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    My Bac Journey started today

    Hi

    You may have seen me in another thread but I wanted to start a fresh one to detail my BAC journey from day one.

    For those who havn't seen my other thread, just a quick history so you know what kind of abuser i am. I am 33 and have essentially spent the last 15 years in a hell of chronic binge and cocaine taking episodes. In my early 20's, I thought it was normal. By 27, it was clearly a problem(hellish recoveries, f*cked up a load of relationships, useless work attendance blah blah the norm) but I kept on plugging on determined to 'beat it'. Saw more quacks and tried more alternative therapies than you can shake a stick at. Had my first attempt at AA. Hated it. 10 days was about my limit AF and then it would always end up in 2-3-4 day benders after which I would spend approx 5-10 days trapped in my flat sweating and shaking and going mad, staring at walls and pacing around smoking cigarettes, hearing things etc. As soon as I felt better again, I would invariably do exactly the same thing again. Insanity. My life went on like that for a long, long, long time. The fear of stopping drinking I guess was even worse than the living hell I was in. I knew just how anxious and uncomfortable I could be without a drink and just had lost any faith in myself to stay stopped. The triggers were endless and nore than that, i felt like the addiction wd one day literally 'possess me' and off I would go - despite the best intentions. How I managed to keep any kind of life/friendships together I don't really know but fortunately I do have a good group of friends who care and a loving family who have been through a lot with this but are very forgiving. How I would love to be able to have them not have to worry anymore.

    Anyway, 2 and a bit years ago, 5 weeks into a new relationshsip I went proper loopy on a five day bender, breaking in to my own flat with a fire extinguisher and then somehow ending up in a hotel room at great expense ready to top myself. Waved the white flag and decided on rehab instead. Spent a month in Arizona and a couple in SA. Stayed sober for 3 months back in UK and then.....boom, picked up that first drink. That was 2 years ago. Last 2 years have been hell. More ups and downs than a tarts knickers. Again, tried everything - exorcism, more quacks, 'alcohol cures', even missioned it out to the Lenair Clinic using money I didn't have in a trans continental blackout which saw me singing Roxanne flat on my back to 300 people in some Boston Bar before nearly being stabbed to death down some alley by a bunch of coke dealers who nicked most of my clothes. Hospitalised in LA ten days later and vowed to stop for good. Was beside myself. Went back to AA. Determined as F*ck. Got a great sponsor. Follow the rules down to the last tee. But same thing.....after 7 or so weeks, I feel like I am going mad. Can't fuckin stand it. Leave. Drinking within a week. Things get really bad needless to say. Getting fuckin deperate. See a hypnotherapist/CBT/life coach.....he actually helps a bit get my life together but bottom line is, while I seem to get away with moderate drinking nights a little more than before, the bender is always lurking. and its always HELL. Found Naltrexone. So excited, but things got worse(i know it takes time) Found BAC(seems a far better fit for me having read what i have read). Had some great support on here.

    So, started today...taken 10mg in 2x 5mg doses and will take 2x more 5mg doses later today. Following Levin's titration schedule.

    Feeling hopeful. Some inspirational posts/stories on here. If I hadn't found BAC, I genuinely do not know where I would have headed for next so I am admittedly pinning a lot of hope on it but justifiably so I think.

    I will post regular and fascinated to be starting this journey. To be rid of this hell would be unexplicably amazing. I am in music and things are exciting, we have alot to look fwd to. Its a booze heavy culture so I am really hopeful that BAC will allow me to navigate these waters and not f*Ck the whole oportunity up.

    So, right now, feeling physically terrible and worn out(lost the plot completely on Monday night after 9 days AF, stumbled home at 10 am couldn't remember most of the night) but mentally positive and glad to have got the ball rolling.

    Sorry for long post but I know it can be helpful to have some backstory in case anyone can relate and compare.

    Ok cheers.

    Charlie
    I am well and truly in recovery, I thank Baclofen, the good people of MWO and my love of spirituality, the combination of which have helped to guide me out of the darkness in the last couple months. Cheers to that.

    #2
    My Bac Journey started today

    Hello Charlie, great idea posting your background as starters for your new thread. Welcome to bac-land, although I may not be much of a poster child for it, I am a fan of it, having seen what it has done for so many.

    You're still young, and that seems to help people ride out the SEs. I'm rooting for you! Follow that schedule to the nose and be consistent even if it means going to extremes to make sure you do.

    Rock on, Charlie, go for it!

    Comment


      #3
      My Bac Journey started today

      Good going, Charlie. Glad to see you went to the post office pronto
      I'll do whatever it takes
      AF 21/08/2009

      Comment


        #4
        My Bac Journey started today

        Hey Charlie,

        It's here in front of you waiting, which you know, so I won't go on about it.

        I hope you have a good ride, SE wise. Either way, know you must stick it out. We'll be here for you, rooting you on and supporting you the whole way.

        Good luck man.

        (I almost want to start betting pools when new people start on baclofen. What dose the switch?)

        Comment


          #5
          My Bac Journey started today

          Thanks all
          About to take 3rd 5mg tab and another before bed at about 8pm
          Have cleared tomoro's night out from the diary and grabbing a chilled weeekend outta Lonodon. Other than that, I am not going to try and say 'I will do this and that' because I have got to the point where I am bored of breaking promises I make to myself. I am just going to go with the BAC flow and see where the ride takes me, keeping up my end of the bargain(ie taking the pills!).
          Again, cheers for the support, this site has been a godsend.
          Thanks
          C
          I am well and truly in recovery, I thank Baclofen, the good people of MWO and my love of spirituality, the combination of which have helped to guide me out of the darkness in the last couple months. Cheers to that.

          Comment


            #6
            My Bac Journey started today

            Hey Charlie, I wanted to warn you off something that I did during my bac journey of three months. I had been having between four beers (good girl!) and 1.5+ bottles of wine (not so good!) nightly, and when I went on bac, I felt like I could just rely on the pills and my drinking skyrocketed.
            Partly because the bac allowed me to drink more before passing out (bad for SEs, extra bad hangovers with bac), AND because I let myself off the hook regarding self-discipline. I mean, not that I had much to begin with, but I had NONE on bac on purpose, thinking I'd rely on the pills to do their magic. Just a heads-up, don't stop trying not to drink while you're taking bac, you'll be all the better for it and able to keep dosing up on schedule.

            Comment


              #7
              My Bac Journey started today

              thanks

              Thanks for that - I will try my best of course. And will be focusiing on AF days. I guess what I am saying is that sometimes the urge is so cunningly overwhelming that I am in a hell hole aftermath before I know it, its as if i go onto auto-pilot and am powerless to stop the bender happening, even tho i know it could, i cannot step out of it...does that make sense?! Anyway, I am hoping the BAC, over time, will allow me to untangle myself from these onsets and to not drink when that comes over me full pelt. To allow me to sit with that intensity and not give in to it.
              Like Bleep, I am currently of the hopeful mindset that I will still be able to have a drink here and there without all the madness. I am not sure if that is totally naive, it just seems that people have had different experiences so I guess I have to see how my journey goes. Who knows, abstinence may become all i want. Its way too early to tell. I have chosen to have faith in the pills and look forward to seeing how i change as my brain is re-wired.
              The pills have begun and yes, thanks for this advice, I am going to do my best to attempt self-discipline. But I cannot help but feel that self discipline and alcoholism do not exist in the same sentence......bac, self-discipline and alcoholism however i think are feasible so yes, based on your advice, of course I am going to do my best. In other words, hoping that having BAC on my side will allow me to actually carry out all the well intentioned plans and desires I genuinely have - and allow me to not over do it and cause chaos!!
              All will be revealed. My brain is a little fuzzed today so I am not really even sure if i am making sense to be totaly honest!!
              anyway, Thanks
              I am well and truly in recovery, I thank Baclofen, the good people of MWO and my love of spirituality, the combination of which have helped to guide me out of the darkness in the last couple months. Cheers to that.

              Comment


                #8
                My Bac Journey started today

                Charlie, it will happen.

                I couldn't get pissed now if I tried. And I have tried, a few times. I run out of desire and intent 2 drinks in. For me to not be able to get pissed is a wondrous thing indeed, something I could not have imagined not so long ago.

                I remember trying to go on a binge shortly after starting baclofen, and failing. It was so puzzling at the time. Binges were effortless, and inevitable, not something I tried for. Looking back, it's so obviously part of the progress, but confusing at the time. I wish you the same confusion.

                Comment


                  #9
                  My Bac Journey started today

                  Welcome Charlie,
                  Stick out the SE's if you can. I gave into them the first time round, but BAC worked for me when I stuck it out the 2nd time.
                  Thanks for sharing your story. I wish you well.
                  FE
                  1st started BAC 17/4/10 - got to 60MG. Stopped 28th May due to SE's.
                  2nd try of BAC started 6/9/10. Reached my switch at 210MG on 8/12/10. I weigh 68KG.
                  Have been Al Free since 19th November 2010. Extremely thankful and grateful.

                  Comment


                    #10
                    My Bac Journey started today

                    Great, thanks Bleep and Full English. Bleep, what you said is so encouraging and a great thought to take to bed - what a wonderful wonderful thing that must be!
                    FE - yes, will ride them out best I can.
                    Just taken 4th 5mg pill so first day complete. Feeling knackered(not the BAC, just the lack of sleep)but also content and chilled(the BAC i think!
                    So bloody glad to have finally started this journey, onwards and upwards
                    Good night all x
                    I am well and truly in recovery, I thank Baclofen, the good people of MWO and my love of spirituality, the combination of which have helped to guide me out of the darkness in the last couple months. Cheers to that.

                    Comment


                      #11
                      My Bac Journey started today

                      Day 2
                      Took 5mg approx 10.45 am, 2pm, 4.30 pm and 6.45 pm = 20mg(same as yesterday)
                      Slept for 12 hours last night! Admittedly hadn't slept for a couple nights but still, that was nice! Felt understandably groggy-ish today but feeling positive about things, excited to have started BAC journey. Just back from a swim. No SE's to report...just feeling very chilled! Which is also nice! Anyways, far too early days, just wanted to make a daily update.
                      Gonna head to 40 mg tomorro(my plan is to go up 20-25 mg every 2-3 days depending on SE's) 10x10x10x10 throughout the day
                      Hope everyone well,
                      Cheers
                      Charlie
                      I am well and truly in recovery, I thank Baclofen, the good people of MWO and my love of spirituality, the combination of which have helped to guide me out of the darkness in the last couple months. Cheers to that.

                      Comment


                        #12
                        My Bac Journey started today

                        AF days

                        Just wanted to add, yesterday and today have been AF. Not unusual after a heavy one to get some AF days in but just noting it anyway. Cheers!
                        I am well and truly in recovery, I thank Baclofen, the good people of MWO and my love of spirituality, the combination of which have helped to guide me out of the darkness in the last couple months. Cheers to that.

                        Comment


                          #13
                          My Bac Journey started today

                          Sounding good Charlie.

                          I hear you on the AF days following a proper bender, Mondays were historically my day of rest. Used to try and recover at work, desperately hoping I could get through the day...

                          It's good, whatever the reason. It gives the baclofen a chance to tackle your mind without the stress of booze.

                          I would maybe suggest a pause of a few days at least on one of your increases. Although SE's may be minimal, it helps to let the baclofen work in your brain, something it will be doing quietly behind the scenes. The problem with going up and up and up is that when the work suddenly becomes obvious, you suddenly have so much baclofen in your system that it sort of brings your head down around your knees. And there's still more work going on. It can suddenly be quite overwhelming.

                          Keep it up!

                          Comment


                            #14
                            My Bac Journey started today

                            Charlie,

                            Bac will help your mind with the self discipline, just listen when it calls you. You are in the right place. You are at a good age to recognize the problem and take charge. DO NOT let this opportunity you have realized slip through the cracks! When you get an SE, remember the binges and all the issues they caused.....Everything is worth not going through those again.
                            We will be following you so don't try and hideeeky:
                            (The emoticons are great)

                            You are in a great place!

                            Lady
                            The hardest arithmetic to master is that which enables us to count our blessings.

                            *Don't look where you fall, look why you slipped*

                            Comment


                              #15
                              My Bac Journey started today

                              Coool

                              Many Thanks for the great advice Bleep/Lady Lush :thanks:
                              Bleep - you are right, I am getting tempted to rush things. I will take the foot of the gas a bit and gonna take 30mg today(not 40mg) 6 x 5 mg throughout day and will stick to this increase for three days to let the system absorb it.
                              Cheers all
                              I am well and truly in recovery, I thank Baclofen, the good people of MWO and my love of spirituality, the combination of which have helped to guide me out of the darkness in the last couple months. Cheers to that.

                              Comment

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