This Redhead's Baclofen Thread

[redhead77]

This Redhead's Baclofen Thread

Good grief guys. Fidel? I (we) have had some weird names for my suitors thus far, but Fidel? This is by far the worst. I mean GROSS! I think we should call him Latin lover. On a side note, the time we don't have to give the man I'm thinking of dating a weird name, it will be a good indicator he might be a good one. Then again, think of all the weird names a guy could give me. No, don't!!

I would move to Cuba when hell freezes over. I'm just sayin Rudy. I would never move there for ANY man. The princess statement was kind of a joke, I believe. He likes to pamper. I don't see anything wrong with it... for now. I could use a little pampering. We all know I'm independent. I have taken care of myself and three other human beings with zero support system. Zero. I don't ask for or take help. I'm a little tired and weary. I'm not saying I'm going for it, but I'll take it under consideration. I can always go to dinner with him. A free meal never hurt anyone.

Ne, I think the AA philosophy of waiting a year after sobriety to start a relationship, is a good one. Except, we aren't really white knuckling it. Maybe some of us a little, but on the right bac dose, not really. I think this may be another grey area for us. I will tell you, I won't make it another year. I have already waited over a year. I wanted to reflect on my marriage. What went wrong, how I contributed to it. I also wanted to get and be sober, before I started dating. I acheived these things. Outside of my drop in bac dose, and a few other things, anyway. I'm still nothing like I was a few months ago. As has been stated on here, getting drunk once a month, is not getting drunk most days of the week. I would prefer not to get drunk once a month either, but I'm a work in progress.

I'm not looking for anything serious. I will wait at least a year for that. I'm just looking for some fun and adult companionship. The male sort. If it turns out to be Latin lover, remains to be seen. You know I am sensible. I'm very sensible regarding men (now). I'll never make the same mistake twice. I also know this is a sensitive area for me. It will make the difference in me being even more screwed up in this area, or me healing.

You guys are dying to know about CL bloke, huh? Fine. CL bloke was writing to me about a fantasy he had. Remember we did have 120 emails. This was not a mundane cyber relationship. Also, remember he has fetishes, so he had plenty of fantasies. This particular one was a no go for me. I told him so. It wasn't even something I could think about and consider. Seriously, I would say 98% of women would say no. I would even say 100, but we know nothing is 100%. When I told him it would be a no go for me, his response was something like this: "That's okay. I don't believe in one stop shopping. No one person can fufill all your fantasies anyway." Umm okay. I guess there are a couple ways you could take this statement, but I don't see any that would be considered postive. At least not to me. I didn't hold the fantasy against him, at all. I appreciated that he was open enough to share it with me. It is just a fantasy. No harm done. I will tell you, I prefer a monogomous relationship with whomever I choose. I also don't want to be guilt tripped into doing what someone wants. It's not going to happen. I didn't explore it further. I sent him an email explaining how I felt and he returned one. It was cold. End of story. I won't tell you what the fantasy was. Even I have some personal boundaries on here. :H Sorry guys. Trust me, it's extreme. I will tell you it doesn't involve animals Murph.

I still know what the most important things are. Me, my kids, my sobriety. I'll be careful not to sabotage the important stuff. Really.

[redhead77]

This Redhead's Baclofen Thread

beatle;1124812 wrote: ditto what everyone else said (except the part about calling him Fidel, who I think is now rendered incompetent (and perhaps incontinent), unlike RedH's hot Cuban worshipper).

Exactly beatle! :l

[redhead77]

This Redhead's Baclofen Thread

One other thing I almost forgot. I did much of my chatting with him when I was at my peak bac doses. I think it may have distorted my perception. I'm not sure what you guys think of this, but my spidey senses in some areas were dismantled. In others they were heightened. Some day, when I have the time, energy, and just feel like it, I'm going to read some of those first 100 emails and see if there were signs that I missed. I'm not one to miss signs with men. I felt like I was doing a good job testing, but I wonder now.

[redhead77]

This Redhead's Baclofen Thread

OMG, who cares about Latin lovers and CL blokes? Here's the really good stuff. I have a girl coming tomorrow on a bus. She's a farm girl from Iowa. She'll be staying with us for the weekend to see if we fit each other. You know, if she gets along with me and the kids and vice versa. If so, I may have found myself a nanny. I found out about her from my dearest childhood friend. She knows how I've been struggling with these kids alone. She lived in Iowa for many years before moving back to our home state. She became friends with this girl's mother. She knows this girl and her family very well. The girl is 19. She went to junior college this last year, and doesn't yet know what she wants to do. She wants to take a break and maybe come here and nanny for a bit. We talked that I have a junior college close too, if she wants to take classes here. Anyway, say a prayer or mantra, or whatever you do for luck. Or just cross your fingers. I need this girl.

[moglor]

This Redhead's Baclofen Thread

redhead77;1124822 wrote: One other thing I almost forgot. I did much of my chatting with him when I was at my peak bac doses. I think it may have distorted my perception. I'm not sure what you guys think of this, but my spidey senses in some areas were dismantled. In others they were heightened. Some day, when I have the time, energy, and just feel like it, I'm going to read some of those first 100 emails and see if there were signs that I missed. I'm not one to miss signs with men. I felt like I was doing a good job testing, but I wonder now.

I think a big part of baclofen is not that it distorts perception, but that by nature it gives us a previously unattainable ability to quit or reduce drinking. Quitting or greatly reducing alcohol consumption gives the brain an opportunity to re-orient itself: to finally come to terms with the past X number of years of abuse, of pain, suffering, and being constantly anesthetized.

In my case, typing out my thoughts, feelings and experiences on MWO has been the only way I've been able to coalesce these myriad threads of newfound consciousness into a story that I can begin to understand; the story of John Moglor that I've been trying to wash away with spirits.

And type them out I must! Surely everyone here feels that they have to get this insanely powerful introspection onto paper, for peer review of people who have all been to this same place.

I commented on my thread about my lack of success in the dating game, and in retrospect, I believe wholeheartedly that trying to pursue a romantic relationship in the recovery phase is a bad idea. In recovery, our souls are laid bare. We are vulnerable. We want to reach out to anyone and everyone for a connection that we haven't had or have suppressed in our Real Life with alcohol. There needs to be time for the shell to reform in a wholesome, functional way, so that when we return to Real Life, we do so with natural safety nets, protective barriers, and common sense that is not numbed and distorted by liquor, or dissolved by the "rebirth" of recovery.

Is it possible you gave too much away to CL guy, exposing some vulnerability that he was keen to exploit? I don't mean to be crude or paint with too broad a brush, but the vast majority of guys on CL are predators or psychopaths who can't find dates through normal channels for a reason, so you may have dodged a bullet by ditching him.

I feel like I've just rambled kind of insanely. Does this make any sense to anyone?

[redhead77]

This Redhead's Baclofen Thread

moglor;1124837 wrote: I think a big part of baclofen is not that it distorts perception, but that by nature it gives us a previously unattainable ability to quit or reduce drinking. Quitting or greatly reducing alcohol consumption gives the brain an opportunity to re-orient itself: to finally come to terms with the past X number of years of abuse, of pain, suffering, and being constantly anesthetized.

In my case, typing out my thoughts, feelings and experiences on MWO has been the only way I've been able to coalesce these myriad threads of newfound consciousness into a story that I can begin to understand; the story of John Moglor that I've been trying to wash away with spirits.

And type them out I must! Surely everyone here feels that they have to get this insanely powerful introspection onto paper, for peer review of people who have all been to this same place.

I commented on my thread about my lack of success in the dating game, and in retrospect, I believe wholeheartedly that trying to pursue a romantic relationship in the recovery phase is a bad idea. In recovery, our souls are laid bare. We are vulnerable. We want to reach out to anyone and everyone for a connection that we haven't had or have suppressed in our Real Life with alcohol. There needs to be time for the shell to reform in a wholesome, functional way, so that when we return to Real Life, we do so with natural safety nets, protective barriers, and common sense that is not numbed and distorted by liquor, or dissolved by the "rebirth" of recovery.

Is it possible you gave too much away to CL guy, exposing some vulnerability that he was keen to exploit? I don't mean to be crude or paint with too broad a brush, but the vast majority of guys on CL are predators or psychopaths who can't find dates through normal channels for a reason, so you may have dodged a bullet by ditching him.

I feel like I've just rambled kind of insanely. Does this make any sense to anyone?

Absolutely. This post was wonderful. I did dodge a bullet, I'm certain of it. I, of course, exposed far too much of myself to CL bloke. I understand the majority of people on CL are psychopaths and whatever. It is the majority. I can tell you, he isn't a psychopath. I do believe he may be screwed up, but so am I. He's still something I'm walking away from. I know better. You can't change a person.

I agree about the relationships in recovery thing. How do I say this with subtlety? I'm not exactly looking for a relationship with any depth. My shell does need to be rebuilt. And not just from a recovery standpoint. I want everyone to understand this.

[Murphyx]

This Redhead's Baclofen Thread

Red, I understand, you just need to get laid. Sex without the baggage of a relationship can be a very good thing for a single person. As long as it's with a 'normal', safe person why the feck not? Sex with a random stranger precludes the 'normal and safe' check, as does finding a bloke on CL with sick fantasies. If one's fantasies are that fucked up, one should keep it between oneself and a whore and not expect others to share it.

Anyhoo, go get your brains shagged out and then you're left with the memory (hopefully) of good sex and not with all the emotional stuff that comes with it. Why not?

EDIT: As Fidel (sorry, you don't like that name so we'll call him Che (as they are the only 2 Cuban names I can think of and I'm far too lazy to bother to research it)). As Che is somewhat of advancing years, make sure you don't do the dirty at your place just in case the old fart croaks while you're at it, so you can do a runner before the pigs arrive. You don't want to become known as 'that woman who fucked the geriatric Cuban to death' do you? I don't care how hot you are, that sort of label is definitely going to compromise your future humping options.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

This Redhead's Baclofen Thread

redhead77;1124822 wrote: I did much of my chatting with him when I was at my peak bac doses. I think it may have distorted my perception. I'm not sure what you guys think of this, but my spidey senses in some areas were dismantled. In others they were heightened.
I definitely had that experience. Right here on MWO. Not so much related to what Mog said, either. (Though, Mog, you are so on the money with what you are writing these days that I'm REALLY enjoying your thoughts. thanks.)
...Edit...
As to the rest that you said, you rock. I like a woman with a good head on her shoulders. I know you're carrying an incredible amount of (fulfilling!) things, and I'm glad you're not looking to share the load, so much as take a load off. Or get a load...off, as the case may be. oops.

redhead77;1124830 wrote: Anyway, say a prayer or mantra, or whatever you do for luck. Or just cross your fingers. I need this girl.

OH YES! Fingers and toes and add it to my thoughts, for what they're worth. I feel confident that this will work out for you. (that's part of my new thing. act as if, right?)
Good day for you, Red!
xo
Ne
I like Che. But obviously you and I are of rather different political bent. Maybe we can find a name not associated with a radical revolutionary, much as that tickles Murph and I. Maybe ... Pinochet? lol. just kidding, Red. Juan is a good name for a latin lover. mmmm. latin lover is a good name for a latin lover. Not to be too ... insensitive to the latinos who aren't particularly lover-ly. mmmm. Latin. Lover. :H

[redhead77]

This Redhead's Baclofen Thread

Murphyx;1124879 wrote:
EDIT: As Fidel (sorry, you don't like that name so we'll call him Che (as they are the only 2 Cuban names I can think of and I'm far too lazy to bother to research it)). As Che is somewhat of advancing years, make sure you don't do the dirty at your place just in case the old fart croaks while you're at it, so you can do a runner before the pigs arrive. You don't want to become known as 'that woman who fucked the geriatric Cuban to death' do you? I don't care how hot you are, that sort of label is definitely going to compromise your future humping options.

Just call him LL (latin lover). Murph, I wouldn't bring a man home to my house, unless I really liked him. I probably would have to love him. I have precious people here, and they are my first priority. I wouldn't want to expose them to just any man. And ftr, he is not geriatric. I think we could call him middle aged. You may consider yourself geriatric, and then you would have the right to say it. :H

This is if I can even separate love (or deep like) from the rest. I've never been able to do it. I would like to think I could, but I don't know. If I can't, then I'm back to square one. Posting here, about the likeliness of going blind soon. :H

I'm outie. My girl is coming soon. Yippee!! I'll post later and tell you about her.

[Murphyx]

This Redhead's Baclofen Thread

redhead77;1125168 wrote:
This is if I can even separate love (or deep like) from the rest. I've never been able to do it. I would like to think I could, but I don't know.

Oh, you American women just aren't slutty enough.

:H

[RudyB]

This Redhead's Baclofen Thread

Red!
good luck with that girl. i've oft thought of doing the same thing myself. maybe some spanish-speaking gal who could be nurturing and do the job of raising my child bilingual that, alas, i have failed to do thus far. but it's a pipe dream for now. with three chitlin', i'd HAVE to do it. goooood luck! sounds like a real possibility.

you know moving to cuba was a joke, right? i can tell that would be the last place you'd wanna live. LL is a good option for the nickname. and, yes, if you want to be treated right and have nothing serious, he sounds like a good option to explore. sounds like you have your head square on your shoulders about the whole business. and i'm right there with you, in EXACTLY the same place. cool to have you by my side.

i think you're very smart about the CL dude. it sounds like he is a jerk if his response to your telling him how you feel was cold. whenever a response to feelings is cold, i am going to run the other way, from now on! good for you for doing so. and you definintely are smart to avoid being guilt-tripped into what someone wants. very very smart. and to head it off at the pass: brilliant! good for you.

mog, you DID NOT ramble on insanely! your words are wise and helpful. didn't take notes on them and can't scroll back to re-read, but i know that whatever you say is always thoughtful and insightful. so keep it coming.

red, what's this about you going blind? you've referenced it at least twice, but i can't remember reading any explanation. do enlighten on this one.

[Murphyx]

This Redhead's Baclofen Thread

RudyB;1125302 wrote: red, what's this about you going blind? you've referenced it at least twice, but i can't remember reading any explanation. do enlighten on this one.

Could someone else whisper the answer to Rudy please? I'm too embarrassed.

[RudyB]

This Redhead's Baclofen Thread

oh me goddess! now someone has to tell me!

[Murphyx]

This Redhead's Baclofen Thread

Well it won't be me, I'm far too gentler a soul.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

This Redhead's Baclofen Thread

Murphyx;1125307 wrote: Could someone else whisper the answer to Rudy please? I'm too embarrassed.

:H:H:H:H:H:H

Rudy, the answer is for mature audiences only. It's a necessary distraction if one doesn't have, say a Cool J in the house. (That's my name for him. 'cause that's how I roll. I'm cool like dat. Oh, wait. That was some one-hit-wonder. Here's a little LL for you:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JyX7dHmaRlA[/video]]YouTube - ‪LL Cool J - Mama Said Knock You Out‬‏ WAIT. what was the question?)

Ah, yes, Rudy. It's a favorite pastime with no reproductive repercussions. Murphy's probably doing it right now. (ew.) Maybe not. He's posted a pic of a woman (??? which is debatable) on his own thread. Not a sheep. or goat or whatever.

And we've established that bald, vegetarian, vwbus-driving, flower-painting, older-than-methusalah-hippy-welshman prefer sheep.