This Redhead's Baclofen Thread

[Ne/Neva Eva]

This Redhead's Baclofen Thread

bac at you! let's talk more about that reluctance to go up. I'm in the same boat, but ... well. Let's talk. And look! I brought Rudy's threads' rules over here! sheesh.
xo

[bleep]

This Redhead's Baclofen Thread

I look at it as purely a function of dose, and nothing more. This doesn't fit in well with what most people think about the whole affair, but for me, baclofen is the biggest and meanest tool in my toolbox. It is also the only tool in there, and so far it has been more than adequate.

You may be surprised at your body and it's ability to cope with increasing your dose. I found that as I have gotten used to baclofen and its effects, I am more able to tolerate various changes. Try it and see? As a way of proving this to yourself, take a look at what you are taking right now, and compare how you feel now to how you felt at this level on the way up.

I don't see why this disqualifies you from posting on threads about indifference? Getting pissed is hardly the disaster it would be under a normal treatment routine. Ne actually makes the distinction in the opening of the other thread. I for one would value your input.

[Murphyx]

This Redhead's Baclofen Thread

Ne/Neva Eva;1123333 wrote: Murphy did it too. I wish I had time to find his next morning post. Murph, you were bereft, were you not?
I think the post began FUUUUUUUUCCCCCCKKKKKK!!!!!!! and yes, bereft as you say.

redhead77;1123342 wrote: I think I may have some other drinking triggers for me (in my mind). That is a another story entirely, and really not any kind of excuse. I'm going to have to get over some of this shit.

If you can't get over it, and if it's that strong a trigger, I would suggest it's probably not something that can just be easily solved. You need to find a way to cope with it.

I just read that back and it sounds obvious, trite and pointless, but I'm going to leave it there anyway.

:l

[RudyB]

This Redhead's Baclofen Thread

red, you're kinda hard on yourself. you use the word 'excuse' about drinking, re mental triggers, and 'get over it'. oh, and the shame over drinking alone. gosh, i drink (drank?) alone almost always. i have a pathetic social life, and i don't know how people drink out in the rural world. you can't hop on the subway, so how do you get home?! drinking alone is a bad idea, but driving drunk is worse, imho.

so, be nice to yourself. if you can't do it for you, do it for me.

abrazos.
rudy

[redhead77]

This Redhead's Baclofen Thread

ignominious;1123202 wrote: Hi Red. Is that the first drunk you've had since the switch, you sound very down about it and as if you're expecting some sort of reprimand apart from your own. Relax you don't go back to square one.

No Ig. It is not my first drunk. I got drunk around a month ago, I think?

Ne/Neva Eva;1123351 wrote: bac at you! let's talk more about that reluctance to go up. I'm in the same boat, but ... well. Let's talk. And look! I brought Rudy's threads' rules over here! sheesh.
xo

No rules on my thread. I have been concerned to go up in my dose, because I don't want to feel like shit again. I can't fuck up now that I'm working. I don't want to go back to being a drunk, and I'm a little worried about myself. That leaves me with one option. To go up slowly. I already started. I'm going to try to go up 10 mg a week. I pray, I can do this without debilitating side effects. I was next to catatonic before. One other thing I should tell you. I got my period the next day. For anyone who feels this is tmi, it's not. It's a biological function. One that I know Ne understands. Especially, relating to drinking.

Ne, the night I got drunk I was planning to post something to you on your thread. I hope it hasn't been revisited, because I haven't caught up on all the threads yet. I wanted to tell you (without raining on your parade), that it is more difficult than you might think to find jobs as an ADN. The hospital I worked for, doesn't even hire them anymore. They stopped about 6 months ago. It leaves all the nurses with associate degrees, scared to leave. They won't be rehired. It will also limit the things you can do. You don't have to be dedicated to be a nurse. There are desk jobs, mon-fri jobs, jobs without weekends or holidays. You could even be a nurse researcher. Most of these jobs require a Bachelor's degree. You won't even learn how to read research in an ADN program. Research is only taught in a BSN program. I just wanted you to know this. You need to be equipped to make the right decision.

Murphyx;1123372 wrote: I think the post began FUUUUUUUUCCCCCCKKKKKK!!!!!!! and yes, bereft as you say.


If you can't get over it, and if it's that strong a trigger, I would suggest it's probably not something that can just be easily solved. You need to find a way to cope with it.

I just read that back and it sounds obvious, trite and pointless, but I'm going to leave it there anyway.

:l

Ah, triggers. My triggers. I'll tell you a couple of them. I think now that I'm back to work, this is a trigger. Even my good days are incredibly stressful. I might say it is time for me to do something else, but I do need the paycheck now, and I am best working where I have experience. I am also a hard core adrenaline junkie. It's something I've discovered about myself. I might be bored in a "normal" job. Being bored is better than being a drunk, however. As soon as we move, I will look into other options. Or I will work just a little to keep my critical care skills, but not do it full time. I'm hoping to go back to school myself, in the future.

It turns out, I think you were right Murph. As much as it pains me to admit it. I broke it off with CL bloke. I'm not sure if it's considered breaking it off, if I never met him. I was getting ready to. He said something I found alarming. I guess I could have investigated it further, but I didn't. Now, after 120 emails (I'm not kidding), I have ended it. I'm wondering if I should have. He's annoyed and I can't blame him. Talk about an incredible amount of energy to spend on someone with no fruition. I probably should have investigated it, but I just have a feeling. I have a feeling this is going to hurt me. I mean a relationship with him. I feel I'm so far gone after the 120 emails, that I can't distance myself. He has an in to my deepest thoughts. Honestly, I think he has more of an understanding of what makes me tick, than my husband of 10 years did. It makes me feel incredibly vulnerable. And I am already vulnerable in so many ways. New sobriety, coming out of a bad marriage, and everything else. I can't afford to get hurt right now. I really can't. I still feel a bit of torment about it.

I'm going back to this again. I think it's probably not the right time for me to date. I don't know how I'm not going to at this point. I believe I might go blind soon. And this is a waste of a good woman. There are men on these threads that would kill to have dates. I don't have that problem. I think I need to do something similar to what Ne told Rudy to do. Find myself a young boy toy who I don't have to talk to. :H

Or, here is my latest conondrum. I had this guy ask me out recently. He is older than I am. Not a little older, like 14 years older. Yikes! I know. Age is but a number in my opinion. That is the bad part. Oh, and he's Cuban. That may worry you guys, but he's lived here for 30 years. He doesn't appear to act or be a communist. He's quite chilvarous really. Here are the good parts. He is very active. It's not like he's in bad shape for his age, AT ALL. He rarely drinks, doesn't smoke. He's gone all the time. He travels for his job, like 65% of the time. And I mean gone. He's an engineer, but works as a consultant all over the world. He was in New Zealand for a week, flew home, was here for 2 days, and then left for France. I like that. I don't have to spend too much energy on him. When he asked me out, I chuckled. I said to him, we have quite the age difference between us. He said, he would understand if I wouldn't go out with him. He also asked me how I felt about being treated like a princess. Truly, I wouldn't mind it. You've read my signature. So this is my latest consideration. The most important thing? I'm not worried about being hurt by him. He doesn't know what makes me tick.

I know I could date someone my own age, but I don't want anything serious. I'm not ready for it. To sum it up folks. There might be a new Daddy in town. Any advice on this one might be appreciated. It appears you people give good advice.

Oops Rudy. I just erased your quote. I will be nice to myself. I'll do it for you and for me. :l

[Murphyx]

This Redhead's Baclofen Thread

Well I'm absolutely desperate to know what CL Bloke said. Was it something really pervy? Did it involve his fantasies about animals? I NEED to know. PM me if you can't share with the whole class.

RE Fidel: yeah why not? He's probably not interested in anything serious (and you really don't need that sort of thing at the moment). He probably just wants hot sex with a young nubile chicadee. Plus he might have a supply of really good cigars. BTW I didn't mean there to be any Clintonesque connotations in that statement. I don't see how you could find a younger toyboy, you're so young anything younger than you would be practically illegal. Anyway, I don't see you as the cougar type. Go with Fidel for a while and let him treat you nice and shag your brains out. :H

[Ne/Neva Eva]

This Redhead's Baclofen Thread

redhead77;1124684 wrote: I have been concerned to go up in my dose, because I don't want to feel like shit again. I can't fuck up now that I'm working. I don't want to go back to being a drunk, and I'm a little worried about myself. That leaves me with one option. To go up slowly. I already started. I'm going to try to go up 10 mg a week. I pray, I can do this without debilitating side effects. I was next to catatonic before. One other thing I should tell you. I got my period the next day. For anyone who feels this is tmi, it's not. It's a biological function. One that I know Ne understands. Especially, relating to drinking.

hmmm. I'm fairly convinced (as in completely) that this is a very different animal for women than it is for men. I'm no longer on a regular cycle so I simply can't tell. But it was bad there for a minute last week. About a month from the last time. And on May 30th I decided to have one more go, drink to get drunk, before I started my 30 day 'fast' for June. I couldn't do it. I had a glass of wine and a beer. I felt terrible, definitely not sober, but bac'd out more than anything. I didn't feel well the next day, either.

I completely understand your concerns. Completely. I have the same ones.

There has to be some sort of balance, RedH. I don't mind staying on it, and at a high dose, but I've got to move on from that period in my life. I'm done being a drunk, but I'm also hoping that I'm done being bac'd out.

I've decided not to play with fire. I suppose I should go into it on my own thread, but I'm ready to be done with that, too! I think I'll put it on the abstinence thread...

Anyway. I'd like to talk more with you about the nursing stuff. I appreciate your thoughts... It's great to be in school, that's for sure. I'm relatively okay with a little ambiguity about the overall goal. Maybe. :H

Bottom line? It's all a process. We're not the first to get sober. There are many, many before us and there's a lot to glean from them. It's a matter of finding a fit.
Tip and Sunny have more than a year. Both have a commitment to abstinence, therapy, and are busy.
There are some others, too, but they're the only ones with both long term sobriety and relative serenity, that I can think of.
(Lo0p, I am most definitely not forgetting you, but you're still on high-dose-bac. i don't want to be forever. Not this high, if I can avoid it.)

And all that said, RedH. One drunk a month? pfffft. Really? That is so not a big deal, right?
But if the beast lurks??? THAT is a BIG BIG BIG BIG deal.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

This Redhead's Baclofen Thread

On a lighter note:
CL bloke had to go anyway. It's a nice safe way to spill your soul, Red. No harm, no foul.

Fidel??? You're kidding right? Anyone offered to treat me like a princess and I'd be hightailing it. First of all, that goes without saying. Second of all, princess is a little low on the totem pole, imho. Seriously. In the beginning? ha. Mutual adoration is not unreasonable, or am I just completely out of touch?
Finally, wtf does that mean anyway? Sorry to go all deep and feminista on you, but men who think of women as princesses aren't usually very fond of them. Ya know? The old pedestal gets to be a little too much and they just start kicking the thing.

Nope. Not fond at all of the princess world. Disney's dead. And he was gay. just sayin

I think single-ness is an okay thing for a woman on a journey. It's much less of a burden, in the short term and certainly in the long term, than passing time with the wrong bloke.
(ftr, I'm much to much of a ... what? my gay boyfriend would say I'm much to much of a girl in that I'm really not capable of separating love and lust. But I don't think most people are. What a waste it is to waste time!)

Heal. Be you. Find out who you is. (there's some really good advice in that program we're often disparaging... In this case it's about relationships. Waiting a year into sobriety to make ANY big changes/start new relationships. Smart folks, some of them. I miss them down here.)

Time. To get it all right. Take time. That's what I'm going to try to do.
sorry for the tome. Hayzeus. I really need to start keeping a journal or something. I might erase all of this crap...
xo

[Murphyx]

This Redhead's Baclofen Thread

Noooooooo Red, don't listen to Ne. Go get your brains bonked out. There's nothing wrong with that. Well, there can be an awful lot of things wrong with it, but if you approach it sensibly (and despite what you may sometimes think about yourself, you really are a very sensible person (even though that may irk you to believe it)) then a shag-a-delic time can be had by all. I mean by both. Well, come to think of it, there's nothing wrong with a group thing I suppose. If you do get a group thing going on, try to take some photographs for me OK? Excpet if there's more than one bloke, then that's not nice, that's just gay. Just sayin'.

[Murphyx]

This Redhead's Baclofen Thread

Also, what Ne says about Princesses is just BS. Princesses always get treated well, just look at Princess Diana....oh hang on a minute....

[RudyB]

This Redhead's Baclofen Thread

red, i gotta jump in before i forget my thoughts (don't have my notebook). fidel might be great, the age would't bug me one bit (but taht's me), and latin men do tend to be much nicer to their women than average (though there can be remnants of macho). i have a class of native spanish speakers, most of whom come from immigrant families from central america and mexico. these are the nicest, most respectful and warm kids out of my batch of 100. there's so much to be said for RESPECT! i know i'm generalizing, but my experience supports what i say. but, above all else, you know what you're ready for, so don't push your own envelope if you don't want to. oh, and btw, cuba is one of the most literate countries w great health care for all. hey, you could move there and get a great nursing job!

[RudyB]

This Redhead's Baclofen Thread

also, i'm dying to know what CL said, but if you want to keep it a secret, i understand. the deal is, you have to pm me.

[RudyB]

This Redhead's Baclofen Thread

and, the food thing: ditto for me. eat, al craving all but disappears sometimes, but i used to always ignore its disappearance. or i'd (very often) purposely NOT eat so i'd want to drink and i'd get a better buzz.
now, off to finish reading this thread... maybe you've divulged that quote from CL...

[RudyB]

This Redhead's Baclofen Thread

the tmi thing is not tmi. time of cycle is SOOO relevant. i had a few days of fixating on my ex whom i suspect prefers men. then, my period came and i felt totally different. (i was gonna say my 'visitor' but i think it's helpful just to use the words. let's not be squeamish, here: PENIS! VAGINA! BOWEL MOVEMENT ~ ok, SHIT! PERIOD!) like a weight had been lifted once the hormones shifted.

yes, murph, i really enjoyed my ex's knob and just today was considering if i'd do a threesome w his boyfriend and him. but his bf isn't at all hot, so i decided i'd (quickly) put the idea to rest.

like ne said, and i've been saying to myself lately: love you, be you. be busy and involved in life. be as sober as you can manage. life will get better fast, and you'll eventually -when you're good and ready- attract someone worthy of you. i know, you basically said this. but i'm using it like a mantra these days, so thought it'd be good to put it in writing (again).

[beatle]

This Redhead's Baclofen Thread

ditto what everyone else said (except the part about calling him Fidel, who I think is now rendered incompetent (and perhaps incontinent), unlike RedH's hot Cuban worshipper).