Moms on bac

[konakt]

Moms on bac

Hi OWS--
I'm so glad to hear you went to sleep instead of going for a nightcap.

oldwineskins;1068684 wrote:

I didn't have to talk myself out of a nightcap last night as I was so tired I just wanted to get in bed. One of my usual tricks is to offer to do the dishes/laundry/whatever and let dh go to bed and I get to pour myself a nice big glass of wine and enjoy it. Sometimes I will pour another "glass." I say that in quotes because it is definitely not the 4 oz serving that I think counts as a glass of wine.
OWS

That doesn't seem to be the case for me yet....last night, in bed with several miscellaneous mugs of wine on the nightstand nearby. My pattern has always been to wait til the kids were finally in bed to let the serious drinking begin---"Ahhh, this is my time, finally." I get in bed with computer, magazines, Kindle, TV---all the accoutrements for a really good night. My husband (when he's here) is always so knackered from working in several time zones that he's out before his head hits the pillow, so I am able to drink to my heart's content without disturbing him...so convenient, right?

Lady Lush and Redhead--I think it was you guys who said you do a larger amount at bedtime? Can I ask how that's working for you and when you titrated to the larger amount? I am afraid to try that because I'm usually the only POD (Parent on Duty) in the house at night and worry I won't hear my daughter if she wakes in the middle of the night...

OWB---I hear you about drinking more than the 4 oz. serving of wine. If I had a bucket I'd be drinking out of that...

It is very good to hear of your experiences. I did get over the whole worrying about the pharmacist thing quite awhile ago though, as I was picking up prescriptions at one time for uppers (adderall for my kid who has ADHD) downers, (xanax for, ahem, travel anxiety) and three different antidepressants for the various sad people in the house. I would just look at the pharmacist like, "What are you lookin' at, Bub? Life is damn hard."

[konakt]

Moms on bac

Doyourdream---

My feeling is it's not "if" but "when" our kids notice our drinking--There is lots of research out there about children of alcoholics of all ages internalizing their feelings (not in a great way) about their parents' drinking before they can even verbalize them...and it becomes their "normal." Denial (my constant companion) is something they learn early on, and it's pretty powerful.

doyourdream;1068735 wrote:
It is intereresting to read about the people that have stopped drinking and if their kids even notice. When there have been times that I have stopped drinking or tapered down, my son has never commented. I sometimes wonder if he even really pays any attention.

Kids by nature are self-centered and pay attention to their own worlds. When I drink, it's a few glasses a wine in front of him. It's not like I get sloppy drunk at all. So it may not really be on his radar if I have it or not. It will be interesting to talk about later when he's an adult what his recollection of it is.

It's the old elephant in the room thing in families that, of course, nobody wants to talk about. And it's sure not our kids' job to comment on the levels of our drinking....but I guess that's where my guilt comes in.

I think it's the uncertainty about not knowing which mom they're going to get at any given moment that keeps them off balance. I mean, how many times have I said something to them in the heat of the moment that was completely inappropriate and an over-reaction,---and it was really not about them, but about that last glass of wine I'd had...It definitely became an issue when my two older kids became teens. Hard enough to keep a lid on the normal ballistics of adolescence, let alone hold my tongue when I was even slightly drunk.

That my kids "know" more than I think they know and are burying their feelings to "protect" me...is a terrible thing to acknowledge. Especially (in my case) for my adopted daughter--- she is not going to consciously acknowledge that another parent is abandoning her---this time to alcohol...she'll hang on to me with all her might, drunk or not. Whether I've forgotten something she told me or not. Whether I slur my words or not. Whether I laugh too loudly and say silly things or not. But it doesn't mean it is not damaging her on some level...it is very shameful for me to acknowledge that even here.

Thanks for listening. Day 12 on bac at 50. Can't imagine going up, but will try...

[konakt]

Moms on bac

Drinking in the kitchen

Hi All--

Just wanted to put this out there....HUGE trigger for me is just being in the kitchen...it's part of the ritual of cooking to sip sip sip while I chop and stir and chat with my kids. And I have tried iced tea etc...sometimes get the glasses confused and pour tea in my wine. Augh.

Also, my "cooking" starts earlier and earlier in the afternoon so that I'm smashed by the time dinner is on the table. Sometimes before I sit down, I am literally telling myself to just NOT TALK, so no one will notice....rarely works however. Anybody dealt with this and have suggestions? Have tried reaching for the bac instead of a drink, but the bac headache makes me feel like drinking more to "numb" it....round and round.

Thanks for being here.....

[redhead77]

Moms on bac

Hello Beautiful Mommas,

My Internet is down, so I'm having to post everything from my iPhone today. I can't stand that. I wanted to weigh in on a few things, the first being weight. I also think I might be gaining. Luckily, my scale needs a new battery and I can only go by the mirror and my clothes. They kind of still fit and well the mirror, I can't say I've been thrilled with my body since the first kid. I had 2 more, and now I'm thinking I might be downright deformed! I've been thinking maybe my next job will be working for a plastic surgeon. I hear you get free work. I would tell you I'm kidding, but that would be a lie. I would LOVE some work on this body. I guess the redhead is suffering from some vanity. Anyway, I do have a point. I figure I can only tackle one thing at a time. If I gain a few pounds while I'm undertaking baclofen but kick the alcohol in the butt, then it's worth it.

Lady Lush (or should I call you luscious), I am so happy my post touched you. I have to tell you, though, I am still not divorced from that man. I'm trying, but there have been some hurdles, and I really am starting to wonder if it will ever happen. I will explain more about that at a later time. I guess the important thing is, I'm growing and thriving since I don't live with him anymore.

Kona, I am taking 10 mg while they're awake and 20 mg right when I put them down. I'm less worried about waking up on the bac, than I am with drinking too much at night. I actually find that I wake up easily (maybe too much so), when taking more at night. I also drink less, the more I take.

I love to cook. And drink, and cook. Cooking is like an art form to me. That is usually when I start drinking. The women on another website told me avoid cooking. Um, that is neither practical or healthy for the kids to eat take out every night. Plus it's expensive and my income is going to be fixed soon. I too would love to hear suggestions on how to do that without drinking.

OWS, I don't think I've formally said hello to you. Welcome here. Your input is wonderful.

If I've forgotten to remind anyone, did you know how much I love this thread? How important it is?

Peace Chickies,

Redhead

[konakt]

Moms on bac

Hi RedHead--

I think you're juggling more balls than anyone on here---and you do it with a smile and so many words of encouragement....Thanks for your great input. I will try doing 20 at bedtime and see if that works better for me. Thanks.

Also, how did you send that last post from iphone with no typos?? ; >) ??? I am such a klutz with mine that the message would have looked like a four year old typed it! Good job.

And OMG---does this mean we need to start a thread called Bodies on bac??? I'm finding that I'd rather sleep than exercise--hope that SE starts to fade.....

Cheers to you.....thanks for keeping it real.

[prancy]

Moms on bac

Ladies, I have been following your posts with interest....and a LOT of empathy. A long-standing binge drinking problem meant that my daughter, now a young adult, saw her fair share of embarrassing drinking episodes. Boy, do I remember that thought of just don't talk and no one will notice. She rarely said much about it and I too thought that she was just in her own world. I even apologized several times and said I would quit drinking. But I couldn't -- wouldn't. Not too long ago my husband and I were having wine and she came home and we offered her some. She had a few glasses with us and then suddenly just opened up and NOT in a friendly way. She essentially listed the many times in had let her down and how horrible it was for her. I was somewhere between astonished, hurt and furious and yet, I knew she had a right to say all of it.
She is so sick of my drinking and the inevitable binges. They are not all that often but after 20 plus years, she has seen plenty.
I am now at 22 days AF and trying to imagine the rest of my life without AL. I know I need to do it if I am ever going to have a long term relationship sighted. It is not easy, that's for sure.
I tried to take bac but I got headaches that just wouldn't quit, I felt like I was drugged and I also felt very depressed. I didn't seem to have any good effects at all. at night, I would sort of fall suddenly into sleep and all through the night, I felt like I was falling backwards. All in all, as bad as a hangover. So I am trying on sheer willpower now.
Anyway, rambling a bit. Good on all of you for recognizing the impact of your drinking on your children while you still have time to do something about it. You will thank yourselves for it when your kids grow up to be your best friends.

[oldwineskins]

Moms on bac

Ok - the BAC is kicking my butt. I spent the afternoon in bed. I wasn't sure I was going to be able to pick up kids from school this afternoon. Maybe I need to cut down to 5 and 5 during the day and then do 20 at night.

As for cooking and drinking....I sometimes make a pot of green tea to drink while cooking. I then noticed that green tea in a mug looks just like wine in a mug. So, great - now I can drink wine in a mug and people might think it is tea! The one way I know to not drink is to commit to driving somewhere later in the evening. I sometimes end up with extra kids here on Friday night and offer to bring them home around 9 pm or I offer to chaperone things. Hard to show or to do drive other peoples kids with any alcohol on board. I usually can't wait to get home after these things to pound a few - but every once in awhile I can run in the house, brush my teeth, and jump in bed. Not too often, but it has been known to happen.

I am so tired......I don't remember being this tired except when pregnant - and I know that is not the case now. I am too old for that - LOL.

Well - it is 6 pm and I have not had a drink. I am going to go for a walk instead but will probably have a glass of wine when DH gets home. Usually I would have had a few before he gets here. Oh yeah - he is a very controlled daily drinker - almost daily. One to two beers - very rarely anymore - never if he has something to do - which is frequent. Loves a good beer or a good glass of Jack daniels. Never drinks alone. Likes to sit outside with me and have a "toddy."

Good night ladies - thanks for all your help and encouragement.

OWS

[LadyLush]

Moms on bac

All,

Good evening!

Prancy,
22 days is frickin' amazing to me! Yippee..congrats, that is awesome!

I am making dinner so sorry so quick, here is something Sophia Loren said one time in an interview:

"When you are a mother, you are really never alone in your thoughts. A mother always has to think twice, once for herself and once for her child."

Power to us in numbers!

Lady

[konakt]

Moms on bac

Prancy--

Just got back from picking daughter up from school....Yes! 22 days AL free---that sounds absolutely fantastic to me...(how did you make dinner ev night??) Your daughter will be so proud.

Wow, it must have been so heartbreaking to have your daughter spell out how you failed her over the years. All my 26 yr old has said so far (by phone) is that she didn't want me in her life at the moment because she doesn't like what drinking does to me...she didn't go into details, but then again, I didn't let her, I guess. I wanted to get off that phone ASAP!

I also have the headaches but even one advil seems to help...also, like has been said so often here, going up in titration seems to help rather than hinder, but it's early early days for me (50-60 day 12)....

Also, the waking up at night doesn't seem to bother me as much, as ever since menopause I have been waking as a matter of course. I even told one meno friend that Oprah is on at 1 a.m.....

What you say is so helpful... I hope I do still have time to do something about it for my kids. Knowing how my drinking hurts my children is different from doing something about it. 22 days-----So great for you and it gives us all hope.

[konakt]

Moms on bac

OWS--

oldwineskins;1068976 wrote: Ok - the BAC is kicking my butt. I spent the afternoon in bed. I wasn't sure I was going to be able to pick up kids from school this afternoon.
Thanks for talking about the falling asleep in daytime--I also fell asleep on the couch this morning after dropping my daughter off at school...I'm also very early in the bac process, and take hope from the posts from experienced bac-ers (eresses?) here about this particular side effect wearing off in time.

I also do set my alarm clock in time to pick my daughter up from school, so I don't oversleep. I'm ashamed to admit, it's not the first time, with the alarm setting--did that while drinking too.

oldwineskins;1068976 wrote: As for cooking and drinking....I sometimes make a pot of green tea to drink while cooking. I then noticed that green tea in a mug looks just like wine in a mug. So, great - now I can drink wine in a mug and people might think it is tea!

Oh my stars, you could be me, or I could be you, with the green tea...I am going to confess here....I have also made a big pot of green tea in a glass teapot when with my family over the holidays, to show that ---"see, I'm taking care of myself. All those super anti-oxidents..." When the "tea" in my cup was actually Chardonnay and if they didn't get too close, I thought no one was on to my little charade. (It also helps to drink out of dark mugs--then no one knows the color of what you're drinking...but that is not helpful here!!!)....except, again, knowing that we're not the only ones......

I also hear you about the not volunteering to drive kids at night...when my husband was around more, I could pass that job to him. Now, it's like---I don't even answer the phone at night because the other moms will hear the slurring...so much energy to spend on AL. Waiting for the bac to kick in...

And hey---6 pm and you haven't had a drink!! That's fantastic! You went for a walk instead...also wonderful. Love to hear your story OWS---from one still in the mire, KT

[LadyLush]

Moms on bac

Hi all!
This is going to take an hour to post because of se's... so note I am starting at 8:20 central!
I am looped! Meaning the Bac is working, no alcohol :-) I have to keep going back to Merriam-Webster. This is my worst se you guys I......I can not remember shit (sorry!)
Red, thank-you...immensely!
I won't post long because I just can't See like now, there was something important to say..but???
The Bac is kicking my butt, but I know I am at the end here. Wow...what a wonderful drug...and I know it is us and everyone on this forum that will put this on the map.
Our kids will be proud of us!

Thanks all,

Lady

[oldwineskins]

Moms on bac

One Glass of Wine!!! That is all I drank last night. It wasn't even a 20 oz glass. Partly I was so afraid of falling asleep and my dh thinking I was all boozed up. Kind of an antabuse effect I guess - afraid to drink. Maybe I didn't want any more. But, this is great.

KonaKT - it is crazy what we will go through - the green tea trick......I thought I was so original!


Yes, Ladylush - our kids will be proud!

Do any of you worry about your kids and their use of alcohol? That is a biggie for me to really try to tame this beast. My son has had a few brushes with alcohol and it nearly broke my heart. My 22 year old was ticketed for underage drinking when she was 18. I haven't seen any real problems since then, but she does like to have a drink while cooking dinner when she is home - but it is the holidays or some other vacation time for her. My 19 year old has had 2 underage drinking situations at school. He swears he is not touching the stuff now. I do let him have a beer when he is home on holiday - a beer - with his dad. I know his behavior is no different than what everyone did when I was in school - just now the drinking age is 21 and the schools are much stricter about drinking in the dorm. But, he is the only one in his year in his dorm that has gotten in trouble and twice. That really worries me.

Also, I look at my two brothers who are married to lushes - and then I look at their sweet children and realize that the chance these kids become alcoholics is sky high. Why would someone with alcoholism in their family marry an alcoholic? And then have children? There should be premarital counseling about this! I see the sad looks on these kids faces when I ask where mommy is and half the time the answer is - "mommy is home in bed sick." Well - my kids - that is where my worry is this am. Thank you ladies (and guys) for listening. There is no one else to share this with.

Off to take my bac - I am going to split a pill this am and only take 5 mg - I have to drive to a doctor's appt and I can't fall asleep at the wheel.

Thank you all - you don't know how much it means to have this place to come.

OWS

[Chi]

Moms on bac

oldwineskins;1069315 wrote:

Do any of you worry about your kids and their use of alcohol?

I was thinking about this thread last night, and I realized something. For as long as I can remember my own mother has been a drinker. She is 66 years old now and is still a functioning alcoholic. Looking back, she made excuses to me about her drinking. I remember her saying one time that she didn't "start drinking until we were teenagers", and she used to make comments about my dad's drinking, as if he was the one to lead her down that path. I know now that was all pure bullshit.

By the time we were young adults, young DRINKING adults, she freely drank with us, and freely got trashed in front of us. Things were said to her through the years, but it's funny how there was so much more that was never said... why? Because she was/is the mother. She always had an excuse.

Would I be here if my mother had gotten a grip on her alcoholism when I was a child? I guess I will never know.

I do think there is a genetic component to alcoholism, but I still resent that my mother never even tried to get sober. She has no idea how much of me she lost because of it.

[oldwineskins]

Moms on bac

Chi;1069343 wrote: I still resent that my mother never even tried to get sober. She has no idea how much of me she lost because of it.

That makes me want to cry.

OWS

[bleep]

Moms on bac

oldwineskins;1069315 wrote: ...

Do any of you worry about your kids and their use of alcohol?.

...

Sorry, I can't stay out of this thread.

It was one of the greatest worries of my life, that my son would pick this up from me. My wife's side also has quite an alcoholic streak running through it, so chances are high. I was terrified at the thought, knowing from personal experience just how unstoppable it can be.

Enter baclofen.

Now, it really isn't the all-consuming worry that it was only two months ago. If he has it, there's hope. Not only hope, but a real, tangible, effective cure. I feel I'm a better person for having had alcoholism, and cured it, than not having had it at all. Having the option of baclofen has changed my life, and my outlook for the future for my children immeasurably.