This Redhead's Baclofen Thread

[Ne/Neva Eva]

This Redhead's Baclofen Thread

Red, thanks so much for updating. It's great to hear where and how you are, in general, but also about your son and your relationship with the booze...

WOOHOO about the improvement you've seen in your son's health. I know it must be really gratifying to have the huge time commitment and sacrifice (monetary, time, etc) pay off. I can't imagine what a gluten and dairy free diet looks like. I did it for three days or so a while back, and then got really hungry and thought to hell with it! It's too much!!! And went straight back to the ice cream and chocolate covered nuts...
But I've taken heed and heart from your post and going to try it again. It's not so much "bad thoughts" as general malaise in my case. But every time I read about your son my heart breaks a little bit. "Bad thoughts" are so debilitating. And in fact, I think I don't have them, but the truth is I've experienced a recent resurgence based on all the changes/anxiety-inducing stress in my life, and they really, really suck. So debilitating and fear-creating. I am relieved that he's doing so well.

It makes me wonder, too, if the stress and changes you've faced in the last year (+) aren't having a profound effect on where you are and how you feel about it. The truth is that you have experienced all of the hot-button issues--every single thing that therapists look for in terms of life-stress--in the relatively short amount of time you've been at this. (The ex, the house, your brother and mother, your son's health, your own health, your job, your new job, the nanny...Holy frijole, woman.) Couple that with the fact that you've been incredibly brave, made really difficult decisions, and completely COMPLETELY reorganized your life in order to deal effectively, efficiently and positively with all of the changes.
And those without even bringing up the booze. (I think we've got the fundamental kind of disease, too. You know, the one handed to us before birth kind of thing... )

So, Bravo! With a capital B. Give yourself a bit (or a lot) of credit. It sucks that booze is still playing a part in the picture, but time and a bit of normalcy is sure to help with that. By normalcy I mean just having one day similar to the next. lol Not something many people experience, but certainly you experience less than most!
The next challenge, the one you're so eager to take on and accomplish, will come, rest assured. And you'll excel at it, just as you have in all of the other things you've done.

:l

[redhead77]

This Redhead's Baclofen Thread

This is the third time I'm trying to write a reply. Last night, I was just about done and ready to hit submit and briefly lost my internet connection. Today, I was writing on and off with all the kids home (with their ever present needs). I had to go to a meeting/interview...let's just call it an informal interview. I hadn't finished my post and the sitter was here, and I just couldn't leave MWO on the computer. I had to close it out. It was irritating.

But I can reply now...

UKB, thanks so much for your response. I really value your experience. I've learned quite a bit from what you've posted regarding TSM and Nal. I don't know where I'm at with TSM. I got serious about it in April, I think. Before that, I was dabbling. I might take it before I drank or not. Even though, I noticed it changed how I felt when I drank, drastically. So I guess I've only been doing it completely for about 3 months. Question for you, if you know? When I drink before my hour is up, how much damage am I doing? Am I making it so TSM won't be successful? Am I delaying the process of 'extinction' (I believe this is the correct term)? I was just wondering your thoughts. I hope life is settling down for you at the moment.

Bebe! :l I apologized because I felt ashamed and embarrassed. I felt I've been battling this long enough, I shouldn't still be posting about not being where I want. I'm not sure about TSM. It's a personal decision, and I think you have the drinking under control somewhat, right? I guess it depends on a few things. One might be genetics. I have one hell of a strong family hx of alcoholism, and TSM may work better for ones who do. I'm no expert, though. One thing I can say for sure is Nal will block the effects of opiates such as codeine. If the opiate in that drug is something you really need to function, Nal may not be right for you. If not, you could always try it and see. I felt different right away.

Regarding bac, I was at a high of 240 in October, felt that I experienced a switch. I stayed over 200 for a couple of months. I did this because every time I tried to come down, I'd drink more. I had a ton of SEs and just tried to live and function with them. I never got used to the drug. I made a mistake at work...again (albeit minor) and decided enough is enough. I started to come down. I wanted to come down to a point where I could think clearly. I'm on 100mg now and that's good at this point. You'll get there with you son, Bebe. It just takes time (as I know you know).

Neva, :h I can't put into words how much your response lifted my spirits and picked me up. Thanks for accepting me. And thanks for being there. Yes, when I think about the conversion of this household to dairy-free/gluten-free, I can't believe it. It's now become normal, and my kids even bring some of their own foods over to friends, if they're going to be there any length of time. My eldest son, has one friend he spends a decent amount of time with. His mother called me, and said that he told her, he couldn't have this, and couldn't have that, because they had gluten or dairy. He understands what he can have, and knows how to read labels. They did fight me at first...and for a while. They still ask sometimes, but they've started to accept. My middle child struggles the most, but I don't think he needs the diet like my other two do. Anyway, when I decided to do it, I didn't know if I could. I didn't know if I could really make it happen and stick it out. The thought overwhelmed me. Just so you know, if you need chocolate covered nuts, you could buy them with dark chocolate. Dark chocolate doesn't contain dairy. And you wouldn't believe the ice cream alternatives. I personally love an ice cream (when I allow myself sugar :H) that contains coconut milk. The company is Coconut Bliss. Very good, and there's some made with almond milk that are good. It's really fun to experiment, and you wouldn't believe all the options out there now. I'm excited to read about your changes and food adventures.

I know I've had a lot on my plate. My pdoc () said to me that he's surprised I haven't gotten sick. That I'm under such constant and continued stress that he doesn't know how my body hasn't broken down in some way. Maybe it's the diet. :H I just want to be and feel normal, Ne (with my drinking). More than that, I want to flourish and grow. Like I'm watching you do. I can't believe how much you're growing. It's astounding to read. It's more than just the house and the big stuff. I see little things too in your demeanor. It is beautiful.

Enough from me tonight. Thanks so much folks for responding and being here for me. :l

xxoo,

Redhead

[spacebebe01]

This Redhead's Baclofen Thread

Hi Red, I understand your feeling of embarassment, I feel it too, like I have been trying to sort out my drinking for so long and am still trying but its ok because we are both getting there. And so long as I keep trying we are doing well. I am so impressed by your dedication to your diet, I cant imagine being able to do that with my kids as well, I think its amazing what you have done.

As long as the nal will just block the codine for the time I take it and isnt dangerous or anything then that would be ok, I wouldnt be able to do it when the pain is bad but otherwise it is something I will continue to think on. My biggest worry is that I would use it as an excuse to drink more, as yes I am not drinking often right now, but it gets me down that its still a problem for me, and there are times I do worry about it getting out of control again.

What do you think will help you flourish and grow as you want to, do you have a dream of somewhere you want to be in say a years time, we can get so bogged down with daily life that we can forget what its about, maybe if you can see in your mind what you desire you can start planning small steps to make it become your reality.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

This Redhead's Baclofen Thread

I woke up at 3am a little panicky. Among (many) other things, I was worried there wasn't anybody here...meaning on MWO.

I cannot tell you how much inspiration, solace and comfort I find here. You are such a huge part of that for me. Thank you for reciprocating the feeling and sharing what you're going through.

One of the things I like about it here is that we can strive for...more. It's not enough to just want or accept the basics, like sobriety or abstinence. There was an exercise we were assigned in the last rehab I was in. Something to the effect of drawing a picture of what the future looked like and then present it to the group and explain it. Mine was...different than the others. And the response from the counselor was basically, "dream a little less big."
Screw that, Red.
We also decorated little cardboard boxes with glitter glue pens and markers. (I guess paint would have been out of the question--too messy? And glue was definitely not in the picture! Can one really get high from Elmer's???) I am embarrassed (still!) to admit I poured my heart and soul into decorating that box and drawing that picture.
It's funny now, of course. But I still have the box. And I still have what I drew. It is a cherished possession. Not as a memento. As a goal. A literal goal. I can. I will. And no one and nothing is going to stop me.
You can. You will. And no one and nothing will stop you.

:h and :l
xxoo

[Ne/Neva Eva]

This Redhead's Baclofen Thread

Have to run so I had to cut that short. But that's probably a good thing.

Also: Space, Nal? hmmm. Where's your thread???
:l

[YouKayBee]

This Redhead's Baclofen Thread

Red

Having Nal in your system at any time whilst drinking should give you some benefit as I believe it can start to kick the endorphins out, but it's just not as effective as having it already on your receptors prior to any alcohol related endorphin release. From reading 75% of Dr Eskapa's book I'd say what is more important is making sure you never drink without nal. There's a diagram in the book which sums up what happened when the AA(bred to be alcoholic) rats drank without nal, the return to pre TSM drinking levels was pretty quick. My next project is trying to extinguish my binge eating habits, now I often take nal when I know I'm going to over eat because I also usually have a glass of wine with it as part of the 'treat'. Difference is I'll wait the hour before having the wine or ginger beer (got a thing for Crabbies), but I start on pizza, chocolate etc before that time is up because the focus has always been on making sure I'm safe from the alcohol. So I'm not going to try proper TSM on the food issues, will be taking Nal either earlier, or waiting the same length as with the alcohol. It has had some effect on the food so far, but it's not enough and I think that's what's happening for you with your alcohol.

I'm glad you've seen an improvement, it's a common experience for most people, that the effect of their drinking is much less with Nal, even if it doesn't reduce much. Drinking is just a whole lot safer, and it gets even better once the cravings stop.

By the way a lot of TSM'ers also report eating before you drink does help the process, just obviously not as extreme as I sometimes do!

[spacebebe01]

This Redhead's Baclofen Thread

Yes Ne, Where is my thread?? thats a good question and maybe if I tried using it I would stop hijaking everyones elses:H

[redhead77]

This Redhead's Baclofen Thread

Sweaty back...and other things.

It was 100 degrees here yesterday. That was the air temp and with the humidity, the heat index was 110 and higher some places. I still haven't fixed the air conditioning in my car and it's been brutal. I couldn't tell you how many days in the 90s we've had already this year. Or how many sweaty back days I've had. Remember me complaining about my sweaty back last year? I told you it's like the movie Groundhog Day around here. I think I'm going to have to bite the bullet and drop the money to fix my AC ($800) I have an issue with spending nearly 1000 bucks on something as trivial as air conditioning in a car. My house is another matter, but the car? I can't imagine what the rest of the summer will be like if we've had this much heat already. My grass is brown and dead. It feels miserable. But the biggest problem is my sweaty back...and legs. I have leather seats and I guess my skin can't breathe. I look like I've pissed myself when I arrive somewhere. It's not a problem if I go somewhere in the morning, but it is if I go into work or have an appointment in the afternoon. I've taken to wearing shorts and bringing my clothes with me. There's a bathroom I can slip into and change. I can't do that everywhere. I have to wonder if people know that I don't have AC, or if they wonder if I've urinated on myself. Just thought I'd share.

Bebe, I don't think you hijack. I don't even believe in hijacks much. Unless it's one of the trolls that show up periodically. Those are hijacks. I'm glad you share yourself. I don't get on very many threads, I do appreciate all of you who keep this place going and alive. I've read some different things about nal and opiates. I've read that opiate pain relief won't work as well for 3 days. I've also read that if one were to have surgery and need large amounts of opiates, it would be best to go 7-10 days without. If you have a painful day, I'm not sure you could just take a codeine and find the relief you seek, if you'd taken the Nal recently. Just something to think about.

I like your one year idea. To break it down into a year's time. It's nice and small; it's manageable. All I can imagine for myself at this point is that I'll be completely free of the beast. I hope to be in a place I'd could be taking some classes. That's what I find so frusterating. We have to walk before we can fly. I'm still learning to walk. But the important thing for both of us is to keep trying. To never give up hope.

UKB, I remember you talking about binge eating a long time ago. I do hope it helps with that. Yes, I think you're right as far as my alcohol goes. I think the Nal works better if I take it right too. Since April I've never not taken it when I've drank. I think there was one time maybe, and I know the timing isn't always perfect, but at least it's in my system. Honestly, I don't always like the way alcohol makes me feel with it. It cuts out the feeling I crave. The one I drink for. As a matter of fact, last night I tried to drink some wine and felt downright yucky. At a glass. I decided that was it for me for the night. But maybe that was the profound dehydration I was suffering from perspiring profusely in my car. :H Seriously, it doesn't always make me feel good. It's like this numbed feeling of what alcohol should feel like. That's why I spent my first few months dabbling. I wasn't ready to give up that feeling I craved with booze. Now it's been long enough I don't know any differently.

There was an article posted by someone some months ago. I think it might have been Cassander. It was about different medications for alcoholism. I believe he posted it to get info out on bac, but there was also some info on Nal in there too. If I'm not mistaken it was written by Jonathan Chick. It mentioned that Nal and bac may be a great combo for some people, and also talked about dosing. He (or whomever wrote it) said something about being able to take 100 every two days or even 150 every three days for effect on drinking. Have you heard of anything about this? I know of the half life so I'm not sure how that would work (and I'm not sure how hard that would be on one's liver), but it's remained in the back of my mind. That would be a good way to avoid the dilemma of taking it a hour before. Hey, and if anyone else reads this thread and knows about my questions, you could jump in too. It would be appreciated.

Neva, I can picture your beautiful glittery box and even visualize your determination to express yourself when making it. I'm glad you didn't listen to that counselor. I'm glad you're starting to fly and I can witness it. I once read you write on your thread that you're terrible at helping people. In that regard, we have to walk before we can fly too. You have no idea how much and how many you're helping right now. Maybe by now you're starting to realize it. As far as my dreams go, do you remember the book The Little Engine That Could? I'll get there. I-think-I-can! :h

Ok. I gotta get. It's only going to be in the 90s today. I'm well hydrated and have much to do. I'm ready for a sweaty back.

[redhead77]

This Redhead's Baclofen Thread

Oh and COS, if you read this, I'm glad you're okay so far. I was just thinking how trivial my sweaty back is compared to what you folks are going through. We are experiencing a bit of a drought here, and I had a scary experience a few days ago. I was smoking a cig on the front porch, and threw it in the new mulch I laid down next to my house. Next thing I know, I smell smoke. The mulch caught on fire and it was going under my porch! Scared the hell out of me.

But it looks like a thunderstorm is rolling in now. Yay! Anyway, just wanted you to know. Stay safe.

[COSGringo]

This Redhead's Baclofen Thread

Thanks Red!
Yes it's been a scorcher this year. We hit all time high temp's ever recorded here. 102 just doesn't happen here. No humidity but that would have helped with the fires.

Gotta be careful these days. We had some smokers start fires throwing their smokes out the window. It's a tinder box out there.

Enjoy those storms and send some our way would ya?

[windycitylady]

This Redhead's Baclofen Thread

Red, I'm out on my porch (ok, fire escape that faces the el) watching the thunderstorm that we've needed so badly. This heat's been awful, hasn't it? I know I haven't been posting much, but, in fact, I check in here and read at least once a day. I've been just too wrapped up in my own BS to have the energy to post. It feels like if I say one thing, everything's going to come pouring out. But I just wanted to let you know that while you may not be exactly where you want to be, you're still fighting. And don't lose sight of the goals that you have achieved. The results you've seen with your kids from the diet/supps is amazing. And to have your son notice a difference in your drinking...that must feel awesome. An AA phrase that has stayed with me is "progress not perfection." If you picture this battle on a continuum and if you keep working this hard, things are going to get better and better. During a recent argument with my BF over his drinking, he said, You of all people know how hard this is. And I said, Yes, it's the hardest thing I've ever done, but I never stopped trying. I guess until I said that out loud, I didn't realize it. I never stopped trying. You're winning this battle, Red. It may not feel like it, but you are. Hugs.

[spacebebe01]

This Redhead's Baclofen Thread

Thanks for the info Red regarding nal affecting codine for a couple of days, that would rule it out for me right now, I have reduced it a lot since my back was really bad but still need some daily

Windy I love that you said that out loud, that is the most important thing to us as you said as well Red, yes we have all heard of people who just decide theve had enough and stop or they go to one meeting and never drink again, the first time they try they succeed, well all I can say is yippiedeedohdah for them now fuck off and take your smug faces with you, it doesnt work like that for me. Oh sorry red I kind of got carried away with myself then. I better go now. Team RSW, (in alphabetical order) we will beat this. We can do it :lx

[redhead77]

This Redhead's Baclofen Thread

Cos, I hope you got some rain by now. I haven't watched the news to know, and I haven't read around here since Saturday morning. Likely the answer is here already. I was at work today and we got nailed with a storm. Hail and 90 mph winds. It was a scary site from inside the building. When I left hours later, we were still on generator power with multiple things not working. Not good. I do hope things are looking up on your end.

Windy, I feel that way a lot. It's harder for me to post when I feel overwhelmed. This is most of the time. The biggest change I've seen is with my oldest kid. He's the only one on supps. My 3 year old is hell on wheels (very cute and precocious), but a handful. I still deal with a ton. I think they would do better with their father in the pic. I don't mean with us living as a nuclear family, but with his active male influence. It's hard for me to admit, but I can't be both a mother and a father. I can try, but it's not the same. Especially with the boys. But that's not how it is, and I hope even though it's not perfect, somehow it will end up okay. Progress not perfection in all things, right?

I think if you had to let it all spill out it would be okay. At least on our end. :l

Bebe, "yippedeedohdah for them now fuck off"? Let me know how you really feel sister! :H Yeah, it doesn't seem to be working that way for us. I hope you make an appt with your GP tomorrow.

I'm feeling beat tonight but wanted to follow up. It's better late than never (I hope), and I always feel anxious if I don't respond when my thread is up.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

This Redhead's Baclofen Thread

so many profound truths in your last couple of posts, peeps, that I'm looking at a blurry screen from the tears...I'm feeling profoundly grateful. Thank you.

That's all I've got.
And this:
jk doing what you're doing. And I'll do the same. 'cause whatever it is, it's working.
HUGE HUGS.

(I really have to run, but I really want to write...Just think about where we were, each of us, when we started. And compare it to now. Wow.)

[COSGringo]

This Redhead's Baclofen Thread

Thanks Red. No rain yet. Still smoky here but it's getting a lot better. I have friends that are getting back to their homes and others getting over the loss of theirs.

Those storms out East were crazy from what I heard. Sounds like CO weather.

Sounds like everything is in line for you right now and doing as well as any of us. Hang in there.