Newbies Nest! for bac

[StuckinLA]

Newbies Nest! for bac

Oh, and to be clear, I trust NE implicitly. And I too believe that drinking does make everything worse/harder. Doesn't change the outcome, but we'd save ourselves some unnecessary suffering by laying off the bottle (as I know you're trying to do, seriously good work, I know it's tough). Trouble sleeping? That comes from booze. When I got sober pre-bac it took weeks for my sleep to stabilize. And now? Some drinking some days, heavy-ish drinking once in a while, no drinking at all a couple of days? Yeah, no wonder.

[TexasAg]

Newbies Nest! for bac

Stuck, I've got to get to work but I'll come back cuz there's a few things that popped into my head.

But I just gotta say......you're a great writer! You and NE should get together and write a book! I can just picture it now....makes you cry, laugh and hopeful with redemption at the end! (God willing!!)

Cheers!

Day 23 on Bac - 80mg
AF - 8/5/12
BBF (binge beast free) – 8/2/12

[TexasAg]

Newbies Nest! for bac

Just wanted to give a update on my Bac journey. On Wednesday night I played golf then went to a bar for drinks. I had 5 or 6 gin and tonics over a period of 3 hours, which I wouldn’t consider a binge, but it messed me up. I don’t know if it was a combination of being exhausted because I’m having trouble sleeping, or the Bac effect but I definitely should not have driven home. I don't even remember stopping by a fast food restaurant but the empty bag and ketchup stains all over my seats says I did. Yesterday I was feeling miserable and for the first time since starting Bac, I felt hopeless. To top it off I had the worst hangover, something I rarely get. Even through last night my head was dizzy, I was pale and couldn’t stop sweating. It kinda freaked me out. I’m not sure if this is what NE was talking about when she mentioned Bac hangovers but it was brutal.

I want to see if anyone has experienced something similar. I also wanted to ask for a little support this weekend. The complications at home have culminated and she’s taking off to Dallas for the weekend. I’m going to try my darndest not to drink because it’ll only make things worse and I need to show my kids I can be there for them. It’s painful and I know it’s going to be hard.

Thanks,

Day 28 on Bac - 80mg
AF - 8/8/12
BBF (binge beast free) – 8/8/12

[StuckinLA]

Newbies Nest! for bac

Hey Tex, don't beat yourself up too much. Though if there's any even remotely lecture-ish part here, I'd recommend not driving home. That has more to do with me standing outside my new lawyer's office right now, waiting for my appointment, to try to get my license back.

Er, anyway, I've found the hangovers hit or miss. Said I wasn't getting them, now had a couple. Yes, it sucks. I don't think anyone's died from a hangover, though :H

As you keep going higher, what I've found at least, is that the hangover isn't going to feel like what you're used to. You know, we used to be able to deal 'cause we knew what to expect. At the same time, drunk isn't exactly going to feel like drunk, either. It's weird.

But yeah, seems like par for the course. Don't know if I've had the sweating and stuff, but it's been hot as Satan's balls in LA so I'm sweating anyway. Way cooler now in Chicago, and I'm about to get my drink on college-style tonight, so I'll let you know! :H

Um, but I do notice anxiety kick up a notch with a drink or 2, then having to get to about #4 to even out (or double that, as I'm often drinking a shot + beer).

Good luck this weekend. Or not luck, but strength, support, whatever you need. We're all here! (I'm 1/2 here this week...) A couple drinks isn't the end of the world, unless you think it is. JKTTGDP.

And please forgive any typographic weirdness here--I'm on my phone.

[TexasAg]

Newbies Nest! for bac

Thanks Stuck, I appreciate it. I was pretty upset with myself for driving because I've also had to beg some judge to give me my license before. It Sucks feeling like you're at the mercy of some stranger to allow you to drive.

The hangover was weird. But even weirder was the drunk feeling. I'm ok today, no hangover and hopeless feeling is gone. I'm stressed on how this weekend is gonna play out. Funny thing is in the past I would look forward to the wife leaving for the weekend because then I could tie one on without her around. But now I don't want to drink even though I dont think she cares if I do.

what is JKTTGDP?

Have fun on you college drinking adventure. Must be nice, hahaha.

Day 28 on Bac - 80mg
AF - 8/8/12
BBF (binge beast free) – 8/8/12

[TexasAg]

Newbies Nest! for bac

oops, not sure how the previous post got reposted.....

[StuckinLA]

Newbies Nest! for bac

Just Keep Taking The God Damned Pills.

It's a bit of NE's genius that caught on, kind of an unofficial motto.

Anyway, try not to stress too much about the weekend. If you don't want to drink my bet is that not drinking will be totally possible. Maybe make a plan? Like what would get you into real trouble... for me it's whiskey. So if I were worried about being home alone, I'd try to not have any whiskey in the house (that sometimes doesn't work, as I'll just buy it anyway, but it's worth a shot! Damn, pour word choice :H Damn, Freudian slip typo! :H).

Wow, OK, I'm not drunk I swear, just really really tired. Try making a plan. What are you willing to live with this weekend? Sounds to me like abstinence would make you feel really good, so aim for that. If the beast leads you to the liquor store, try to just get some beer or something. Anyway, be gentle with yourself.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Newbies Nest! for bac

You can certainly use JKTTDP and leave poor God out of the equation. His/her plate's full. But sometimes, well, I enjoy throwing that in there, I must admit.

Tag! Oy. Sorry about the hangover/circumstances/feeling really lousy! And you know how I feel about that ol' beast hopelessness. THAT must die. No need to torture it either. Just squash it like a bug every time it shows up. Glad that happened. A good night's sleep often does that. (And nope, I'm not being trite. Sometimes sleep is the cure-all that we look for in a pill. Ya' know?)

So. This weekend. Keep this in mind, will you?

You. Are. Here.
Right here. On this journey on your way out of circumstances you can't control and sometimes the hellish results. On your way out of wash rinse repeat with your drinking.
You are also right physically where you are. Right there. Able to be present literally and figuratively with your kids.
And you are Here. On MWO.

I could go on and on, but it might digress into hippy-chick-world, and none of us need that.

You don't wanna drink. You have some tools. You have powerful motivation not to, and if you do, not to overdo it. I'm not referring to your kids and your wife, either. I'm referring to the fearsome results. ugh. I think I was hungover after a party last weekend and let me tell you, it will be a LOOONG time before I drink enough (3 glasses? In 6 hours? I can't believe that's true, even though it was hot and I was hot and ugh...I can't bear to think about it!) Anyway, I HATED that feeling, even though it was just a taste of the yuck, not the full on omg-shoot-me-now.

oops. Gotta go. Husband emerged from office and he can tell I'm not packing.

[TexasAg]

Newbies Nest! for bac

JKTTDP I LIKE IT!

Whiskey is also my poison. I'm gonna try and stay sober but the pool is calling and you can't hang out by the pool without at least some Dos XX's.

But I agree on the motivation not to overdo it. That hangover was weird and sh_tty. And definitely not worth the 6 drinks.

Thanks again for your help. I'll keep you updated.

Day 28 on Bac - 80mg
AF - 8/8/12
BBF (binge beast free) – 8/8/12

[TexasAg]

Newbies Nest! for bac

Good Morning y’all. Just wanted to give you an update on my Bac progress. This past weekend was pretty difficult. I did well on Friday even though my daughters stood me up for dinner and I found myself alone at home with my thoughts (scary!). I didn’t go out even though my brother showed up at my house to drag me to a bar to try to lighten my spirits. I took the .25 Alprazolam and fell asleep. The next morning my 20 yr old daughter told me she was proud that I didn’t go out. Good stuff.

If the weekend would’ve ended right there it would’ve been perfect. But what can I say, I’m not there yet. Saturday was spent with my daughters and their friends by the pool. They were drinking (they’re 23 & 20) and we were having good time. Unfortunately I could not resist the urge. I think it was a combination of craving and habit. I started sneaking beers and before I knew it I was downing my 4th or 5th one. This is where I think the mix of Bac and alcohol is affecting me strangely. I was drunk by the 5th one. I don’t remember much from that point on. I do remember that I decided to go to a birthday party for a couple friends of ours. I understand I didn’t stay very long but all my wife’s friends were there and knew I was drunk. I also indulged in some other things that I’m not very proud of. My friend had someone follow me home to make sure I got home o.k.

Sunday I was in full pathetic mode. My daughters went from proud to not looking at me. That evening I took them to the movies and they seemed better. They even invited me to go pick up Mom with them. I was certain she would not want that but she gave me a hug that although awkward felt good. By Monday morning any pretense of civility was gone. I’m pretty sure she spoke with her friends that saw me drunk on Saturday.

The good news is I’m sleeping better. My daughters are beautiful and my son is getting back from college summer school on Sunday. I’m going to take them to the beach when we’re all together and I’m looking forward to having another opportunity to be sober with them. I’m going to try my best to use all the tools I have along with Baclofen so as not to drink.

My only SE so far is the insomnia, but the Alprazolam is helping. I’ve noticed around the third day after my binges my mood and hope picks up. But that would happen even without Bac.

I do have one other item (I won’t call it an issue or SE cuz it’s not really a big deal). My eyes have a red-rimmed look, like I’ve been crying. Does anyone have that? How are you treating it? Again, it’s no big deal, but I’d rather not look like I’ve been crying at work and especially in front of my wife.

Cheers!

Day 33 on Bac - 100mg
AF - 8/11/12
BBF (binge beast free) – 8/11/12

[ifulovelife2]

Newbies Nest! for bac

Hey Tex

Sorry to hear it all, eventually, went to bollocks at the weekend. But ... what do you expect? I mean seriously? You're an alcoholic, this sort of shit is definitely going to happen, right? The question is: how do you stop this happening again? The obvious answer is JKTTDP until you reach indifference.

Hey, we all know that, don't we? The thing is, I notice you say the only SE you have is insomnia (which you're successfully treating with another medication), so is there a reason why after 33 days you're still only on 100mg of bac/day?

You know you need to go higher to get to the point of 'indifference', so ... ummm ... why don't you do it sooner rather than later?

Maybe there's a reason. I haven't read all your posts, so I can't say.

Anyhoo, good luck to you and if you need any help, feel free to PM me, OK?

M

[TexasAg]

Newbies Nest! for bac

thanks lovelife, that is my motto JKTTDP.

Dr L has me on a 20mg titration per week. I read some of the harsher SE's people have titrating up too fast, but I am getting impatient.

Any thoughts on the red eye?

Cheers!

Day 33 on Bac - 100mg
AF - 8/11/12
BBF (binge beast free) – 8/11/12

[StuckinLA]

Newbies Nest! for bac

Don't know about it personally, or at least not when not hungover, but people have described something similar around here. Mostly it just adds to the stoned appearance--also not good at work or around the better 1/2...

Though in that regard, if you're sober--trying to get sober--and she knows this, would crying be the worst thing? I am so not trying to butt into your personal business here, so tell me to F off if ya' like. Clearly I don't know the situation, but seems to me you could even play that one up...

[TexasAg]

Newbies Nest! for bac

Hahaha, I never thought of it that way.....still not sure she's to keen on any emotion, action, or thing I say right now. But like lovelife said, I'm an alcoholic so 4 months outta 25 years aint gonna make much difference right now.

thanks for the support!

Cheers!

Day 33 on Bac - 100mg
AF - 8/11/12
BBF (binge beast free) – 8/11/12

[TexasAg]

Newbies Nest! for bac

Good afternoon y’all. Just wanted to give you an update on my Bac progress. I’m on day 54 of baclofen and I’m up to 160mg. I’m taking a 20mg pill at 6am, 7:45am, 9:30am, 11:15am, 1pm, 2:45pm, 4:30pm, and 6:15pm. In other words every 1:45min. I have my phone alarm to ring and I take them at these times. If I miss a dose, I can always tell how many are left and how many alarms still have to ring so I’ll take 1.5 pills on the next couple of doses. I’m scheduled to go up 20mg per week until indifference.

Baclofen has changed my life completely. My brain is much calmer. I don’t have extreme obsessive thoughts. My anxiety and stress is down to …. I can’t remember when I’ve felt this calm. There’s nothing I can compare it to. My only stress right now is my complicated situation at home, which I’m still praying for, but I am not obsessing. I feel like I’m in a win/win situation. She doesn’t believe in Baclofen but I hope and pray that she comes around and we can enjoy so many things and our future together. However, I’m not obsessing on it. It’s in God’s hands. The other “win” part is if she doesn’t, I’m ready and able to have a life on my own. We had our first child at 17 and we’ve been married for 21 years. Needless to say, neither of us has had a life apart. I love her and I truly wish for her to be happy, with or without me. This is the amazing part. I could never have made this statement 60 days ago. If you would have asked me then, I would have been incoherent. I would probably have just finished a bottle of Glenlivet and ready to go through the second one while listening to Jose Alfredo Jimenez and crying about how my life is unfair. This is how different my brain is now. Of course the best part of all is my alcohol binging/urges are down to almost zero. I was hoping to hit the “switch” by 160mg, but like NE pointed out on Stuck’s post, I’m not there yet. So I’m JKTTDP until/when it happens. It’ll happen, when it happens.

Okay, now for a few bad items, well really, just one. I’ve only had one bad SE, insomnia. It has been very rough since about the 120mg dose. Dr. L prescribed some generic Xanax (.25mg up to 2xday) but lately it hasn’t worked. I can usually sleep about 2-3hrs before waking then stay awake for another 2-3 hours before knocking out for 1-2. It wasn’t too bad at first because Baclofen gave me energy, but after three weeks 4-5 hours of sleep takes its toll. The bags under my eyes are more like suitcases. I now know not to fight the sleep if it happens after 9pm cuz if I do I won’t get to sleep for another 6-7 hours. So I’ll go to sleep at 9 or 10 even if it’s for a few hours then wake up and read until I can fall asleep again. Sleep is such a blessing when it happens. That being said, no SE in the world is going to stop me from going forward. I’m taking Stuck’s advice and just not believe in SE’s.

One last thing, I know I’ve said this before but I’ll say it again for whoever may be reading. The Vets on this forum are amazing. I thank God for leading me to this site and also for directing me to these Vets postings. You know who you are but for the rooks, listen to and follow NE, Redthread, ifulovelife, Bleep, Stuck(can I call you a vet now?) and many others. (There was a guy that had all the meds down and would post many of the helpful threads initially. He was a workoutholic and I think even posted a pic of himself. Anyways, his thread helped)

Baclofen is not for everyone (Desperados, baclofan, Benzoguy, BillF). I can only say how it’s helping me. I don’t know what tomorrow will bring but for today I’m sober and much calmer.

Cheers!

Day 54 on Bac – 160mg
AF – 3 days
Binge Free - 26 days