Bill G's baclofen journal

[Bill Gorton]

Bill G's baclofen journal

I had a minor breakdown this weekend. A few things that I had been neglecting because of drinking/depression/laziness all came together to bite me in the ass. I had to cancel my weekend plans at the last minute and there was nothing to do but sit around the house. That, and thinking about the crap that happened around the holidays that left me in my present situation just kind of got to me. On Saturday (I think) I was reading MWO forums about corporate ownership and sponsors that like to spam this forum while posing as users. Then I started thinking that I can't really trust anyone or anything, and I don't fit in anywhere, and I'm just as isolated now as I've always been. So I impulsively deleted most of my posts. I needed to delete/edit a couple of them anyway because they gave enough information to make me recognizable to too many people.

I drank Saturday from early afternoon to night, and Sunday from early morning to night. Still, I think the bac helped me drink less, and also helped me deal with the stress better. I'm up to 150 mg/day now. Normally I would have drunk till I passed out and been in terrible shape Monday morning. Now it's bedtime on Wednesday, and I haven't even finished my second beer. I feel like I'm getting very close. I'm not sure how much of my present emotional instability is due to the bac (I think at least some), how much is due to alcohol WD, and how much is just due to my shitty life. But I'm more determined than ever to keep taking bac. If/when I succeed, I'll start a new thread and give the medically relevant background information and my drinks/dosage graph. In the meantime, I might continue to post updates here, even though they have no context now.

[beagle]

Bill G's baclofen journal

hey bill, just wanted to let you know that i too experience that feeling of not fitting in. but i know that it is my own feeling & not bought about by anything or anyone here. i have to keep on reminding myself that this IS the WORLD WIDE WEB, so i try not to allow too much of my identification on here. sometimes that feels a bit counter-productive as really i need above all things to let it all fucking out!!!
best of luck with your journey.

[beagle]

Bill G's baclofen journal

& susbsequently, i've updated my mood as i never even KNEW there was a "crappy" on the list......

[bleep]

Bill G's baclofen journal

Bill, glad to have you back with us, and that you have decided to post again.

I got fairly unstable during titrating up, so I can see where you are coming from. If you wanted context, you could put up a very general synopsis, that doesn't reveal much, just painting broad outlines?

[Seethepony]

Bill G's baclofen journal

Hey Bill, I'm sure most of your emotional instability is down to booze. If your life looks like a mess right now, it's the booze that put you there. By the way, I never heard anyone on this forum say "My life is PERFECT! Except I'm an alcoholic." I mean, if you're an alcoholic long enough to reach the point where you go, "Shit! This sucks!" your life will have taken some dings along the way.

The good news is, once you take alcohol out of the equation, life seems to get a helluva lot easier. At least it's more fun, and you feel braver in the face of those interminable problems.

So, stick with the baclofen and get ready for springtime in your soul...

[Bill Gorton]

Bill G's baclofen journal

I don't intend to make this a "dear diary, here's what I did today" type of thread. I wanted to write about something that happened to me this weekend. I was on my feet for a long time around a lot of people, and I started to feel weakness and tingling in my right calf. It occurred to me that it's unusual for me to feel numbness in my legs while standing. I had recently watched a video on youtube with Jill Bolte Taylor, a survivor of a left-brain hemorrhagic stroke (look her up of you haven't seen her). I had also seen Serene Branson's "migraine" video recently, so maybe I was primed to expect a stroke. I even started to think that maybe my subconscious mind had seen the stroke coming, which in turn had made me interested in the subject. Anyway, I was thinking numbness/weakness on one side of the body + lightheadedness = stroke. Then I remembered someone on here saying that they got numbness/tingling in their calves or lower legs when they went up in dosage. I also realized that it wasn't just my right side that felt weird. With this knowledge I was able to calm down and enjoy the rest of the exhibit. Whoever it was that posted about that side effect, thank you. You saved me a trip to the emergency room.

This update doesn't require a response. If you're thinking about replying with "Bill, I'm glad your still posting, but I wish you would...", just don't.

[TracyA]

Bill G's baclofen journal

Telling.

[Bill Gorton]

Bill G's baclofen journal

TracyA;1072127 wrote: Telling.

Thank you for posting an example of the kind of response that isn't needed or wanted here. Have fun on your boat.

[Evey]

Bill G's baclofen journal

Bill, from what I have read I can relate to you about the whole trust issue. Stay strong, I believe myself and others are routing for you.

[redhead77]

Bill G's baclofen journal

Bill,

I just have to. I always think I'm having a stroke. Just a problem from working my job.

[TracyA]

Bill G's baclofen journal

Bill Gorton;1072130 wrote: Have fun on your boat.

I have a boat??? News to me. Do tell. Or should I chalk it up to another rash assumption made by someone who knows nothing about me?

[Bill Gorton]

Bill G's baclofen journal

[edit] I removed this comment because it was out of line. I'm not saying the recipient wasn't either, but I regret having said it nonetheless.

[redhead77]

Bill G's baclofen journal

Sheesh. What did I miss here?

[coalfire]

Bill G's baclofen journal

Deleted

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Bill G's baclofen journal

Bill Gorton;1072120 wrote: Whoever it was that posted about that side effect, thank you. You saved me a trip to the emergency room.

This update doesn't require a response. If you're thinking about replying with "Bill, I'm glad your still posting, but I wish you would...", just don't.

Dear Bill, I'm glad you're still posting. I wish you would keep doing just that.
I hear you about the trip to the ER. I've had a couple of those and they were all completely useless and a waste of $$$$.
I remember my last experience with that sort of thing when I woke, freaked out and then remembered that Isolde had posted something similar and had enjoyed the ride. It took me awhile, but I was able to sort of embrace it...
The things we get used to! :H

Bring it all right here. We're here and we're listening. It helps if you are prepared to hear a tsk, tsk every now and then. And a sense of humor makes a profound difference. But I have been absolutely humorless and downright angry and f*ing dumb right here on mwo and lived through it. Not saying that you are, by any stretch.
You reintroduced me to Radiohead, and I'm glad. And I'm glad you're bac. Hang in there.
:ls
Glad you erased the post that might've hurt someone's feelings. Those are the ONLY ones I'm glad I erased. Okay, that, and some of the ones I posted about the sexual SEs I experienced. Those have no place on these boards, or anywhere, except in my head!
xo