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[ignominious]

Let's get it on

SE Asia with limited access or interest in satellite TV or Western newspapers. Also fairly limited interest!

Lindsay Lohan, woohoo, :banana: :rockband: ya know, doesn't really make me feel I've been missing anything lol. Hasn't anyone told her about baclofen? :soapbox:

[Murphyx]

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GettingSerious;1111629 wrote: oh, two other SEs I forgot to mention -

early morning wakening - I seem to be unable to sleep as long as i should. hopefully this is not the precursor to the insomnia I've seen others are experiencing.There's no reason it should be. I drop off very quickly, sleep like a log, but always wake up much earlier than I want. When I was titrating up I would sleep in 2 hour bursts. I'm not sure whether this was a direct bac SE or an indirect one because bac made me dehydrated so I drank so much more water and woke up needing a pee. Oh that's another thing, make sure you get up to pee, lots of people wet the bed, which I always find hilarious.

GettingSerious;1111629 wrote: possible increase in sentimentality - currently manifesting itself as a watching and rewatching of the Susan Boyle audition from Britian's Got Talent. I am always about 5 years behind everything - I had no idea who this woman was. now I can't stop watching this damn youtube video of her coming out all schlumphy then wowing everyone. Like an 80's movie! I have seen this increase in sentimentality manifesting itself in other ways. I cried at a McDonald's commercial the other day. Not sure what that all means.

Another one I can relate to, not the Susan Boyle thing (not since she was exposed as the owner of that cat meat restaurant), but I found myself welling up over stuff I would normally dismiss as dross. M People songs? Murph, purleeeeeeese!

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Let's get it on

(I quoted your post, because I thought it was very, very funny. It's also Ne-long, so I'll spare you the reiteration!)
Yes, still interested, especially since you can write.

GettingSerious;1111611 wrote: It's better described as "dragging with prominent elements of i don't give a sh*t," if I were going to describe it properly. As you may or may not have read in previous posts, The Shrinker has diagnosed me with OCD, and my OCD takes the form of uber responsible, super high-functioning I Am Going To Fix Everything disease.

hm. The "dragging with elements of I don't give a shit" describes me pre-bac to a t. I hate that woman. I much prefer "I am going to get it on and take care of business." Maybe bac has the added benefit of letting us tap into that which we need? (okay, not so much...it makes many of us lethargic at some point.)


1. increased interest in the cuteness of my cats.
That's not bac. I still disdain cats.

2. changes in perception.
yep. I did too. It's called nystagmus, I think. As in I think that this is what it is. Really messed me up for a while, because I didn't know what it was. It only happened to me at the lower doses. It goes away. Abruptly. Don't order new glasses!

3. increased interest in bread and meat.
yep. Me too. Had a caeser salad for dinner last night. Fresh greens from the market. Dressing with real anchovies and raw egg. Great parm. I ate the croutons, the chicken, some of the romaine, the crusty bread and licked the dressing off the plate. I've developed a fondness for chemical covered fried things, too. I haven't eaten doritos since I was a teenager, I don't think. Now they're a fave. Especially the ones with specks of things on them and flavors that in no way resemble food. (note: Don't be tempted to try the whole grain, all natural, baked versions. They've always been a waste of money, but in my experience ONLY the nasty crap will do.)

4. increased willingness to get food delivered and to order anything and everything I want on a given menu.
Never had a problem with that. But now I actually eat pizza. Not just a slice of it when my husband orders it. And fried chicken parts covered in fake-breading with chemical sauce. yum.

5. eating like a pig.
I did actually lick the plate before I rinsed it off. (in the kitchen where my husband couldn't see me.)

Haven't gained an inch (knock wood.) to the Gilbert Grape's mom.

7/11 has brownies?

That was a pleasure to read, seriously.
Ne

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Let's get it on

oh, yeah. And if this stuff can make Murphy and Ig actually emote and get all mushy, those of us who do actually do those things need to watch out! I found myself feeling and gushing love for complete strangers on the internet. Can you imagine???

[bleep]

Let's get it on

Hey Serious,

Cool post. A lot of your SE's sound very familiar. The ones where baclofen is playing with your head are the ones that made me realise I was dealing with a powerful drug. It has left my taste buds completely changed, but in my case it's been a positive move. It can only have been positive, given the shocking state of my diet prior to baclofen.

Very few of the SE's are a permanent fixture though. Most will disappear and/or change as your levels change, so don't be too concerned about specific ones. Take what enjoyment you can out of each level, and move on.

[GettingSerious]

Let's get it on

Ne/Neva Eva;1111788 wrote: (I quoted your post, because I thought it was very, very funny.
bleep;1111964 wrote: Cool post.

Hey thanks guys! I am trying to have a sense of humor about this whole thing, what else can you do, right?

So I did NOT turn out a good performance at the depo I had today. I don't think I malpracticed or anything - I was just dull. Had trouble holding more than one thought in my head - I'd think of a question, then by the time the witness was done answering, I'd have forgotten what I was going to ask next. I got to it all eventually, but I don't think I looked very clever, and I HATE that.

I just keep telling myself that I HAVE to do this, that this is more important than my job and that it's an investment in the rest of my life. But damn, I HATE feeling stupid.

Anyway, speaking of - I was in the parking lot after, looking for my keys in my purse. I completely and totally spaced out - no idea how long I was out. I came to when this woman approached me and asked I needed help. I realized I had just been standing next to my car staring at nothing with my mouth hanging open like one of those mongoloids from the Jersey Shore. Don't know what to think about that.

Two weeks today since I started. On the positive, I am AF today. Honestly, I think I'm just too tired to drink. night guys.

[ignominious]

Let's get it on

Seriously GS cognitive impairment and emotional enhancement (if that's the right word) is quite common.

I was only being half facetious when I said not to open the door to salesmen. I made some fairly serious buying mistakes on my titration up which are now biting me in the arse! I was letting my new found trust and love have a free reign. Ha! Big mistake for a newbie to it!

I also did a bit of spacing out myself. Forgetting my shopping, returning for it, getting distracted and buying something else, leaving in a taxi, returning, forgetting. Like one of those never ending stories ... funny really ... but

All your SEs are real and we've all been there to some extent. Not too worry unduly, they're not deadly ... at least to you .... don't know what type of lawyer you are!

[bleep]

Let's get it on

That's happened to me, a few times. Piracetam supposedly helps a great deal, everyone who has tried it has reported great results. I can't get it here, or I'd be on it like a shot.

[GettingSerious]

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UPDATE

Hey all. I've never really been a diary kind of girl. Please accept this communiqu? with my humble apologies for this month of dead air.

What have I been up to? Well. I got up to 140mg around Memorial Day. I was having pretty major cognitive/somnolence problems - enough to start affecting my job and my morale, which at times are one and the same. I felt like I was living under water. I was sleeping 14 hours per day. I would walk into a room and forget why I was there. I couldn't understand things when people explained them to me. I felt like I was losing myself.

The memory effects were the scariest. I apparently put a hold on a credit card with absolutely no memory of having done it. One day I realized I couldn't find my card, and went online to put it on hold. But, it was already on hold. NO recollection. Whatsoever. Even to this day. How long had it been on hold? Was I drunk when I did it? Was I blacked out? I dunno. What is this, the new Uber Responsible Blackout Baclofen Drunk?

Entire conversations - gone. Entire movies - poof. A few times, I got looks. Weird looks. On one occasion, my friend was telling a story to a group. I was doing something else, probably cooking or fixing cocktails, what have you, and I sort of came to in the middle of the story and asked, "who are you talking about?" She told me, "guy so-and-so XYZ, etc." and I returned to what I was doing, realizing that I didn't know the person she was talking about and that the story probably had to do with someone other than me. Until she said, "you know. M-- R--------. You and I met him last week. When we were at [bar name]. From [investment firm]. That we talked to for like a half hour."

At this point everyone's staring at me and I sort of do a (totally unconvincing) "duh, of course!" But there's a gaping black hole in my mind where this guy's supposed to be. Yeah, i got looks. I think know what it feels like to have Alzheimer's now. That desperate act of casting back through the mind to try and come up with something, anything, that proves that you're still on the same plane of existence as everyone else. As to this guy, no recollection. None. And the crazy part was, I hadn't even been that drunk. Three cocktails after work and then home type of night. Scary stuff.

BUT, at 140mg there were a brief three or four days when I just felt.....less interested in booze. I didn't have any in my house one night, and it was raining, and I just didn't feel like going out and getting wine so I just.....didn't.

Unprecedented.

I don't know whether i freaked out and self-sabotaged (as Dr. Phil would say) or what, but things kind of got weird Memorial Day weekend. I was out of town, my schedule was totally off, I missed doses - but still and again. I came home on the train Monday. I got to the train station early, so I had a beer. Normally, one drink leads to more. BUT, I got on the train and it was super crowded with non-traveler travelers (you know the sort - way-too-big for the weekend suitcase, inevitable short-sleeved polo from the trip to Disney world, Tweetie Bird on the pocket, and the sort of clutching desperation that makes you wonder whether you're actually on a bread line in Russia circa 1917). I decided it was way too much trouble to go to the cafe car and just sat, without a drink......

Anyway, I just had to go down from 140mg, my life demanded it. SO, I'm at 100mg. Every day. I have been for about three weeks now. Holding pattern. I will say, I notice no SE's from the current dose at all. My body seems to have adjusted.

Anyway, that's what's up with me. Hope everyone's well.

[bleep]

Let's get it on

That does sound a bit grim. I had similar, but I went through the levels so fast I didn't actually do enough to forget much, if that makes sense.

How's your drinking at 100mg's? Perhaps if it's unacceptable, you could try titrating up slowly and see if the SE's return. Or, if you can, take a week off and go quickly up through the levels, where it won't be serious if you forget?

It sounds like 140mg's is close to your indifference level, so you wouldn't have to go much higher. Glad you decided to come back and let us know!

[GettingSerious]

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Hey bleep -

I think I'm drinking a little less, but not dramatically so. One of the things that happened when I fell off around Memorial Day weekend is that I stopped keeping track of my drinking (I had a spreadsheet before). I'm never hung over, though, which leads me to believe I'm drinking somewhat less, since I used to feel like garbage 2-3x/week.

The stranger thing, though, is that my self-loathing about drinking is gone. It's very strange. I used to feel bad about drinking all of the time. Every morning when I woke up, every night when I poured that first glass. Now, I don't. I'm still taking the pills, I'm just kind of not concerned about how much I drink anymore. Could that be a possible consequence of anxiety reduction? If so, it's kind of counterproductive. Sitting here right now, I'm aware that drinking made me miserable enough to spend hundreds of dollars on an experimental regimen that I hide from family and friends, but it's kind of like I can't really remember that misery.

I'll admit, abstinence was never my goal. I'm not sure how to describe my goal - I wanted to go back to the relationship I had with alcohol when I was 22. I drank it if it was around, I didn't drink it if it wasn't. A few cocktails to be social, even the occasional bender if that's what friends were doing. To me, THAT is indifference. I guess to go back to a time when drinking was something I did around others, not something I do by myself at home and prioritize over other activities (i.e., the gym).

Anyway, I think I'm going to go back up to 140mg starting this weekend. My last work crunch has passed, and I have a good three weeks before I have to be back on my game for a trial. I must admit I bought something ending in -ine to try and combat the somnolence this time, and I have my Piracetam. I am hopeful that those two will help me through the worst of the tiredness and stupidity - not much I can do about the memory, I guess.

Well, thanks for reading. This is a long one.

[bleep]

Let's get it on

GettingSerious;1136512 wrote: I'll admit, abstinence was never my goal. I'm not sure how to describe my goal - I wanted to go back to the relationship I had with alcohol when I was 22. I drank it if it was around, I didn't drink it if it wasn't. A few cocktails to be social, even the occasional bender if that's what friends were doing. To me, THAT is indifference. I guess to go back to a time when drinking was something I did around others, not something I do by myself at home and prioritize over other activities (i.e., the gym).

Other than the gym bit, which I'd prioritise a bender over, anyday, I agree wholeheartedly with the above. It's pretty much where I am now.

As regards the other, yes, baclofen did that to me as well. It changes your thoughts about drinking. This is just one of the changes I went through on the way to the big change, which is obviously indifference. I'm really glad you decided to go for it. If you have some easy time available, it might be easier if you go quickly, rather than limping along through levels that are uncomfortable for you.

[GettingSerious]

Let's get it on

went up to 120mg last night. felt perfect this morning - no somnolence, perfect focus. of course, it may have been the -ine, but that is what i bought it for, after all. did have some thoughts about drinking earlier on in the day than i typically do. i usually don't think about it until that automatic movement towards the wine bottle (box) about an hour or so after i come home from work. but, today, middle of the day, was thinking how nice it would be to have a drink. it could be the -ine and the cups of coffee i drank....sometimes when i get very "up" and energetic i crave a drink - i think it's the body's way of trying to calm down, go back to stasis.

anyway, got some long-awaited news today - but this basically means that i have to start certain things in motion to make a major change in my life. so of course, i freaked out and poured a drink (ok, ok, i had already poured the drink before i opened the mail - but I DID top it off soon after and chugged the first thing down pretty quickly) i just got accepted to the bar in State A. I have to pass through there in order to get barred in State B, which is the state i actually want to move to. it's where my boyfriend currently lives.

so, he's thrilled - and I'm happy but.....apprehensive. I just wasn't expecting it so soon.

[Jo80]

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Congrats on your news! If you're like me anything that might mean big change can be quite anxiety provoking, but it sounds like a really good thing for you :hug:

[redhead77]

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Sounds like exciting things are happening in GS land! As Jo said, big changes can be riddled with anxiety. I am glad to see you are back posting, btw. I was wondering what happened to you. I've always enjoyed your witty writing style. I know I didn't post as much as I would like on your thread. I have always lurked, though.

I always had trouble with too much caffeine, and then feeling like I wanted to drink. As a matter of fact, the only place I will consume coffee now, is at work (it was a safe place ). And on bac, I need copious amounts of it during the day. Doesn't it amaze you all the coffee that flows at AA meetings?

I know about your issues with the higher doses, for you. Forgetting how to speak, what you were doing, wondering if you were in some baclo-blackout. I had that to the extreme. Even after indifference. It makes it damn hard to work in a professional job and function. It's almost scary. So, I also went down to make it stop (and damn quick). Now, I'm going to head back up...again. Some say it is easier the second time you go up, GS. We shall see my friend.

Indifference is out there, achievable for many (most?). Do you have a plan, as to how you're going up this time? Will you titrate the same way or are you going to do it differently?

Gotta run (to bed). I popped a 40 and it's kicking in. Not a 40 of beer, a 40 of bac. I'm starting to forget how to write. :H I haven't taken more than 30 mg at once, in a long time.

Catch ya later, chica. :l