Newbies Nest! for bac

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Newbies Nest! for bac

Well, day 3 on 200 mg is drawing to a close. Started off the day with some healthy (!?) vomitting,
...
I'm using this as an opportunity to titrate up.
...
but I'm not going to worry now about what will happen then.

Hiya, WCL!

Sorry to be so blunt, but please read my little cut and paste. If you read that wouldn't there be a little voice inside your head saying, "UHOH!!!"

Lots of ways to skin the beast, right? The medicine is making you sick. There is the possibility that going up *a bit* might lessen the vomitiousness of the experience. Maybe. But I think perhaps it might be a really good idea to start with finding a solution to the morning purgitation and then go up.

I went up and down, and also went up, up, up (a bit) but other than the horrible anxiety/related insomnia I never had something happen that really undermined my physical health. I wish I'd dealt with the insomnia before going up, you know?

It's good to be strong. In body, too, though.
Rock on, okay?
xo

[windycitylady]

Newbies Nest! for bac

Um. Ok.
I felt like when I was genuinely concerned with the nausea all I heard from people here were variations on the side effects change/get better as you go up and grin and bear it; this isn't an easy journey. But this has been a persistent side effect for me even at lower doses. So I go down? And my other statements you took out of context (perhaps intentionally, the show me the error of my ways). What I was referring to was knowing my job is currently really chill, but that will all change exactly 6 days from now. Shouldn't I try to go up (at a reasonable rate) in that time?
I guess what's becoming clear to me is that maybe I've gained all the knowledge from this forum that I need to proceed on my own.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Newbies Nest! for bac

Hiya, Windy.
3 days ago:

windycitylady;1170969 wrote: Hey all. I'm really having a hard time. Man, I really don't know where to start.
I've been feeling very disillusioned with the bac. I don't know how to explain it, it feels like I've been tricked somehow.
As I type this, the movement of the cursor is making me nauseous.

etc...

I know others have had or are having worse side effects. I am not a complainer usually. I knew that this was not going to be an easy journey when I began it. But it's becoming hard to imagine going up any further. I know what others have said, going up may change or eliminate some of the side effects. But every time I have gone up, the side effects have only gotten worse. The highest I've gone is 200 mg, and I couldn't function. I blamed myself, thinking that if I would just stop drinking, I wouldn't feel so sick all the time.
...
And sick I was, and continue to be. And still I know I will drink tonight. How can I possibly go up further under these circumstances?

"The Switch" has started to seem mythological to me. As likely as me having "spiritual experience" where my "higher power" sweeps in for me to surrender my will.

...
But, for the record, I feel like shit. Emotionally and physically.

Ne/Neva Eva;1171126 wrote: Hi, Ladies.
I'm sure you're sick of hearing from me. I'm sick of hearing from me!

Lo0p posted that I should just take more. A lot more. And I did. And the next week I was indifferent to alcohol.

That's my story. I'm sticking to it. I don't promote it anymore, because it was so hellish. The cost, at the time, seemed tremendous. Now I think of the cost as cheap. I would pay several times over what it cost me then, to have the life that I have now.

That's the promise, WCL. The gift.

If one needs to manage life, and cannot take another minute, there is another option. The other option is low dose bac as a maintenance. Coupled with will power and eyes on the goal, it is likely effective to reach sobriety that way.

If that's not what you want (and frankly, it's probably the wiser choice to do it that way) then marshall your resources. This ain't no place for pollyanna bull shit. It's war. Get yourself some xanax if you don't have it. Manage your mind. Control your body. It owes you and will thank you. Eventually. Treat yourself and your life as though you have the flu, and function at that level.

The war is won over the course of many battles. Don't let this one think it's got you. There are other ways to skin a beastie. Lots and lots of 'em and you have a very powerful tool.

I stand by my words then and now, WCL. Truth is, you're right and you're post made me shudder a bit and think, "well, she's right. I'm a fraud and this is all for naught." Then I remembered your post from 3 days ago. And I remembered what it was like. And I remembered, WCL, that this forum is about WAY more than information.

It's awfully damn quiet around here. People are too busy to respond to one another I suppose. Makes it tough going for those who are struggling. Makes it tough going for those of us that aren't. I'm a little tired of it, frankly. And I'm very, very busy.

Peace, sister. Just venting my own frustration and moving on. Sammi posted yesterday about having a really rough time and I don't think she's had anyone respond...

just sayin

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Newbies Nest! for bac

It's been pointed out to me that I'm walking around with a big ol' sledgehammer, swinging the thing around without giving much thought to the damage it may cause when it lands...

Hope you'll be bac soon.
xo

[windycitylady]

Newbies Nest! for bac

Oh, I'm here ne. I was just being bratty. And I'm actually doing ok at 200 mg. I'm sorry it seems that so much falls on your shoulders around here. To say that you spread yourself thin is in no way correct. You always post inspiring, heartfelt, articulate words for those who are struggling. So I guess you just spread yourself! Point taken. If I want to receive support, I need to offer support to others. I apologize for acting tantrumy, and I appreciate all that you've done for me and all you do for everyone around here.

[RudyB]

Newbies Nest! for bac

awww windy. sorry about the vomiting! got so much to say but son is buggin me for attention. how dare he?! i've got power back and need to be here at mwo. alas, duty calls. windy. i'm dying to know what is your line of work, if you care to share...

my fave netflix show at the mo is 'medium', about a woman with clairvoyant pwrs who helps the da solve crimes. one episode was about a guy who worked at a suicide hotline and suckered a girl into a relationship w him, only to convince her to kill herself. good, trashy, intelligent stuff....

ok, son freaking out. love y'all!

[windycitylady]

Newbies Nest! for bac

BUMP!

Seems like there's a lot of people around just starting out on bac, and I thought I'd resurrect this thread to see if any of them is interested in congregating here.
I don't suggest reading back through the last pages, as it seems to be mostly me talking about vomitting. Maybe that's why the thread disapeared in the first place!
I encourage bac newbies to post here and meet each other, and I'm sure bac old timers would drop in with advice when needed.
If it sinks again, so be it. It was just a thought.

[mexiCAN]

Newbies Nest! for bac

Bump

[ryrye]

Newbies Nest! for bac

Yo

:new: Im a newbie, I cant wait until I know enough to post all kinds of stuff about vomiting, sleeping with bartenders, and choking bosses soon! :h Just Kidding! I can tell you about a wonderful discount store in town that sells dented cans and boxes of cereal and stuff (yes I am a cheap ass mother@#$#er ) Anyway, I'm a few months in, had a rocky start and finally started taking the damn pills in an orderly fashion a few weeks ago ... I can say it works better that way. Currently up to 125mg and no issues to speak of. Still drink, a bit less though. Whatevz ... its all good. Maybe someday you guys can hear some tales of my crazy girlfriend's adventures through her life of panic attacks and disfunctional behavior or stories of my car or motorcycle (which is the extent of my life right now )

Well, thanks for the warm welcome! I like it here so far. Lots cooler and more real than the nuts at AA meetings ... always made me feel bad everytime I would relapse, which happened often (which is why I ended up lying often, and that's no good)

[StuckinLA]

Newbies Nest! for bac

:new:

In the grand scheme of things I'm pretty darned new here, too. And I would love to hear about a store that sells discount cans of anything. And about your car/motorcycle/any flipping transportation that isn't a bus.

Because I can't drive right now, and I order cans of tuna and sardines (WTF, why!?) on Amazon, and that's what I call grocery shopping.

But yeah, definitely different than AA. I really like the speaker meetings, 'cause they spend 10 minutes talking about all the hilarious stories they have about being f*cked up. Then there's the 5 minutes about how life is so OK now--not great, not bad, just OK. F that. I found the AA speaker series podcasts on iTunes and that's enough for me :H.

Anyway, This is definitely a good thread to keep going. Welcome Rye and everybody--especially any lurkers. It's no fun until you can write (nightly) about trying to get with your bartender! :H and :upset:

[ryrye]

Newbies Nest! for bac

you order tuna from Amazon? is it cheap? That would be bitchin! Yeah, this discount store is awesome, never know what you may find. One time they had these pouches of salmon (about as much meat as a can of tuna) and they were like 3/$1 ... needless to say, I bought them out. Spent like $50 on that shit and had smoked salmon a few times a week for the next year or so lol.

Edit: Just looked, tuna from amazon is too rich for my blood ... I wont pay more than $0.75 / can

[StuckinLA]

Newbies Nest! for bac

Yeah, you got me. It's not $0.75/can... but it's under or close to $1... But I have Amazon Prime because I'm a student. So that means I get a discount on A.Prime and, more importantly, when I need a book the next day I really need that f*cking book the next day.

I would not mind some smoked salmon though... mmmmmm.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Newbies Nest! for bac

I cannot imagine ordering food from Amazon. Much less canned fish. Then again, I get the student discount too! I have been paying the $74 or whatever for the last two years only to realize this month that it's free for the likes of me! WOOHOO!
I have used the online shopping thing for our local grocery store. You pick out the items and they bag it all up so it's waiting for you when you get there. I was very self conscious about it, since I'm guessing it's really set up for the old and infirm. But hey, they did my grocery shopping for me! Are you kidding me? Come to think of it, I think I'll start doing that more often. Especially since I am the queen of condiments and expensive olives and cheese, and I always seem to shop hungry. Not such a good idea for the budget. (Other women, when trying to save some money, might have to cut back on shoes or handbags. I had to cut back on trips to the gucci grocery stores in the area. Seriously.)

HULLLOOOOOO WCL. I've been missing you like a phantom limb. :l Using the tunes we exchanged to motivate, or get the creative juices flowing and it also makes me think of you, of course. I keep expecting you to pop up with one of your mind-blowing posts.......But even a howdy will do. Any day now, sister.

It is an extraordinarily lovely predawn summer morning here. Hope it's the same for you all!

[TexasAg]

Newbies Nest! for bac

One small step...

:new:
Ok, I?ve finally decided to take the plunge. I?ve been lurkin on MWO for a few months and finally got up the courage to call Dr. L last night. He answered right away and set up a consultation with me for this afternoon. He was very polite and understanding, everything you?all have said. He really did make me feel comfortable and not at all like I was bothering him which is what I was afraid of. So hopefully I can start the Bac and start the road to AF (or at least non-blackout drunk).

I just want to say thanks to all of you that post especially you senior members, Loop, Ne/Neva, Bleep, Ig, Murphyx, Redhead77, and many others. I?ve seen you put up with some pretty crappy posters (mainly on other threads) but still you keep helping. That is what convinced me, this can?t be snake oil. I?m nervous about the SE?s but excited to get to the switch. More importantly, I have hope, which makes the world of difference for this drunk.

The miserable have no other medicine
But only hope.~ Shakespeare,

Now I have hope, and hopefully a medicine!
Cheers!

[ryrye]

Newbies Nest! for bac

:welcome: So far it is working for me, I used to drink myself to oblivion just about every single night. Hadn't had an alcohol free day in quite some time, and now while I still drink, havn't once drank as much as I was on a daily basis in almost two months now. Side effects, don't be scared ... just cautious. I havn't personally had any issues and what mild effects I have had, they have been much more preferable to being drunk or hung over.

Good Luck,
Rye