Daily dosing record - beatle

[Cinders]

Daily dosing record - beatle

Beatle,

My dear friend. I truly understand. My mama is going through what your granny is now. It is so painful, so much loss, so sad. To see a dear one lose everything is so scary.

My mama often can't remember that my son is my son. She thinks of him as my brother sometimes. She can't remember all of my grandchildren's names or when they were born.

She is such a sweet, kind, loving soul. It is so hard to see her this way.

I still cherish every moment I have with her and I especially cherish the moments when she is lucid. They come and go.

I feel horribly for her because she knows it is happening.

I almost, and I mean this almost, pray for the day she doesn't. But that day means she is lost to me.

It is like death. Really.

I pray your moments with your loved one are special while you are there. Hopefully there might be some lucid times. It is so hard to be there when she isn't but it is worth the difficulty when she is.

Mortality and beyond. Yes. I know.

Take your time on Dr. L. You are in a difficult place and feeling difficult feelings.

We understand and care.

Love,
Cindi

[Bruunhilde]

Daily dosing record - beatle

Cinders and Beatle,

I'm so sorry to hear of your loved ones. I wish for strength and the ability to cope with the grief, for you and your families.

Love to you ...

[beatle]

Daily dosing record - beatle

First of all, I want and need to apologize for writing in my thread alluding to something that assumed my circumstances were known to everyone...

What has turned me off

One of things, (the man thing dndd--

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Daily dosing record - beatle

hmmm. How you doing beatle? Thoughts are with you and yours.
xo

[beatle]

Daily dosing record - beatle

So, Dr. L and Me:

(I have conflicting feelings about Dr. L, but I think I’m going to save that for another post.)

To begin with:
I apologize profusely for it not being clear and public knowledge why and how I ended up in Chicago, “Looking in the eyes of a dying person for hours at a time, feelings of painful empathy and endless fear... contemplating mortality and beyond...”, and then meeting Dr. L in between.

One thing I really hate about the way MWO has developed in recent months, is that all these people have off-forum relationships (and I have a few myself), and then they post things on the public forums, and then hash them out privately and then go back to the forums and continue a discussion... this is confusing to other readers, and no doubt contributes to the impression that MWO is cliquey. Equally, I think posters referring to inside (non-public) knowledge contributes to this impression and general confusion.

SO, talk about hypocritical!

Please tell me I told everyone on this thread, this public forum, what is going on -- why I am in Chicago, what I am doing here -- before posting about contemplating mortality and meeting Dr. L in person.

If I have, yay for me.
If I haven’t, shame on me.

This is not a post about Dr. L and me, is it?

Oh well, that is coming. sigh

[Doggygirl]

Daily dosing record - beatle

Hi beatle. I find it impossible to keep track of everything people are discussing ON the forum. So when I see something I haven't heard about before, my inclination is to think I missed something rather than to feel as though there is a "clique" going on that I am not part of, and therefore feel bad about it. But that is just me! Sometimes I feel bad thinking I should keep better track of what's going on in people's lives, and I definitely feel bad because I forget a lot of stuff!! (I defo killed many many brain cells!)

Anyway...

I wanted to just say that I am so sorry for what you are going through. I remember what the end of life was like with one of my grandmother's in particular, and there would be moments of sadness and moments of joy - lots of rawness to it. :l My Dad is going downhill pretty quickly these days - this stuff just isn't easy. Especially when we try to face it soberly, and even if we don't face it soberly. (I guess that makes it a no win...)

Anyway, thoughts are with you and your family.

DG

[Cinders]

Daily dosing record - beatle

Darn, Beatle,

I did not mean to post something that should not have been posted.

However, I am a drunk and that can happen with me. I do apologize.

No cliques here, friends, just different means of communicating.

Again, Beatle, I reiterate what DG just said, these are hard times for those of us who are getting along in years. AHEM.

Some of us have grandparents suffering from alzheimers/dementia and some of us have parents. Some have grandparents or parents suffering from other awful diseases.

I did resonate with your post and posted in response. It may not have been correct to "out" you and what you are going through, but I am going through it, too.

I feel like cr@p for the post. Normal for me, though.

Love,
Cindi

[beatle]

Daily dosing record - beatle

No Cindi -- Now I feel like total cr@p for posting that.

What I meant was my OWN post. (meanwhile, I feel honored and happy that people care enough to post personal concerns).

My apology was for this:

beatle;1092213 wrote:
Looking in the eyes of a dying person for hours at a time, feelings of painful empathy and endless fear... contemplating mortality and beyond...

And dang, I saw Dr. L today!

... would make no sense to anyone coming to this thread... totally wacky, in fact. And coming from me on my dosing schedule.

But, as DG said:

"I find it impossible to keep track of everything people are discussing ON the forum. So when I see something I haven't heard about before, my inclination is to think I missed something rather than to feel as though there is a "clique" going on that I am not part of ..."

That is so true (thank you DG for your constant words of wisdom).

And I think most people coming here will see the personal concern... and I guess they would also get the wackiness of me, but that pet peeve of mine made me get all self-righteous about it...

[Doggygirl]

Daily dosing record - beatle

Don't worry beatle. Please just focus on taking care of YOU and spending time with your loved ones. :l The Whacky World of My Way Out will always be here, whacky as ever, just when we need it.

DG

[beatle]

Daily dosing record - beatle

Lo0p;1091163 wrote:
If (big if) I didn't know what indifference felt like, that might have been impossible for me to overcome. I don't envy you all. I hate writing this but it's true. Those were some of the most horrifying moments of my life.
yet another horrifying SE we never heard about from you Lo0p... you're starting to sound human after all

Lo0p;1091163 wrote: Not funny at all but on second thought, what caused mine was extremely high dose hydrocodone, and I sure as hell didn't stop doing that.

And, sorry? Did I miss something here? hydrocodone?

[beatle]

Daily dosing record - beatle

Doggygirl;1093663 wrote: Don't worry beatle. Please just focus on taking care of YOU and spending time with your loved ones. :l The Whacky World of My Way Out will always be here, whacky as ever, just when we need it.

DG

Thank you DG, as always, a calm and rational voice...

btw, I looked it up, and wacky means behaving in a silly or random way. Me and MWO?

[Lo0p]

Daily dosing record - beatle

beatle;1093722 wrote: yet another horrifying SE we never heard about from you Lo0p... you're starting to sound human after all
Honestly I'd have to have it a few more times to believe that baclofen was actually causing it. I get this with certain meds sometimes. If I recall correctly I got it most often with:

beatle;1093722 wrote: And, sorry? Did I miss something here? hydrocodone?

Hydrocodone=Vicodin. I was extremely addicted to it when I was younger. I am not anymore. I could have a bottle of it or any other narcotic pain medication (and I have) in my room and absolutely forget that it was even there.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Daily dosing record - beatle

Ahem. I'm about to out myself once again for the hopeless Lo0p groupie that I am/was.

He DID report the sleep paralysis when it happened. Scared the crap out of you, as I recall.
The bummer (for me) was that you'd been on bac for a good long while when it happened. I also remember Cindi reporting (lo those many months ago) that she had hallucinations about spiders (or maybe she was the lizard one, but I think you saw spiders, right Cinders?) THAT scared the crap out of me too. Knock wood I haven't had either, but now that I've written it I'll probably have both. tonight. If I really am that suggestible. ugh.

Anyway, good day everyone and XO!
Ne

[bleep]

Daily dosing record - beatle

Beatle, we are all anxiously awaiting your dosage update!

Although you are temporarily excused, given your personal situation. I hope that's all going okay.

I had hallucinations, but nothing scary. I saw cigarette boxes everywhere. It made searching for my smokes a nightmare sometimes.

[Doggygirl]

Daily dosing record - beatle

Hi beatle. Just poppin' in to say hi and that I was thinking of you when I logged in here this morning. Hope all is going OK for you.

DG