Thanks again all.
I have decided on a provisional plan.
Still have several hours for more reading tomorrow; time to make tweaks.
Maddeningly, I can't find my notebook (paper kind) that contains my titration schedule during the last attempts, so my numbers although probably near aren't accurate.
My memory tells me that during the first attempts, I started out out worked up very slowly- i.e:
10mgs for 2 days
15 mgs for 3 days
20 mgs for 3 days
25 mgs for 3 days
30 mgs for 3 days etc...until I reached around 50 mgs and up, and got "brave" concerning SEs, and began titrating more erratically.
In retrospect, seeing it here in type, I wonder if it was erratic "too confident" behavior, or rather an effect of bac? Well, that's just wondering, but it could have been a result of the "blah" feeling that seems to occur at higher doses. I was more concerned at drinking when taking bac at low doses; once I worked my way up my drinking also went up, but my concern about any damage seemed to wear off.
I am thinking, if I go immediately to 40mgs, I will already experience the tiredness, sometimes pleasant relaxed feeling and sometimes more worrying SEs such as jerky hands and forgetting things that slow titration brings on at higher doses.
I am basically hoping against hope, due to the lack of titration, this will be enough to stop me wanting to drink. (As I experienced with my mega leap last time).
When I start, I'll make sure I have my drink of choice, which is beer, at a nearby distance: i.e not next to the pillow but in the kitchen.
If it doesn't stop me, I'll go up to 50 mgs the following day.
I'll continue going up by 10 mgs daily until the end of my free time...brain and body allowing, of course. Needless to say, if I feel I am near, I'll risk my job if it means taking extra days off.
Although this is not a protocol Dr. OA followed or advises, I can't see the point of a third slow titration (with an intermittent huge jump) just to fail again, given my past experience.
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