This Redhead's Baclofen Thread

[Ne/Neva Eva]

This Redhead's Baclofen Thread

Hiya, Red.

I deleted what I wrote. Hopefully you get email updates, though it's not that there was anything worthwhile in the post. I hesitate to feed the troll. But more importantly, (and just about everything is more important than the troll) I don't feel like it was particularly useful and certainly wasn't well thought out.

Sorry the first response was from something that has a sole purpose of being malevolent. Pity it if you have to think about it. But don't let it invade your headspace, okay?

Huge hugs.

[taw]

This Redhead's Baclofen Thread

Red!

Good to see you! But I am so sorry you are still having such a tough go of it! I gave bac another go, and the SE's were too much, so I am trying Topa now...only 2 weeks on it, so we shall see.

I hope one of the bac success stories can chime in with some advice for you! I wish you all be best and please keep posting and let us know how you are doing!

Many :l:l:l

T

[bleep]

This Redhead's Baclofen Thread

Jeez Red, I wish I knew what to say...

The only thing that occurs to me is stability of dose is important, but you know that. I'd also be a bit cautious about taking advice from someone who isn't personally on HDB. I can see how the numbers might freak someone out, and they would react like your friend did, which causes you to react like you did, which causes...

The other thing I would try is to stick to the liquid baclofen. I know that isn't always practical, but can you switch your dose so that you are only taking it at home? It isn't that much work to increase one dose at the expense of another, and this way you could eventually only take baclofen at home, and only liquid? I have a feeling that the pills are not very good at all, but at this point it's only a feeling.

All the best Red - you will find a way through this.

[dundrinkn]

This Redhead's Baclofen Thread

Red,
I am not having your exact problem, but something similar. I have been at 120 liquid bac for a few months. Hit my switch March 24 or there abouts. I have over the last week been drinking again nearly every day. Maybe 3-6 drinks a night. I had up until then been drinking maybe 2 drinks once a week. There has not been a significant event, or any more stress than usual that would be a trigger. I have decided to go for abstinence for a month or so to see if I am really craving alcohol, or just gotten back into a rut.

What I truly love about bac is that feeling of freedom... of having the choice to drink or not. Even drinking every day this last week, it still doesn't run my life. I am not thinking about alcohol all day long and organizing my life around it. That is why I have not wanted to be an abstainer. I know I can white knuckle it for long periods of time. But I loved all the space I had in the choice of drinking or not drinking. I wasn't afraid of drinking. I wasn't worried about it. I wasn't counting days on the calendar, praying to get to a point where I wouldn't get crushed by that desire to just have one drink. Ahh, the relief I would momentarily feel when I would let myself take a drink after weeks of not drinking. Only to be followed by that debilitating feeling of failure. Even after a week of daily drinking on bac, I don't feel any of that.

So... onto plan B. Abstaining and then seeing if I need to up my dose from there. I'm not sure if this is helpful to your particular situation of not. It seems like you had a similar experience of feeling like your dose (whatever it was) only worked at keeping you indifferent for a period of time. I too am feeling that. I am wondering if it has something to do with trying to continue drinking fairly regularly (once a week).

Hang in there.

[ifulovelife2]

This Redhead's Baclofen Thread

bleep;1505071 wrote:
The only thing that occurs to me is stability of dose is important, but you know that. I'd also be a bit cautious about taking advice from someone who isn't personally on HDB. I can see how the numbers might freak someone out, and they would react like your friend did, which causes you to react like you did, which causes...
.

You're making assumptions there, Bleepster. The friend may well have been very familiar with HDB and scared as hell by the sudden change in Red. She was talking about ending it all, remember?

Dundrinkin, you may be right, it may be that you need a bit of AF time, but then again maybe you haven't actually switched. I think it's quite common for many people to feel some relief from the overwhelming cravings at low doses. (Some do but some don't.) When that minor relief is added to their already strong determination to stop, it can add up to control over the disease. It seems like 'indifference' or 'the switch', but may just in fact be a measure of those things. A temporary reprieve. If that's the case then you need to up the dose, I'm afraid. But then again, I could be talking shit. It has been known!

Red, I have the utmost respect for you. For what you do on a daily basis. For how you cope with your lot. And for how you have battled this evil disease. All I can tell you is that I know you won't let up until you have beaten this bitch down.:huggy

[StuckinLA]

This Redhead's Baclofen Thread

ifulovelife2;1505099 wrote: Red, I have the utmost respect for you. For what you do on a daily basis. For how you cope with your lot. And for how you have battled this evil disease. All I can tell you is that I know you won't let up until you have beaten this bitch down.:huggy

I will second this, only to add that I love going in for the the make-up hug right after beating that bitch down.

So Nal doesn't seem like a good option anymore. And HDB, well I know enough about you to know that you're in a place where you simply cannot have bad SEs, let alone the depression that came on. So, so sorry to hear about the titration anxiety. That sounds awful. :l

What I don't know is much about what your drinking habits are and what you might find an acceptable middle ground. A bottle of wine every few days... to my mind, is not the worst thing in the world. My Dad has two beers before dinner, and then a glass or two of wine with dinner, every night--technically that's problem drinking, only it's not a problem. So I by no means want to downplay anything here--it's all about how you feel and what you want, and the consequences of that bottle or so every so often.

And this is the part I'm really on edge about saying, because there's no place here for anyone to question anyone else's willpower--and I hope you know I'm not questioning yours or your cravings or anything like that. But any chance of lowering/staying where you're at on bac and kind of white-knuckling a little bit? And not like AA by any means, but turning to friends for support or something? Could be useful at least in the short term; sounds like you've had some success with that in the past, and it might at least provide a much-needed bit of rest for you.

I have all the faith in you, RedH. And I admire you for fighting through, and not giving up. :l

[Ne/Neva Eva]

This Redhead's Baclofen Thread

The thought that I keep having over and over again is this:

One woman cannot do it all, all at the same time. No question we can do some of it some of the time, and all of it some of the time, but all of it all of the time? Nope. Not even you.

And if the practical matters have to be taken care of in a very practical way, those things come first. Everything else is kerfuffle. Perhaps including indifference.

I'm not suggesting we're not battling for our lives. But in some cases it is okay that it takes a little while. And while I know your circumstances to be a bit different than some of the other posters, I also think there are many good points there.

Those of us that stay indifferent stay at doses you might not be able to stay at right now. I absolutely guarantee you we have less stress. How many 12s followed by an 8? Ffs. I did one a week and while the time there absolutely flew by, I was sore and out of sorts the next day. Each week! And I'm not a wimp!

I wouldn't lose my hair, either. Not unless there was no other way.

How about you give yourself a break? Is that possible? Is it possibly okay to drink too much occasionally? (I mean that question with sincerity. I don't know the answer.)

The only other thing I can think of, related to baclofen, is to go down and back up again. But when the stress and anxiety level are way up, that doesn't seem like a good idea either.

Finally, I just want to mention that the house across the street was just listed. And there's an elementary and a middle school in the neighborhood. just sayin' and :l

[redhead77]

This Redhead's Baclofen Thread

Wow! Thanks so much for the support everyone. I can't quite believe it. I was driving to work today, and only Chaos had responded. Ne had too, but she'd deleted her thoughts. I kind of thought nobody would post on my thread, since I continue to still struggle so much.

But you have! I didn't regret posting. I was feeling a lightness and relieved that I'd shared my burden. It was cathartic!! Thanks for being here. It means so much to me.

Anyway, I have some things to say, but I can't go into it tonight. I'd be up until I don't know when. I have a meeting at my oldest child's school tomorrow morning. He's going to middle school next year. He's ADHD and has some learning disabilities. After I had him diagnosed, I learned that I could get a special plan for him at school. It's called a 504 plan. He's allowed to take breaks during tests for example. There's more things in the plan, and they're working! He's been striving academically. He's now mostly an A and B student. He's going to be in advanced science next year. I'm proud of him for that.

So I'll meet with a bunch of people at 8am. It will be some people from his elementary school, and also people from his upcoming middle school. I need to be on my game. :H Be showered with my hair and make up done. I also have to get the kids ready and off to school right before hand.

I'd better get my butt in bed. Thanks so much again, my friends. I'll be able to say more tomorrow at some point. :l

[Colin]

This Redhead's Baclofen Thread

Great. A little encouragement and looking at the good things that happen make it all a hell of a lot better than yesterday.

[john doe]

This Redhead's Baclofen Thread

redhead77;1505303 wrote: Wow! Thanks so much for the support everyone. I can't quite believe it. I was driving to work today, and only Chaos had responded. Ne had too, but she'd deleted her thoughts. I kind of thought nobody would post on my thread, since I continue to still struggle so much.

But you have! I didn't regret posting. I was feeling a lightness and relieved that I'd shared my burden. It was cathartic!! Thanks for being here. It means so much to me.

Anyway, I have some things to say, but I can't go into it tonight. I'd be up until I don't know when. I have a meeting at my oldest child's school tomorrow morning. He's going to middle school next year. He's ADHD and has some learning disabilities. After I had him diagnosed, I learned that I could get a special plan for him at school. It's called a 504 plan. He's allowed to take breaks during tests for example. There's more things in the plan, and they're working! He's been striving academically. He's now mostly an A and B student. He's going to be in advanced science next year. I'm proud of him for that.

So I'll meet with a bunch of people at 8am. It will be some people from his elementary school, and also people from his upcoming middle school. I need to be on my game. :H Be showered with my hair and make up done. I also have to get the kids ready and off to school right before hand.

I'd better get my butt in bed. Thanks so much again, my friends. I'll be able to say more tomorrow at some point. :l

I posted on another thread about having respect for people in high pressure profession who are following this plan but respect is due to those with kids if not more so. I couldn't imagine it tbh. I freak out if I have a dental appointment for days before, not because of the treatment but just having to interact socially.

Kudos Redhead

[redhead77]

This Redhead's Baclofen Thread

Ok, I will do my best to address everything here, but there's a lot of activity on this thread.

Hi Taw! It's so nice to see you. I just wish it were under different circumstances for both of us. You've been at this a long time too. I know I read somewhere that you were trying liquid bac. The SEs were just as bad on that? I seem to be doing much better with it. It's hard to know though. I also started supplementing with something called DMAE a number of weeks ago. I can be inconsistent with my supps, but starting a few weeks ago, I'm taking it daily. I have the liquid and the pill form. It seems to really help my concentration and focus. Seems is the operative word here. I've also switched to the liquid, but I remember when I was on the liquid before that I still had some brain fog. My son's alternative medicine MD recommended I start him on it to help his ADHD. I have ADD too, so I thought why not? Plus, it's supposed to help to reduce aging and wrinkles. Anyway, Taw, I :h you. I hope the Topa works. You also keep posting and let us know if it is.

Bleep, It's interesting you mention it. I agree with you regarding the liquid vs. pills. At least for me. There's so many fillers in the pills, and I can't imagine for some of us that taking huge amounts of those is a great idea. I have been taking my bac 3 times a day. Now I take 50 in the morning, 50 in the middle of the day, and 80 at night (well, I took 90 last night because I just went up again). My mid day dose is a problem at work. As I said, I usually take pills there. I don't like to take 50 at once in the pills, because then I feel spaced out. Being spaced out at my job is not a good thing for me...or for my patients. I tried something yesterday. I put the 50 mg of liquid in a bottle of water and drank it during my lunch (Lol, does anyone remember the character Bluto? I think he mentioned this at some point and I remembered it). While I won't tell you it was perfect, I didn't feel quite as spaced out or forgetful, but I also felt super relaxed and chatty. I get that way an hour or two after taking my midday dose. I think it's when my bac peaks. That's not the best for optimal job performance either. I would love to be able to take all my bac at home. But on the days I work a 12 hour shift, I'm gone from the house for about 14 hours usually. I can't take more than 50 in the morning at this point. And I'm not sure how long it would take for me to tolerate 130 plus after I got home from work. I know you can do that, but you are you. We are much different in our tolerance and the way we metabolize drugs.

Dundrinkn, I would definitely give a period of abstinence a try if you can. If you can do that easily, then I would say that you are indifferent. Most people who aren't, can't just decide on being abstinent easily. Otherwise, alcohol dependence would be easy to kick! I've still never had a period of abstinence. I've always wanted to do 30 days, but I've never been able to do it. That, in and of itself, might say something, but I'm not sure. I'm not sure if it's just me or not. I think your plan is a great one. Try it, and if it doesn't work then you can go up. I love a good plan...if you have the resources to make one!

Mx, yup. Bleepster shouldn't assume a thing. Thanks for being a great friend to me. Thanks for caring about me and making sure I didn't end my life. Whether I went down too fast on the bac or not. You may draw and post porno pics, talk about dogs raping your corpse, and whatever else you say and do that could make people happy or not so happy, but I know who you are.

Mr. Stuck...I hope I never give up. Not unless I'm dead. As has been mentioned, I'm going to avoid that for now. My drinking has gotten out of control. I wouldn't have posted that I was distressed if it hadn't. I said I can easily kill a bottle of wine. That wouldn't be over a few hours. I'll get home from work without having been able to eat dinner. I'll get the kids in bed, and then pretty much slam a bottle of wine. I'll have it finished in no time flat. If I have more wine in the house, I might open that bottle too. I almost never would finish that second one, but it has happened. I'll have another glass or wake up to finding it half finished. Because I haven't eaten, and how quickly I'll drink it, Lord knows what the response will be. Sometimes I won't remember. Sometimes I'll have bits and pieces in my memory. Yeah, scary shit. It's the worst I've been in a long time. So, what are my options? I'm doing pretty well on the liquid bac right now. I think I'll keep going with it. I don't have any friends (outside of all of you) that know I abuse alcohol. So I won't be able to rely on them. I don't want to go to AA. It's not the God stuff that bothers me, I believe in God and try to go to church and whatever. It's the fact that Alcoholics Anonymous is not that anonymous. I'm a medical professional, and I don't want a patient or future patient, or a patient's family member to see me there. I feel like I have to be careful because of the stigma. Whether that's right or not.

Neva, maybe some of the above in how I've explained my drinking lately will explain why I need to do something. I agree in that I can't do everything. I also know that it feels like I do. I might never get perfect. I may never be cured the way you folks seem to be. But I do have to do something to get better than where I am now. Whether it's going up on bac, or going back on Nal, or even trying Topa or AB. I don't know. Nal does help me a great deal from overdoing it if I do decide to drink. But, Dear God, I don't want to lose my precious locks again. I'll have to really decide how much I want to be better if it comes to that. Talk about chemotherapy...Thanks for being here. You were the first to respond to my thread, and it seemed like you missed me posting. You encouraged me to come out with it all, and for that I'm beyond grateful. :l

Colin, that's funny. When I would post on MWO often, I would always tell everyone tomorrow is a new day, or today is the new day. Everything can change in one day, can't it?

Thanks for the kind words John Doe. I didn't read the thread in which you are referring. I have been busy, busy, and haven't read everything here lately. It seems that MWO is very active the last couple of days. I do agree with you. Parents really have a rough go of it. Both in trying to raise children, while battling this disease, or in trying to raise kids while recovering from this disease. Whether they take meds that help or not. It's a beyond a bitch.

Thank you all so much. You give me strength and hope that it will get better. In fact, after writing here, I'm almost sure I will. Much love to you!!

[bleep]

This Redhead's Baclofen Thread

Red, sorry for making assumptions.

It may take you a long time to adapt to taking your dose differently, but assuming you continue taking baclofen, why not make the start? Just change by 5ml's and change again when you have adapted.

I am really glad you got through this without anything bad happening.

[StuckinLA]

This Redhead's Baclofen Thread

Ah. Like I said, Red, really wasn't trying to question you like it was an accusation--sorry--of course you wouldn't be posting if life was sunshine and daisies... And as for the AA, that wasn't my intention either, and I completely understand your reasons.

Sorry that we're all you've got when it comes to this. But we are here! For you, always. :l

[Ne/Neva Eva]

This Redhead's Baclofen Thread

Yep, we're here. Much love bacatcha.

[ifulovelife2]

This Redhead's Baclofen Thread

redhead77;1505696 wrote: I also started supplementing with something called DMAE a number of weeks ago. I can be inconsistent with my supps, but starting a few weeks ago, I'm taking it daily. I have the liquid and the pill form. It seems to really help my concentration and focus. Seems is the operative word here. I've also switched to the liquid, but I remember when I was on the liquid before that I still had some brain fog. My son's alternative medicine MD recommended I start him on it to help his ADHD. I have ADD too, so I thought why not? Plus, it's supposed to help to reduce aging and wrinkles.

Funny you should mention DMAE, Red. I also use it. I make my own face cream. It's great for reducing wrinkles, as you say, but also sagging. I'm at that age where facial sagging has become noticeable :upset: But the DMAE cream really does work. The reduction in sagging has been commented on by a friend (admittedly, only after I prompted her for her opinion but nonetheless :H).

So, how have you found it as regards your skin? Not that I expect you have any wrinkles or sagging whatsoever, but it is supposed to help prevent sagging if people start to use it before it appears.

How's it going in general, Red? Booze, life, etc? Keep us updated. That's what we're here for. :l