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Frustrated but still determined

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    #1

    Frustrated but still determined

    I wish I didn't have to post this, but my efforts to go AF didn't work.

    I felt a rush of guilt, but I still caved and drank. My witching hour is definitely when my husband gets home and we sit down to talk about the day. Not sure why it must be a severely ingrained habit. I didn't want to post about it because I felt like an idiot after declaring I was going for AF then not being able to follow through the same day.

    I spent a lot of time reading here today -- Serenity's thread and all the posts have been a huge inspiration and it motivates me to stick with the bac. I haven't gone past four beers since I upped the bac to 100mgs and soon I'm going to titrate up.

    I'm noticing side effects at 100mg. More intense somnolence, and periods of feeling spaced out, but I'm going to stay with it.
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    #2
    Frustrated but still determined

    hey chi

    chi -read my post.....please keep posting the thread...and stick with it.......everyone is different.....just percevere......hoping u get a better ride than me but keep with it....the fact is, u WILL get there!!
    I am well and truly in recovery, I thank Baclofen, the good people of MWO and my love of spirituality, the combination of which have helped to guide me out of the darkness in the last couple months. Cheers to that.

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      #3
      Frustrated but still determined

      Chi, no need to feel a failure.

      You drank, so what? Just keep taking baclofen, soon it will be effortless.

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        #4
        Frustrated but still determined

        Chi;1078554 wrote: I felt a rush of guilt, but I still caved and drank. My witching hour is definitely when my husband gets home and we sit down to talk about the day. Not sure why it must be a severely ingrained habit. I didn't want to post about it because I felt like an idiot after declaring I was going for AF then not being able to follow through the same day.
        I know you you feel - that is the story of my life the past 13 years. Keep going up, soak your brain in bac, and that part of your disease will be fixed. I reccomend bleep's appraoach on how to take your daily doses. It has worked for me as far as keeping the SE's down.

        I know a relapse is devastating, but you have appearently learned a lot about yourself.

        Hang in there Chi. I applaud your honesty.
        Look at a stone cutter hammering away at his rock, perhaps a hundred times without as much as a crack showing in it. Yet at the hundred-and-first blow it will split in two, and I know it was not the last blow that did it, but all that had gone before.
        - Jacob August Riis

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          #5
          Frustrated but still determined

          ps

          went to bed at 8pm on monday night, having headed out on Sunday night....thats a 36 hour bender...and drink all day today and finally hit a point where just stopped.....trust me, wanted to keep drinking, have booze in my flat but just totally LOST desire. It may just be that I am knaclered and ill but I don't think so.....it fee;s differenet. Please do not go up this quickly tho = it was a desperate measure(220 in one day...spread evenly) and less is more by all acounts.

          Long may it last

          Have not been able to sleep since......thats 3 nights so far without sleep!

          Hope that makes u feel better about yr relapse!!:goodjob:
          I am well and truly in recovery, I thank Baclofen, the good people of MWO and my love of spirituality, the combination of which have helped to guide me out of the darkness in the last couple months. Cheers to that.

          Comment

            #6
            Frustrated but still determined

            Thanks for the support. Yesterday I went from 100mg to 110 mg, and I think I will stay there until Sunday, then go up to 120mg.

            I've also decided I'm not going to worry about being AF, and will stay the course until I reach complete indifference. I know baclofen works, and it's the reason my consumption went from close to a 12 pack per night a year ago to no more than 4 the last week. It's been a steady decline that I can only credit to baclofen.

            The somnolence since I went up to 100 is odd. It's like I have no anxiety about feeling like I have narcolepsy.

            It's going to be an interesting ride to the finish line.

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