Moms on bac

[konakt]

Moms on bac

aloha tracy--

Welcome....our first baby picture too---Xavier is adorable! I'm afraid if I start putting pix of my kids on here the server will crash and burn.

I am so glad to hear about your experiences...sounds like you've had a lot of them....I don't have to tell you, even thought your kids are thirty, you never stop being a mom.

Like I tell my oldest sometimes (now 26) "I'm only as happy as my unhappiest child..." in other words, I guess I'll never stop taking their temperatures!!!

Glad to have you here.....KT

[bkyogagurl]

Moms on bac

Konakt...
I'm so excited that you are still around.. and you are to funny.. cause I am just getting ready to have a glass. Thanks for understanding about the big act cause that's what it is... fluff and puff

I am starting back on my program as of today. I have gained weight and have no desire to exercise like I used. I used to exercise every day and love it. I don't look like a complete piece of poop but I have a feeling you might understand me. A shower, makeup and hair fix up covers up alot.... but I don't really like the way I feel on the inside... I mean I love my kids and we are really close and to be honest, they really haven't suffered much cause I don't take much out on them. I still do alot for them and with them. But when you say your breath smells and maybe you are more lethargetic than you would be... things for me to think about.

I was actually a really hyper person before my stint with drinking heavily this time.. always cleaning and doing house projects. Its almost like drinking slowed me down cause when I was hungover the next day, cleaning house and yard work etc didn't sound to good... hanging out with my kids was much easier... go figure. I do really want to get back in check and need some support in a sense. I like being able to express my feeling through writing. I do have a couple good girlfriends that I can talk with too but I drink with them too. And my husband is on board with support too. Sometimes talking on the computer is so much easier for me oddly. See I have spent 20 mins here that I might have been sipping wine. I like that.

Unfortunately, my mom who had me at 15 is a recovering addict and my dad is an alcoholic so its a genetic thing for me that I fought my whole life.. plus the fact the my past wasn't the greatest but I don't like to live in the past because I have such a great presence. I fought all my demons and feel like I beat most of them up.. Just need to get this one in a choke hold.

I am really looking forward to posting more and being more of a presence here than I was before when I started.
Well I am off to go torture my kids with demanding their help for making dinner... Just kidding... I don't have to demand... they just do cause they love me.. I'm lucky.. they are the light of my life and keep me smiling.

[TracyA]

Moms on bac

It's crazy. The idealistic notions that surround parenting in our society (and the way families are portrayed in media) are just nuts. It's not at all helpful to either parents or children. If we could wrestle down the angelic presentation and get real about it all, I think it would help people be better parents. They wouldn't be so darned stressed out all the time.

Just my opinion. I was coordinating a parenting class a while back, and the first thing the facilitator did was tell attendees that they've been lied to their whole lives. He said that, in reality, they have very little real control over their children's behavior. They best they could hope for was to have some influence but to abandon any notions of control. The sighs of relief and smiles around the table were a neat thing to see. The pressure in the room dropped right the floor, and people let down their guard and started to talk and learn. I wish I had been exposed to that when I was raising my kids.

[konakt]

Moms on bac

Tracy--

You said it. Amen and amen...

[konakt]

Moms on bac

Bkyogagurl--

With three kids under 12, I don't know how you manage getting them all out the door in the morning, let alone look "put together."

It sounds like the Topamax is helping you somewhat?? (although I am not familiar with it)...I would love to get to the point where any booze tasted awful....

Keep checking in here because we're all on this journey together...and I am just starting out on bac as well....

Thanks for putting your story out here....kt

[oldwineskins]

Moms on bac

Welcome bkyogirl! I am a stay at home mom too. You sound pretty busy. I am new to this journey. There is so much I would rather be doing than recovering from hangovers. Although - I thank God for the hangovers - without them I would drink so much more. There is so many better things I could spend money on than booze - maybe college funds? I think about that sometimes - if I had invested all that money in a college fund my kids could probably go to Harvard on the amount I saved up. So so many regrets.

Tracy You are so right about the expectations we have of ourselves. And of our poor kids. But, I think a sober mom is setting the bar pretty low.

Last night I had two coffee cups of wine - I needed to unwind - we are trying to sell our home and a potential buyer was thinking about stopping by. That is what most people would do - right? Chug down some wine while making beds and sweeping. Then we went out to dinner and I ordered a draft beer. It was so good and icey and delicious. I ordered a second but almost couldn't finish it - but of course I did. Then I could barely stay awake. So - again - fell into bed so tired - so drinking was interrupted by overwhelming bac fatigue.

I feel ok this am. Busy day planned - buyer didn't come last night - will come by this afternoon. We haven't put the house on the market yet. Ugghhhh - I hate moving. Talk about stress.

Tonight we have a girls night - little girls that is....so no alcohol until late. Usually I will get home and no matter that DH is in bed, will sneak a few in. Maybe tonight the bac will have me so tired that I can just sprint past the kitchen and hop in bed......just maybe......

OWS

[bkyogagurl]

Moms on bac

Good Morning... oddly enough I drank slower and watched a movie with my kids.. I did drink just about a bottle of wine but ended up dumping my last glass... and I feel pretty good today better than I have all week. Although last night I did feel a bit lonely? I think that is part of my issue with drinking... I spend alot of time with kids but my husband and I are truly still making an effort to connect and that is difficult because the adult connect is very important when you stay at home. As I know most understand. My husband works long hours and is very tired when he gets home. So I don't talk to anyone sometimes all week.

I don't know if I mentioned this... but I homeschool my kids. And funny Tracy that you mention kids behaviour and control over that.... that was the start of one of the issues between my husband and I... my husband used to be terribly controlling.. and wanted a "perfect" family. To keep this from turning into a novel, after about 10 years I let him know it wasn't possible.

My son was struggling in public school because of all the pressure of drugs and sex at "11"yrs. I am very open minded as a mom and I really do talk with my kids about things. I don't try to shelter them. But common on. Our middle school starts in 6th grade and he came home from school at the end of the year and was bawling. He said I am not ready for this mom. I never thought I could homeschool. But I am doing for the sake of my kids. I was all worried about socialization and all that bologna... but after we started doing it. I realized they really needed the strong family bond that we have been creating. They are so much happier. Our society puts so many pressures on us as parents and people in general. You can't say this. You have to wear that. If you do that you are a nerd. I could go on and on. My son told me once... Mom I feel like a purple sheep right in the middle of a bunch of white ones. He said I am ok with that. Why aren't other people?

Why can't we just accept each other for who we are? I think that would solve alot of the drinking problems.

Whewww...I am feeling a little bummed today can ya tell. I will probably go to little wine store tonight to get out of the house. I get funky when I don't get away from the house weekly. I need that feeling of adult interaction. Anyone else get that way?
I am just so glad a found a place to talk.. I hope I don't drive you nuts.:nutso:

hugs to everyone
Steph

[hopefulspirit]

Moms on bac

Konakt,
I have a 13 and 11 year old who have both called me on it. I've also (most recently and on bac) probably hit bottom. While I don't think their lives are ruined, I know that my drinking (and their fathers as well) has effected them deeply. If any good has come of it, my daughter swears she'll never take a drink because of me.
I recently got a script of antabuse that i'm taking with bac.
In any event, I hear your angst and would love to help you avoid some of the mistakes that I've made while you embark on this (bac) journey.
-HS

[TracyA]

Moms on bac

Wow, Steph, good for you. I remember 11-13. It was such a difficult time, maybe the hardest I've ever had. It doesn't make sense to me to jam hundreds of young folk, who are all going all through all that (basically, going crazy), together in school. They tend to be very hard on each other. And then the way society sexualizes that age is just warped too! And then the substance abuse. What a nightmare.

I'm glad that you're kids have you.

[TracyA]

Moms on bac

HS, your post brought back memories.

I remember the first time that I attempted treatment, my kids really didn't understand. They were in the second and third grades or thereabouts. The second time I was going try it and told my son, he was probably around 11. He got very stressed out and yelled, "There is nothing wrong with this family!" It was heartbreaking - the denial, the fear of facing it. My kid bro had an identical reaction when we were kids and my older brother and I were talking about what to do about our own parents drinking.

It's very tough stuff. The hard thing for me to accept, regarding both my parents drinking and my own, was that it really wasn't anybody's fault. It's just a sucky, sucky thing that happens, even to good people who wanted to do better.

Okay, I'm going to stop before I cry.

[bkyogagurl]

Moms on bac

ok... 50mg Topa today tomorrow and Sunday. Then will increase to 75mg. for a week.
When I started before... I drank until I reached 200mg then I pretty much lost my craving and could drink "a" drink and stop. What scared me or bothered me was it seems that my hair was falling out? I am not sure if it was the hair product I was using at the time or the Topa? I quit using the product.

I have to get back on track.

I am taking the kids to the park today for some activity even though I feel a bit crummy. I am going to make myself play basketball and run around with them cause they deserve it. We hung snowflakes around the house today too. My 5 yrs old love it.

But I still want a glass of wine. And my girlfriend is meeting me at the park and I am sure we will go back to her house and have a glass. Then I will come home and have my bottle.:upset: I do feel like crying today. I feel like a loser of sorts and I hate saying that because it upsets when hear other women say it.

We all have been through so many different avenues... Tracy Wineskin Kona Hope Lush etc.... reading through all of the posts just makes ya wanna hug everybody... makes me wonder why its got to be so dang hard sometimes?

I hope for all today... that you all are finding a happy place be and someone smiling at you.

[konakt]

Moms on bac

TracyA;1069996 wrote:
I remember the first time that I attempted treatment, my kids really didn't understand....my son, he was probably around 11. He got very stressed out and yelled, "There is nothing wrong with this family!" It was heartbreaking - the denial, the fear of facing it.

It's very tough stuff. The hard thing for me to accept, regarding both my parents drinking and my own, was that it really wasn't anybody's fault. It's just a sucky, sucky thing that happens, even to good people who wanted to do better.

Okay, I'm going to stop before I cry.

Tracy--

Wow. I am crying after hearing that. You have really been through it all. Thank you for sharing here....I think what your son said---"There is nothing wrong with this family!" pretty much captures what every kid thinks, feels and wishes. Learned denial....protecting parents at any cost....That is so painful for me to hear.

Alcoholic mothers...that's us. How many times do we have to hear/read about/understand/re-realize how our drinking affects our children (and grandchildren) before we stop????

Daughters of alcoholics---what a legacy!...My mother never drank, because she was the daughter of an abusive alcoholic father...but boy, the shame surrounding drinking was sure a part of our family ---it was worse than bad to have a drinking problem. I am still hiding bottles in my closet so my mom won't find them---and she's been dead 25 years! I still remember the first time she found a bottle under my bed when I was 17...if looks could kill.....

I am on day 15 with bac, at 80 mg. No difference in drinking or cravings...how about any of you? Please tell me it gets better...

Thanks for being here and being honest. KT

[hopefulspirit]

Moms on bac

I think the only way to redeem myself is to quit drinking. It seems that lately something very bad happens every time. Where I used to have some control, drinking on bac turns me into someone I do not recognize.
As your kids get older parenting responsibilities shift to late hours of taxiing around. You either figure out how to control yourself or you keep your kids home. We've all done things we regret while drinking but what if that one time your regret has devastating consequences?
I brushed that side of darkness last week. Thank God nothing horrible happened.
I wish I embraced this site when my kids were little... so much would be different right now.
I wish I could stand up on roof top and reach all mothers with drinking issues to address them as soon as they assume the role of motherhood.
It's not just your life anymore... what you do affects them all even if you think you're hiding it.
I kept my dirty little secret just that for a very long time but then your kids may talk... that talking leads to family image problems. Kids can sense things... your family won't be normal and the disfunction will be mindful to friends, family of friends and your community.
This problem we have is not going away by itself... it's chronic and if left unattended will kill anything good you've tried to create and then it will kill you.
It's so much easier said than done because who are you if you don't drink? Do you actually know how to smile, laugh and have fun without drinking? That's a tough one for me.
Not to mention that significant other may have issues themselves. I mean how do you address this monster without support? I've actually convinced myself a number of times that I have to drink to keep this marriage together. I think in many of cases, we chose a partner that enables are drinking... it was fun in the beginning but look where we are.
But what if we could change the cycle? What if we could rise above this? Others do.
Mothers that drank.
-HS

[konakt]

Moms on bac

Hopefulspirit (Love that name....)

I am so glad to hear from you...gosh---everything you say is so true. So scary and hard to hear out of the mouths of babes....and even when they don't say it, I can tell they're thinking it. Sometimes my daughter just gets more quiet, the more drunk I get...It's usually just the two of us here (older ones grown, husband traveling) and I just always want her to go to bed so I can drink.

I'm on 80 now and don't feel any difference in cravings or drinking levels...just keep reading the posts from experienced bac-eresses and hoping for the best.

Thanks for your insightful posts.....This forum rocks. KT

[konakt]

Moms on bac

Bkyogagurl--

Wow! You get a medal for homeschooling! I always thought if I tried that I'd end up shooting someone---more power to you for doing what's right for your kid.....

I hear you about schools and pressures on our kids to "fit in".....We experienced that really painfully when my oldest daughter was 15 and came out as gay. Trust me, it was the very last thing we expected or envisioned for her. Saying that---it fast-forwarded our learning curve about acceptance and love and trying to find the right school for her. I ended up driving her to a gay-friendly high school in Berkeley an hour away.....gotta do what's right for our kids. (And I wasn't drinking then, and could still drive at night for after-school activities!)

Anyways, juggling as fast as we can and putting our kids' needs before our own---maybe, in my case, contributed to where I am now....I just want to curl up with my bottle every night and it's nothing but trouble....so I'm taking the bac and hoping for the best.

I so appreciate this forum, where I can talk about things that I can nowhere else (unless with a therapist, which got me nowhere in the past.....)

Thanks for helping all of us. KT