efficiency of renal clearance, but I can't find evidence any where of it damaging or dangerously overtaxing the kidneys. I'm guessing that it's something that the body has to get used to, and as I've said, I've had my episodes and they've completely resolved themselves (and a few other folks have mentioned it here as well).

And, Sassy, maybe you should watch your sodium intake?

Otherwise, I agree that you seem to be on track and well on your way. 250 is indeed high, and when I got there, I *really* started to think "oh fuck, I haven't reached my switch, I'm almost at 300!!!! What am I going to do???" When it happened at 280, I was completely surprised, totally shocked, didn't see it coming, and *KNEW* that it was real (and by that time reports of others going over 300 to reach there switch were surfacing anyway...so). Anyway, you go girl. -tk

p.s. did you mention an anti-depressant that you are taking?

Yup, Sassy. Everything he said.

[SassyLassy]

Sassy's bac journey

Tuesday

Purposefully drank MORE water yesterday, but still feel/look puffy. Hubbie and I had some drama last night about child rearing methods, and I ended up crying quite a bit. Iced my eyes, but woke up this morning looking DEFORMED! Crying causes puffiness, coupled with a bit of water retention - tried to cover with makeup, but some things aren't coverable!

My plan for the day - take care of ME! To treat myself this morning, I stopped and got a cup of coffee at Starbucks. Nothing fancy, just coffee w/a little cream. A treat for me to feel like I'm worthy of a treat.

I am going to go to the gym after work, cardio and some weights. I am going to make dinner for they boys and me tonight, and dare I say it out loud, I am not going to drink tonight! It'll be the first AF day in months. But hubbie is out of town, so he won't bring anything home. That helps. Also saying so here will make me accountable.

Thinking about picking up a new wireless router and delving in to that tonight-our home wireless router wasn't working yesterday, it's older, has been a pain the as$$, and well, it'll give me something to do. A project.

Hubbie is gone until Saturday, so maybe I can actually string together several days AF. No promises-ODAT.

Thanks for the replies today...I was in such a bad way last night, and have been scared to check in today in case it was quiet.

Oh, a couple of you had asked about AD I'm on - the generic of Zoloft. It's an SSRI, but Dr. L said it wasn't a problem.

I've also put the Chicago trip in October on my calendar. Not sure how I'll get away without telling hubbie what this is about. Can you believe, he doesn't know I'm taking Bac? By then, I should have "switched", and not be drinking, and I can tell him about it. Not sure he's ready for a non-drinking spouse. (He owns a liquor store!!)

Other side effects: Definately a mental haze about me. I take Piracetam, as it was recommended somewhere else on the site. It seems to help, but who knows?

My eyes are a bit bloodshot, and one is quite watery/glassy. I have had this for about a year, though, so don't think that is Bac related - probably more A. Also have had general problems with my eyes-dry eyes, torn epitheleal layer several times, etc. Aging, pre-menopausal, etc.

BEATLE!!! I didn't know you were back . . . thank you for posting on my thread! You have always been a source of intelligence and rational, well thought out responses, I respect the heck out of you!!

Red, Ne, Bleep, Loop, Ig, Murphy, TerryK - you're the cool people; I have been reading some many of your replies/comments/posts for almost a year now. Feel like I know you, sort of, but still get confused on the details of who's who, where people are from, who's reached the switch, etc. Anyway, for you to have taken the time to respond is, well, heart warming and appreciated...y' know?

OK, it's finally a beautiful day in the Northland, so I'm going to GO OUTSIDE, run an errand or two, then get back to work!!

Love you guys!

[bleep]

Sassy's bac journey

You've got to go bigger than a cup of coffee if you decide to treat yourself! Can't help you with specifics, but a humble cup of coffee just doesn't cut it!

What are your thoughts about your hubby and baclofen? Is there a reason you haven't told him?

Good luck with your AF night tonight Sassy.

[Murphyx]

Sassy's bac journey

Sassy, SSRIs can be responsible for oedema in the feet and ankles. I don't know what you can do with that information though, because you can't just go dropping an AD.

Whoa, how is hubby the booze dealer going to handle the whole stopping drinking thing? That'll be interesting.

[Lo0p]

Sassy's bac journey

Free tip from the Lo0pster: Do your weights THEN finish with cardio. Trust me. I IS TEH FAT BURNING MASTAH! nfire:

[redhead77]

Sassy's bac journey

Woooooh Loopster. I would say so. I always did cardio and then weights. I'm glad you're around.

Sassy, what are you going to do about your hubby? It seems this may be an issue? He owns a liquor store, but is he an alcoholic? Does he expect you to drink? I mean excessively? Does he know you drink too much? Does he not want you to stop?

[SassyLassy]

Sassy's bac journey

Hubby

Touchy stuff, this dealing with my hubbie. When we met 7 years ago, (online!), then met in person. I could tell he was successful, serious, and knew about and was discerning about his wine. I rarely drank up to this point, maybe 2 - 5 beers/month. Just wasn't part of my deal, didn't love it, hadn't discovered wine. Never drank in HS, and just a little in college-more of the "we're going to a party/kegger" than I like this stuff. And I was a lightweight-the stuff hit me hard.

He introduced me to Wine and the threesome was fun. You know, "days of wine and roses" and all that. I was wined and dined, literally and figuratively. Fast forward 7 months, and he proposes to me. We had been discussing marriage, and our families fit together well (we each had one boy). He is a widower, I am divorced. Our kids were 10 and 6 at the time, so pretty young. And his wife had been dead for 4+ years by then.

I had to relocate to his town, as he owns businesses in our town - my occupation is more portable. I could tell early on that he liked to be in control, in charge, directing others, and I bristled. Once, on a vacation, I stopped at the airport store to get a bottle of water. (Thirsty girl, remember?) He was upset that I was spending "that kind of money" for something like water. Look, I told him in no uncertain terms, I will buy what I want, when I want it, and you will not tell me not to. Get it?

The job I took when I moved was with the same company I'd been with, but was now in sales rather than the corporate stuff I knew and was a "fit". Still, they paid to move me, paid me a portion of my old salary for a year, and it was the best gig I could get in this town. Sales though? I held out for a couple of years, and hubbie would offer support/sales techniques/tell me how to run my business. Again, this independent woman bucked, and it was a source of many heated arguements, most fueled by A.

I moved in to his house - and why not, and thank god in this housing market - but he'd been a bachelor for over 4 years. Lots to do. He's frugal. Have I mentioned the starting things but not finishing? A TO DIE FOR bathroom is nearly done, started in 2004, he ripped part of the roof off and put on an addition, 2 walk in closets, cupboards are in, skylight, paint, custom tiled shower with multiple shower heads at different heights, but no hookup yet. No working toilet, No water, no carpet, no top on the cupboards. So, it's a lovely, lovely place that we can't use. I could go on, but that's not the point.

We struggle in different ways about control; we differ drastically in parenting styles, and our kids are very different. He's authoritarian in every sense of the word. Guess which kid says "yes sir" and which one says, "just a minute" when he calls??

And the control has, in the past, spilled into wanting to control my drinking. As if he could. That was when I realized I could purchase wine anywhere I want, making sure nobody I knew saw me, cause, hey, doesn't your hubbie own a liquor store? Yeah. But it's pretty easy to buy a box of wine and keep it in your walk in closet that's in a bathroom that's not used much and remain undetected.

Now, he's not so much about controlling my wine intake, or I don't notice it because he isn't. In fact, he'll bring home a bottle for dinner, and a small one for "pre-dinner". Plus his gin. He functions perfectly, no physical ailments, no liver issues, no puffiness like me. Rather, when I complain about weight, he'll say something about cutting the wine out would solve my problems.

So I do hide my stash of wine. And I put it in a plastic tumbler that's dark, and I don't know why he doesn't ever notice, but he doesn't. Same with the bac. I take pills in front of him, and he never wonders what I'm taking. I think he thinks they're supplements or something - which I take - but not all day! So, we share wine - usually a bottle every night with dinner, plus he has gin most nights before dinner. It'd be a martini, but I think it's just gin. He doesn't hide it. I don't say much. If the kids have had a tough day at school, and mine does, we often talk about it at dinner. And more than once, the authoritarian becomes too much so due to the liquor. Shouting, demands made on the kids, nothing physical though. He doesn't think he's different with them after drinking, but I see it. So after whatever drama is over, he retreats to his office, our boys get the hell out of site to avoid any further drama, and I sit in our living room, with my mug of wine, watching TV, surfing, whatever. Both of us are generally ready for bed by 9pm - seriously - because of the booze. It's sad, really. And typing this out, I know it sounds much worse than it is. I haven't said anything about his many good qualities. But after last night, crying, sobbing really, because he couldn't find a way (nor want to find a way) to change his tact even slightly to suit my child's temperment. It's his way or the highway, and my child is Playing Me Like A Fiddle. Probably true, but cmon! Anyway, he was leaving town today, and wanted a little somethin-somethin in bed last night. What? Really? No. Maybe in the morning. (not)

I got up, cried while on the computer, wrote my "woe is me" post that I'm a bit embarrassed about, watched a little TV, iced my eyes, woke up this morning all deformed, got ready for work, and left the house. He'd gotten up shortly before I left, was in his office, and I just called out, "Bye" as I left for work, wondering how I'd face the day looking like I did and feeling on the verge of tears still. He has gone out of town - a business venture 4 hours away that he loves and that we're invested in with his brother and wife. She will be there-and no, there's nothing going on. The business is his mistress, if that makes sense. He will be gone until Saturday.

I don't have any friends in this town- really hard to break in where you're in your 40's in a new town. I work out, or should I say I did until Bac kicked my ass a couple of months ago, it's been hit or miss. I have my job, which I really enjoy and is back in the corporate/financial world again, and I have my adoring/adorable 13 year old son. However, as he gets older, I am less and less of his world, and that's normal. I need to find a purpose for me rather than drown myself in a bottle every night.

How much do I drink? Probably the equivalent of a bottle of wine most nights. My stash is empty, I'm pretty sure, and there's nothing to speak of in the house. So I want to try and reinvent myself and my confidence as much as possible, even in the next 4 days, so I can feel good, worthwhile, an individual with purpose, not just a wife and mother and roles that rely on others to define them.

Wow, way longer than I thought, but it's good to get it out there.

[moglor]

Sassy's bac journey

Wow, Sassy. Thanks for posting that. It must have been hard to write. Is some kind of couples therapy even an option for you? It sounds like those are some pretty fundamental issues with your husband that aren't going to get better with time or sobriety.

[bleep]

Sassy's bac journey

I agree with Moglor, it seems there are other things at play that will need to be addressed over and above of the boozing.

It definitely sounds as though booze is throwing fuel on the fire though, so anything that can help sort that out will be helpful. Without knowing too much about the situation, your husband doesn't strike me as the type who will get behind baclofen, so it doesn't sound like there is much to be gained from telling him about it. Perhaps if the SE's become too debilitating it could be an option though?

Sassy, you've got a lot on your plate there. Good luck in working through it.

[SassyLassy]

Sassy's bac journey

Thanks

Thanks Bleep, mogler, Loop, for your thoughts. Yes, couseling is likely an option. If I want it, he'll do it. He really does love me.
I feel good tonight . . I went out at lunchtime, which I usually don't. Nice to get some sunshine, a change of scenery, and off the damn computer.

I left work at my normal time - I often work late, but decided I didn't need to. Went to the gym (check), did a warmup and then weights (Thanks Loop, for the guidance). Way back when, in my late twenties, I joined a gym for the first time. Discovered weights, did some rowing, and was in the best shape of my life. I LOVE weights and how they make you feel strong, physically and emotionally. In the last couple of years, I focused more on cardio, and trainined and ran 3 1/2 marathons in 2009/2010. Pretty impressive for this fat girl - I was my heaviest at age 16, so will always think of myself as fat; truth: I carry 10-15 (now 20) pounds too many, but I don't think most people would think me "fat".

Anyway, did the weights, and it was hard, it kicked my butt!! Between Bac & not having worked out much lately, it doesn't take much. Picked up the router, came home. My kids are going through electronics-withdrawl, as the wireless has been out for 24-48 hours (I know). So my son offered to do what he could to help make dinner so I could get the router installed. Done. We're back up and running. It's after 8, no booze yet, and no real itch for it. Sad to say, but I'm so malleable/go with the flow type of person, that if hubbie had been here and had a bottle of wine open, I'd have drunk it. Worth considering/thinking about.

Oh, and my face has finally unswollen. I think the workout helped with the edema a bit, too.

Just gotta fill another couple hours and I'll be home free with day 1 AF.

[moglor]

Sassy's bac journey

Way to go, Sass! Glad to hear the exercise helped with the edema, that is worrisome. Have you taken your blood pressure recently?

I agree with loop about the weights and cardio. I rarely do any kind of sustained cardio just by itself these days. My warmup usually consists of 500m of rowing or a 400m run, some jumprope, 20-30 situps, pushups, squats, lots of stretching, lunges, agility drills. Maybe some barbell work with lighter weight, followed by the actual workout. Check out crossfit.com if you're interested. I've been a fatass ever since I quit taking speed and started drinking beer when I was 18 or 19, and I always hated going to the gym, but crossfit has really made me a new man.

-John

[SassyLassy]

Sassy's bac journey

Day 1 AF

I did it, I made it through a day AF. Wasn't really that hard, but I had trouble settling down to go to sleep. That's to be expected.

Feels good to be able to say that.

Maybe if I make some effort to limit the A intake, the Bac will do the rest...not an original thought, but one I need to more seriously consider.

Sass