This Redhead's Baclofen Thread

[spacebebe01]

This Redhead's Baclofen Thread

Hi Red, my eldest son, who is 23 very rarely talks to me about my drinking, because I think it hurt him the most, but he has just started talking about nal to me and how insane he thinks it is, he was saying why would any addict take something to make the heroin/alcohol not work and then drink/use as well, I was trying to expalin to him how it worked and he jut said he will never understand how addition works, he has no grasp of wanting something that much. WOW How pleased I am of that, he is the son with ADHD, agoraphobia, panic attacks ... and he has somehow escaped addiction. So etimes he does say to me that he would like help, but then he knows the help is so lacking he cant be bothered fighting the system. I went with him once to the docs, he hadnt slept for 50 or more hours and they still would give him anything to help him sleep, and that is not unusual that he doesnt sleep for that long, he gets sleep hygene leaflets.

Oh and since you said you need to respond when your thread is up maybe I should keep it up here for you

[Ne/Neva Eva]

This Redhead's Baclofen Thread

I love the vision of you on the fire escape, Windy. And it makes me a little jealous, too. I want to live in a big city! In an apartment! With a fire escape for momentary escape! Very A Tree Grows In Brooklynn....
So much more romantic than a brick ranch in the 'burbs. But I will have an office that is an oasis full of quirky, weird and wonderful things that I will make my very own. And someday, not too long from now, I'll have it a really cool house or apartment in a really fun city. 'cause that's how I roll. And anyone who says I won't can fuck off, too. If global warming keeps up at this rate, maybe it'll be Chicago, my fave city in the country. And if I get really ambitious and really want to work my ass off, then maybe SF. Who knows? I haven't decided yet. (we get to decide! who knew?)

RedH, you don't have to be all things to all people, even your kids. We get what we need. They have a dad, you don't have to be one. Just keep rockin' the mother thing and they'll be better than fine.

Space, I'm sorry it's so tough for your son. I am pretty clear that is absolutely impossible for people who don't have it to get it...It's not about lifting a bottle to the lips. It's about what compels us to do that. It's also impossible for us, for the most part, to imagine not having that. Until it happens.

Hope it's a good day!

[redhead77]

This Redhead's Baclofen Thread

Lol to the thread thing, Bebe. I'll try to post a little, but it might get boring around here. There's only so much you guys will want to hear about my sweating and the other mundane crap. That sounds terrible that your son can't get any help. Up for 50 hours without sleep? Unable to get any help at all? Such a broken system.

I'm a little jealous too, Windy. I never lived in the city. I moved here from a different state at a very young age (17) and lived with a Jewish family on the North Shore. After I was ready to move on (I am very grateful to them. I was their nanny, but really they probably saved me. They treated me like part of their family.) I moved into an apartment in the burbs with some dudes. Yeah, weird story, but this guy I went to high school with moved here too. He and this other guy, needed a roomate and somehow we connected and I moved in. I lived with 2 guys and worked like 3 jobs to pay rent and feed myself. Then I went to the university and it wasn't in the city either. I ended up meeting my husband (and you know that story) and he hated the city. So I never ended up living there. I regret that, but I suppose I can do whatever whenever now. I'm not sure how I'd feel about living in the city with 3 kids though. And I can only take concrete so much. I think that's an experience I would have wanted before. But I don't really care for the burbs much either. The whole suburban soccer mom thing isn't really me. I do like land (your parent's 20 acres sounds lovely) but preferably with woods and some water and access to a city. I grew up with woods and water, but the nearest large city was far away. Hours. Geez, I know. Maybe I'll move in to Bruun's picture. I'm not complaining. I feel grateful to have a roof over my head now...and still. It seems we won't be going anywhere anytime soon. I hope talking about this doesn't bother you. I know you're doing some soul searching and struggling with where you might live.

Neva, you're right in a sense. They are Skyping now with him. I'm sure that does have a positive influence and he's been consistent about it. That's a first for him, and it's evident that he's missing his kids. I think this experience is changing him as far as they go. Or maybe he just does better as a video dad in a far away place. :H

And I think brick ranches are groovy. C.O.N.G.R.A.T.U.L.A.T.I.O.N.S!

Off to weed my garden (and sweat, of course. It's hot as hell here again today.) The garden I planted too late again this year. But it did get planted. I used quite a few seeds, though, and I'm not sure how it's all going to turn out.

I'll let you know.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

This Redhead's Baclofen Thread

Thanks.

I woke up in a bit of a panic because I am now convinced that everyone in the neighborhood is going to see us move in and think, "Oh no! The neighborhood's going to hell in a handbasket!" Our old beat up cars, which we wash once a year, maybe...The Uhaul, because I'm too cheap to hire movers again. (I know a bunch of big, burly young men. Why pay movers???) oy. I would think the neighborhood was going to hell if we moved in!

I even convinced myself that I should take off the "locavore" hippy-chick bumper stickers and removed the buddha-bobblehead from the dashboard. But to hell with it.

In my old neighborhood, and in the neighborhoods I wanted to move into, these things were badges of honor. People don't spend money on frivolous shit. And they eat well.

omg, the what-ifs and self-consciousness and insecurities of life are such a huge pain in the foot. Where's my zen???

Have fun today!

[StuckinLA]

This Redhead's Baclofen Thread

Awww, you guys are killing me with all this talk about Chicago. I know it's like 103 degrees there right now, but man I miss it... The fire escape/back porches overlooking the El, the brick rowhouses, Myopic Books...

Sorry, got a bit carried away there....

[redhead77]

This Redhead's Baclofen Thread

The visual you gave me with the cars and your neighbors makes me laugh. It reminds me of my neighborhood. I drive an old vehicle too and I just noticed that there's a little bit of rust at the bottom of the car. Nothing too obvious, but I was thinking uh, oh. It's going to start really rusting because I only wash it once or twice a year, and we have salt on our roads in the winter. You can't leave salt sitting on a vehicle for months unless you want rust. I won't get rid of it though, since it only has 99,000 miles and runs well except for the AC. :H I'm the only woman living alone that I know of in the neighborhood. I have a decent size yard and keeping it up is really hard. My grass will get a little long (not this year, it's burned up and dead when I finally have a lawn boy to mow) and the weeds will grow. I have this berm on the side of my property that my husband had placed. It was this enormous pile of dirt that he never did anything with. It eventually grew weeds and some of them were as big as bushes. My neighbors complained enough the city sent me notices and told me I was going to be fined. Weeds are only allowed to get yay tall and you can only have so many and yadda yadda. I had to get a plan. I dug out all the weeds (it took me two full days) and then planted this thing and covered it in mulch. To explain the size, it needs about 4 yards of mulch. I had to work on it again (it was getting full of weeds) and re-lay the mulch, but the point is, my neighbors just love me, I'm sure. I can literally feel the glares sometimes. I have a neighbor who mows his lawn like every other day when we have grass. His yard is perfect. My nanny commented on how crazy it is when she lived here. But, oh well. I do the best I can, and I can't worry about what they think. Just make sure to keep things up enough that your city doesn't want to fine you. And at least you won't be the drunken loud neighbors everyone dislikes.

Hell yeah, to the bumper sticker! :h I want one of those. I would have a lot more money if not for the food situation. Speaking of locally grown food, I was majorly disappointed yesterday when I went out to work in my garden. I felt like crying a little. I had planted seeds for some things and one was green beans. I had baby green bean plants coming up very well last week. When I went out they were gone. Not even dead plants, it's like they up and disappeared. There were a number of weeds too. I didn't feel like I had been too neglectful of it, I've been trying to water frequently with the drought (but didn't feel the need for a few days due to storms), but I guess in the days between late last week and early this week they died. And not that I'm a master gardner, but I have grown a garden for a few years now. It usually turns out pretty well. I think it's the weather this year. Maybe I need to water even more frequently. I do have a few kinds of lettuce coming up from my seeds, so I'm happy about that.

Hi Stuck!! It's nice to meet you. I've been meaning to pop over to your thread and say hello. I get shy about meeting new people here sometimes. Yeah, I'm a little weird. But it's an interesting and entertaining thread and I love reading it.

I've got to go. I need to figure out the fireworks situation. There are a few options for us out in the burbs, but I thought since it's so hot (we tried to go out today and the kids were miserable) that we'd just watch them from the park right by my house. Before houses were built behind me, I could just watch the fireworks from my back yard. But it looks like they've changed locations this year. I have to pack everyone up and fight the crowds, and heat, and find parking. I'm glad I checked, the kids would have been very upset if we were waiting for fireworks in the park and they never happened.

Anyhoo, Happy 4th to you Americans! Peace and love to everyone else who might read this too. :l

[redhead77]

This Redhead's Baclofen Thread

Hi everybody, :l

I think it's time to talk here on my own thread. As some or most of you know, I've been following TSM as well as taking baclofen. I guess it's been nearly 3 weeks now since I experienced indifference or extinction. I'm not sure which it is that did it. I've been following TSM for about 6 months. It's made a major difference in how I drink (as I've posted elsewhere). But the interesting thing is, I was titrating up on my baclofen from a low of 120. I was going up, hit 160 and boom. I stopped wanting to drink. I've never been indifferent on 160 before, and I've been there many times. I went up to 170 for good measure, but came back down after a week. The SEs were too much, and I knew I didn't really need to be at that dosage.

So here's where I'm at: I'm astounded that this has happened and that my experiment might have worked. I'm still worried it's going to go away. I can't believe I could function in life (I'm usually indifferent in the 200s of bac and it's difficult to function) and not be an alcoholic (or act as one anyway).

I've drank a good handful of times in the last 3 weeks. It's better than ever, and it's not due to craving booze, but I have work to do. I still have no idea how to handle the rough parts of life without alcohol. I'll always take a Nal before I drink, and often it makes me not even enjoy it, but I continue to drink sometimes when I don't want to. I'm finding it easier and easier not to though. And, God, I feel exhausted. I'm so tired, and when I'm not using booze to mask how I feel, I'm not sure how to get by. When the evening comes, and I still have dinner and homework, and everything else to get through, it's hit or miss how to make it work.

I'm not sure what would have happened if I hadn't decided to try both. I think I might have experienced extinction with Nal, had I just gone that route. It might have taken longer though. I couldn't do HDB at the level I needed to impact my drinking and still function.

Things are still a work in progress, but I feel hope again. I'm making plans, peeps. I'm not craving alcohol and can make a choice. Each and every day that still shocks me.

Thanks for listening. :l

Redhead

[ifulovelife2]

This Redhead's Baclofen Thread

That's great news, Red. :l

[windycitylady]

This Redhead's Baclofen Thread

AWESOME! I'm so happy for you Red! I'm not gonna take the time to quote it, but I love that you said "I feel hope again. I'm making plans, peeps." That expresses so much about how sobriety frees up your mind and your....would "soul" be the right word? You know, the you that exists outside of alcohol and the battle to fight alcohol. I was way more exhausted fighting my alcoholism than I ever was while drinking full time without a care. And you have been fighting hard for a long time.
You deserve this, Red.
Do you credit the nal or the bac more for your current indifference/extinction? Or do you just not know?
I feel like I'm not expressing myself very well right now. There's so much I want to say to you, but I'm not finding the words. I guess my main point is that I'm so fucking happy for you, and that post was poetic, and I can't wait to see what new direction you go in, Red.
Hugs and love. :h

[redhead77]

This Redhead's Baclofen Thread

Wow, you guys responded to my thread already! That makes me so happy. Windy, I honestly have no idea which worked more. I've been taking the Nal for months, but then I went up on bac a little and that was it. I think, for me, it was both drugs. I still have a hard time wrapping my head around it. You know, since I can think for the most part and be sober. :H

Thanks for responding you two! :l

[StuckinLA]

This Redhead's Baclofen Thread

Hugs and more hugs. Man, I'm so happy for you, Red. This is such great news. And, the hope and the plans are the best.

Much love :l

[spacebebe01]

This Redhead's Baclofen Thread

Thats great Red, Im also happy for you, I love that you say you have hope again and are making plans, that says it all that you feel so possitive.

:l

[taw]

This Redhead's Baclofen Thread

WOOHOO!!!!!!!! Yea, Red! Hope is a good thing! We all need that!

And the night stuff, exhausted, dinner, homework, laundry...it never goes away, but exhausted sober is is easier to handle stuff than tired hungover...at least for me! I CAN be tired and crabby just because I am human...and there is not quilt from it being an SE of having been drunk!

You will figure it out...and probably much quicker than you think you will.

I am so happy for you. You have worked so hard and been so diligent with both meds. You are a great role model!

Now get some rest! :H

Love ya,
T :l

[redhead77]

This Redhead's Baclofen Thread

windycitylady;1380430 wrote: AWESOME! I'm so happy for you Red! I'm not gonna take the time to quote it, but I love that you said "I feel hope again. I'm making plans, peeps." That expresses so much about how sobriety frees up your mind and your....would "soul" be the right word?

Windy, it could be soul. I also think of it like my authentic self (that might be an Oprah term, I don't know :H). I have more time to move on and think of all the things that will feed my soul.

Talk about a role model, Taw. You're the role model. You've been doing the evening hard stuff without booze for a while.

Thanks you Bebe and Stuck. I appreciate both of your kind words. Now I need to get busy with something. I have some things I need to finish up (so I can work on being my authentic self ) and I'm not getting them done for some reason. I find a million other things to do. Not that I don't have a million other things, but this stuff is high on the priority list.

Thanks for the support my friends. :l

[redhead77]

This Redhead's Baclofen Thread

I got my MedicTag in the mail today. It's something I can put on my key chain for emergency medical personal to view in case I get in a car accident or something happens to me. You place all of your medical information in there, including drugs and dosages, so the ER or first responders can just plug in and see what you're taking. I'm going to put detailed instructions on mine too. That I must have an oral gastric tube for my HDB, and benzos won't cut it. And that I take Nal, so I may require more opiates for pain control than somebody else. People on naltexone can still have opiates for pain control, it's just they will probably need more. Enough that they should be monitored.

I'm really excited about this. I've been wanting to find a way to alert people if something happens, but I don't want to wear a medical alert bracelet. Not that a bracelet would have enough info.