This Redhead's Baclofen Thread
This is one of your more poignant posts. I was thoroughly moved and inspired to continue on my own journey...To look for more understanding, to find ways to deal with the decisions I'd made (against my will or not), to help others find solutions.
This post you've written is the reason that MWO worked for me.
Thanks, sister.
redhead77;1182454 wrote: I didn't answer this right away Miss Rudy because I couldn't. I don't deserve respect for the alcoholic hell I put my kids through. I frequently put them to bed drunk, or very close to it. I suppose it's time for some self forgiveness, but I can't help rehashing it. I can't change the past, and luckily children are resilient. My oldest seems to have forgotten already. The youngest kids knew something wasn't right (I'm sure), but will never know me as a drunk. There's a lot of work to be done after all of this. And all the work has to be done, while you're trying to kill the beast. Earning trust again. Setting limits and having your kids realize you mean it. You're not going to drink and give in. They push and test, and push and test again. It's hard.
Reggie, I understand the sober brain going over all the stuff we did as drunks. I'm living that right now. I'm still trying to clean up the messes I created when I was drunk. I have lost or thrown away important paperwork. I have spent money on stupid things, that I never would have. I reflect often on the very bad things I did to my kids like effing up xmas, or the time I got so drunk (while they were awake, I did try to get my drunkest after they were in bed, but in the end it was more frequent that I was drinking very excessively with them awake), I guess I tried to get up the stairs to bed, but ended up passing out on the stairs. My kids were so scared, that they couldn't wake me up. I was out cold. They thought I was dead. The next morning, I wanted to be. The time I woke up after passing out and realized the gas to the stove had been on for hours. The time(s) I woke up to the front door wide open in the dead of the night, during winter. Not only was it not locked, but it was wide open. That happened a few times, because I'd go out on the porch to smoke when I was drinking. I could have gotten us murdered or blown us up. Oh, these things eat at me. Sometimes I'd even say they can be a drinking triggers because I just want to escape from the thoughts.
PS. Reggie, I unfortunately, can't respond to your posts at work. I wish you wouldn't delete them. I do understand. I do the same thing on occasion. At least it was there long enough for me to read it.
Reggie, I understand the sober brain going over all the stuff we did as drunks. I'm living that right now. I'm still trying to clean up the messes I created when I was drunk. I have lost or thrown away important paperwork. I have spent money on stupid things, that I never would have. I reflect often on the very bad things I did to my kids like effing up xmas, or the time I got so drunk (while they were awake, I did try to get my drunkest after they were in bed, but in the end it was more frequent that I was drinking very excessively with them awake), I guess I tried to get up the stairs to bed, but ended up passing out on the stairs. My kids were so scared, that they couldn't wake me up. I was out cold. They thought I was dead. The next morning, I wanted to be. The time I woke up after passing out and realized the gas to the stove had been on for hours. The time(s) I woke up to the front door wide open in the dead of the night, during winter. Not only was it not locked, but it was wide open. That happened a few times, because I'd go out on the porch to smoke when I was drinking. I could have gotten us murdered or blown us up. Oh, these things eat at me. Sometimes I'd even say they can be a drinking triggers because I just want to escape from the thoughts.
PS. Reggie, I unfortunately, can't respond to your posts at work. I wish you wouldn't delete them. I do understand. I do the same thing on occasion. At least it was there long enough for me to read it.
This post you've written is the reason that MWO worked for me.
Thanks, sister.
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