This Redhead's Baclofen Thread

[redhead77]

This Redhead's Baclofen Thread

Holy Cow! Someone pm'd me my original message last night. Not the second part, which was the beginning of the follow up, but the first post. Here it is in all its glory:

"Soooo, time to update. I don't want to. It's not what eveyone wants to hear. You all know the extremes I had to go to for indifference. For any of you that forgot, or don't know me, I had to quit my job. It was one of the hardest things I've ever done in my life. I think anyway, there's been so much hard, I don't know how to rate it. It is UP there.

I have a boat load of issues. One should never quit their job in my situation. But I had the ultimate of faith, that what I was doing was right. I had prayed, ad naseum, and while I have a hard time believing and accepting, I knew in this one case, I was being spoken to. I needed to take the leap of faith. And I did. I leaped. Begging and praying for a relief from alcholism. I found it. It was rather soon after I gave it my all. This would be unlike so many others, out there. It still wasn't easy for me. I suffered some very severe SEs on baclofen, as I was climbing, and at my switch dose. I stayed for 4 weeks, believing there would be reprieve. There had to be. There wasn't. I was out of money. Worried about buying my baclofen. Worried about buying food. Instead of asking family for help, which would be an option for me,
I panicked. I started searching furiously for a job. Of course, I found one quickly, I am a nurse. I still couldn't work. I couldn't concentrate on my switch dose to take the tests neccesary for the job. My not being able to ask for help or reach out to anyone will always devastate me (until I decide it won't).

I decided to titrate down ferveshly. I mean I started skipping doses even. Part of it was, I started to hoard my bac, as I was fearful I would run out. The other part was to get rid of the evil SEs. I honestly felt I couldn't take it anymore.

To be continued......

I gotta make a few phone calls. Ooooh, my unsucceful lovers. They are still out there. Trying to contact me. I figure tonight I will take care of it all. Maybe not you all, but at least I'm starting. To be continued all.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

This Redhead's Baclofen Thread

Yay and gracias to you and the pm'er.

[redhead77]

This Redhead's Baclofen Thread

Ne/Neva Eva;1132757 wrote: bummer

I got so much out of your last post, RedH. I can't even tell you! It was very nice to have someone express a bit of what was going on with me. Made me feel more comfortable. Very sad it's gone. :-(

Ne, did you see my last post? It was an explanation of what is going on here. I'm not sure we are in the same boat. I wish we were. :l Btw, I was trying to take a break to reflect and get a new plan. A graceful exit, if you will. I, unfortunately, don't have the time today to explain like I did last night. I'm taking the children to see their grandparents (his parents), and they live a couple of hours away. I'll be back as soon as I can to do my best to replace what I had originally written. I wish I hadn't deleted it...I panicked when I saw the thread about me. It is hard for me to open up here sometimes, and I frequently want to delete what I wrote. It takes effort not to. And I've been doing a lot of it lately.

I'll write about the evils of rapidly titrating down later.

[LadyLush]

This Redhead's Baclofen Thread

Red,

Sorry about the over the top concern. I swear I never saw the 2nd post and I was up and reading threads. I hope you can pen it again.
I am glad you put the original back up.


LL:l

[taw]

This Redhead's Baclofen Thread

Red, looking forward to hearing your story when you are ready to tell us! We are here for you!!

[Murphyx]

This Redhead's Baclofen Thread

redhead77;1132830 wrote: Holy Cow! Someone pm'd me my original message last night.

So now I'm just "someone"? Geesh!

Looking forward to part 2.

[RudyB]

This Redhead's Baclofen Thread

red, i'm confused. i'm glad you'll be back to enlighten. are you titrating down still? or was that a thing in the past that you referred to? how are you doing now? that is the essential question. i'm here by your side. love you.

[redhead77]

This Redhead's Baclofen Thread

redhead77;1132830 wrote: Holy Cow! Someone pm'd me my original message last night. Not the second part, which was the beginning of the follow up, but the first post. Here it is in all its glory:

"Soooo, time to update. I don't want to. It's not what eveyone wants to hear. You all know the extremes I had to go to for indifference. For any of you that forgot, or don't know me, I had to quit my job. It was one of the hardest things I've ever done in my life. I think anyway, there's been so much hard, I don't know how to rate it. It is UP there.

I have a boat load of issues. One should never quit their job in my situation. But I had the ultimate of faith, that what I was doing was right. I had prayed, ad naseum, and while I have a hard time believing and accepting, I knew in this one case, I was being spoken to. I needed to take the leap of faith. And I did. I leapt. Begging and praying for a relief from alcholism. I found it. It was rather soon after I gave it my all. This would be unlike so many others out there. It still wasn't easy for me. I suffered some very severe SEs on baclofen, as I was climbing, and at my switch dose. I stayed for 4 weeks, believing there would be reprieve. There had to be. There wasn't. I was out of money. Worried about buying my baclofen. Worried about buying food. Instead of asking family for help, which would be an option for me,
I panicked. I started searching furiously for a job. Of course, I found one quickly, I am a nurse. I still couldn't work. I couldn't concentrate on my switch dose to take the tests neccesary for the job. My not being able to ask for help or reach out to anyone will always devastate me (until I decide it won't).

I decided to titrate down ferveshly. I mean I started skipping doses even. Part of it was, I started to hoard my bac, as I was fearful I would run out. The other part was to get rid of the evil SEs. I honestly felt I couldn't take it anymore.

To be continued......

I gotta make a few phone calls. Ooooh, my unsucceful lovers. They are still out there. Trying to contact me. I figure tonight I will take care of it all. Maybe not you all, but at least I'm starting. To be continued all.

Where did my faith go? I don't know and I totally lost it. At the finish line. I went through all of this, to completely lose the faith, and somewhat throw it away. It turned out I had plenty of time to titrate down. I didn't trust that it would work out, as it should. When one does the right thing, even following the most difficult path, it always works out. Always. The hardest path is most often the right path.

I was kissed by indifference. What is indifference to me? It is (was), pouring a drink out of habit. Taking a sip, maybe one drink, but not really caring. The booze and the feeling I had longed for when I drank, was gone. I poured more booze down the drain, than I did down my throat. I stopped liking how booze made me feel.

For a fleeting moment, I know what if felt like. Learning what indifference feels like, and then losing it, is more than bothersome. It is also more than bothersome to deal with all the SEs I had. It wasn't conducive to living life. I couldn't find the balance that I long for.

So, I decided to try to live at the dose that works for me in so many ways. That would be 120mg. I was doing well on this dose for quite a while. Got wasted one night. Was asked if I was feeling urges, I was. I felt that I could cage it. Use other tools. I can THINK on 120mg. And it mostly worked.

The problem would be, what is happening lately. I don't drink as much as I used to. Two glasses of wine, do what a bottle did. My tolerance has plummeted. I'm an official cheap date. I do know I am drinking now for the feeling. I am drinking to feel the alcohol coursing through my veins. This isn't indifference folks. Like I said, I once knew it. Last night I would have told you I've consumed alcohol twice this week. As of tonight, it would be three times. I'm sipping a glass of wine as I type this. Much too much for what I strive for. I am officially drinking against my will.

I know you will all tell me to go up. Of couse I should. Except I can't, I've already tried. I planned to go very slowly. By 10mg a week. I still couldn't function. Not past the 120mg. I titrated up a few days before working. I was still forgetful and spacey. I forgot some doctor's orders at work. The crazy thing is, I saw the orders. I forgot them anyway. They didn't kill the patient, but they were important. They were cardiac enzymes, and they need to be timed. I screwed up the timing. Luckily, the patient didn't have a heart attack after all.

I feel like a bit of a freak. You all go up and down in your dosing, and do it just fine. I can't handle a 10mg increase?

To be continued...

I can't write all this in one post. You all would need toothpicks to keep your eyes open.

[bleep]

This Redhead's Baclofen Thread

I have found, over time, that I am understanding baclofen and its effect on me more and more. Also, that I become more tolerant of it, and so can swing my doses as and when necessary. I think you'll find the same Red. If 120 works mostly, use that, and perhaps try 130 only for stressful situations? These situations are unlikely to develop at work, so will that work. In not too long a time, I think you'll find 130 more tolerable. This has some problems attached to it though:

I had the same issues with my dose at 300mg's, and now I am fine on it. A lot of discomfort was caused by changing the dose a lot, a level supply is essential to wellbeing. This is why we go through such hell titrating up - the dose is never level long enough to get comfortable with it.

Also, don't kid yourself. Your posts are always interesting, and these are the same issues we are all struggling with, so it's extremely relevant.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

This Redhead's Baclofen Thread

I had a similar experience, RedH. Tapered back down way too quickly to way too low a dose.

There are some people around here that use bac to control their drinking. That might be a start.

The other thing is, Red, that when you get more comfortable with it, you may find it easier to move around. This has been the case for me. I was so scared at the thought of taking more or less, that I found the decision itself to be fraught with anxiety.

bleep;1133176 wrote: A lot of discomfort was caused by changing the dose a lot, a level supply is essential to wellbeing. This is why we go through such hell titrating up - the dose is never level long enough to get comfortable with it.

What bleep said. You can and will find indifference again. (From a high of 340 the first time, I've found myself indifferent at 200 with very few SEs. Certainly not fuzzy, or unclear, at this level.)

lots of love,
Ne

[RudyB]

This Redhead's Baclofen Thread

hi red,
sorry to hear about this challenging place you're in. you have my suupport, of course, for whatever course you ulitimately decide to take. i can't imagine having your level of responsibility while taking bac. oh my god! scary. being a nurse, and raising 3 chitlin on your own! wowza!

you can do this, red!

loving you. thinking of you. please keep us posted so we can give you some support.

xoxo rudy b

[redhead77]

This Redhead's Baclofen Thread

I've been at the 120 for a long time. I have done little fluctuation for maybe a good month. Except when I tried to go up by a very tiny 10 mg. I don't require perfection in my life at home...mostly. I'm type A and would like to do a better job, but something has to give. It is only at work that nothing less than perfection is required.

I don't foresee me being able to go higher on the bac right now. Bleep, you mention to take the 130 for stressful times. :H:H If I could take the 130 everyday, I would!

I'm strongly considering naltrexone. I haven't officially started my research. I would stay at the dose of baclofen that allows me to think, does reduce cravings by a signifigant degree, and take naltrexone prn.

I'm getting my girl at the end of the week. She will change the dynamic here for the better. I will have some major stress relief. I wonder how often I will want to drink then?

Peace and love.

[taw]

This Redhead's Baclofen Thread

Ah love, we can all do this together! You have inspired me to continue! I cannot claim to know the stress you have every day...but I do see your tenacity in beating this! We are here for you!

[redhead77]

This Redhead's Baclofen Thread

I'm going to be offline for a bit. I won't land myself on skid row I promise. I have to get things ready for the nanny and I'll be working. Then when she first comes, I'll need to focus on getting her acclimated. The week after she arrives I will be finishing the contract I'm in (I signed another one), and starting back to my old job. I'll be working both for a couple of weeks. I guess this is a good thing. I won't have time to think about drinking or not.

After my contract is finished things will slow down a bit. I can create my own schedule. I'm wondering if I should schedule a chunk of days off, leave the kids with the nanny, and lock myself in somewhere for a rapid titration? How many days does it take usually? The only problem (maybe not the only one), would be when I'm done. I may be back to being indifferent, but how will I think, to go back to work on the high doses? It will be my usual conundrum. Talk about feeling lost. I feel my light is flickering. Anyhoo, carry on folks as you always do.

[Murphyx]

This Redhead's Baclofen Thread

It?s just so easy for someone to say ?take more bac, that?ll solve your problems?. And normally it does, but it?s not possible for everyone. I get it. I know you can?t do that.

Your question about how long it takes for a quick titration: you can do a super quick titration in one or two days, there?s no real reason why not. It won?t help you though. You?ll still be foggy-headed afterwards. So you?ll have to drop your dose so you can operate at work and then you won?t be indifferent any more.

Unless you try a super-slow titration and I mean a 5mg (or even less) increase, then you?re not going to be indifferent. But that?s not necessarily a huge issue. Did your urges reduce on the lower levels of bac or was it a case of no changes until a sudden switch? If it was the former (and I?m pretty sure it was) then you can use the lower levels to help. You will still drink, but you needn?t drink to excess too often and it won?t be so much of a white-knuckle experience as it would be without bac.

My piracetam arrived on Friday and it seems to be helping to remove the fog. Maybe you could try it?