Moms on bac

[bkyogagurl]

Moms on bac

Not Tonight... thank you

Great job at dinner!... you even made me smile... white knuckle side dish LOL

[SassyLassy]

Moms on bac

Thursday or Friday morning, I fell on the stairs on the way down to get coffee. Bumped my hip on a couple of stairs, and I have a small bruise on the bottom of one of my feet, but otherwise OK. Wonder if it is the Bac? Then last night, I rented a movie. Hubbie and I shared a bottle of wine at dinner, then he disappeared to his office, and I watched my movie, well, most of it. I had 2 mugs (12 oz??) more of wine while watching. Then I felt like the A hit me all at once. My son came up from the basement (his escape), and wanted to ask me something, but as he talked, I waved him off..."I don't feel good right now, I think I might be sick". He brought me a big bowl, then retreated to the basement. Couple of minutes later, I threw up. Kind of a lot, too. Luckily I had the bowl, as we have white carpet!! Again, wonder if it is the bac?

I didn't finish the movie, cleaned up, and went to bed. At some point while I was watching, hubbie had asked if I was coming up to bed-not for anything other than to make up the bed. NO! He was really upset that he had to put sheets on the bed-whatever. When I crawled in, none of my pillows had cases on them..how many times have I made up the bed, never expecting help, but he has to do it this once and he feels put upon. Whatever.

Today, I went to the gym around 10AM, and after my workout, felt a little nauseous. I was afraid to eat lunch, and wanted something carby-y to soak up whatever was making me feel bad, had a soft pretzel, and now some yogurt. I think I'll be ok. I think it is the bac.

Hubbie and I grouted some tile in the kitchen together today, and are going out for dinner and to the local college for a play/opera. Haven't done something like that in a long time. Not sure if I should drink. I'm at 90 mg of bac/day right now, moved up on Thursday. Oh, and picked up my Rx for bac today - 240 10 mg pills, the most they'd give me- and got a stern warning about how the dose dr L had put on it ("increasing levels up to 300mg/day") is 3 times the manufacterer's recommendation. Verbally, then again on 2 different pieces of paper, hand written, attached to the bag. I felt scolded!

I'll let you know how it goes as I keep moving up...don't like the vomiting!!

[TracyA]

Moms on bac

KT, I was doing okay, aside from pretty wild mood swings. I still don't what that was about, other than stuff at work was making me very unhappy. At around 90 mg, I started having problems breathing at night. I have mild apnea anyway, and baclofen is known for suppressing respiratory function. Someone pointed out to me earlier in the week that the side effect is really just a matter of discomfort - it's not dangerous. That is true. I watched my mom die of emphysema, and slowly suffocating to death was awful . . . Anyway, I think I just panicked. Last night was a rough night, and I just kept telling myself, "This is just discomfort - it's not dangerous." I suspect that, given the fact that most here saw a reversal in symptoms along the way (sleepiness turns to insomnia; low-energy becomes hyperness (ha ha, I created a word), that this part of it will ease up if I just stick with it.

My drinking patterns were similar to what's happening this time, and what's happening to you. Normally, I would be out the door by noon to buy beer for the day. On Thursday, I just didn't care to hop in the car and called my husband around 5:00 p.m. to ask him to bring some home. Yesterday, I poured beer and then sort of forgot about it. It got warm and I'd have to dump it and pour another cold one. I really have not been DRUNK (as in sh*tfaced) for a few days. It is working.

This morning I really felt pretty crappy and was reluctant to take my second dose of baclofen. When I did, I actually felt better. I took another a couple hours later (20 mg at a time) and sure don't feel worse. I'm going to up it to 100 mg for the day today (which I wasn't supposed to do until tomorrow) because it seems like I feel a little better when a little more of it is in my system. Doesn't make a lot of sense, but that's how it's panning out.

[redhead77]

Moms on bac

Hi Moms and Lovely Kona,

I'm still here. I've been watching and reading with great interest. The outpouring on this thread is amazing. You have done and continue to do something very admirable here Kona. The way you personally reach out to every woman that posts. It is very special.

I've worked the last couple of days. I kind of disappear (not quite), but I usually only post a little late at night. There has been so much activity here, that it is hard for me to even begin to address all the women. I just think unless I can stay on top of it and be and involved, it's best for me not to pop in with a few sentences. I think it's because all of these women have such interesting and important stories, I don't want to respond to one individual or a couple only. Plus, I've been on a big pharma rant. Does that make sense?

I'm really feeling down right now. I had a phone call from the charge nurse of my unit about another thing that I've forgotten. Nothing life threatening and thank god she's a personal friend of mine, but another incidence of me forgetting stuff in the last 3 weeks since I've started bac. I am not functioning well in my job. I have worked there for 10 years. I feel sad that I'm leaving and everyone is wondering what the hell is wrong with me? How did I drop the ball now? I told my friend the truth, kind of. I started crying on the phone and told her that my psychiatrist put me on a drug for my severe anxiety. She said, you are going through sooooo much. It is both reasonable and right for you to go on drugs. She also said she wouldn't think my forgetfulness or spaciness is that abnormal considering my situation. She knows how jacked out my life is. She just doesn't know I'm coping with all this BS with booze. She proceeded to tell me that she has been protecting me. I don't feel good about going from an amazing clinician to someone that has to be "protected". My reputation at my job is going down the drain. I have 2 shifts left and I wish I could stop this drug so I could perform normally. Or maybe I shouldn't go and call in? That looks terrible too. I can't win here. I would like to quit bac for my last two shifts. I don't think I can quit at this point, I might suffer withdrawal. I've been going over in my mind how I'm going to address all this crap. I think I might bring all the charge nurses in to the conference room and just tell them due to all the abuse and stuff, I had to go on meds. I haven't adjusted yet. Then I think that may not be a good idea. Maybe I should just let it go. Don't know what to do, any suggestions?

Back to my most important job, being a mother. My son had baseball tryouts today. I was one of 4 women out of like 70 men, who were there. Plus, I had my young one's in tow. The four women were with their husbands. I felt like a total freak. My son didn't try out very well either, since I haven't had the time or energy to practice with him. I'm a mom and a dad. I don't know at this moment how I'm going to continue doing all of this. I'm sorry to vent but I feel that I'm in such a dark place. You know what's the worst? I'm already drinking a glass of wine. Just can't do it.




I

[TracyA]

Moms on bac

Sassy, it might help if you keep something on your stomach, and be sure to eat something before taking a dose. Drinking definitely can make that part of it worse. It might also help if you switch to beer (the carbonation is tummy settling). My advice (and I know nothing) would be not to increase the dose as vomiting is one symptom of bac overdose (really the only symptom that I know of).

It ticks me off what happened to you at the pharmacy! Thanks for the warning though. I haven't picked mine up yet (I think I'm getting 185 20 mg), but I'm going to be "stern" right back at them if I get the same treatment. :biteme: It makes me feel bad that you felt "scolded." You are not doing anything wrong. They are just ignorant.

[TracyA]

Moms on bac

Red, your friend was right. You really are going through a lot. I would be inclined to call in for your last two shifts. Just let that part go. You CAN do this. The glass of wine that is in your hand now won't likely be there a month from now - and that's what this is all about.

Don't blame yourself if your son didn't do well with the try-out. You can't control every outcome, and that one incident is not terribly important in the big scheme of things.

You don't have to address every post in this thread. You could just talk about your own stuff and respond as you have time and inclination - you don't have to take care of everybody else. Red, give yourself a break. It sounds like you've been knocked around plenty. Don't be doing it to yourself.

[konakt]

Moms on bac

Hey moms--

I just got back from picking my husband up from airport and wish I could respond to all your amazing posts---(never a dull moment around here, yes?....) Redhead---I am sending good thoughts and hopeful energy your way during your incredibly stressful time. I don't want to sum up with some cheesy motto as you deserve more that , so will only start one..."whatever doesn't kill you......" ---but it's the second part that's the hardest.

Will write more when I can---now that there's another adult in the house, I have to act like I'm one too...(harder than it sounds.....)

Keep on the bac trail, moms...........KT

[hopefulspirit]

Moms on bac

So much to catch up with in just a day!
My mind is so scattered right now that I have to take notes on who said what... Thanks to Kona for "hostessing" - As I think Redhead said.. it is special that someone is on top of this.

Redhead...
I'm not sure that I've followed your entire story but I do understand the memory issues with Bac. I've been on it so long that I'm wondering what is permanent damage and what is the med. I find that I can barely focus on one thing much less multi-task. Repeatedly, it has caused me to back down on bac as I have a pretty demanding personal and professional life. It's a crazy compromise but it sounds like you're lessening your load to give bac a chance? I'm not sure if I have that right... but if you can do that... I do have trust that bac works and it esp. works with the support of this board.

Tracy...
Thank you too for being so present on this board. I used to lurk and jump around but feel like I would like to call this board my home. There's something very powerful when woman connect especially on a topic so sensitive and private to us.

BKY/Steph...
I tried Topa with some success a few years back. I'm curious to know why you chose it over bac?

So I'm not drinking and have a few good days behind me. I've irked my way back up to 170 mgs which, I believe... is the record high in this group?

Also, I've continued to open the dialog with my 13 year old about drinking etc. the discussion is very hard on me but I think helpful to her.
If your child asked you not to drink anymore; could you stop like that? What would you say?

Tough stuff.

HS/ "Jen"

[konakt]

Moms on bac

Okay moms. I don't even know where to begin--

Husband passed out from jet lag....(now you know of how I get away with all my drinking...even when he's here he's not here!) ; >p

I think HopefulSpirit nails it when she says, "There is something very powerful when women connect, especially on a subject that is so sensitive and private to us...." How true is that?? I can't even talk to my best friend of 30 years (who is also an alcoholic) about this without her shutting down and just not wanting to go there....I just never knew the outpouring of honesty and feelings I would find here would be SO SO helpful at every step along this hard path...

Alcohol is just the Great Equalizer, don't you think? It mows us all down in our tracks, no matter when or where, no matter how young or old, no matter how smart or funny...the amazing thing is that we all keep getting up again. Just like in the hysterically funny (to me) TV ad for Life Alert---"Help me! I've fallen and I can't get up!...(Sorry, but I laugh til I cry every time it comes on....)

But we keep getting up....this thread is like a big "Mom Alert"---all we have to do is turn on our computers and there's more help than we ever thought possible!

Thanks so much...gotta go again....

But, to quote Dr. Seuss (one of my fav kid's authors):

"Be who you are and say what you feel

because those who mind don't matter

and those who matter don't mind.?

Don't stop saying what you feel here. KT

[libmit]

Moms on bac

Hey moms,

KT, great on your progress with the less than whole bottle of wine. So far I've been really lucky with really minimal side effects, but I definitely notice that the more I spread the doses out over the day (take less more often) the fewer SE's I have. I moved up to 60mg today. No reduction in drinking. And also KT, you really are great about replying to everyone on this thread, and it's a great thread. Thank you. How long is your husband in town?

I seem to have a zillion things going through my mind, but I'm having a hard time remembering one thing long enough to type it. And it takes me so long to come up with the words, I want to say, it will be a miracle if this post gets finished. I'm really lucky that I don't have a job where I have to be responsible - feel really bad for you Redhead. As bad as "being protected" sounds, at least you have the close friend who protects you. My first inclination would be to tell all. There's probably discussion going on about you anyway, so explaining what's going on would probably be be tamer than what they might me "thinking". I hope that makes a little sense - I'm at a complete loss for words. Then I think - why bother, and Tracy has the right idea - call in and let it go. I can understand why you're so torn.

I took Nal for around 7 months, and my understanding of nal is that drinking helps the nal to work, so I made zero effort to not drink. I guess I have the same mentality about the bac - how will I know if it's working if I'm not drinking. Of course I can't not drink, but I don't even try to moderate or abstain. I'm hoping and waiting for "the switch", and my concern is that when the switch happens I won't know what to do with myself. I find it hard to believe that I won't care about alcohol. It's hard to imagine after pretty much planning everything around AL, that I'll suddenly not care. I believe it will happen, but I worry about it too.

Not Tonite - I posted in 2008 and not again until 2011, and I'm having trouble posting now. I want to post more frequently, but it's not all that easy. It's a lot easier to lurk.

Tracy, what were your SE's like before 90? Difficulty breathing sounds awful. And that pharmacy scenario - WTH, they think they're smarter than the prescribing doctor? Ugh.

HS, I'm really interested in your dialog with your 13 year old. I have a 13 yo too.

I'm so impressed reading all of you wonderful women's posts. Thoughtful, caring and so inspiring. We will overcome the addiction.

Libby

[TracyA]

Moms on bac

Libby, last time I tried it the SE's felt pretty good 70% of the time. I still felt zombied-out but wasn't in the kind of position where it mattered a whole lot. I had a lot of emotional turmoil and pretty colorful ups and downs (I liked the ups), but there were disturbing things happening at work (and disturbing things happening on the forums too).

This time, yesterday at least, didn't feel so good. I need to remember too that I got a snoot full of super phosphate the day before. (Note to self, do not snort fossilized animal dung). Some of the feeling bad yesterday had to do with breathing (hence, sleeping) the night before, but last night I was out for six solid hours. Truth is, yesterday I could feel the breathing stuff even during the day, which I'm taking as an indication that I need to stop smoking, not stop baclofen. But I WILL push through it this time.

[TracyA]

Moms on bac

Jen, I think the dialog you are having with your daughter is a smashing good thing to do. Sorry it's tough. Maybe you could tell her that you are working on it, following a medical protocol, but it's going to take a few weeks?

I think you are on the highest dose so far for this thread. And congrats on the AF days!!!

[LadyLush]

Moms on bac

All, KT,

I am here!

Please everyone HANG ON to this thread!

Red, My heart cries out to you especially.. My ex left when 2 of my boys were still at home.
One of my sons is a baseball guru! I had to do it ALL by myself as well. So far we have had 1 Major league walk on try out... but I am not giving in...not yet...he is way too good...First to hit the score board on a home run in my city. The ex use to be the baseball commissioner (sp?) so it really stings.

But I know what it was like going to both their games as well as my daughters sitting alone. But I am THERE and he is not! We might not have been there in the past but WE are there now! Hang in there..Our higher power never gives us more than we can handle, we may buckle at our knees but we never fall..Believe this with all of your heart!

I am going to win this war and so are you! Lose the battle but win the war...my dad always taught me that!

The pill works...

Lady:l

Happy Tears ALL
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=al2DFQEZl4M[/video]]YouTube - Lady Antebellum - Hello World

[bkyogagurl]

Moms on bac

Hope the reason I choose Topa is because that is what she used in the book? Do you think Bac is better?

Hi all.... I feel like poop.... I didn't even keep track of how much I drank last night but woke up with a sore throat...

I am trying 30 day AF... wish me luck cause I am definitely gonna need it... I have done it before when I was younger but not in about 10 years. I don't think I have gone longer than 2 weeks.

wishing everyone a wonderful day

[oldwineskins]

Moms on bac

Hi Everyone - I have been keeping up on the reading posts over the weekend - but my dh has this habit of everytime I get on the computer of coming in and asking me what I am doing. So, since he doesn't know I am on the Bac or that I am trying to do this - I have to be sneaky. I am so proud of you KonaKT and all you ladies - even if you have stumbled you have not failed because you are here and we are going to get through this. I will catch up more tomorrow - when DH goes back to work.

OWS