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    #376
    Newbies Nest! for bac

    Als, ruby, I hope the Dave Eggers book is "Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius." I'd be interested to hear your take on it. It's been years since I've read it, and I don't think I ever actually finished it. It's hard to read, but for entirely different reasons.
    For real, that's all from me. Goodnight!
    "Yet someday this will have an end
    All choices made or choice resigned,
    And in your face the literal eye
    Trace little of your history,
    Nor ever piece the tale entire
    Of villages that had to burn
    And playgrounds of the will destroyed
    Before you could be safe from time
    And gather in your brow and air
    The stillness of antiquity."

    From "At Majority" by Adrienne Rich

    Comment

      #377
      Newbies Nest! for bac

      Dammit, why isn't every book available on kindle? Assault on Tony's sounds great, just my sort of book, but alas, nobody has typed it up yet. Does anyone know if there's a plan in place to eventually have everything available on kindle?

      Comment

        #378
        Newbies Nest! for bac

        Awesome, bleep! I was actually thinking of you when I said the "dudes" around here would like it. Oh, you kindle people. I'll break the straps on a billion more purses carrying around my books before I'll get a kindle. Don't know how shipping works in your corner of the world, but my copy cost me $5.24 on amazon, shipping included. "Tony's" is also where I've found my new favorite line: "...he merely snapped his countenance to determination and spun about to carpe the fucking diem..."
        "Yet someday this will have an end
        All choices made or choice resigned,
        And in your face the literal eye
        Trace little of your history,
        Nor ever piece the tale entire
        Of villages that had to burn
        And playgrounds of the will destroyed
        Before you could be safe from time
        And gather in your brow and air
        The stillness of antiquity."

        From "At Majority" by Adrienne Rich

        Comment

          #379
          Newbies Nest! for bac

          heya readers! yep, that was the eggers book. love my library. love amazon, too. kindle, schmindle. i'd probably break it. i like feeling paper btwn my fingers. call me old fashioned.

          windy, do you take the train to work? or do you read while driving?

          yep, talking the long way home is taking the long way into my eyes. i didn't even bring it to vt with me. i have a hard time lately fending off images of my son's death, so reading about actual death is too spooky.

          Comment

            #380
            Newbies Nest! for bac

            I hear you Windy - and if shipping was even one of the vaguest considerations here, I'd take it...

            That's why I like the kindle - it enables people like me to join people like you in the first world... There's no such thing as shipping here

            I love books. I have a huge collection, and it would be huger still if I had the chance. That's one of the things about kindle, which I'm sure has been debated to death elsewhere!

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              #381
              Newbies Nest! for bac

              Egger's book, I'll have you know, is also not available here...


              Comment

                #382
                Newbies Nest! for bac

                bleep - Google tried doing something like that, but there were copyright laws and antitrust issues and

                Judge slaps down Google's digital library settlement | Reuters
                Knowledge of what is possible is the beginning of happiness.
                George Santayana

                Comment

                  #383
                  Newbies Nest! for bac

                  Bleep, that's so sad. Do they have "Leaving Las Vegas" on kindle?
                  Ruby, I do take the train to work, where I read, do my finances, and post here! The commute I have now is actually the shortest I've ever had, and I'm kinda missing the extra time to myself. That said, I'm currently on a train so crowded that I'm touching or being touched by at least 4 people. Pray that I don't get off the train pregnant.
                  So I'm up to 150 mg of bac, still drinking, but the same slightly less amount. It feels like I have so much at home (does anyone else like to just hold all the bac pills in their hands? My bf suggested I "make it rain" with bac pills, but we decided that was not practical), but I know I should probably go ahead and order more. But I have NO money. Work's gonna be shitty for another week or two, and I still have to pay rent. Oh well, I'm sure it'll all work out.
                  It terms of me still drinking, do you guys think it would be helpful for me to set an exact date on which to quit? So I could, I don't know, psych myself up for it?
                  Ruby, I don't have kids, but when my bird was alive, I had nightmares almost every night of him dying horrible deaths. I'd flush him down the toilet, I'd open the freezer and he'd be inside, etc. Totally not the same as your son, I know, but the closest thing I've ever had. He was just so tiny and delicate. And 10 years together adds up to a lot of nightmares. When he finally did have the accident that ended up killing him, I felt like I'd done it all before. Now I'm birdsitting my cousin's bird of the same species, and since I almost lost him the other day, I wonder if the dreams will come back. More on that if anyone's interested, otherwise...
                  Goodnight all. I wish you the best!
                  "Yet someday this will have an end
                  All choices made or choice resigned,
                  And in your face the literal eye
                  Trace little of your history,
                  Nor ever piece the tale entire
                  Of villages that had to burn
                  And playgrounds of the will destroyed
                  Before you could be safe from time
                  And gather in your brow and air
                  The stillness of antiquity."

                  From "At Majority" by Adrienne Rich

                  Comment

                    #384
                    Newbies Nest! for bac

                    I meant more on how I almost lost the bird, not more on my very active dream life.
                    "Yet someday this will have an end
                    All choices made or choice resigned,
                    And in your face the literal eye
                    Trace little of your history,
                    Nor ever piece the tale entire
                    Of villages that had to burn
                    And playgrounds of the will destroyed
                    Before you could be safe from time
                    And gather in your brow and air
                    The stillness of antiquity."

                    From "At Majority" by Adrienne Rich

                    Comment

                      #385
                      Newbies Nest! for bac

                      Don't worry guys, I won't say anything more about birds, mine or anyone else's.
                      "Yet someday this will have an end
                      All choices made or choice resigned,
                      And in your face the literal eye
                      Trace little of your history,
                      Nor ever piece the tale entire
                      Of villages that had to burn
                      And playgrounds of the will destroyed
                      Before you could be safe from time
                      And gather in your brow and air
                      The stillness of antiquity."

                      From "At Majority" by Adrienne Rich

                      Comment

                        #386
                        Newbies Nest! for bac

                        windy, i'd love to hear more about the birds, and the dreams! i wonder what it is that makes us imagine and dream these awful things? i suppose it's just some primal fear meeting up with a primal and indescribable love of our animate counterparts that are in some ways very fragile.

                        as i type, i hear my son in the distance, crying in his almost-five-yr-old agony over some small thing. and i know he will not die because of it. he is with his auntie and his cousin, on a little-traveled driveway, picking berries. probably his cousin has more than he.

                        i was thinking about my commute today, windy, just before reading about yours. it will be hard to go back to work, to travel those roads that get more and more depressing as i go south and west into terrain less-beautiful than where i live. the upside is that it is MY time (and nobody is with me, threatening to impregnate me). being a single mom means almost never having any of that! so for 40 minutes, twice a day, i get to talk on the phone and listen to music and news, uninterrupted by small and large demands. it'll all be okay, this going back to work. i'm happy to have a good job, and over an hour to myself every day.

                        Comment

                          #387
                          Newbies Nest! for bac

                          Ruby, there's so much I'd like to say to you about these things (got me thinking about the chapter on "Joy and Sorrow" from "The Prophet") and a couple other things bac and alcohol related, but I'm feeling really stoned on the bac right now, and don't trust myself to do a good job. Just left work and found myself behaving almost drunk before I left. Clumsy, less coherent. Crazy.
                          Crazier: I'm still excited to go home and drink. I don't understand it. Am I feeling this out of habit? Shouldn't the bac be dampening my cravings at this point (150 mg)? Or is it, as evidenced by my 3 days AF, and I'm just ignoring it to continue drinking? Should I set a day for myself to quit entirely, instead of just waiting to magically not want a drink?
                          Whatevs. I'm thinking about what you've said, ruby, and will comment on it when I'm feeling more articulate and less self-obsessed!
                          Also, why am I the only newbie (guess not so new at this point) hanging out in here? Does everyone just get bac and start their own thread? Should I have a thread?
                          Man, I asked a lot of questions in this post.
                          Well, wishing everyone the best!
                          "Yet someday this will have an end
                          All choices made or choice resigned,
                          And in your face the literal eye
                          Trace little of your history,
                          Nor ever piece the tale entire
                          Of villages that had to burn
                          And playgrounds of the will destroyed
                          Before you could be safe from time
                          And gather in your brow and air
                          The stillness of antiquity."

                          From "At Majority" by Adrienne Rich

                          Comment

                            #388
                            Newbies Nest! for bac

                            My drinking was all over the place during my titration. Personally, I never let it bother me, and it turned out okay. There came a point where I just didn't want to drink anymore, and I let that be the deciding factor.

                            Comment

                              #389
                              Newbies Nest! for bac

                              heya, windy! so sorry it took me so long to come back here! life is its usual crazy in rubyworld; i'm finding being virtually the ONLY parent to this boy very trying. my nerves are shot most times. anyway, i knew something was forgotten at mwo, and this thread had slipped to page three! so it was easier to miss.

                              anywhoot, yeah, i dunno why the others have vanished. i think sometimes people get to a happy or comfy place and don't post much, if at all. others stop posting when things are so bad they don't want to share or 'admit' anything. fact is, as you and i know, this is just the time and the place to be for such turns.

                              i think you oughta stick around here at newbies' nest if you like it and don't want to start your own thread. it's a really good one to keep going, and it's good to find you here every time that we do.

                              sorry you're not thrilled with your al consumption. but, like bleep said, that can be all over the place when you're titrating. don't sweat it. just make sure you're doing things that you feel good about that help you increase those af days, or at least reduce overall consumption. speaking of, what else are you up to to help your sobriety? and how goes it with your bf? your dad?

                              again, so sorry to have taken so long to reply. i just remembered that when i read your post i was in vt with family, and was not posting as much. so, here you have it. hope you'll come back soon, wtih more questions, comments, or concerns. wink.

                              xo ruby dee

                              Comment

                                #390
                                Newbies Nest! for bac

                                Hi windy

                                I too am finding that after 3 weeks AF, I had a couple of drinks and then last night it turned into a couple of bottles. I think that the bac works much better if you are AF, but also I think I felt I needed to test it and to push it almost (dont know if that makes sense)

                                I am trying not to beat myself up over it, but just trying to curb my consumption as I go up, but now realise that it is going to be a longer process than I hoped as I had some quite bad Se's that made me go back down a bit and maybe this is why i have got the increased cravings again. I will go back up, but much more slowly.

                                Bottom line is, as long as we are continuing the fight and not giving up, then surely we are heading in the right direction. Dont give up. I wont, if you wont

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