Newbies Nest! for bac

[bleep]

Newbies Nest! for bac

Hey Tim,

If you are indeed genetically programmed, you have been given a glimpse at your source code here, and a chance to reprogram yourself! It's a pity you are having such a rough go of it. Did pushing up help the crappy SE's?

Windy, congratulations on finding what appears to be a decent boyfriend! It should always be your decision! To answer your question about the titrating up - that's what I did - I tolerate baclofen very well, so I went up stupidly fast. I ended up giving myself an emotional upheaval from hell, which wasn't pleasant, but more importantly, I overshot my switch by a considerable margin. We have sort of worked out that it takes about 4 or 5 days for the effect of a new level to be felt in your brain, although the SE's will be felt straight away.

What you can do though, is jump by bigger margins. The 20mg increase is there to help reduce SE's, so if that's not an issue, jump by a bigger amount every time. Play around with your jumps to see what number works best for you. You'll find that's an ongoing theme, self-experimentation. Alas, until proper studies are done, we are it.

Don't be bummed about the drinking. It will soon be a non-issue.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Newbies Nest! for bac

Hiya, peeps!

We are all voyeuristic, for at least a while. With some notable exceptions. From peeps who just can't help themselves, like bleep for instance. I think he came out of the womb, ready to post on MWO! (kidding of course. Did you lurk, bleep?)

Tim, it takes what it takes. But it works and it's worth it.

WCL, yay! Rushing up may work, may not increase SEs, may mean you 'overshoot' the mark, or not. Who's to say?
What we do know is this:

If you don't take enough it doesn't work.

The SEs may be non-existent at one level, and overwhelming at the next, even with a slow titration. So, 200mg is fine, hunky-dory, you're not having ANY SEs whatsoever. Then 220 kicks you where it hurts. Could happen. Might not. And as is mentioned on other threads, it's likely that going up to 240mg will lessen the SEs rather than increase them. Strange, but true, bac-fact. Those numbers, ftr, are just made up, not relevant in the least. I think I hated 240, but who can remember now? :H
I remember VERY clearly hating, loathing and resenting every little milligram at 60mg/day! But 280mg/day? That was just fine, thank you very much!

oop! gotta run!
:l fellow bac-ers! KOKO and all that jazz!
Ne

[windycitylady]

Newbies Nest! for bac

Thanks for the priceless advice, guys! I did 50 mg yesterday and today, and I'm feeling fine. Apparently I had a bout of restless legs last night that I was not awake for (poor insomniac boyfriend had to put up with my unconscious thrashing and punching), but that's no big deal. I'll just remember to take my "restful legs" pills tonight.
Bleep, what constituted your "emotional upheaval", and how long did it take for you to bounce back? Also, and I know there's entire threads devoted to this, but what is your guys' day to day life like now, post switch? Any cravings ever? And are you still on a low dose?
Bleep, when you said that drinking would soon be a nonissue, I almost got teary. That seems so impossible right this second, but all of your experiences have given me faith. Thanks again.

[windycitylady]

Newbies Nest! for bac

Nevermind about describing your post-bac experiences here. My lazy ass should just check out other threads. Bleep has a thread called "Indifference" for pete's sake.

[bleep]

Newbies Nest! for bac

Ne, I lurked in the sense that it took me 5 minutes to learn how to post a new thread, then I was off. I was in a hurry to learn about this, but more so to learn why it wasn't being advertised on Google's homepage.

My first post is here, https://www.mywayout.org/community/f2...as+been+placed... but I wouldn't bother reading the actual thread. It is filled with disjointed misinformation, and the "emotional upheaval" is in there somewhere. If I remember correctly, it took the form of a rant against Microsoft Word, which doesn't really do it justice. Basically I thought I was losing my mind. Not my finest hour, it must be said. It only lasted a few hours, but wow, what a few hours. When they say time is relative, that must be what they mean - to me it lasted weeks.

Looking back, I should probably say what happened at the end of that thread. IT looks like 69 just dropped off the planet. People reading would naturally assume that bleep69 killed himself, which is true, in a way, I suppose!

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Newbies Nest! for bac

bleep, I think it's fair to say that you have never been a shy and reticent wall flower. I think it's also time to admit that I gave you all of a minute and a half before you crashed and burned. That took a week or two, after you started taking bac like Pez, and the rest is ...history. Beautiful, melodic, history. That's a lie. But you get the idea. I'm glad to eat my words now.

WCL, I cannot describe to you the ways in which life has changed post-indifference. It's AMAZING.

I would offer this suggestion: Plan for it! There will be a lot of time to fill very shortly. (you, too, ruby. and evey. et al, in fact.) I think it's pretty fair to say that you can't imagine the time you'll have. Part of this is that you will suddenly be much more efficient. Get busy planning on how to get busy!

Speaking of efficiency...Evey, how did your productivity levels work out? You promised to tell!

G'day to you peeps!
Love,
Ne

[windycitylady]

Newbies Nest! for bac

Bleep, I did poke around on that thread a little, and I see what you mean about going up too fast and the effect it had on you. Your rant about AA and it's 5% success rate being "the definition of insanity" made me laugh out loud. I spent YEARS in treatment centers and halfway houses in my early twenties, and that really resounded with me. In fact, one particular treatment center that I returned to often enough to think of as home away from home, was where Eminem got sober and he mentions by name on his album "Relapse". Which, in my mind, deepened our obvious connection. We'll find each other someday, Em. (I joke.)
Ne, the having more time thing has occured to me. On optimistic days, I imagine myself exercising or going back to school. Other times, I feel scared. I know there's a lot I haven't dealt with that's going to come to the surface when this alcoholic haze clears. I just reread Mary Karr's memoir about her alcholism where she has a nervous breakdown months AFTER getting sober. That seems equally likely as me starting pilates or going back to school.
Well, going up a little on bac today. Hope all's well with you folks!

[RudyB]

Newbies Nest! for bac

hey Windy Lady! love your posts. nevermind your laziness; you'll find that there are a few of us who don't mind going on about ourselves and our experiences. so, here you go, you asked for it...

i'm at 150 starting today ...whhoooop whooop here i go...! and drinking is dimished but i still do it. not vodka anymore, so that's a start.

i'm happy to report that i've already begun getting things done in ways that i wasn't before; productivity is up! (i'm even cleaning my pantry in between hopping on here ~ now that's a miracle as big as quitting the booze!) ne says it very well, as always: 'you'll be so busy planning to be busy' or somesuch. though i am not indifferent yet, i have been noticing the benefits of bac for weeks, and can say a thing or two about my intended new live that is unfolding as i type.

next saturday, for the third one in a row (!), i'll be sober all day, as i'm doing a rowing (think crew on a shell) intensive all day. then i have new friends to meet through old friends, my neighbors. i will probably eat really well and go to bed early after a straight-walking stroll from three doors down. how pristine!

i went to the gym for the first time yesterday. i feel sore but GREAT today! i've been gardening and cooking and cleaning and organizing and writing and sleeping (but not enough). if this is life pre-indifference, i can't wait to see the other side!

xoxo ruby dee

[RudyB]

Newbies Nest! for bac

...and lady, i read karr's book (Lit, in case anyone's interested) and LOVED it! i think i'll read it again. i'm groping around for a (new) book to read. I bet if you stick around here and get the support you need and make connections, and if you fill your time with fun business, you WILL steer yourself in the direction of school and pilates, not the mental breakdown option. i SEE it happening and hope you will too. (i sound like my mother, but that's a good thing.)

[windycitylady]

Newbies Nest! for bac

Thanks, Ruby! And congrats on 150! Glad to hear you're being so productive. And isn't it fun making healthy, normal plans that don't involve alcohol? What an awesome couple days you've got to look forward to. I'm already planning another trip back home (I also appreciated your comments about your family. We're so lucky to have amazing family members that support us, and we both recognize it, and don't take it for granted, which is especially cool). Looks like I'll be driving in late sunday night with my cousin, which means I won't be able to drink that night. But I'm not panicking. And that's exciting.
Yesterday was my first day at 75 mg. It was fine, except at one point, I felt as if I could have fallen asleep standing up at work, but that just could have been that I was genuinely exhausted. Weekends kick my ass at work, and sunday is always my longest day.
Now my "weekend" is here; I usually have mondays and tuesdays off. I spend all week looking forward to time off, and then I tend to get anxious and depressed once it arrives. Today, however, I'm feeling pretty optimistic and motivated. That said, I did wake up extremely nauseaous (sp?). I can only attribute this to drinking on the bac. I didn't drink any more than usual last night, and I feel fine otherwise, just very sick to my stomach. Because it's my day off, and I didn't have a tummy full of expensive supplements yet, I gave myself permission to vomit, which I did (TMI? Sorry!). Feeling a little better now, but my stomach's still kind of iffy.
Ruby, I read books like I breathe. I've always been a fan of Mary Karr, but her drinking proved to be a little unspectacular to me. You knew you had to quit drinking because you yelled at your son in the grocery store? Because you almost had a car accident? Because you had to borrow $20 from your husband to pay for a glass of port?! Still, an excellent book. I'm currently making myself finish "The Executioner's Song" by Norman Mailer. I don't particularly like the book, but I've started it several times since highschool, and never gotten past 500 or so pages. So it's become some kind of weird mission to finish it. I'm at about page 800 now, and I refuse to give up. Ruby, if you're into depressing, heart-wrenching books like I am, I recently read "Those Who Save Us" by Jenna Blum, and "Thicker Than Water" by Kathryn Harrison, and both were excellent. In a depressing, heart-wrenching way.
Time to start my "weekend"! Hope all's well with you guys!

[windycitylady]

Newbies Nest! for bac

Sorry, just one more thing. In trying to avoid a post-sobriety mental meltdown, I'm going to look for a therapist. I don't have insurance, but my income is such right now that I think I could afford a reasonably priced one. I don't want to go through community mental health, as I've had negative experiences in the past. Any tips on finding a reputable, affordable therapist? Having been raised by mental health professionals, I'm pretty skeptical about most therapists, but I feel I need SOMETHING to help me sort through all this shit in my head.

[RudyB]

Newbies Nest! for bac

hey windy gal,
thanks for such a thoughtful response. i couldn't have said it better about karr's book: 'her drinking was unspectacular.' now that you mention it, that impression comes back into focus; think i'll skip a second read and go onto one of your suggestions. (maybe they'll be so heart wrenching that i won't feel my foibles were so horrid after all.) yeah, i bet she never got so drunk on vodka that she fell onto her son as he rode his bike, knocking him into the ditch and giving him a nice scratched bruise on his shoulder, feeling -once sober- eternally grateful that nobody drove by to witness it. or crashed the lawn mower into fencing, requiring wire clippers to extract it. or passed out on the lawn (partly mowed), for forty five minutes while her worried son wondered if she was dead (fortunately, friends were with me for that one).

[RudyB]

Newbies Nest! for bac

... it's great that you're already noticing good stuff from the bac. i felt goodness right away, too. it's inspiring. please keep posting about it. it might get rocky at times, but keep your chin up and keep the faith that this will all, in the end, be worth it.

about the productivity: i must admit, i went at it all wkend (gardening, gym, pantry purge), but i was pushing through some serious fatigue. i just kept moving and moving -and took a couple of tokes of something special which helped tremendously i hope it's okay that i admit that, no cops here, right?- and i got a shit ton done and felt really good about myself as a result.

i wish you the same sense of well-being, whether it comes from accomplishments of work or of not drinking or just feeling better about yourself a bit more each day.

hi alla y'all. happy night.
xo ru

[RudyB]

Newbies Nest! for bac

...oh yeah, and, call me neurotic, windy, but i just had to come back and say that you needn't ever apologize for anything! and who cares about spelling?! i know i've gone on about it and other mechanicals of writing, but that's just my nerdy way of getting a hoot. post away, repeat yourself, come back 65 times to finish your thoughts. you'll be in good, accepting company here, as i trust you can see.

[tiptronic_ct]

Newbies Nest! for bac

windycitylady;1130351 wrote: Sorry, just one more thing. In trying to avoid a post-sobriety mental meltdown, I'm going to look for a therapist. I don't have insurance, but my income is such right now that I think I could afford a reasonably priced one. I don't want to go through community mental health, as I've had negative experiences in the past. Any tips on finding a reputable, affordable therapist? Having been raised by mental health professionals, I'm pretty skeptical about most therapists, but I feel I need SOMETHING to help me sort through all this shit in my head.

Going for a spot of therapy was one of the best things I decided to do, about 2 months into sobriety. I was lucky and "clicked" with my shrink from the start. I went for just over a year and it really assisted my recovery / reintroduction to life.

You'll basically need to shop around - shrinks aren't like GPs you go to for a cold. And remember that YOU are the paying customer.

I would suggest you do a bit of research about the various approaches to therapy (e.g. CBT, Jungian analysis etc.) and 1st determine what you would most comfortable with. Then go searching for a therapist who follows that approach (or a combination of more than one).