Daily dosing record - beatle

[Cinders]

Daily dosing record - beatle

Spiders for me, that was hallucinations.

Also a large white winged "something" came at me one time.

That is called withdrawals.

Sleep paralysis is when one is awake from sleep but simply cannot move. You lie there unable to do anything.

The last time it happened, I kept dreaming I was in bed, which I was, and falling off the edge and trying to crawl my way up the wall, and "horror" trying to pull myself up on my husband's computer and television. He would kill me for that.

Of course, I was just in bed, unable to move.

Very scary, actually,

Beatle,

I hope you post your experience soon. The good, the bad and the ugly. (Old Clint Eastwood movie for those who don't know.)

Love,
Cindi

[beatle]

Daily dosing record - beatle

Ahem. Perhaps he DID report the sleep paralysis SE, but maybe I am just not suggestible enough (and you know what state my memory, or lack thereof, is in). In fact, I remember specifically asking for a definition of sleep paralysis -- just to make sure I didn't have it, and I think I was relieved to find that I didn't have that particular SE. Maybe I am just not suggestible enough (and you know what state my memory, or lack thereof, is in.)

Ahem. I think it was I who reported the spiders (but you know what state my memory, or lack thereof, is in).

And I am pretty sure I had hallucinations before I was suggestible to them (but you know what state my memory, or lack thereof, is in).

And lastly, those pokes about suggestibility are in no way aimed at Ig, at least not him exclusively, and were meant in fun.

I miss you Ig... where are you?...

[beatle]

Daily dosing record - beatle

And where are you Longshot, for that matter?

I'm pretty sure you didn't get banned ... but perhaps reprimanded for a personal attack, although I didn't think yours was nearly as reprehensible as somebody else here (who I do believe was banned, but it could be she willingly removed herself after being warned too many times).

Your lashing out was based on a fully explained reason (albeit after the fact), which you felt passionate about, and I think most people understood that (although they were perhaps surprised and offended by it). (But you know what state my memory, or lack thereof, is in).

Anyway, I wrote you a PM expressing that thought, part of which said:

"Hey Longshot,

Just for the record, you are in no way responsible for all the shit that has been going on at MWO...

You had a passionate response with a legitimate reason. You used expletives and were out of line in your personal attack on Charlie, but it was all understandable in light of your reasons. This happens on MWO. We are all people, and passionate people.

That kind of stuff is tolerated and does not ruin MWO."

There may be people who disagree with me, including Charlie, although he reacted in a calm and rational way ... perhaps because he understood Longshot's reasons (but you know what state my memory, or lack thereof, is in)...

...and in retrospect, perhaps I should have posted that PM on RH's thread -- in fact I thought I had (but you know what state my memory, or lack thereof, is in).

Same goes to you Ig, although you never specifically attacked or insulted a single person (but you know what state my memory, or lack thereof, is in). No, in this case, I doubt Ig could sling those kinds of insults at anyone... it's just not in his nature. No matter what state my memory, or lack thereof, is in, I stand firm in my belief that it is not in Ig's nature to sling personal attacks at anyone.(Although I do recall that he once told me to get off the loo (or some derivation thereof)! :H It was clearly meant as friendly advice, and I certainly never took it as an insult or character assassination... as I said, it's just not in his nature.

So Longshot and Ig, perhaps you are staying away because you feel personally attacked yourself, or because you are fed up with the tone the bac threads have taken, but I, for one, miss you both and hope you will come back and continue to add dimension (and dissention) to these threads.

Perhaps you have other reasons for staying away... and I am, as is in my nature, just being paranoid and reading too much into others' intentions (and you know what state my memory, or lack thereof, is in)...

No matter, please come back (if you have in fact left).:durn: (That was meant in good, humour, in case anybody should misinterpret my intentions.)

Reason for editing: I can't remember... probably a missing parentheses or a period where it should have been a comma:upset:And I prubably didn't catch them all:egad:

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Daily dosing record - beatle

ur funny

:H

[beatle]

Daily dosing record - beatle

Ne/Neva Eva;1094144 wrote:

ur funny

:H

If you are referring to my editing -- yes funny, but true, alas ... not sure whether I should put a:upset: or a :H after that.. .or maybe a simple

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Daily dosing record - beatle

Nope. You're funny because of this:

beatle;1094118 wrote: Maybe I am just not suggestible enough (and you know what state my memory, or lack thereof, is in.)
...
(but you know what state my memory, or lack thereof, is in).
...
And I am pretty sure I had hallucinations before I was suggestible to them (but you know what state my memory, or lack thereof, is in).
...
And lastly, those pokes about suggestibility are in no way aimed at Ig, at least not him exclusively, and were meant in fun.

And all of the second post, but here were some highlights:

beatle;1094136 wrote:
(But you know what state my memory, or lack thereof, is in). ....

Same goes to you Ig, although you never specifically attacked or insulted a single person (but you know what state my memory, or lack thereof, is in). No, in this case, I doubt Ig could sling those kinds of insults at anyone... it's just not in his nature. No matter what state my memory, or lack thereof, is in, I stand firm in my belief that it is not in Ig's nature to sling personal attacks at anyone.(Although I do recall that he once told me to get off the loo (or some derivation thereof)! :H It was clearly meant as friendly advice, and I certainly never took it as an insult or character assassination... as I said, it's just not in his nature.

....
(That was meant in good, humour, in case anybody should misinterpret my intentions.)

Reason for editing: I can't remember... probably a missing parentheses or a period where it should have been a comma:upset:And I prubably didn't catch them all:egad:

LOLOL
But, yes, I used text-words because I noticed you had some, mistakes. OMG! Call out the editorial police! And I, in turn was poking fun at U!
xo

(and the was because I presumed you were being a bit snarky and you used a swear word. That makes me snort. lol

[beatle]

Daily dosing record - beatle

I didn't notice that I used a swear word. I believe I wouldn't have if I had noticed (but who knows... it has been known to happen, much against my better judgement).

Yet another indication of my deteriorating editing abilities (or waning obsession?).

[Doggygirl]

Daily dosing record - beatle

Hi beatle. You said something in your recent posts that really stood out for me. Something I can truly and fully relate to:

(but you know what state my memory, or lack thereof, is in).

That is all.



DG

[Cinders]

Daily dosing record - beatle

Beatle,

How are you doing this weekend? Have you increased your Bac dose anymore?

Or can't you remember!! :H

Love,
Cindi

[beatle]

Daily dosing record - beatle

Hi Cindi, thanks for asking.

I don't remember, though.

Isn't it still the weekend? Oh, I guess not. I'll get back to you on that.

[beatle]

Daily dosing record - beatle

I know that sounded flippant. I apologize.

Dosing is in the 250-275 range. More on that later.

First to my meeting with Dr. L (which relates directly to my current dosing)...

[beatle]

Daily dosing record - beatle

My take on Dr. L -- general

I had a short, intense conversation with him on Tuesday.

When I called him on Friday regarding a meeting in person, he had said the soonest he could do it was next Friday. I told him I would only be in Chicago on Tuesday-Wednesday, he cleared his throat a little and said, umm how about Tuesday at 3:30? I was thrilled.

He squeezed me in, I guess, very strange circumstances, but I have to trust him on this one.

So, put it down to poor communication and overwork (on his part), but he called me at 3:00 on Tuesday and left a message asking if we had an appointment that day, and if so, when. I called back and said we had agreed on 3:30, he cleared his throat and said yes, that?s right. I came at 3:27, he answered the door and he seemed surprised, cleared his throat again and asked again when our appointment was for? apparently, I interrupted a session he was having with someone else?

Don?t get me wrong here, the doctor is obviously severely overworked? and not in a quest to make money. After talking to me for 45 minutes (and explaining that he had to get back to the other guy, whose session I had interrupted), asked me more or less what I could afford. (Edit/Question: Maybe I should take this out? I don't want people trying to take advantage of him.) This guy is seriously not out to make money. He is the real thing trying to help as many people as possible.

That said, I don?t think he is/has been an addict, so he may not relate to us the way someone like OA might (if he took patients). But this could also be a good thing. He looks at it as science -- simple as that. Addict/non-addict. He doesn't seem to have a passionate personal investment (but I may be totally wrong) here.

I think Dr. L is someone who stumbled upon the baclofen-addiction connection somehow (we don?t know how, I think?), and as a true doctor, in the true sense of the word, realized its true potential (and the immensity of that potential), and is doing what a true doctor (and obviously there are not many of them out there) would do ? treat as many people as he can as quickly as he can to save them from a life-threatening disease.

I don't think baclofen and addiction treatment were his (original) passion or aim (check out his history on google), it just happened.

That?s my completely personal take on it, anyway. He discussed nothing of this with me. He was only interested in getting me switched. And yes, to him it is a switch. No questions there. No discussion required.

[bleep]

Daily dosing record - beatle

Bah, I was full of interesting questions! Then I got to your last sentence

Well, regardless, I hope the appointment was a helpful one, and that you are doing ok.

[beatle]

Daily dosing record - beatle

The reason he says the switch is a switch is scientific.

Because it is.

I think it is uplifting to hear someone who is not an addict say that categorically. Blablah as much as you want about progress, process, whatever, the science says addiction = xyz, and lack of addiction = lack of xyz.

A switch is a switch however you choose to look at it. If you unswitch, you take more bac, if you don't want to unswitch, you play around with it.

The switch info came not from me asking but from what he said about other things.

I think that's what he was saying, anyway. I'll try to come back with some quotes later to back it up.

Hope that's not too disappointing.

As for interesting questions, I never got to them. As I said, he was too focussed. But I'm sure we could eventually get round to them.

[beatle]

Daily dosing record - beatle

So, my mtg with Dr. L.

I really wanted to write out a blow-by-blow summary here (with personal interpretations thrown in), but that?s not going to happen.

Instead, it will just be bits and pieces. If you have further questions, ask away and I will answer them. (Note: There will undoubtedly be repetitions here. I can?t remember what I wrote previously and can?t be bothered to go back and check.)

As mentioned, he was not in the mood or had time to engage in any bigger issue conversation about baclofen. His focus and sole purpose was to figure out fast how he could help me. I didn?t have a chance against his determination to make it about me. Frustrating at the time, incredibly doctor-like in retrospect. He wants to help people as fast, and as individually as he can.
His first line of offense (is how it felt for me), was to ask what other meds I was on? I had everything nicely printed out and collated, so he looked at that fast, checked on his iPhone/android thing using his Hippocrates database checker (I think that?s what he called it, actually), and finally decided that I should stop all other meds except my thyroid medicine.

(And aside: my other meds were minimal and not really relevant: zolpidem for sleeping now and then in small amounts; lorazapam as needed for panic attack moments (very rare), Lamictal (mood stabilizer ? a very mild drug, which he admitted probably wasn?t a factor)

His concern seemed to be that I had gone so high, but not on the OA protocol, so that maybe between the erratic protocol and the other meds, that maybe I didn?t, but could have, or maybe did, reach my switch? It was a little hard to follow because things were not going in the direction I expected them to, and he wasn?t explaining himself, either.

What I got out of it was this:

Variations in dosing is what gets people into trouble.
OA?s protocol is ?well thought-out? and it makes it the easiest way for out brains to undo addiction.
(As always, ?Olivier is just a phone call away?)

He seemed to indicate that taking bac doses in smaller quantities more often was not necessarily good.

He seemed to be saying that it is better to give it bigger doses less often (3-4 times a day), that this would give the brain and body time to adjust/get used to it at each stage.

Because I had gone so far up at the evenly spaced-out, lower doses, and because I explained about the extreme SEs when I took larger doses in one go, he was hesitant to change the dosing schedule, although he thought that might be why I hadn?t hit (or realized I had hit) the switch (the dosing schedule).

So he suggested, while quitting all other meds, I stay steady for a week, then continue up at the OA protocol rate (20mg/week), And call him next week?like he expected some kind of big change in that time.

What he also said is that he would take me up to 340, maybe, according to the OA protocol, but if I hadn?t hit my switch by then, he would want to take me back down to around 150 (not suddenly, of course), and then work me back up according to the OA protocol. Sort of undoing and redoing.
Basically what he said was something like what Lo0p said to me:

Lo0p;1091098 wrote: IMy biggest fear is that if you approach this like you have been (slowly) you'll end up @ 350 with no switch.