My Bac Journey started today

[Charlieboy]

My Bac Journey started today

Terrry!

Terry Thomas = Legend! Is he your spitting image Murph?!
Woaaah...heaviest SE's yet last night....felt pretty drowsy towards end of evening and slightly not right with it! When i went to bd, was having more or less outta body experiences as I drifted to sleep...was bonkers! But smiled the whole way thru cos this stuff is WORKIN baby! I think i may chill on 100 for a few days more.....
Have a great Saturday all!
x

[bleep]

My Bac Journey started today

Your brain is starting to feel the baclofen...

[TracyA]

My Bac Journey started today

Go, Charlie! I'm loving watching you. Sounds like a good plan to chill at the current dose - unless you are into the whole OBE thing.

[Murphyx]

My Bac Journey started today

Sounds like fun Charlie. A few months ago I would have taken bac just to get that kick. :egad:

There's a battle going on in your brain and the bac is kicking the shit out of the demon. Woohoo!

[Charlieboy]

My Bac Journey started today

Day 17
10x10 mg = 100mg spread throughout day
Had a wonderful Saturday with friends in the countryside. Drank some good red wine this evening, had a delicious meal. They played drinking games(large amounts of vodka consumed..) and i passed on that. Just too happy enjoying a good glass, getting merry and listening to amazing music and enjoying funny times.
I feel a deep sense of hapiness tonight....I feel controlled and content...incredibly content.
Hope everyone doing well
Nunight
X

[Charlieboy]

My Bac Journey started today

First Se's....

FUUUUUUUUUCCCKKKKKK

Will report later when i can string a sentence togethr

I was all over the place yesretdayt. Angry. Irritable. Tried to swim. Planned to go to cinema. Tubes down. Get a cab. The girl i am meeting is running late...

Have a drink....

Thats pretty much my last memory.

Charlie has had a most unexpected and hideous fall. Big time. I am going full steam ahead wit the SE's and getting my arse up to 150. I know I am close.

FUck. Sorry to be bearer of bad news

[Ne/Neva Eva]

My Bac Journey started today

ugh. Charlie. I'm sorry to hear that. Not for our sakes, we've almost all done it. But because I know how I felt afterward. OUCH doesn't begin to convey. bleep and I both did it this weekend as a matter of fact.

bleep is busy with work or some such ridiculous thing. I would venture a guess that he might suggest that full-steam-ahead is a natural inclination, but that it might come bac and bite you. Hard. It happened to him, and it's happened to me, too.

You ARE close. I've been following the journey, but didn't think you needed my piddly two cents...
You might not, here it is anyway:
Stay the course, my friend. Slow and steady WINS this race. Time and time again, that's who makes it to the goal.
I'm sure the guys will be along shortly to add their dollar fifty worth!
hugs.
Ne

[Murphyx]

My Bac Journey started today

NE's right: slow and steady. There's no point imho in just shoving the dose up to try and compensate for tying one on.

And don't bother with a guilt trip over getting pissed, there's no point. You're still an addict. It's what addicts do. Unless you killed someone, then you should be feeling very bad, unless it was someone who deserved it then ahhh who cares, shit happens.

[Charlieboy]

My Bac Journey started today

mm

didn't kill anyone but what I got up tonight is utter hideousness and need never be thought about or talked about ever again.
Beating myself up? F*ck no. Yesterday, looking back upon it, was a prime examply of pure addiction. I cast my mind back....woke up in a weird space. My morning meditation didn't cut it. all day I was not there. Tired. Irritable. Total inability to relax. Utter loneliness. Total inability to be alone. Desperate need to be around people but not be with anyone. Just totally possesed by a strange dark force, head gone MAD. why isn't siiting at home in my flat with a movie and the sunday papers after a swim a great f*ckin option?! YEah right. NO Chance.
This is what scares me. This IS my addiction. Its potent as f*ck and when that day comes, there is FUCK all i can do about it. I know its happening but I don't know. I can warn myself it may be coming but I can do NOTHING about it. Welll....i say Nothing.....if booze was not on the menu, that wd be do something about it.,.........
Anyways. Thanks for the advice, will stay steady of course. That was zero sleep, sorrounded by detritus from last night, talking. Gonna take 110 today, get some sleep.
I am gutted about last night. Utterly gutted. But I refuse to beat myself up. Its just another stark reminder of this fucking addiction and how it can come for you ANY TIME.
Well, not for much longer sonny jim. YOu are about to be hit out the park by my friend Bac so enjoy it while u can......!
Cheers for the support guys, coming here when u feel like this certainly takes the edge off.
x

[coalfire]

My Bac Journey started today

"I know whats happening but I dont know"-Charlieboy.

I posted about that trance like feeling on another thread. I really get you on that one.

https://www.mywayout.org/community/f9...ome-48525.html

There is a kind of scientific explanation to it which I posted today too.(scroll down to paragraph 9. We are beginning...)Addiction: a life long illness not lifestyle choice ? David Nutt's Blog: Evidence not Exaggeration

[Charlieboy]

My Bac Journey started today

tks

cheers coalfire
will read tmw when i got my brain back!
Just hoping that reaching switch on bac will remedy this problem..
Cheers

[Charlieboy]

My Bac Journey started today

gobble

Ended up scoffing 150 mg yesterday in my hellish hangover
Gonna keep it there...feel like i need to take a risk. I am not sure I can hack another one of these sessions, although Of course I appreciate there may be a few more
Will keep updating
Cheers

[Charlieboy]

My Bac Journey started today

Hello everyone

So this is me....
Addict extraordinaire! Sitting here with a glass of warm white wine at 10.43 am. Cancelled every appointment. Gobbling Baclofen. mmm, maybe i should rack on up and snort the f*cker.
Can't really feel my body. This is addict posting here. In full on vortex.
I know this is depressing as F*ck but i HAVE to post the reality or else I will not remind myself what a total mess I am at the moment. It is too easy for me to forget everything and be resolutely positive as soon as I feel a bit better. Needless to say, this never lasts. Addict comes a knockin...
Denial is a river in Egypt and I am swimming with armbands made of ethanol. I do not think I am dealing with the darkness correctly....SO, i have decided to complement my bac with a therapist. It will keep me rooted in healing myself....cos I have done a lot of bad shit. Squandered money as if its made of paper mache. Slept with women I should not have slept with and degraded my reality - which is LOVE. Destroyed my body...which, when I am straight laced, is my TEMPLE. Sacrificed by connection and relationship with GOd...who is my best friend since coming to me when I was 11 years old in a moment that can only be described as a spiritual revelation. And look what I(or Satan as I call myself sometimes....)did with that friendship? Shat on it. But f*ck me, when I am cured, I am gonna change the world. My world anyway.
I am a good person. But I am also a total reprobate. That is my addiction. It is evil, debauched, louche, pethetic. It is Charlie Sheen without the genius. And the kind of chick habit that makes him look like mother teresa hosting an AA meeting...
Rock Bottom? 'thats a fishing term' (Sheeno) Well, if thats the case I just caught a 1000 pound salmon made of HELL.
Bottom line:- I WILL SAT NAV MY WAY OUT OF THIS HELL HOLE, I WILL CURE MYSELF. JUST WATCH THIS PLACE. PLEASE KEEP COMING BACK(jeezz...something filtered down from those meetings..) TO THIS THREAD. WATCH A MAN IN THE GRIPS OF PURE CHRONIC ADDICTION, A MAN DESTROYED BY ADDICTION......BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF IT AND BECOME THE MAN HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE. A MAN WHO REFUSED TO GIVE UP.
Edit - 'BAD CHAT NAV'
I posted my reality. I'm not sure if this is the place for that but I'm glad I did it. I hope this will be a reminder of the utter fuckface I am when in the grips of this thing and inspire me to never look back.
aHHH, right, I gotta go.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

My Bac Journey started today

Charlie, please, please, put the bac away. Do it now.
Call someone. Anyone.
Me, even.
Or go into chat. I'll be there, if I can.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

My Bac Journey started today

You are an addict, we all are.
You are going to be fine.
You will find a way
out, if you can manage the bac.
That is the truth.
hugs.
Ne