my sweet, sweet switch

[_serenity_]

my sweet, sweet switch

Reggie;1062196 wrote: SO happy for you let the new life roll on
Thank you very much, Reggie! I wish my switch post could have been 1/10 as articulate and well-written as yours was. :h

Ne/Neva Eva;1062316 wrote: How did this get to page 3 without me???

WOOOHOOOOO!

Welcome to the other side! Pretty amazingly....normal, isn't it? I've always envisioned the path ending at a bridge, covered in fog. I felt I had to take each step blindly, trusting there was something underneath that would keep me from plummeting. Turns out the bridge was made of lots of little pills! Now we're on the other side, the sun is out and the view is awe inspiring!
Thank you! It really IS normal. And not without a little bit of nostalgia for the days when I could simply wipe out reality after a bad day. Now I have to deal with the bad stuff. I suspect that will be good for me.

Ne/Neva Eva;1062316 wrote:
You were and are an inspiration, from start to finish! (Everyone should be paying very close attention to what and how you reached it, in my opinion.) You made it seem effortless, but we both know that it takes a huge commitment (a little tenacity doesn't hurt.) Fear of dying a miserable alcoholic death is a pretty good motivator, too.

Haha, thanks! I wouldn't call it effortless, but I definitely had an easier ride than many others on here. That said, I didn't want to make a big deal out of any of my SEs, since none of them compared to the worst AL SEs I had learned to live with. When things did get bad for me, I tended to not post for a while.

Ne/Neva Eva;1062316 wrote:
I love you very much, so glad we've been on this ride together. (and just between you and me, I'd have been very put out if you had gotten there before me, and I was sure you were going to!)

Love you too, NE! I kind of got the sense that you'd have been upset as well! The bac gods were looking down on us and granted you your much-needed switch first. :h

susiesmum;1062558 wrote: You are all inspirational! Even if at this point in time it's just 'mum' being inspired!!
"Susie" will get here, Im sure. Had to write a message to try out my avatar. Appreciate you all.

Thank you, susiesmum! I have a strong feeling that Susie will get there as well. Feel free to pm me if you want to chat, OK? :h

redhead77;1062561 wrote: Awe Seeking. I am so happy for you. Sorry, I didn't post this sooner, but I've been working the last couple of days. I hope you stay on these threads for a bit so we can follow you. I can't wait for the day that I can post this.

Thanks, redhead! I promise to stick around. I owe it to the forum and to the many people who've helped me out since the beginning of my journey here. :l

[_serenity_]

my sweet, sweet switch

LadyLush;1063309 wrote: Serene-ity :-)

I am at the lake, it is 78 degrees, and I see beauty through sober eyes. Thank God for all of you and Baclofen. The cravings are subsiding and my long lost friend willpower has come back. I am in a happy place right now and will not stop until the "switch".
NO MATTER WHAT!:l

Lady

78 degrees???!!! I'm jealous I'm so glad to hear that you're doing so well. Your commitment is so admirable. I think your attitude will carry you through any rough patch, and you'll be at your switch in no time. :h

[_serenity_]

my sweet, sweet switch

Well, I am at 8 days AF and counting! NO desire for any AL. I think that my last hangover (off two beers!) was bad enough to keep me away from the AL for good. I never want to feel that sick again!

Two things that are bothering me:

1. The last time I went in to pick up a prescription, they accidentally gave me 336 10mg pills, which was my previous month's prescription. I said, "No, I ordered 560 pills." They ran in the back and immediately came back with a fuller bottle. I was sort of wondering, "Did they really just count out that many pills in that little time?" but I let it slide. Now I'm almost out, and it's only been two weeks! They totally just filled up the bottle without counting them! Bastards. I'd call and complain, but I wonder if it's too late to do that...?

2. I'm struggling with...boredom. I hadn't planned out what to do with my "sober time" very well. I still can be a bit of a hermit, and a teensy part of me sort of misses how I could just "turn off" the evening with the AL. How horrible is that???

[LadyLush]

my sweet, sweet switch

Serenity,

Not horrible at all; I do the same thing. After 5 that is what I did best, drink! I stay on here to gain willpower and strength. It works, it really works! I am sending you some of my strength and willpower as I type! Just don't give in!

Lady

[bleep]

my sweet, sweet switch

I don't think it's horrible, I think it's pretty normal. Booze completely removes the need for any form of pastime in the evenings. Suddenly there's all this free time, and nothing to fill it up.

I think it will naturally fill up by itself, although you can help it along by encouraging any interests you have. Not saying run out and buy a jumper book of sudoku puzzles or anything, more of just put your feet up, throw on some music and settle in with a book type of thing. Your interests will surface.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

my sweet, sweet switch

Yes, serenity. What bleep said.
You will be amazed how quickly that time fills up and how much you accomplish. But even now I miss the opting out of life. Sundays are the worst for me, ironically. I used to drink so much on Saturdays that I spent Sunday morning nursing a hangover until it was time to drink again (noon, usually) and then could just disappear. Now my Sundays are ridiculously busy and I change out of my pajamas before the sun comes up and don't get bac into them until after the sun is down. I miss lazy Sundays. Opt out, disappear, re-charge the batteries in some profoundly sick way, Sundays.
hmmm. I've had that experience at the pharmacy also. It only takes a minute to count out a couple of hundred pills. Pharmacists have NO IDEA that this medicine is life and death for us. It's a muscle relaxant, remember? No biggie in the scheme of things if one runs out.
I also had the experience of searching frantically, with husband's help, all over the apartment, in the car, through jackets and purses, looking for the 'missing' bottle of bac after I got a double order filled. I was at 300mg/day, I think. Mind-befuddled for sure, but also disbelieving I was already out! Turns out I was already out!!! Not saying that's what happened to you, but you may want to figure out, just for piece of mind, how long it would've lasted if you had been given the right amount. And no, there's no recourse. A lot like eating your dinner and then not wanting to pay for it because it wasn't filling! Sad but true.
L,
K/Ne

xxoo

[Bruunhilde]

my sweet, sweet switch

Serenity and all, I've had the same problem with evenings for years, I'd be bored drinking and watching the TV, so I'd cocktail call someone and sometimes have a nice conversation and sometimes apparently not - you know that blackout dance, where someone says "you told me you couldn't relate to me anymore and we're not friends anymore!" and I'll be thinking yes that's how I feel but I can't believe I would have said it and I don't remember EVEN CALLING YOU. ARG.

I'm going to have to do something soon. Without the AL and the chest cold going away, it's becoming more and more obvious that I am sitting on my ass all day at work and again all night with the TV or book. Luckily the days are lengthening so the afterwork dog walking can commence in light (I won't walk in the dark since I've been mugged and also have tripped and broken my ankle).

[_serenity_]

my sweet, sweet switch

LadyLush;1065143 wrote: Serenity,

Not horrible at all; I do the same thing. After 5 that is what I did best, drink! I stay on here to gain willpower and strength. It works, it really works! I am sending you some of my strength and willpower as I type! Just don't give in!

Lady
Lady--

Thank you! :h I am in no danger of drinking; I can't even imagine drinking right now. I still have two beers in my fridge that are gathering dust. Still trying to cope with the yawning, gaping hole that is my evenings now. I am trying to figure out some new ways of dealing with my nights.

bleep;1065169 wrote: I don't think it's horrible, I think it's pretty normal. Booze completely removes the need for any form of pastime in the evenings. Suddenly there's all this free time, and nothing to fill it up.

I think it will naturally fill up by itself, although you can help it along by encouraging any interests you have. Not saying run out and buy a jumper book of sudoku puzzles or anything, more of just put your feet up, throw on some music and settle in with a book type of thing. Your interests will surface.

Thanks, bleep! I am working on some new activities to fill up my time. Most of them are pretty bland; I'm getting satellite TV installed on Saturday, for starters. I haven't had cable or any TV in over a year, and have watched all my shows online. I need to find a way to stay away from my computer, haha. Also planning on joining Crossfit again, and for signing my dogs up for obedience/agility type classes. I have nothing but time! :l

Ne/Neva Eva;1065291 wrote: Yes, serenity. What bleep said.
You will be amazed how quickly that time fills up and how much you accomplish. But even now I miss the opting out of life. Sundays are the worst for me, ironically. I used to drink so much on Saturdays that I spent Sunday morning nursing a hangover until it was time to drink again (noon, usually) and then could just disappear. Now my Sundays are ridiculously busy and I change out of my pajamas before the sun comes up and don't get bac into them until after the sun is down. I miss lazy Sundays. Opt out, disappear, re-charge the batteries in some profoundly sick way, Sundays.
hmmm. I've had that experience at the pharmacy also. It only takes a minute to count out a couple of hundred pills. Pharmacists have NO IDEA that this medicine is life and death for us. It's a muscle relaxant, remember? No biggie in the scheme of things if one runs out.
I also had the experience of searching frantically, with husband's help, all over the apartment, in the car, through jackets and purses, looking for the 'missing' bottle of bac after I got a double order filled. I was at 300mg/day, I think. Mind-befuddled for sure, but also disbelieving I was already out! Turns out I was already out!!! Not saying that's what happened to you, but you may want to figure out, just for piece of mind, how long it would've lasted if you had been given the right amount. And no, there's no recourse. A lot like eating your dinner and then not wanting to pay for it because it wasn't filling! Sad but true.
L,
K/Ne

xxoo

Man, I do sometimes miss having a day to just check out, so to speak. :/ I knew that sobriety would be a missed blessing for me; it was something I really feared for just this reason! I am trying to find new ways to fill up my time. It will take time, I guess.

Re: the pills, I am positive that I was shortchanged. For one, my order was enough for four weeks: one at 190/day, and the next three weeks at 210, 230, and 250. I have stayed at 190 since hitting my switch, so there is no way in hell I should be running out. I definitely haven't been taking any extra pills. I really do think that the clerks just topped off the bottle and gave it to me. It sucks! >

Thanks so much for your advice, it is always much appreciated. :h I promise I'll be more active in the forum in coming days--you guys help me get through this!

Bruunhilde;1065411 wrote: Serenity and all, I've had the same problem with evenings for years, I'd be bored drinking and watching the TV, so I'd cocktail call someone and sometimes have a nice conversation and sometimes apparently not - you know that blackout dance, where someone says "you told me you couldn't relate to me anymore and we're not friends anymore!" and I'll be thinking yes that's how I feel but I can't believe I would have said it and I don't remember EVEN CALLING YOU. ARG.

I'm going to have to do something soon. Without the AL and the chest cold going away, it's becoming more and more obvious that I am sitting on my ass all day at work and again all night with the TV or book. Luckily the days are lengthening so the afterwork dog walking can commence in light (I won't walk in the dark since I've been mugged and also have tripped and broken my ankle).

Ha, I used to be SO guilty of the drunken phone calls! I've trained myself in recent years to stay the hell away from the phone in the evenings; my drinking had become so closeted anyway, I learned to never talk on the phone after my third drink or so.

I am with you in the boredom struggle!
Thank you all SO much for your replies, everyone! I've been a little "off" for a few days due to the boredom. Been making some plans for change, which I hope will at least get me away from the computer more often. Love you all! :h

[Murphyx]

my sweet, sweet switch

_serenity_;1065134 wrote:
2. I'm struggling with...boredom. I hadn't planned out what to do with my "sober time" very well.

I know what you mean. I have a hobby to fill the time, but I think it may be effecting my eyesight so I can't recommend it.

[bleep]

my sweet, sweet switch

Serenity, where are you? All okay? I assume you've found a hobby, and he doesn't like computers?

[_serenity_]

my sweet, sweet switch

Hi bleep!

I've been around. Been actually reading all the threads, although they're being updated so fast I have a hard time keeping up!

I think I'm depressed. I kind of expected this to happen a little bit. I always saw drinking as being not the problem, but the solution. The problem was the isolation and loneliness I was feeling. Now that I'm AF (two weeks today since my last drink!) I am still feeling isolated and lonely. I lost most of my friends years ago, and the ones who've stuck around have their own lives too. I spend my evenings sort of twiddling my thumbs, wondering what to do. And feeling an overwhelming sense of isolation.

As I mentioned above, I do read all the posts here on MWO, but I have a hard time reaching out or responding positively when I'm feeling down. Sorry I've been so absent.

:l :h

[bleep]

my sweet, sweet switch

Be a bit depressed, nothing wrong with that, but don't get stuck into it.

There's a lot happening here at the moment, lots of newcomers, which is really encouraging. Maybe help them out a little if you're stuck for inspiration?

Things will come, I'm sure. No need to force anything. Glad to see you are still around. Don't really have any wise words of wisdom unfortunately, but you probably don't need any. I've also got that feeling, alas, on my side I just don't have the time to let it be felt properly.

Congrats on not drinking, although it's pretty effortless, isn't it. Weird.

[Bruunhilde]

my sweet, sweet switch

Serenity, I feel the same way whether I drink or not, BORED with my evenings. I used to work out all night then come home and sleep, but that sucked too. B.O.R.I.N.G. Before I had a TV, I'd read. Now I do all of these things, read, watch TV, the internet, work, all sitting on my ass. UG. Like you, I'm hoping the longer days and better weather will help me get out with the dog. But that's not all that great either, it's always me and the dog. I took painting classes, but found that was more sedentary stuff in my life and I got repetitive motion problems in my wrists and fingers. I did a search for clubs this weekend, but felt there really wasn't anything I found very interesting. Mind you, there's tons of chores I could be doing around the house.... again, NO FUN!!!! How do you have FUN? Anyone?
:argh:

[Rusty]

my sweet, sweet switch

Bruun,

I bet we could be twins. Your routine is a carbon copy of mine. Fun? Hmmmm....well, I like being with my family but that's only once a month. I don't know how old you are but I am 50, and like you, I took drawing classes...but where do I draw....BY MYSELF. I live in a small town and there is NOTHING around here for social things. I guess MWO is it.:H

[Rusty]

my sweet, sweet switch

I need to volunteer somewhere so I can meet new people. This is my only option. I will have to volunteer at an organization who doesn't mind that I travel all over the world and my volunteerism will be hit and miss.