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**Cinders** · April 17, 2011, 02:02 AM

Umm... How do you tell your wife?

LLB,

The hardest part is going to be the "I am an alcoholic" piece of it. Once those words are out of your mouth, as I am sure you know, you are committed.

I recall the shame, the fear, the reluctance to tell my husband because I knew once I did, I would never be able to drink in front of him again.

Fast forward, when he finds my vodka, he pours it out. It is very frustrating. Even though AA, Stanton Peele and my last rehab tell him not to do that, he does because he simply does not want me to drink. As they say in AA, he is trying to control the uncontrollable.

Once you have gotten past that first milestone, all the other milestones which are dependent on the first will fall into place.

Be honest, tell her you are going to try this and this is your way out.

My husband thinks Baclofen is horsecr@p. He thinks that my relying on a "magic" pill to help me get and stay sober is a complete waste of time. (Just wait until he gets the order of Naltrexone in the mail. :H:H)

But, my sobriety comes first. I did not work AA correctly and have an issue with it due to travel and husband's resentment of me going to meetings when I am only at home two days a week.

Only you know the dynamics of your relationship. Your wife has stated clearly her take on your problems being your problems. (Kind of odd, considering her degree.) In a way, that is liberating for you. If she can't support you she also can't control what you do.

Good luck with all this.

I think us married alcoholics have a bit of a rough go, but we also have a bit of an edge as we have more at stake and more accountability than those who are single.

Cindi

ps Forgive any typos and grammar mistakes. I am up very late with insomnia from the Baclofen and I titrated up very quickly this last week, so I am suffering many SEs.

**gyco** · April 17, 2011, 02:03 AM

Umm... How do you tell your wife?

life is what it is

LittleLessBoozin';1099868 wrote: So, I'm quite sure I'm the first person to EVER find him or herself in this position.... NOT!

Although my wife obviously knows I'm a total pisshead, outside of arguments, we have never talked about it, other that her helpfully telling me to 'sort my life out' and once informing me that she won't be with an alcoholic. I told her once early in our relationship (10+ years ago) that I'm not an alcoholic, but I am a bit of a problem drinker. How I managed to somehow separate the two in my mind for so long is a mystery to me, but again, I suspect I am not the first to do so

I have ordered Bac (10 and 25mg) from 2 different sources. I also travel a lot, so I'm fairly sure the shipments will arrive when I'm away. Also, even if I manage to subvert my 'get it done- now!' nature and attempt to do it the patient way and titrate up slowly, as appears to be the recommendation these days, One way or another, my wife will clearly know that something fishy is occurring due to SEs.

The optimist in me likes to see her saying 'well done, glad you're doing something about this!'. The realist in me sees something altogether different. My wife is wonderful in many ways, but as a full time mother, she offers no direct support to me, and is actually proud/defiant about that fact: 'I concentrate all my energy on the children, I have NOTHING left to give!' being her war cry in my times of need.

I could be surprised, but my suspicion is that my wife (who holds a Harvard degree in psychology, ironically) is going to flip out and be disgusted that I'm so weak that I can't simply stop or slow down. This would be unreasonable, if understandable.

Her second, and entirely reasonable, questions, should we even get that far, will be (in order) my questionable practices of:

- Taking a medication known to cause somnolesence and memory loss whilst in a senior management role, thus potentially threatening my role as sole breadwinner
- Ordering potentially non-FDA approved drugs from India
- Following an off-label regimen of drugs with little meaningful data about long term effects about this particular indication
- Believing that a drug regime will work for me despite the current absence of results from a scientifically conducted double blind trial- a particularly tough one for me, as I have always railed against homeopathic remedies for just this reason.

So, the short point of this long winded post is to ask how the hell others have dealt with their wives/husbands/partners when going from drunkeness to baclofen in one easy step? Did you get Support? Disgust? Separation?

I'm going to do this, I have to do this. I also know that I'm going to have to tell my wife that I'm doing this...... But I sure ain't looking forward to it.

Thanks for your indulgence,

Paul.

p.s. shocking though this will be considering the 'perfect' grammar, phraseology and conciseness, I am not entirely sober at this point ;-)

:goodjob:hi paul she knows /,:upset: i hate to break the news it doesn t matter how she feels this is about you,:thanks:

**ignominious** · April 17, 2011, 02:07 AM

Umm... How do you tell your wife?

I was worried about this for similar reasons plus one you didn't mention: "if I say what I'm taking and it doesn't work I'm going to look more of a fool than I do now". Thankfully that wasn't the case and it does work!

You probably won't get bad SEs immediately so maybe you could get away with doing it discreetly for some time before she starts to query your mood. Its an option.

Although I was doing it for all the right reasons my wife had no idea of what I was going through, nor could she have had. Also at times she took it as a personal slight against her. We've been playing the long suffering wife and roguish but needy husband for so long that it came as quite a shock to her when the rules changed!

Best I can say is "Good luck on that one"!

**Murphyx** · April 17, 2011, 02:14 AM

Umm... How do you tell your wife?

LittleLessBoozin';1099868 wrote:

So, the short point of this long winded post is to ask how the hell others have dealt with their wives/husbands/partners when going from drunkeness to baclofen in one easy step?
Paul.

I recommend: "woman, I'm on a new medication. It's none of your business, just go get me a sandwich."

What I actually did was sit her down, umm and ahh and start to explain to her about baclofen and that it was a cure for alcoholism and just when I was about to drop the "you see sweety, I've been lying to you, I think I'm actually an alcoholic" bombshell, she said "great, I'm really pleased you're going to sort it out. Would you like a sandwich?".

**LittleLessBoozin'** · April 17, 2011, 02:29 AM

Umm... How do you tell your wife?

Thanks all for your quick replies right when I needed them.

Cinders:

My husband thinks Baclofen is horsecr@p. He thinks that my relying on a "magic" pill to help me get and stay sober is a complete waste of time.

Yep. That'll be what my wife thinks too... I should just not drink.

Only you know the dynamics of your relationship. Your wife has stated clearly her take on your problems being your problems. (Kind of odd, considering her degree.) In a way, that is liberating for you. If she can't support you she also can't control what you do.

Odd indeed. The thing is, I've always been the guy who makes things work. She can feel compassionate towards disembodied case study subjects and patients who have screamed at her and physically assaulted her, but me? No, I'm the rock. I have to keep it together, and if I do not then this is me being weak.

Gyco:
hi paul she knows /, i hate to break the news it doesn t matter how she feels this is about you"

Actually, it DOES matter how she feels. Firstly I care about her, secondly I care about my kids. If she flips out to the point of leaving me, it is a problem. I KNOW I need to quit/substantially reduce drinking, but I wish to do so in a way that minimizes harm to my family, if possible.

Iggy:

I was worried about this for similar reasons plus one you didn't mention: "if I say what I'm taking and it doesn't work I'm going to look more of a fool than I do now". Thankfully that wasn't the case and it does work!

Yes, that was another of my concerns. But returning to my original question, how DID your wife respond when you told her?

Thanks again to you guys to responding so fast.

**ignominious** · April 17, 2011, 03:32 AM

Umm... How do you tell your wife?

She just felt it was another empty promise to stop getting drunk and even though I thought it would work she knew better. Trying to explain that even though I was drinking I was stopping alcohol was a bit of a stumbler! She didn't have much to say one way or the other to start with.

The big times came when the dynamics of our relationship changed. I would no longer get into the same old fights with her and it was and is a brave new world for both of us.

**coalfire** · April 17, 2011, 03:43 AM

Umm... How do you tell your wife?

Hi . I cannot answer your question exactly as you asked it because I only took low dose baclofen but I think maybe this thread might interest you and hopefully others can talk to you about the disguising high dose Baclofen part as some already have.

https://www.mywayout.org/community/f9/word-49291.html

I don't use the alcoholic word to my OH either and we have been living together for years. I tend to mess around with softer terms eg alcohol is not my friend etc.

**Seethepony** · April 17, 2011, 03:49 AM

Umm... How do you tell your wife?

I'm sure your wife will be delighted that you have recognized your own problem and are taking real steps to do something about it. I told my wife about baclofen ages before I ever got round to trying it; every few months the question would arise -"So when are you going to start taking that stuff you heard about..." So when I took it and it worked, she was as thrilled as I am.

If your wife bitches at you for trying to sort out your drinking problem, then (insert sexist comment here!) It's impossible to imagine that a Harvard gal won't have detected your alcoholism, even if you don't call it that; and it's unlikely that anyone who cares for you will be anything less than supportive when you say you've found a medical cure for a notoriously nasty disease.

Also be aware you might get lucky and have a relatively easy ride to the switch. You won't necessarily have weeks of shirt ripping insanity and frothing at the mouth...

Just take it and see what happens!

**coalfire** · April 17, 2011, 03:54 AM

Umm... How do you tell your wife?

Another thought from me. You could buy the book and make a big show of leaving it around without saying anything. Then maybe see how she reacts to the book itself? That would give you an indiction maybe of how she might react to you trying it. If it gets too heated you could say you were only reading it. I know she is very focused on the kids but you are the father of those kids and your wellbeing is tied up in their wellbeing so I don't think she can separate that and hopefully she knows that.

**Ne/Neva Eva** · April 17, 2011, 04:53 AM

Umm... How do you tell your wife?

Hiya LLB.

I can't relate directly to your dilemma. My husband and I have a different dynamic.

However, I did have similar obstacles to overcome. Namely a sceptical research psychologist (JHU) in the family.

I gave her the book. She gave it back to me unread with a very sweet card. I was pretty clear that she thought it was worthless.

Then I showed her the research. She bought in in an afternoon. The research is sorely lacking, but the important elements are there. (Efficacy in craving-submission at low doses and general safety.)

There is research in JAMA and the Lancet. Also, more recently, promising stuff at UNC and UPenn. Of course the Addolorato studies are the start of the whole thing, but we didn't have to go that far back. Some of this stuff is on the Consolidated Baclofen Thread. We simply used the university database.

As to the other stuff? It's a delicate balance in my experience, explaining the toll the disease takes with someone that loves you and doesn't suffer from the same thing. Noone in my life really wants to hear about it. They just want me... better. They've taken the monkey approach. (See no, hear no, speak no) That was troublesome at first, but now it's an okay status quo. It's funny, they refer to the SEs I was having as "trouble with the medicine. "Glad that's over" sort of thing. Some of these are scientists with a thorough knowledge of the disease of addiction. And they're family!

However you do it, if you can just keep taking the damn pills you won't have to do much explaining or for very long. The end is nigh, my friend, of the need for explanations and excuses.

Wooohooo!
Ne

**Ne/Neva Eva** · April 17, 2011, 05:02 AM

Umm... How do you tell your wife?

Also, there is at least one other option for obtaining bac in the US. And it can be off the official record. (while the script is in your name, it's prescribed for depression or spasticity and you don't need insurance to fill it. Cash works! At about the same price as the overseas stuff.) I say this because that particular part of it was a deal-breaker for my family. (and frankly, for me in the beginning.)

Good luck!

**spacebebe01** · April 17, 2011, 06:29 AM

Umm... How do you tell your wife?

I am in a similar situation to you but its my children and mum I am keeping the taking bac from, for the same reasons, ordering suspect drugs from overseas, a cure for alcoholism not in a magic pill "just dont drink" using on-line support, this not being proven, but mostly the ordering on-line is not safe and doing this without my doc, so far its only my daughter who seems to have noticed and I have lied to her, but dont know how im going to deal with this if it goes on much longer. I wish you luck with this and Im sure it is worth doing

**RedThread12** · April 17, 2011, 10:37 AM

Umm... How do you tell your wife?

LLB: Great suggestions and experiences here already. Since she's got a background in psychology, she might be interested in the studies done re bac and drinking listed here: https://www.mywayout.org/community/f2...ead-38718.html

Published scientific studies about baclofen and alcoholism. Also, Dr. Ameisen's book. Just my opinion, but I find it astounding that anyone would consider taking up the baclofen protocol without reading it. Also, Dr. Ameisen's website.

Good luck. Hope it goes as well for you as it seems to have to for everyone else.

**Otter** · April 17, 2011, 03:50 PM

Umm... How do you tell your wife?

The problem I have is that I think psychiatry is bunkum. Have I lost you yet?

The use of Baclofen in dealing with alcoholism involves what is called a "paradigm shift". Traditionally, doctors have treated alcoholism as a moral matter rather than a medical condition. The typical view is that you should stop drinking so that they can then assess what the underlying psychological/psychiatric condition is that makes you drink. Then they will possibly prescribe an antidepressant for depression or something like Sodium Valproate for bipolar. Neither of these actually stop alcoholic craving so you go back to drinking and if you continue with the medication you have an unpleasant mix of alcohol and drugs. So, psychiatrists tend not to treat alcoholics at all.

Baclofen treatment is based on the idea that the underlying cause of alcoholism is anxiety related and this stems from a chemical, biological imbalance in the brain, particularly the amygdala. There are a number of article, some of which are on the Home - Baclofen UK site which suggest that a wide range of what are described as "mental illnesses" have medical causes. For instance, major depresssion and bipolar can be traced to problems with the amygdala. The same with autism. Some are saying that all mental illness results from the same cause, some sort of deficit of the amygdala.

Going on from there, you will find a large number of these conditions are being treated with Baclofen and there have been and are a large number of trials of Baclofen and Arbaclofen for these conditions, including Tourettes.

If your wife is an intelligent humane person then I would suggest that you read the various articles on the site I mentioned, particularly the ones under Bipolar and explore with your wife the possiblity that it is not a matter of will power which causes you to drink but perhaps an underlying anxiety which might just be caused by things like your job, family commitments, finances, life... which are resulting in you using alcohol as an anxiolitic. You should then say that you have heard that Baclofen is being used very successfully by other professionals to deal with this anxiety without losing their jobs and in ways which have enhanced their performance at work and allowed them to rise above terrible circumstances which, without Baclofen might have cost them their careers. You could also say that there is a very prominent psychiatrist by the name of Jonathan Chick who is the editor of an international journal on alcoholism who uses Baclofen in his practice to calm anxiety and thereby facilitate his clients reducing their alcohol consumption and deal with their "life issues". He can be found on the internet and your wife can see what his qualifications are.

I think that might be a more enlightened way of addressing this issue with her to give her the sense that you understand what the issues are that you are facing, that you are not actually a "pisshead", but someone who probably has a neurological problem which manifests itself in alcoholic craving and that there is a very good treatment for it which, if used properly, will not result in your losing your job or driving your car into a ditch while asleep. Of course, this may mean that when you get your pills you have to start taking then on a Friday night and you may have to start by breaking your pills into quarters and increasing your dosage very, very slowly to avoid somnolence.

That is my suggestion, for what it is worth. Hopefully it is better than just saying, "Honey, psychiatry is bunkum, I am an alcoholic and I am going to start taking drugs to knock me out for the next few months...go get me a sandwich."

Best of luck

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