This Redhead's Baclofen Thread
Hi All,
Long time, no talk, as always. I'm sorry for my dysfunction relating to being able to post on MWO. I did want to respond to something Stuck wrote me last. I wish I thought AA could work. I'm embarrassed I wrote that since I was a medical professional, that I didn't want to attend AA. One has to do whatever it is to get cured and functional. Whatever it is to save their life in many of our cases. Being embarrassed of being discovering or whatever....being too proud, that's not what I was trying to say. I know from many years of my mother going to AA, and I literally lived that life with her at times, that I was sure that it wouldn't save me.
Anyway, on to today. As I've said before, and maybe some of you remember, I switched to almost exclusive liquid baclofen. It's changed my life drastically. Gone are so many of my SEs. I still have some, but they are nothing like before. I decided to titrate up as high as I could tolerate and see what would happen with my drinking. I got up to 320, and decided to be alcohol free (I'm pretty sure I could have tolerated going a little higher, but I didn't feel I needed to). Certainly, I was able to be AF and happily live life without craving, except for here or there at that dose.
Summer went on, and I ended up coming down on bac slowly...I'm currently on 300. I'm not experiencing horrific SEs and I would say that my drinking has been well controlled, for the most part, until the last 3 nights.
The last 3 nights, I have ended up getting drunk. Some nights have been worse than others. One night, my son was worried because he couldn't even wake me up. He's almost 12, and I guess he understood why I abused my body so. I had just pressed charges on someone and made my kids make statements. Well, the State's Attorney made them make statements. It was someone we all cared for. My daughter informed me one day that a man made her touch his penis. I, of course, had adrenaline immediately hit my veins, and I asked a few more questions. There was no doubt in my mind that what she was telling me was true. She is 4, just shy of 5 years old. Children don't make up stories at this age. I then learned after our interviews with the State's Attorney. She has been touched several times by this man. I still don't know the extent of what has happened to her. They told me they didn't think penetration occurred, but she needs to see a special pediatrician. They'll be interviewing her slowly as time goes on. That's how they do it to reduce trauma.
That fucking SOB. They have charged him with 2 counts of aggravated criminal sexual abuse. He could end up in prison, and I can only hope that's the case. He's damaged my little girl and robbed her innocence.
I'm just hoping I can get a better grasp on things. I can't be drinking my pain into oblivion. I have almost constant panic and anxiety, and I don't know what to do. My kids have been through so much, and the one thing I'd almost kill someone for, is sexually molesting one of my children. The worst part is, that I invited this horrifically sick person into our life and home. I'm not sure how I'll ever get past it. I hurt almost constantly.
That's all, folks. I hope most of you are doing better than we are.
Much love,
Redhead
Hi All,
Long time, no talk, as always. I'm sorry for my dysfunction relating to being able to post on MWO. I did want to respond to something Stuck wrote me last. I wish I thought AA could work. I'm embarrassed I wrote that since I was a medical professional, that I didn't want to attend AA. One has to do whatever it is to get cured and functional. Whatever it is to save their life in many of our cases. Being embarrassed of being discovering or whatever....being too proud, that's not what I was trying to say. I know from many years of my mother going to AA, and I literally lived that life with her at times, that I was sure that it wouldn't save me.
Anyway, on to today. As I've said before, and maybe some of you remember, I switched to almost exclusive liquid baclofen. It's changed my life drastically. Gone are so many of my SEs. I still have some, but they are nothing like before. I decided to titrate up as high as I could tolerate and see what would happen with my drinking. I got up to 320, and decided to be alcohol free (I'm pretty sure I could have tolerated going a little higher, but I didn't feel I needed to). Certainly, I was able to be AF and happily live life without craving, except for here or there at that dose.
Summer went on, and I ended up coming down on bac slowly...I'm currently on 300. I'm not experiencing horrific SEs and I would say that my drinking has been well controlled, for the most part, until the last 3 nights.
The last 3 nights, I have ended up getting drunk. Some nights have been worse than others. One night, my son was worried because he couldn't even wake me up. He's almost 12, and I guess he understood why I abused my body so. I had just pressed charges on someone and made my kids make statements. Well, the State's Attorney made them make statements. It was someone we all cared for. My daughter informed me one day that a man made her touch his penis. I, of course, had adrenaline immediately hit my veins, and I asked a few more questions. There was no doubt in my mind that what she was telling me was true. She is 4, just shy of 5 years old. Children don't make up stories at this age. I then learned after our interviews with the State's Attorney. She has been touched several times by this man. I still don't know the extent of what has happened to her. They told me they didn't think penetration occurred, but she needs to see a special pediatrician. They'll be interviewing her slowly as time goes on. That's how they do it to reduce trauma.
That fucking SOB. They have charged him with 2 counts of aggravated criminal sexual abuse. He could end up in prison, and I can only hope that's the case. He's damaged my little girl and robbed her innocence.
I'm just hoping I can get a better grasp on things. I can't be drinking my pain into oblivion. I have almost constant panic and anxiety, and I don't know what to do. My kids have been through so much, and the one thing I'd almost kill someone for, is sexually molesting one of my children. The worst part is, that I invited this horrifically sick person into our life and home. I'm not sure how I'll ever get past it. I hurt almost constantly.
That's all, folks. I hope most of you are doing better than we are.
Much love,
Redhead
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