Newbies Nest! for bac

[bleep]

Newbies Nest! for bac

Hi Windy,

Thanks for asking! All good here, maybe if they weren't so cheap I'd have more incentive to give the bloody things up!

I like your attitude about going up, fingers crossed about the supply issues. If you do have to drop, you may be pleasantly surprised at how much easier the now lower level seems to be, although Rudy is right - it's the type of thing to try and avoid. You may also find that 125mg's is easier to tolerate than 100mg's. As I've said before, it's a strange drug.

[windycitylady]

Newbies Nest! for bac

Thanks, guys! So far 125 has not been easier. Got up this morning to use the bathroom, and got violently ill. Went back to bed for 3 hours. I would have slept much longer, but was woken by a phone call. Realizing how late it was, I tried to get up, but the nausea and exhaustion were overwhelming. Finally got up, and I'm feeling a little better after some nux vomica, a few smokes, and some coke zero (I'm allowed to have one soda on my days off).
However, I did feel an almost complete absence of craving last night. I've always wondered about people on this forum who say that they didn't want to drink, but they "powered through it" and got drunk. Are they crazy, I thought? Isn't that why we're all here, to not drink? But that's pretty much what I did last night. I was tired and bac'd out, and all that really sounded good was some delicious food and sleep. But I knew I had the next day off, and that means I'm supposed to drink, right? Obviously, I was very sick this morning. So then I think, what if I don't drink tonight? Ah, but I have tomorrow off too. I gotta drink then, right? No, not necessarily, BUT (my alcohlic brain asks) what if you don't drink tonight, then drink way too much tomorrow night? Then you'll do a terrible job at work on Wednesday, so, yes, you should probably drink tonight.
Sigh.
Ruby, as far as my boyfriend being an enabler...it's not that simple. I have wondered if all of this would be easier without him around. He is very supportive of me taking the bac, and he has promised to drink less whenever I do. He says all the time that he wants to be sober. But our styles of quitting are very different. I need to stop aburptly, never take that first drink. He needs to taper down slowly. So even if I come home and announce that I'm not drinking that night, I know he will be. And that he won't stop me if I change my mind. I guess it's a form of enabling. He has even apologized, saying it might be easier for me if he wasn't there. But he's by far the best man I've ever been with. Loving, nurturing, and willing to buy tampons, no hesitation. Also, I worry more about his health than I do my own. I don't value his life above mine, but I do believe his drinking has damaged him more. He seems to get more drunk and drunk faster than I do, which makes me worry that he might have compromised liver function. Also, he's in terrible pain from bad knees, and any accidental bump or fall during drinking makes the next day almost unbearable for him. So, on nights where had I been alone, I would have drank a ridiculous amount, I've drank less, only because I don't want him to get too drunk. Also, in light of my history with abusive and controlling relationships, his refusal to stop me from drinking or tell me what to do in any respect may be healthy for me. Like I said, it's complicated.
Also, ruby, your boy sounds amazing, and I didn't mean to suggest you shouldn't have taken him to work because of what you do. I have very fond memories of going to work with my dad when I was little. This was probably unethical on many levels (I was very young, and he was definitlely violating these kids' right to privacy), but he would give me an overview of the kid's situation and tell me the best way to approach him or her. In this way, I learned very young about the unfairness of life ("but, dad, why does he have a schizophernic mother and abusive father? He's so nice!") and also the power of empathy. I learned that these kids were not better or worse than me, only less lucky, and that oftentimes they just needed someone to talk to them on their terms to open up. I think that's a great gift to give your child.
Well, I'm gonna smoke a little, eat a delicious salad, and watch some trashy TV while taking care of my sad tummy. Hope you guys are doing well!

[RudyB]

Newbies Nest! for bac

aww, windy, you're on the road to good things.

glad to read about the boyfriend, the supportiveness, not the injuries and possible liver stuff. he sounds truly great.

my son came to work on a day when there were no students, just teh teachers adn some of their kids. (and i know you weren't suggesting that i shouldn't have brought him w me. that wasn't my interpretation at all, ftr.) so he didn't get that wonderful opportunity to meet those unusual beasts. he knows all about them, though!

sorry about the vomiting. that's one se i didn't have to deal with, give thanks.

the only one that remains (at 200 mg, as of today) is the stoned feeling (which, as you know, i don't particularly mind), and the tiredness, which i can power through as long as i am moving. today is my second day without al or teh cravings that lure it into my world. sat nite i only had one glass of beer, which taste i enjoyed but i wasn't looking for the associated warm fuzzy feelings. now how about that?!

thanks for keeping us posted. i'm always lookin for you here.

sweet dreams. hope you have a happy night, morning, and beautiful day. (to everyone!)

xo rudy ru

[bleep]

Newbies Nest! for bac

I also managed to avoid the nausea SE, for which I'm grateful. It sounds terrible. It's good to hear you have something to take for it that seems to help. Also very encouraging is that 125 seems to be close to indifference for you, so it's unlikely you'll have to go much higher! Let us know how the next couple of days treat you.

I think the "powering through it" relates more to the habit of drinking, which is a large part of the whole thing. Most people here are used to getting pissed every night, so when the need is suddenly gone, the habit still remains. It soon falls away though.

[windycitylady]

Newbies Nest! for bac

Thanks, guys. New bac has arrived! Just gotta pick it up.
Also, planning on cutting AL consumption by about half tonight,maybe not drinking at all.
Ruby, cover your eyes.
Covered? Good.
I'm sorry for the super long, personal post.
Okay, you can overcover them now.

[windycitylady]

Newbies Nest! for bac

Also, congrats on 200, ruby, and feeling pretty okay! How high do you wanna go? Going by the 3mg/kg notion, I should hit my switch at 190. We'll see...

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Newbies Nest! for bac

Hi, WCL and others!

I've been wanting to stop by and check in, but I can't stick around, so to the point! (for once, sheesh.)

The significant other thing, and enabling? Wasn't an issue in my experience. Not one that kept me drinking, or stopped my drinking, or affected my drinking in general. Other parts of it sucked, as you might imagine! The part when my sense of smell was hyper-sensitive and I could smell booze from the other end of the block. Crawling into bed with him wasn't so nice. I won't even tell you what the good morning kiss pre-toothpaste was like. Makes me wanna gag even now. (Somehow, even when we can't stand how the other person is breathing, or that they are breathing, we still go through that smelly/sweet ritual. )
Seriously, though, I spent a lot of time thinking about it. Was I still drinking at 300mg of bac because it was in the house? The What-Ifs bounced around these walls for months. And what about what the ramifications when I stopped drinking against my will and he was still doing it. We talked about it repeatedly. It still came as a shock. But not for long. It just works, somehow.

In general I think bac helps relationships. I've heard that time and again and it was the case in my own even before he decided to try it for himself.

Anyway. You've probably long since moved on from that. I just wanted to have a .02.

Carry on!
xo

[bleep]

Newbies Nest! for bac

Baclofen is definitely a force for good when it comes to relationships. It saved my marriage, undoubtedly. And in the nick of time.

Windy, don't apologise for personal posts - that's what the forum is for! Also, don't be fooled by the weight to indifference ratio. It's one of things that has proven to have absolutely no bearing on what level you'll reach indifference at. So far we are clueless as to what factors influence the level at which you'll have to go to.

[windycitylady]

Newbies Nest! for bac

Thanks, guys!
Dammit, bleep, I was waiting for someone to say that about the mg/kg thing. It was just so nice to have a solid number to work towards. Feeling a little better now, still at 125mg. It might have something to do with the fact I drank less last night. I'm gonna try to keep that up (keep that down?). Work's been pretty uneventful this week, so depending on how tonight goes, I may go up to 150. I'm determined to stick with this, but it's amazing how my feelings fluctuate. One minute, I'll feel like we're pioneers, doing something great that's gonna change history. I imagine telling my extended family and friends about my miracle cure. The next minute I'll feel like an idiot, paying so much money to feel like such shit all the time. But, like I said, I'm gonna stick with it.
Ruby, I hope I didn't offend you! I won't apologize ever again!
Hope everyone's having a great day! My thoughts are with you all!

[Evey]

Newbies Nest! for bac

Hello all...

Hi WCL, I?m doing well. I had to taper down some due to muscle/nerve problems which seem to be bac related. After dropping down by 20 mgs, I had a few nights where I was having a few drinks a night, which was worrisome. I have since decreased the bac even more but I haven't had a drink since last Friday. The thought does pop in my head from time to time but it is easy to brush it aside.

Your boss sounds very weird! Making you give him eye drops in his eye?!? I think I have heard everything now. Didn't you compare your boss to the character House? Hopefully, things go smoothly today.

Are you feeling any better?

As far as doing the whole mg/kg thing, mine wasn't that far off. So maybe your switch/indifference will be somewhere around 190.

windycitylady;1140296 wrote: One minute, I'll feel like we're pioneers, doing something great that's gonna change history. I imagine telling my extended family and friends about my miracle cure. The next minute I'll feel like an idiot, paying so much money to feel like such shit all the time.

I think in the end you will feel like a pioneer.

When I told my husband that I hit the switch, he had a look of real confusion on his face, I explained that I felt indifferent to alcohol. He looked very pleased and then sorrow swept across his face. His whole demanor was one that I have rarely seen him have. He stated that had his father been able to take Baclofen, that it would have saved his father's life. He asked me how long Baclofen had been around. His father died almost 15 years ago due to complications from chronic alcohol abuse. I will never forget his face that day and the pain that was so evident on his face thinking of the lost, wasted life of someone who was so precious to him. The life lost because of alcohol and the life that could have been saved.

A very fortunate pioneer.

[Evey]

Newbies Nest! for bac

Hello all...

Hi WCL, I?m doing well. I had to taper down some due to muscle/nerve problems which seem to be bac related. After dropping down by 20 mgs, I had a few nights where I was having a few drinks a night, which was worrisome. I have since decreased the bac even more but I haven't had a drink since last Friday. The thought does pop in my head from time to time but it is easy to brush it aside.

Your boss sounds very weird! Making you give him eye drops in his eye?!? I think I have heard everything now. Didn't you compare your boss to the character House? Hopefully, things go smoothly today.

As far as doing the whole mg/kg thing, mine wasn't that far off. So maybe your switch/indifference will be somewhere around 190.

Hope that you are feeling better.

[RudyB]

Newbies Nest! for bac

hey gals!

evey, sounds like you're doing great! maybe you're switchy? 'it is easy to brush it aside' sounds so GREAT!

windy, it takes quite a bit to offend me. i'm sorry that is not obvious (or are you being ironic with that?). sounds like you're getting there. if you're already able to reduce consumption without huge fat white knuckles, promising indeed!

i have had those same feelings of insanity that i'm doing something crazy ...for what!? but then, a week ago, i was happy to taste the ale, one glass, and not keep going in search of that familiar comfort. so, i have officially switched at 200. and i wont be going up! i'll stay here for a while, and ask about when to go down in a little while.

i am absolutely sure that drinking can mask indifference, as the habit seems to die a slower death than the need. i don't know, though, if drinking straight through the switch can mask it entirely. i think that at some point your new brain does kill the habit, but the whole process might take longer.

great to hear from you all!
xo rudy

[Evey]

Newbies Nest! for bac

Hey Rudy.

No, that already happened. Congrats to you! You seem to take it all in stride and have moved on to the next part of your life. Filling it up with many activities. How long have you been rowing? Is the team that you are on a competitive team?

It sounds like you spend a lot of time tending to your garden. Last summer, I was too busy drinking inside to be bothered with our garden. Good thing I wasn't the caretaker. This year things look good, the only plants that have really produced so far are the herbs and cucumbers.

Keep writing whatever you want on your thread. The last time I checked there wasn't a limit on the number of posts one can make.

[RudyB]

Newbies Nest! for bac

aw, evey, you're so sweet. and i'm glad you've already switched, didn't make that connection. what a relief, huh?!

i just started rowing a couple of weeks ago. i've done it only 4 times. not at all competetive; most of the other rowers are also beginners. it is always so life- and soul-enriching for me to have something to do that is both physical and social. i don't think i could ever articulate that before having spent three years raising my son on my own, but suddenly i am aware of what has been missing from my life, and what i need to do to fill that void. i took up snowboarding this winter, and now the rowing. and i no longer cry when my son goes with his dad. i am elated; i don't need to drink about it. i have things to do to fill my time that stop the clock-watching and reignite my primal memory of what it means to be alive.

that would be my best advice to anyone trying to get sober (or just trying to be happy): find things that you love to do, and do them. if they involve other humanoids, even better. we are not meant to live alone in isolated experieces; being human means interacting with like species. when we do, even if we're not good at it at first, the rewards are infinite, and we feel better. if our bodies are involved, we get the endorphins, and the remider of where we live (in our bods), and how important it is on all fronts to honor that in ways that we enjoy.

so that's my tuppence.

on the garden front, don't you just love those herbs?! i've just moved some parsley, oregano, and marjoram to my kitchen garden (duhh) cause it's so convenient to have it there. i don't think i would have going on what i do right now if i had been drinking. drinking is a real committment. you have to have the glass or bottle on hand for when it's time to take that next gulp. not long ago, i was working in the garden, noticing how much of an interference it was to scamp back over to the bottle to take a swig. (ditto for the cigs, which i haven't yet lost, but i don't try do smoke them and garden; my priorities are straightening.) just the other day i found a glass i drank beer from, tipped over and forgotten in a plastic pot. i had a long moment of deep gratitude for the new truth i lived: i don't need anything outside of myself in order to feel happy. it felt really good to take that clean glass out of the dishwasher.

and cukes! aren't they great?! i've had two already from those hearty vines. i'm treating my vines VERY well.

love y'all.
xo rudy

[windycitylady]

Newbies Nest! for bac

Woo hoo, ruby! I'm so happy for you! I don't have much time, but had to stop by to say
CONGRATULATIONS!
I'm so excited for you and your son to enjoy the new AF you!
Guess I'm the only one in the newbie's nest that hasn't achieved indifference yet. Hopefully soon, I've been at 150 for the last two days. I'll post more soon. Thinking of everyone and wishing you all a happy 4th!