This Redhead's Baclofen Thread

[redhead77]

This Redhead's Baclofen Thread

Here's the recipe. It makes for a perfect breakfast with my supps blended in. I used almond butter instead of peanut butter and stevia for a sweetner.

The Heart Scan Blog: Chocolate peanut butter cup smoothie

[redhead77]

This Redhead's Baclofen Thread

Missy, that's the thing. I don't believe my rage is unjustified at this point. It's not alcoholic rage, it's rage regarding my children feeling abandoned by the other parent. I'm the one left to wipe away their tears.

The problem with drinking to deal with it for me (maybe us), is that it doesn't always calm the rage. It sometimes makes it explode.

[redhead77]

This Redhead's Baclofen Thread

Two more bacsters bit the dust today. Not because they can't tolerate bac, but because of the never ending drama around here. These were people I liked and enjoyed. I just want people to remember, don't get your panties in a wad (that was for you Luscious), over people that you think are chauvinistic, annoying, ........ you insert the adjective. I appreciate, as do many others, the different personalities in the meds threads. If someone makes you angry, especially if you're drinking, maybe hold back from addressing it. Better yet, put them on ignore. You can always remove it later.

Murphy, you already know how I feel about it, but you did say taking a break. I'm hopeful.

Luscious, I don't know if you'll be lurking anymore or not. I'm very sad that you're leaving. You brought an energy here. If you do lurk and read this, maybe we can become FB friends. Not that I go on there much, those people are too normal for me. But still.

For the one who continues to change her name....I used to like you. You had a period where you were very pleasant and supportive. What happened? It's like multiple personalities. Why are you using your energy to try to turn people away from bac? Many will be turned away from the SEs, anyway. WHEN are you going to stop?

[LadyLush]

This Redhead's Baclofen Thread

Red,

Well here I am:l If one of the name changes is lost & found I just ran into her on another thread. I thought it was her but wasn't sure until reading your post. I did like her one time as one of her many personalities (Sybil?).....
I had to come on to call her out. Not like me to do that but she is one of the reasons Murphy left and he discussed this individual in his goodbye post.
I will be around, always lurking. I need to concentrate more on me and figuring this whole thing out. I am going through some VERY hard emotional times right now and decided to do counseling in addition to being sober. The Bac can answer the brain but sometimes the mind needs a little help.:sighbubble:
As soon as I figure out the difference of craving versus habit I will have the alcohol beat.
I am going to win this war against alcohol and continue to stay in touch with you all just not as often.

I will PM you my facebook address and stay cool and keep the fly swatter handy for the gnats!

Love ya lots,
Lady:l

[Murphyx]

This Redhead's Baclofen Thread

"I'm all switched", "I've been working out", "my supps arrived today".....borrrrrrrrring! I want to hear about your wild, rock-star weekends, replete with Clinton-esque antics. No more of those? Dammit! Bloody baclofen, ruining my fun again!

[redhead77]

This Redhead's Baclofen Thread

Post switch, maybe I'm......boring? :upset: I even deleted that part of the post recently (the sex, drugs, and karaoke). It really wasn't Clinton's definition of sex, but it sure would make someone happy. I wish I hadn't deleted it now. Now, I can't go back and read it. A log of my crazy days to make me smile? Maybe not. It might bother me, but it's still some sort of log. It's all so weird, you switch like over night. It's leaving me questioning who I am. Whatever I am, I really hope it's not boring. I couldn't bear it.

[bleep]

This Redhead's Baclofen Thread

I too was stunned at the abruptness of indifference. In time, we will be the people we were supposed to be before booze took things over. At first though, I think there is a settling down phase, while we come to terms with everything.

Don't panic about being boring Red. While there are few worse fates, I think anyone who has it in them to try an untested drug and put up with all the SE's has within them one interesting story at least, and most probably the personality to find a few more.

While I agree with deleting the bit about the karaoke, after all, you never know who will read this, the sex and the drugs bit should have stayed!

[moglor]

This Redhead's Baclofen Thread

I always feel very boring when I'm not drinking. Especially in social situations where everyone else is drinking, I feel like a stick in the mud. Social anxiety is a big trigger for me. Without alcohol, I feel like a moron sitting there without anything to say.

[redhead77]

This Redhead's Baclofen Thread

Here's the thing. Am I being boring, or just retreating into my own shell? In all honesty here's a recap of what's going on in my life:

He's shipped off. In the meantime, he finally saw his kids as much as possible. Yes, that only counts for 5 days in a row. It still counts. They are confused. I am too. I will forever be confused why he's done what he's done to me. To us.

I learned we may be moving sooner than I thought. It may be by the end of summer. I need to figure out where were going to live, where I want to live, if they'll take us. I need to go through nearly a decade of living in a rather large home. I need to throw stuff away and sell everything else in a house sale. Wherever were going, I know it will be far more modest, than what we live in now. I need to prepare in all ways for this. Yes, I have an attorney for this. I have an attorney for nearly everything in my life it seems. Still, I have no idea when it's over.

I'm working on a job. I actually have a job, if I can do all the work. I will be an independent contractor of sorts, in my own craft. I need to take numerous tests to check my knowledge. I had to put many of the tests off, because of my SEs. Hoping they will go away. They are only getting a liitle better after what is now 3 weeks. I've finally done most of them now. I passed thank God. I will most likely need to start coming down from my switch dose to work. I don't want to. I finally have a miracle that has saved me from alcoholism.

I applied to the professional program I wanted for school. It was difficult getting everything done. I got in. I can't go, because of the SEs, and all the other crap in my life. There is no way I can study 10-12 hours a day, when I can't remember what I'm doing in a room.

I was called out on a thread as being a narcissistic, selfish, mannerless, American. I come here for the little bit of support I get in my life. This is ceasing to be it.

I have a 90 gallon salt water reef tank. It has fish, live rock, and corals. I have to get rid of it. It won't be able to move with me. In the meantime, we had a elaborate biological filter going from basement to the tank. We also had a 50 gallon water tank to hold reverse osmosis filtered water. It is leaking everywhere. It leaked all over my dead mother's stuff. Some of which were really cool antique books. Copywrite 1901 and 1902.

She was a really cool person. Creative, educated, intelligent, and artsy. If she had a thread, you can bet it would be interesting, without being a rockstar. Many of the books got ruined. I need to go down there and figure out how I'm going to drain this 50 gallon tank of water.

I'm not sure anymore what I need to be on here. I am definitely not sure who I am. The inner rockstar may be there, it may not. I don't know anymore. It's becoming clouded.

What I do know is, I'm doing all this sober. For that, baclofen is a miracle. I guess that's the important thing. Isn't it?

[moglor]

This Redhead's Baclofen Thread

redhead77;1109260 wrote: I was called out on a thread as being a narcissistic, selfish, mannerless, American. I come here for the little bit of support I get in my life. This is ceasing to be it.
Don't even spend a millisecond dwelling on this. Don't think for a moment that you should give up here because of the (drunken?) ramblings of an angry, spiteful person. What happened in that thread was utterly ridiculous, and you should just roll your eyes and move on. I don't think anyone here who is a contributor feels you are any of those things. Well, maybe you're American. I don't know for sure.

redhead77;1109260 wrote:
I'm not sure anymore what I need to be on here. I am definitely not sure who I am. The inner rockstar may be there, it may not. I don't know anymore. It's becoming clouded.

I feel the exact same way about not knowing who I am. Being sober after an entire adult life of serious alcoholism leaves me wondering who or what I am when sober. I'm boring because I have nothing to say. I have nothing to say because I have no idea WHAT to say. I don't even know what my opinions on things are, because I don't know what it's like to live sober!. Maybe you feel the same way? What you need to be on here is ON HERE. That's all. No more, no less.

One thing is for sure, I value your presence here on the boards tremendously, and I am sure others do as well, and I will continue to offer you support as best I can.

-John

[bleep]

This Redhead's Baclofen Thread

I too value your presence here Red. I'm sorry you don't feel you are getting the level of support you deserve, but leaving it all behind will, IMHO, waste a valuable resource. There IS support to be had here, partly in helping others, and partly in being helped by them. There are positives and negatives here, it's up to you what you take out of it. That line makes me want to vomit, but it's true.

In this forum, as with all things, there is an ebb and flow. Sorry to get all mystical, but I believe it to be true. You'll have noticed, I'm sure, that the forum is returning to normal. It probably won't last, there will be other periods of bitching and shouting, then there will be periods of great help and support. I think it's worth sticking through the shit for the good times.

Reading your post again, it sounds like everything you wanted, you got. Life seems to be going well, other than the fish tank disaster, which terrible. Can you send the books to a professional restorer, it's amazing what those guys can do. If you aren't able to do it now, hang on to the books and look to do it some time in the future.

As you say, it's all being done sober. The rest is just fluff.

[Murphyx]

This Redhead's Baclofen Thread

redhead77;1109260 wrote: I will forever be confused why he's done what he's done to me. To us.It's because he's a prick. Men ARE pricks.



redhead77;1109260 wrote: I'm not sure anymore what I need to be on here. I am definitely not sure who I am. The inner rockstar may be there, it may not. I don't know anymore. It's becoming clouded.

Of course it is. You're changing and growing. You have the opportunity to find the real you. There's so much change in your life, you're moving home, changing jobs, you're no longer a drunk and that prick is gone. These are all wonderful opportunities which will help fashion the new you. I feel really envious, apart from the fish tank. I hate fish. I heard a line on Justified that made me snigger and think of you: "I ain't afraid of heights, snakes, or redheaded women", but I am afraid of fish.

BTW Over the last couple of weeks I've watched both seasons of Justified and it's clouded my perception of Americans. I now see you all as gun-toting, road-kill eating, six-fingered banjo playing hillbillies. :H

[Ne/Neva Eva]

This Redhead's Baclofen Thread

Murphyx;1109327 wrote: It's because he's a prick.

Of course it is. You're changing and growing.

my perception of Americans. I now see you all as gun-toting, road-kill eating, six-fingered banjo playing hillbillies. :H

Yep, yep and yep, that's me to a T.

Red, I know, I know. I would suggest writing it all down and letting it all hang out, but frankly that's not how it's playing out for me atm!

Doesn't change the fact that we're it. Bac-support. We're here. Not going anywhere, either.
Add to that the fact that you are now one of the ones that can offer suggestions, advice and a good deal of rational, reasonable, funny input. You don't just need us. We (collectively) need you. As do I, personally.
And you owe it. yep. It's true. Read your thread from the beginning. It's all there.

The other stuff? Big-girl-pants. Sorry. Being a grown up can be rather burdensome. It can also be invigorating, super-fun, and very, very interesting. I am much more interesting sober. I'm pretty sure you and Mog are too. I, personally, just thought I was interesting before. Then again, I'm still pretty thrilled that my laundry is folded and actually put away and my sink is empty of dirty dishes. And I don't have to sneak out my garbage mid-day when everyone else is at work to hide the noise that the bottles make. And the fact that I have more money in the bank then we've had in eons, even though I'm not working! wtf??? That is super-fun in my world. So maybe I'm not that interesting! :H:H

Go down. For the love of . I know, I know. But the switch dose is no place to hang out. You're the first that's done it, that I can think of. I can't believe you're still doing it. Go down slowly and with forethought. Not much. Just until you can function normally. Really. I went down to 240mg/day from 340mg/day and it was just fine. All of the benes, none of the baddies. I went down further because I'm a knucklehead. (and for other reasons.)

Whatever your decision, I will not take it personally and will support you no matter what, of course. That's just my $3-bill worth.

xxoo
Ne

[redhead77]

This Redhead's Baclofen Thread

Hello!

I woke up today with new clarity, focus, and drive. I'm FREEEEEEEE!! Free from all the baggage in my life. The shit that was weighing me down. Him, the enormous house, and the booze. What more could I ask for?

I'm going down to 180 today. I'm looking foward to it. I need a reprieve from these SEs. I'm planning to decrease by 20 a week until I find the sweet place. The one where I can work and function, but not be a drunk.

I hope ALL men aren't pricks, I may want a new model some day. Maybe your projecting Murph? :H

Ne, the big girl pants are retiring. Maybe I'll sell them, with all the other shit I sell in this house. Or donate them. I'm working hard to take off this baclo-weight. I'm seeing skinny pants in my future.

I'm not going to school anytime soon. I don't know what I was thinking. I was thinking it's something I always wanted to do, but this is not the time in my life. I still have too much other stuff going on, to try to tackle that. I'm not sad about it. There's always tomorrow.

I had to go to the pharmacy yesterday to buy some bronkaid. I've been wheezing some from all the smoking I'm doing. I have mild asthma, so this smoking is not good. The pharmacist asked for my ID, because I think people use it to make the latest and greatest street drugs. I gave it to him and he entered the info. He gave it back and then asked to see it again. It occurred to him who I was. Yes Bob, I'm the crazy woman who wipes your pharmacy out of baclofen every month. Now, have you figured out what I take it for? :H:H That's why I like the drive-thru.

I'm quitting smoking. I've set my quit date as May 9th. I don't know why I picked that day, it sounded good. My plan is to buy some nicorette, but only use it for the really bad urges. I'm going to mostly do it cold turkey. While vanity, is a great reason to quit smoking, I have to do it for my health. Wheezing everyday is both unattractive and unhealthy.

The fish tank disaster has been diverted for the moment. I was able to drain the 50 gallon water tank enough to get past the leak. I do need to sell this thing. It's going to be quite a project getting it out of here. Finding the right buyer may be tricky too. I guess CL would be a good place to start. It's good you can find more than men with fetishes there.

I finished all my tests and passed them. Scheduled my drug screen and physical. I'm not looking forward to the lecture I'm going to get from my doc for not coming in for over a year. I had some lab tests that needed follow up. Not liver or kidney, but I did have mild macrocytosis without anemia. A good indicator of alcohol abuse. I have avoided him. I think we may be having a conversation on Friday. I'm not sure if I should continue to lie about it. I don't want it on my medical record, so I may have to. It would be nice to have my personal physician know about this drug I'm taking. In case I ever get hospitalized. Or for the next time I get sick, to make sure there aren't interactions. I wonder if he could keep it off the record, if I asked him to. We worked together too, so maybe he could understand my trepidation of telling him. I'm not sure if it's something he HAS to write. Much to decide there.

I will be able to work by late next week I think. With this considered, I may have to come down faster than 20 mg a week. How much can you safely come down without over doing it? Without risking relapse?

I like this place. I'm glad I stayed. And I have to find a new avatar soon, this frog thing has gotta go.

Redhead

[missyabby1]

This Redhead's Baclofen Thread

Love ya Red,

Missy xx