Moms on bac

[konakt]

Moms on bac

OWS--

Oh my gosh---keeping a house clean for selling---talk about stress! Gotta really look like the perfect family then! Where do you stash your bottles when people are going through your closets? =x

Oh honey, I have chugged and swept and vacuumed many a time with a mug of wine in one hand...now I'm kind of loopy on bac and keep walking into a room and forgetting why I was going in there in the first place.... I hope to heck it works......

Aloha and good luck. Keep chiming in here....thanks. KT

[not tonight]

Moms on bac

Hello all,

I have been following this thread for the past few days, and been meaning to jump in but have had little time to myself this past week. I am an (alcoholic) mother of 2, a 10 year old boy and 8 year old girl. My husband and I have an architectural practice together, but no child care. I have a lot on my plate, and am faking it most days. I end the work day at school pick up time and do the homework, piano, cooking, reading etc. with my beautiful children. If I start drinking at 5 then it's a slippery slope. The children might get easy going mom, cranky mom, clumsy mom, I am a regular one woman vaudeville act. When I am drinking my anxiety level is so high I can almost feel my heart beating out of my chest.

I joined this site last May after spending 2 weeks with my parents. Both of my parents are highly functioning alcoholics, and booze was a ubiquitous part of my childhood. My father was a successful executive, mother was beautiful suburban wife. They were never abusive, but non the less alcohol prevents them from really participating in their children's lives. It has embalmed them, made them very self centred. I do not want to become them. I love my children and want to always be there, always be present for them. Also I do not want to continue the cycle, I do not want my drinking habit to become their drinking habit.

When I joined MWO last spring I was able to quit drinking for 5 months, which was quit an accomplishment for me. Then on my husband's birthday I decided to experiment with moderation. Well cut to the chase, within no time I was drinking 1 plus bottles of wine a night, waking up at 2 in the morning on the living room floor only to take myself to bed for the last few hours of fitful sleep. Then wake up only to continue the great charade. Sometimes I fantasise about have a sort of time worm hole (if that is what they are called) that I could climb into just to gather my thoughts, catch my breath. Anyway I find this thread such a breath of fresh air. Functioning mothers, loving their children, battling the bottle. It's a relief to meet you all.

Jill

[magdalana]

Moms on bac

Hi All you moms,
My girls 17 &19 and have called me on the AL thing many times. The guilt is overwhelming sometimes.
I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder about 6 years ago (now on medication and relatively stable), my kids thankfully have some understanding of how alcoholism and poor mental health can go hand in hand. They see my alcoholism as an illness and as such they expect me to get help for it as I would for any other illness. I am hoping the support from this site, and the Kudzo I am waiting for in the mail the l-glut and support from my family will get me through this.
My daughters are so important to me, I have to do this to maintain relationships with them.
I have to do this to get my life back.
Good luck to all you moms!

[bkyogagurl]

Moms on bac

I hear ya KT... I love this place because I can be so HONEST... thank you! Really its inspiring for me, to hear others stories...

Hope: I've actually convinced myself a number of times that I have to drink to keep this marriage together. I think in many of cases, we chose a partner that enables are drinking...
I feel like I used it against my partner.. even though my husband has asked me to quit drinking and has offered to quit with me...I told him no because he controlled every other aspect of my life.. this was the only thing I had left.. which I don't really have control over but I didn't want him controlling it either. I drank to piss my husband off.

I am ashamed but I am looking forward to my wine.. I am telling myself I think I will only have a couple glasses tonite and not the whole bottle...:sigh:

we will see.

KT~You are fabulous for finding a place for your girl!!! Makes me feel good to hear that. I thought alot of people were gonna look down on me for my decision but most have been pretty supportive.

Well wonderful ladies.. I'm off to the park will check in soon. :thanks::l

[konakt]

Moms on bac

Aloha Not Tonight--

I love that name....does it refer to booze or your husband??? =x ?

I am so glad you've put your story out here....it is amazing to hear you were AF for 5 months!! At least you know you can do it---and you will do it again. Very inspiring to this mom, and I'm sure many others.....are you planning on going on bac? It is day 15 for me and so far, I am still reaching for the wine after getting home from after-school stuff.....

not tonight;1070191 wrote:
If I start drinking at 5 then it's a slippery slope. The children might get easy going mom, cranky mom, clumsy mom, I am a regular one woman vaudeville act. Jill

I can certainly relate to that, as I'm sure many of us here can.....I hear you about the slippery slope---When I start drinking, one minute, I think, "this is nice, I can keep it all together like a normal mom..." and the next thing I know, something ridiculous is coming out my mouth---could be something (I think is) funny, or something critical, or something just oblivious...any way you slice it, it's not something "caring" about my child who is sitting right in front of me...It's all about my private little party...and then, sometimes I also feel that I've kept so much tension inside while my kids are awake, that by the time my husband comes home, I let it all out in some kind of venting fight. And round and round it goes.....

I have read recently that studies show that kids are a powerful motivator for mothers to successfully stop drinking. I really cling to that one!

Kids and bac might be the key for me.....Here's hoping...

Thanks for taking the time to post here....even with all you've got on your plate, as Redhead says, there is power in numbers.

Keep us posted with your journey, please. It's important to hear.....

KT

[hopefulspirit]

Moms on bac

For those of you just starting out or figuring out your next plan...
I've been half-hazardly on Bac for close to a year now.
But, If I knew then what I know now...
I would start off with The Sinclair Method and if that wasn't working after a good amount of time (6-9 months)- I would introduce Bac.
As it is, I'm titrating up on bac (I've been hovering 160 for a long time without hitting a switch) and considering adding Naltrexone if ever I break down and drink again.
There's an interesting thread on the top of this forum called Baclofen and Naltrexone and how each affects different receptors in the brain. I strongly recommend it.
And on that,
Have a good night : )
~HS

[konakt]

Moms on bac

Hi Magdalana---

Thanks for posting here---the more we hear, the better. And yes, various mental illnesses seem to be co-existing with our alcoholism---I always wonder which came first, chicken or egg....

Hopefully, just like antidepressants are the norm now, maybe bac will be the new norm for treating AL someday. Clearly is a brain-function disorder!!

I am so glad to have my anti-depressant and have been on it for 20 years!! I often wonder how my mother's life would have been different if she had had anti-depressant meds available to her. Hopefully, by taking bac, my kids won't be wondering the same thing someday re alcohol......

Thanks your for sharing your story. It sounds like you do have a lot of support from your family....(no matter if it's wanted or not!) That sounds like love to me....

Let us know how bac works for you.......Getting my first sign of real SE's today, nausea, headache, dizziness. But hey, I don't feel like drinking yet......

KT

[oldwineskins]

Moms on bac

Welcome Not Tonight and Magdalena! This is a great place to come and get support. I am on my 6th day of BAC and am only on 20 mg - I had to go down from 30 mg due to being so sleepy that I couldn't function - which is not an option for me during the day.

Last night I snuck a mug of wine while getting dinner together. Then made a pot of coffee so I wouldn't fall asleep - went to the girls' club. Came home around 10 pm - and guess what??? No more booze. My dh was having a beer so it would have been totally alright to have a nightcap. But I resisted, mostly due to the fatigue, and got to bed. I wish I felt better today - but I feel so whacked out by the bac. I have no desire to do anything -


Got to run - dd is waving at me to come outside. Talk soon.

OWS

[TracyA]

Moms on bac

Welcome NT and Magdalena. Thanks for info on Nal, HS. Let us know how it's going.

I'm starting to feel it on 80, KT. I don't go through as much booze as fast, and sometimes it just sits and goes flat. That happened last time too, but last time the side effects chased me away around 90 mg. I will push through it this time though. The stories I'm reading here are so inspiring.

[konakt]

Moms on bac

Morning Moms---

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!!! (and I never do caps and hardly ever multiple exclamation points...)

Yesterday I was feeling so dizzy and nauseous all day on 60 (I had done them in 20's)....

BUUUUUTTTT, last night....for the first time in 10 years, I didn't finish a bottle of wine...it's true!! I'd been drinking much slower than usual, and I suddenly thought, "Well, what's more wine going to do for you at this moment??" I poured some water instead and read my book." Went for water just like the little rats!!!

Now that is a completely strange and amazing happening for me, indeed =o !!!! (you can tell by more exclamation points)

So today I am going to simply spread the pills out (thanks to bleep's practical suggestion) and see if that helps with the nausea and dizziness.

My husband arrives after traveling Europe (and snow) for the last month, so I hope we can sit on the hammock with our daughter and watch the sunset without a mug of wine underneath....small goals. Small pleasures...

Thanks for all your great great personal story sharing everyone. It's been incredibly helpful--for me and all of us here...

KT

[konakt]

Moms on bac

Redhead and LadyLush--

We miss your wisdom and smiling faces---how goes it with you both??? Hope all is well (as can be?)

Keep checking in....so helpful....

KT

[TracyA]

Moms on bac

KT, that's wonderful! It's begun. I hope the SE's back off today for you.

[konakt]

Moms on bac

Thanks Tracy--

Can you tell us again how you stopped and started....what do you think was the straw that broke the bac's back? What was your drinking pattern while on bac and why did you stop and start again?

Gives me hope that you are here again.....Thanks KT

[bkyogagurl]

Moms on bac

KT great job!!!!! hang in there with the SE..

Welcome Mag

As for me... 2 bottles of wine... 4pm to 2 am... not to proud.
And this was a hard post... I like to run away when I drink to much.
But I am not running away this time. I am going to post each day and
stay present. As I increased my dose of Topa last time I slowly
slowed down so I believe that will happen again. I just don't think
I will try to go off of the stuff as soon.

Will check in soon

Hope everyone is having a great day

[not tonight]

Moms on bac

Good evening mums,

KT - great progress, very happy for you and your break through!
bkyogagurl - Glad you posted today. When I relapsed last October I couldn't bring myself to post again until January, which is so counterintuitive. This is a process, not an exam.

Went out to diner with my husband and daughter to our favourite local Italian and had diet coke, no wine. I could say that I enjoyed the meal just the same, but that would be a lie (white knuckle side dish). How ever I am enjoying the fact that it is 10:00 and am not shaking out the last drops of wine from what could be my second bottle of wine.
Must go put my daughter to bed. Look forward to catching up with everyone tomorrow!