Thank you everybody on this forum for sharing your stories. It helps a lot to read, even though everybody's story is different, I've seen little bits of myself in each.
I guess a summary of my life story for perspective; The first time I got drunk (and really drank anything beyond a little holiday wine) was my high school Grad Nite (I was almost 16). I returned a few weeks later to the same bar (drinking age was 18, but ID's were never checked much.. just had to tip the doorman) and got drunk another time. I certainly liked how Al made me feel, relaxed , less shy... Common things I guess for a pretty intelligent, shy, introverted , nerd type... I didn't drink all that often until I moved away to University; a year or so in I met a party girl who got me into pot and we spent lots of time getting stoned and drunk.. (still not really such a problem.. I was at that age..) Eventually I always had alcohol in my dorm room and pretty much drank daily. Always had insomnia and Al helped with sleep. I should mention I did extremely well in school so never really thought it a problem.
Regular drinking (almost daily) continued.. probably late 20s-mid 30s it started interfering with work.. first I would be late a lot, but that job didn't make a big deal.. then I would "work from home" a lot at the next job, which also didn't really care as long as I got the work done. About 3-4 years ago (at age 38-39) I lost my first job for absentism. My next job went well for about 6 months, the change of scenery I guess returned some of my enthuisiam towards work, then I started calling in sick a lot.. It got to a point where I offered to resign because of health reasons, but because my work was so good they allowed me to continue at 3 days a week. Things continued to go down hill with my attendance, and then the recession hit anyway and my contract was terminated.
I was out of work for about a year and a half and staying at home was a fine opportunity to spend the day drinking. This is about 2 years ago now at age 40. The drinking took its toll and I started getting sick for real; I would have episodes of the worst vomiting in my life. It would last a full day or two sometimes where everytime I puked, it didn't help, it felt like I had to puke again.. I would spend the whole day and night hunched over the toilet or sink.. or a bucket. When these attacks hit I stopped drinking, and withdrawal symptoms added to the misery.. cold chills, sweating, rapid heartbeat and violent tremmors.. thankfully these symptoms always passed within 24 hours of my last drink. I would stay off alcohol for 3-4 days, but then I would be feeling better and the temptation and submission to drink returned.
The first few attacks I kept trying to rationalize that it wasn't due to drinking, but maybe food poissioning or the like.. I think it was the 4th attack, I became so exhausted and dehydrated from constant vomiting that I actually passed out for a second and fell over and smashed my side into the toilet bowl.. I was very lucky I didn't break a few ribs (it felt like I did). This finally persuaded me to see a doctor. My GP examined me and I don't think she was very used to dealing with alcohol abuse, she over-reacted and started using some pretty scary tactics, saying I could have a bleeding ulcer and could drop dead any minute. At first she wanted to send me for all kinds of tests at a lab, including sticking a camara down my throat into my stomach.. That didn't sound very appealing at all.. I was pretty resistant to invasive tests.. Finally she became more concerned about the possibility of a bleeding ulcer, and urged me to go to the emergency room right away.. I was resistant again, but then she said the tests would be done right away (instead of waiting with normal laboratories) and that they wouldn't do any tests that they didn't think necessary. Additionally she said she would mark my paperwork, to admit me 'STAT' so I wouldn't have to wait very long (that didn't turn out to be the case.. think I waited to be admitted for over 12 hours..).
Finally I was admitted and they started tests. I was feeling much better by then because the 24 hours since my last drink had passed.. but still suffered from heartburn; got a prescription strength acid reflux drug for that which fixed me up. Many hours later the tests came back and I had elevated liver enzymes, which prompted an ultrasound in the ER. The attending thought she saw a gall bladder stone, so admitted me for the night so I could get a detailed ultrasound with the fancy machine and a specialist in the morning. Couldn't eat or drink until those results finally came back the following evening.. I think the dehydration really messed with me and my withdrawl and detox was very strange for a week or so after..(hallucinations, highened senses.. some kinda fun..) Anyhow.. fortunately the specialist didn't find a gall stone (since surgery to remove the gall bladder might have been prescribed), but only gall bladder 'sludge'... The gall bladder is what caused 'gastritis' (upset stomach). I never knew that drinking could lead to those types of problems, we usually only hear about liver disease. Long story short, I realized that I really had to give my body a rest from alcohol. I had the objective of eventually being able to drink again, like a 'normal' person, but to lay off it for 3 months to let my body recover. I left the ER with a small prescription for valium (diazapam) in case I suffered any bad withdrawl symptoms. I never used them at that point..
I managed to stay Al free for 2 months, even worked in a bar as a DJ on occassion and only drank non-al. Then I broke up with my girlfriend, and shortly after was offered a job requiring me to relocate to another city; perfect timing!
I know I had planned not to drink for 3 months, but before moving I had follow-up blood tests and everything was good, so once I moved I decided I would go out on weekends, like a 'normal' person, in hopes of making some new friends since I knew nobody in my new city. I made some rules for myself; no drinking alone and no alcohol in my apartment. This plan actually worked well for a few months.. I'm not sure exactly how it went wrong.. I think maybe I was invited to a colleagues house on the weekend for a bar-BQ and I bought a case a beer to bring over and returned with some.. or maybe one weekend I didn't feel like going out to a bar, and rationalized that its ok to have some booze at home on the weekend and just chill and watch some movies.. Oh how the wicked web is weaved.. So I'm sure you can guess where this is going.. Booze left over from the weekend.. 'Normal' people have a couple of beers in the evening after work.. Pretty soon I was back to drinking all weekend and a few times during the week.. I managed to stay in sorta control a bit longer, I tried to detox on Sunday so I would be up to go to work on Monday.. I used up my small valium prescription to ease the Sunday withdrawl.. but soon it was gone.
This brings us pretty close to present date.. no more valium to sober up and chills / shakes etc.. so started drinking on Sunday.. which led to calling in sick on Mondays.. It escalated until I was 'sick' the whole week, and the next Monday on hand.. None of this was helped by the fact that I started hating my new town and new job.. So I told work that I needed a medical leave for a few weeks and hope that I will still have a job once I'm better.
I started to look online to see if I could buy some valium from an online pharmacy. I found a few, but they seemed shady (and quite a rip-off), the more legit seeming pharmacies indicated that diazapam is a controlled substance so can only be prescriped by a doctor in person, so I began researching alternatives to diazapam for withdrawl relief. I found that Lorazapam (Ativan) can be used instead of Diazapam.. but it too is controlled.. Finally I discovered Baclofen. I started reading the limited studies, one which tested its effectiveness for withdrawl versus diazapam (at this point I was only interested in help getting past the withdrawl phase) and was encouraged so ordered some from the most reasonably seeming online 'pharmacyescrow'. I continued researching and found this forum, and got even more hope that it could actually take away the addiction. Also found discussion on goldpharma and 4rx I ordered from both of those since all these online pharms take sooooo long.
Well, today I got my 1st order (I think its from Goldpharma; Vioridon mailed from Greece) and took my 1st half pill (5mg) about an hour ago now.. But a little too late to help the withdrawl!
My mother is actually taking a trip about 7 hours from me, and since off work I decided to visit her (hadn't seen her in over 6 months). I'm just back from that trip. I did drink the night before I left, stayed up late and only got about 5-6 hours of sleep from my last drink.. I figured I could get the driving done before the bad withdrawl set in. I was ok for the drive; at one point I thought I might pull off and have a beer to mellow, but that passed and I was well into my 1st Al free day. I actually brought some beer down with me, and had a bottle of whiskey stashed in my bag in case I couldn't handle the withdrawl.. When I arrived and saw my mom (who went through my hospital experience with me, and well aware of my drinking), I put the beer in the fridge and she wasn't too impressed.. I said I could use a beer after the long drive.. She could see I had the shakes, and she commented on it. I told her I've been having trouble stopping drinking because the withdrawl is bad, and that I wish I had some Valium. She say she didn't have Valium but she had some Lorazapam for her anxiety. That really put my mind at ease knowing that she had some.. so I didn't have a beer, and we went out for dinner, and I didn't drink Al and compared to other times I'd withdrawd it wasn't too bad this time (I had been trying to stop drinking for weeks already by cutting down.. or trying to at least). When we got back, I took 0.5mg of Lorazapam followed an hour later by another 0.5mg just to relax and ward off anything nasty. Got past the 24hr mark and didn't drink the next day either.. repeated the Lorazapam regiment that night again to ease my mind mostly.. And didn't drink the next day.. no more Lorazapam that night since I don't want to get addicted to that! The night went ok.. my mind was pretty active and took quite a while to fall asleep.. but did, and awoke feeling relatively good and and able to drive home.. And that's now my 4th Al free day, plus arrived to find one of my Bac shipments is finally here!
So my 1st 5mg was at about 7:45PM its now 9:21PM.. how do I feel? umm.. guess a bit relaxed, a bit foggy head.. I plan to take another 5mg around midnight and see how I sleep.. No urge to drink right now.. don't know if Bac has anything to do with it.. I've managed many times in the past to stop drinking for periods.. I guess we will see.
I guess a summary of my life story for perspective; The first time I got drunk (and really drank anything beyond a little holiday wine) was my high school Grad Nite (I was almost 16). I returned a few weeks later to the same bar (drinking age was 18, but ID's were never checked much.. just had to tip the doorman) and got drunk another time. I certainly liked how Al made me feel, relaxed , less shy... Common things I guess for a pretty intelligent, shy, introverted , nerd type... I didn't drink all that often until I moved away to University; a year or so in I met a party girl who got me into pot and we spent lots of time getting stoned and drunk.. (still not really such a problem.. I was at that age..) Eventually I always had alcohol in my dorm room and pretty much drank daily. Always had insomnia and Al helped with sleep. I should mention I did extremely well in school so never really thought it a problem.
Regular drinking (almost daily) continued.. probably late 20s-mid 30s it started interfering with work.. first I would be late a lot, but that job didn't make a big deal.. then I would "work from home" a lot at the next job, which also didn't really care as long as I got the work done. About 3-4 years ago (at age 38-39) I lost my first job for absentism. My next job went well for about 6 months, the change of scenery I guess returned some of my enthuisiam towards work, then I started calling in sick a lot.. It got to a point where I offered to resign because of health reasons, but because my work was so good they allowed me to continue at 3 days a week. Things continued to go down hill with my attendance, and then the recession hit anyway and my contract was terminated.
I was out of work for about a year and a half and staying at home was a fine opportunity to spend the day drinking. This is about 2 years ago now at age 40. The drinking took its toll and I started getting sick for real; I would have episodes of the worst vomiting in my life. It would last a full day or two sometimes where everytime I puked, it didn't help, it felt like I had to puke again.. I would spend the whole day and night hunched over the toilet or sink.. or a bucket. When these attacks hit I stopped drinking, and withdrawal symptoms added to the misery.. cold chills, sweating, rapid heartbeat and violent tremmors.. thankfully these symptoms always passed within 24 hours of my last drink. I would stay off alcohol for 3-4 days, but then I would be feeling better and the temptation and submission to drink returned.
The first few attacks I kept trying to rationalize that it wasn't due to drinking, but maybe food poissioning or the like.. I think it was the 4th attack, I became so exhausted and dehydrated from constant vomiting that I actually passed out for a second and fell over and smashed my side into the toilet bowl.. I was very lucky I didn't break a few ribs (it felt like I did). This finally persuaded me to see a doctor. My GP examined me and I don't think she was very used to dealing with alcohol abuse, she over-reacted and started using some pretty scary tactics, saying I could have a bleeding ulcer and could drop dead any minute. At first she wanted to send me for all kinds of tests at a lab, including sticking a camara down my throat into my stomach.. That didn't sound very appealing at all.. I was pretty resistant to invasive tests.. Finally she became more concerned about the possibility of a bleeding ulcer, and urged me to go to the emergency room right away.. I was resistant again, but then she said the tests would be done right away (instead of waiting with normal laboratories) and that they wouldn't do any tests that they didn't think necessary. Additionally she said she would mark my paperwork, to admit me 'STAT' so I wouldn't have to wait very long (that didn't turn out to be the case.. think I waited to be admitted for over 12 hours..).
Finally I was admitted and they started tests. I was feeling much better by then because the 24 hours since my last drink had passed.. but still suffered from heartburn; got a prescription strength acid reflux drug for that which fixed me up. Many hours later the tests came back and I had elevated liver enzymes, which prompted an ultrasound in the ER. The attending thought she saw a gall bladder stone, so admitted me for the night so I could get a detailed ultrasound with the fancy machine and a specialist in the morning. Couldn't eat or drink until those results finally came back the following evening.. I think the dehydration really messed with me and my withdrawl and detox was very strange for a week or so after..(hallucinations, highened senses.. some kinda fun..) Anyhow.. fortunately the specialist didn't find a gall stone (since surgery to remove the gall bladder might have been prescribed), but only gall bladder 'sludge'... The gall bladder is what caused 'gastritis' (upset stomach). I never knew that drinking could lead to those types of problems, we usually only hear about liver disease. Long story short, I realized that I really had to give my body a rest from alcohol. I had the objective of eventually being able to drink again, like a 'normal' person, but to lay off it for 3 months to let my body recover. I left the ER with a small prescription for valium (diazapam) in case I suffered any bad withdrawl symptoms. I never used them at that point..
I managed to stay Al free for 2 months, even worked in a bar as a DJ on occassion and only drank non-al. Then I broke up with my girlfriend, and shortly after was offered a job requiring me to relocate to another city; perfect timing!
I know I had planned not to drink for 3 months, but before moving I had follow-up blood tests and everything was good, so once I moved I decided I would go out on weekends, like a 'normal' person, in hopes of making some new friends since I knew nobody in my new city. I made some rules for myself; no drinking alone and no alcohol in my apartment. This plan actually worked well for a few months.. I'm not sure exactly how it went wrong.. I think maybe I was invited to a colleagues house on the weekend for a bar-BQ and I bought a case a beer to bring over and returned with some.. or maybe one weekend I didn't feel like going out to a bar, and rationalized that its ok to have some booze at home on the weekend and just chill and watch some movies.. Oh how the wicked web is weaved.. So I'm sure you can guess where this is going.. Booze left over from the weekend.. 'Normal' people have a couple of beers in the evening after work.. Pretty soon I was back to drinking all weekend and a few times during the week.. I managed to stay in sorta control a bit longer, I tried to detox on Sunday so I would be up to go to work on Monday.. I used up my small valium prescription to ease the Sunday withdrawl.. but soon it was gone.
This brings us pretty close to present date.. no more valium to sober up and chills / shakes etc.. so started drinking on Sunday.. which led to calling in sick on Mondays.. It escalated until I was 'sick' the whole week, and the next Monday on hand.. None of this was helped by the fact that I started hating my new town and new job.. So I told work that I needed a medical leave for a few weeks and hope that I will still have a job once I'm better.
I started to look online to see if I could buy some valium from an online pharmacy. I found a few, but they seemed shady (and quite a rip-off), the more legit seeming pharmacies indicated that diazapam is a controlled substance so can only be prescriped by a doctor in person, so I began researching alternatives to diazapam for withdrawl relief. I found that Lorazapam (Ativan) can be used instead of Diazapam.. but it too is controlled.. Finally I discovered Baclofen. I started reading the limited studies, one which tested its effectiveness for withdrawl versus diazapam (at this point I was only interested in help getting past the withdrawl phase) and was encouraged so ordered some from the most reasonably seeming online 'pharmacyescrow'. I continued researching and found this forum, and got even more hope that it could actually take away the addiction. Also found discussion on goldpharma and 4rx I ordered from both of those since all these online pharms take sooooo long.
Well, today I got my 1st order (I think its from Goldpharma; Vioridon mailed from Greece) and took my 1st half pill (5mg) about an hour ago now.. But a little too late to help the withdrawl!
My mother is actually taking a trip about 7 hours from me, and since off work I decided to visit her (hadn't seen her in over 6 months). I'm just back from that trip. I did drink the night before I left, stayed up late and only got about 5-6 hours of sleep from my last drink.. I figured I could get the driving done before the bad withdrawl set in. I was ok for the drive; at one point I thought I might pull off and have a beer to mellow, but that passed and I was well into my 1st Al free day. I actually brought some beer down with me, and had a bottle of whiskey stashed in my bag in case I couldn't handle the withdrawl.. When I arrived and saw my mom (who went through my hospital experience with me, and well aware of my drinking), I put the beer in the fridge and she wasn't too impressed.. I said I could use a beer after the long drive.. She could see I had the shakes, and she commented on it. I told her I've been having trouble stopping drinking because the withdrawl is bad, and that I wish I had some Valium. She say she didn't have Valium but she had some Lorazapam for her anxiety. That really put my mind at ease knowing that she had some.. so I didn't have a beer, and we went out for dinner, and I didn't drink Al and compared to other times I'd withdrawd it wasn't too bad this time (I had been trying to stop drinking for weeks already by cutting down.. or trying to at least). When we got back, I took 0.5mg of Lorazapam followed an hour later by another 0.5mg just to relax and ward off anything nasty. Got past the 24hr mark and didn't drink the next day either.. repeated the Lorazapam regiment that night again to ease my mind mostly.. And didn't drink the next day.. no more Lorazapam that night since I don't want to get addicted to that! The night went ok.. my mind was pretty active and took quite a while to fall asleep.. but did, and awoke feeling relatively good and and able to drive home.. And that's now my 4th Al free day, plus arrived to find one of my Bac shipments is finally here!
So my 1st 5mg was at about 7:45PM its now 9:21PM.. how do I feel? umm.. guess a bit relaxed, a bit foggy head.. I plan to take another 5mg around midnight and see how I sleep.. No urge to drink right now.. don't know if Bac has anything to do with it.. I've managed many times in the past to stop drinking for periods.. I guess we will see.
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