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    Moms on bac

    Whew busy moms--

    I love all the cross talk and support here....for me, it is so much better than AA where (in my meetings) no one could give support in the moment for what another woman might be going through right then...thank you all for sharing here....it is so healthy for all of us to have this place to be real instead of pretending and tap dancing as fast as we can and saying, "I'm OK....Really!"

    bkyogagurl, I am so glad you didn't run away from here....believe me, there is nothing to be ashamed of that we haven't all done before and more..... I am an escape artist expert---it's how I ended up living in Hawaii with my daughter, drinking myself into a hole, while my husband is working his a** off in CA. How's that for a great escape job? Really not proud of that....Please keep on sharing even the hard parts....then we can all celebrate the successes together!

    Sassy--I am so sorry to hear about your fall and nausea/vomiting! I think knees buckling is definitely part of bac...I had one day of nausea after upping my level. I switched to Bleep's very sound advice of spreading it out (to 1 pill every hour instead of 2 every three hours) and it helped tremendously....more of a constant drip all day long. (BTW--I think it was so sweet of your son to bring a "sick" bowl to you....That's love!...even if you missed the target!)

    Redhead
    ---My heart goes out to you...with everything you've been handling, I'd be pulling out my last red hair! I don't think your "spaciness and forgetfulness is" is weird or bad (even when not on bac I've done spaced-out things my friends and family would just shake their heads over....wallet on top of the car, losing checks at the bank, losing passports and airline tickets, even children!...I could go on). Anyways, the main thing is try to give yourself a dozen pats on the back--at this point in your life, it sounds like you're trying to take care of so many things. (And still showing up at baseball tryouts!!) We are pulling for you here....

    Hopeful Spirit
    ---

    Thank you for making this your home. You have a lot of insight to share...you have already shared much meaningful stuff, especially about being willing to have discussions with your 13 yr old about your drinking... Talk about facing the music! That is very, very brave and I think we could all learn from you re that issue. I've only had one discussion with my 26 yr old and none with my 12 year old...so please let us know how that develops for you.

    I agree---having this board is keeping me ever-mindful (and hopeful) about why I would take pills without a prescription (on the down low) from India. And yet.....after 2 weeks, I am starting to feel moments of a slight change in my obsessive thinking about booze. Wanting it disappears--even if only fleetingly, it's a start and I'll take it. (And I am normally a complete skeptic about some magic bullet solution for drinking).

    Last night was another improvement for me. While cooking, I finished the last half of the wine that I hadn't finished the night before (a first in and of itself!) Anyways, I had water during dinner (another rarity) and then after dinner, when my hubby and daughter were in the pool, when I would have said "I'm just going to run out to the store for some 'milk,' I didn't!!!" And just stayed and watched them from lanai.....I have to say, I barely knew what to do with myself, since I didn't have the constant sneaking in and out to sip sip sip from the cup in my closet and the mug in the kitchen. But I kind of just thought to myself, "Yo, self! Look at you! You're actually sitting here laughing (and not too obnoxiously loudly) with your family and being here in the moment." It was kind of like an out-of-body experience.

    Anyhow, thanks to you all for being here-- fellow moms stumbling along this trail with me. Trudge. Trudge. One foot in front of the other........KT

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      Moms on bac

      Hi Ladies,

      Thanks for all the support and encouragement. It means a lot to me and helps me keep it all in perspective. Sometimes, it is easy to lose perspective when you're living in the moment.

      I had to run into work to sign some stuff that I forgot (narcotic logs), not really what somebody should forget, and I forgot to sign four drips of controlled substances. I'm sure they're thinking interesting that this stuff is happening with narcs, with my current erratic behavior. Oh well, can't change it now. I also don't take narcotics so if they ever tested me, it wouldn't matter.

      I have decided I'm going to complete my last two shifts. I'm also going to explain some of the stuff that is going on in my life to people who have noticed me acting strangely the last weeks. I'm not going to talk about the drinking of course, but will say I had to go on some meds due to my life circumstances. I just can't have my rep tarnished after a perfect employment record for as long as I've been there. I don't see how they could continue to judge or how it wouldn't make sense since I went from being a high functioning employee to a space case almost overnight.

      I'm going to try to have a quiet relaxing evening. I think an early bedtime is in order for the kids tonight. My friend at work gave me season 1 of Dexter. She told me I'm going to love him. We had a good laugh when I said, why wouldn't I, it's about a sociopath?

      Well good night ladies. I'm off to make some peppermint tea and enjoy my AF night.

      Redhead
      This Princess Saved Herself

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        Moms on bac

        Sleep tight Red :l


        Lady
        The hardest arithmetic to master is that which enables us to count our blessings.

        *Don't look where you fall, look why you slipped*

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          Moms on bac

          I bet you do love Dexter. I really enjoy the show.

          Sorry if I seemed pushy earlier. It occurred to me later that I probably did. Good luck with the last two shifts and have a good night.
          * * *

          Tracy

          sigpic

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            Moms on bac

            Tracy,
            What in the world were you breathing? The breathing issues don't sound fun.
            Libby

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              Moms on bac

              Redhead,
              Good luck with the convo with the people who have noticed, and good luck with the two remaining shifts.

              And Dexter is great - took me a few episodes, but the show just keeps getting better and better.

              Libby

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                Moms on bac

                Just wanted to say goodnight to all...

                No alcohol for me tonight yahhh...
                KT and to all for being here... its a nice place to be.

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                  Moms on bac

                  bkyogagurl--

                  No alcohol for you tonight----right ON! Fantastic!! And go girl!!

                  Yes, glad I get to hear from y'all tomorrow...

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                    Moms on bac

                    Good morning mums,

                    Today the sun is out which makes such a huge difference in attitude. I live in London, and this time of year sunshine is a rare commodity.

                    So much activity on this thread, what a great source. Hopefulspirit I could not agree more with your comment ?There's something very powerful when woman connect especially on a topic so sensitive and private to us.? As mothers we have so much to keep together everyday, it can be overwhelming at times.

                    Redhead77 don?t worry about keeping up with the thread, or popping in for a few sentences, that is what this forum is all about. To support you! You have a great deal on your plate, and I suspect handling things much better than you give yourself credit for. Take a deep breath and give yourself some space to make mistakes. I understand that your job obviously has little room for error, but I also do not believe that your reputation has been as damaged as your feel it has. You are doing what is best for yourself, your children and your job by getting control of alcohol, and there will be a few bumps but the prize will be worth it.

                    Tracy thank you for all of your input on this board. Means a great deal.

                    Hopefulspirit well done on not drinking, you must feel pretty good.
                    Did your 13 year old ask you to stop drinking? The most powerful questions can come from our children! If one of my children asked me the same question it would stop me in my tracks. I would imagine there had been a lot of thinking and observing behind that question. For me it would be an extremely strong motivator to quit not just because of what I might have already exposed my child to, but that she might feel betrayed if she had the courage to confront the problem, but I didn?t have the courage, as a parent to solve the problem. But also it is an opportunity to have a very frank and open discussion about drinking, which could be very constructive.

                    KT I love Dr. Seuss. That quote is very pertinent to me this week as I have to face up to someone that I might have over stepped the mark with (may go into this in a later post).

                    As you say alcohol is the great equalizer, what used to be a bit of lite relief, is now a ball and chain around our ankles. Quite a transformation.

                    libmit I wish that I had not hidden from the forum after my relapse. Perhaps it would not have gone on for as long as it did. If you don?t have time to post, lurking is always a good option. I think just keeping in touch in what ever way you can helps.

                    Ladylush I love your dad?s quote, there may be battles lost, but it is the war we are fighting for. It?s easy to get discouraged when we fall, but we must pick ourselves up and try again. That is really the only way.

                    bkyogagurl - I am on day 8 of a 30 day aft stint, we could do it together.

                    Well I must get some work done. Hope everyone has something great happen today!
                    While we may not be able to control all that happens to us, we can control what happens inside us.
                    Benjamin Franklin

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                      Moms on bac

                      Posting late because our volcano erupted! Never thought I'd say that..... No worries, though, there are no houses or people nearby. But the crater we hiked last Thanksgiving is now soup! Will write more after I have a chance to read with my coffee....so glad you're all here.....KT

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                        Moms on bac

                        When I saw Not Tonight's post... I have realized that in my blither of over consumption this last week and half... I have been self absorb and not commenting on some of your comments and I feel bad about that. I am hoping that with my AF stint that I am attempting that I will be more avaible to help out with you gals.

                        Where's my red cape? Who hid it from me???

                        It brought tears to my eyes... How world's apart we are but we
                        all care so much about each other's well being.

                        NT~“There's something very powerful when woman connect especially on a topic so sensitive and private to us.” As mothers we have so much to keep together everyday, it can be overwhelming at times.

                        Very well put. I would love to join you on the 30 day. I will be completely honest with you. I am very skeptical of myself. I just increased my Topa to 75 mg in my last round with it. My cravings were subdued much better at 200 mg but as a wise person on this board told me... its not an exam for a pass or fail.

                        KT As we have all thanked you over again... you have started some amazing here.

                        Red stay put and don't feel like you need to address everyone I sure can't I try but its hard. I have to really breeze thru as I have to get back to my kids. And start our day. But I am still gonna write my progress even if its 3 words cause I'm not running away again. Being present here is teaching me to stand and face things more. Even if I just say hi.

                        Tracy
                        thanks for being around I haven't been able to read all your posts as to get to know you better. You posted so much to me and for the past week and a half I was in a blither of consumption. I plan to be more available to read other people's post and comment on what they have going on instead of being so self absorbed.

                        Lush
                        I love your shirt...

                        Hope OWS
                        I read your posts and I am sorry that I haven't made comment on all them but so many comments come through this boards sometimes I only have time to read the last one. Or I have someone saying "Mom"

                        Have a great day ladies... hugs to all.

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                          Moms on bac

                          Volcano erupting here has me glued to news instead of MWO...can't seem to do two things at once on bac. = x

                          Libmit--

                          Hubby's in town a week...takes some getting used to (er, toilet seat up...I almost fall in at night).

                          I so hear you about that whole searching for words thing....I keep starting to say something, then can't come up with the word and my daughter will "fill in the blank" like I'm some kind of basket case...oh well, not much different than when I was drinking, but at least (so far) without the slurring and inappropriate laughter...

                          Also hear you when you say, "It's hard to imagine after pretty much planning everything around AL, that I'll suddenly not care." That's a big worry for me too. The one night recently that I didn't drink (as much as usual) I found that I was still obsessing about the "not" drinking...like in the back of my head a a little tape was playing---this can't last, this can't last, it never lasts....Augh! Want to turn that damn thing off....I keep remembering something Dr. OA said---he could look at a drink like it was a painting or a flower, and not have to have
                          it. I want paintings! I want flowers! ; ) ....oh, and butterflies, rainbows and happy endings... sigh.

                          Don't disappear from here. Your story is so helpful.... KT

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                            Moms on bac

                            Tracy--

                            I hear you on the side effects thing. I also got the nausea/dizziness--but only when I took 20 mg at one dose...I agree, it is off-putting to think that okay, am I not drinking because I feel sick or because I don't want to drink. Most here say, just keep taking the pills and it will abate, but I'm finding that hard to believe at the moment. I'll just keep reading the threads by those who have been there done it all. Let us know how you're feeling and dealing today....sucks, but better than the alternatives me thinks..... KT

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                              Moms on bac

                              Nottonight--

                              Wow! Thanks for all your thoughtful input ....my husband just came back from London to Hawaii and was describing weather there...so glad you have sunshine today. (And ftr the sun can be shining brightly here and I can still be inside with curtains drawn with my best friend in the green bottle...)

                              Please don't thank me for this thread---It came about out of desperation...No one else to talk with honestly and openly....I truly needed to hear from every one of you...

                              NT, it is so true about the calling us out on our drinking coming from our children-- that is stops us in our tracks. (Tracy has some wise words about this painful scenario). In my case, even though the "child" who finally confronted me two weeks ago is 26, she is my first child---and you know how the sun rises and sets on them!...and you try to do your very best for that first one...(the third one, I kinda do on auto-pilot half the time ; p )

                              It is what brought me here and to bac. And the very hardest, most shameful thing for me to admit here is that I have not talked to her since. I told her she was overly sensitive because she once dated someone who drank (She does live in another state)...I simply don't know what to say (nor do I really want to say anything!) It's just self-preservation, I know...it's as if she's still three and mommy doesn't want her to be involved in my "grown up" problems.

                              I guess you'd call this denial with a capital D... In my fantasy, the next time I see her, I will be "cured" and our little phone conversation (that rocked my world) was just a blip on the screen...Do I really really have to explain myself, when she doesn't live in my house any more or see me on a regular basis, and never did see me falling down drunk?

                              Can y'all tell this is my nut button? It's like an explosion in my head!! I think the best thing for me to do is to go take a walk this very minute....

                              Thanks (again and again) for listening.......KT

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                                Moms on bac

                                konakt;1071952 wrote: Nottonight--

                                It is what brought me here and to bac. And the very hardest, most shameful thing for me to admit here is that I have not talked to her since. I told her she was overly sensitive because she once dated someone who drank (She does live in another state)...I simply don't know what to say (nor do I really want to say anything!) It's just self-preservation, I know...it's as if she's still three and mommy doesn't want her to be involved in my "grown up" problems.


                                You don't have anything to be ashamed of, it's okay to have a little space right now. She is likely wondering if you heard what she had to say and hoping you are doing something about it, and giving you the space to do it. But you are right, this is not her problem, it is yours. The fact that you chose to own it without dragging her into it shows me that you are a good mother.


                                Trust me she will know when you have got this thing under control and she will love and respect you for it.

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