just got my own bac!
i'm feeling entirely blah right now. it's getting cold, and dark early. there is a very intimidating pile of laundry on my son's bedroom floor, and the kombucha is getting crowded out. i was going to go for a run to put some kick in my dick. no wait, that doesn't work. umm, to put some pep in my step? that'll do. but couldn't bother getting changed. i probably should've listened to some music on my way home. Obvious. but didn't have the energy for even that. i guess sometimes you just gotta rest, and sit with the silence and boredom of everyday life. it's not so uncomfortable, afterall (and i feel better now, probably from checking in here, writing it all out).
i'm still really glad every time i don't look to ale to fill this emptiness. yesterday, after my glory moment in court, all the way down most of the twelved miles home, i was telling you about how great it was that i wasn't going to drink in celebration, even with my freedom from my son for the whole day. but then, strangely, a mile or so before the beer store, i changed my mind. i trotted in for yet another pack of smokes, and threw in two oil cans of fosters bitters for good measure. when i got home, of all people ex hubby's recent ex gf was walking down the driveway. she had come to drop off some of the sleuth's things. i invited her in; she was gushing viscerally with the need to talk. she told me all about how awful he had been to her, not surprisingly in the same ways he was awful to me, but with a few more atrocities thrown in. like cheating and other gross stuff. funny timing, that, right after my court date where i was vindicated. at the end (though she didn't seem to want to leave), we hugged and i gave her my number, encouraged her to call. we are a pair of allies, in my book.
then i remembered the beer (back in the day, i would've been thinking about it the whole time). drank one over an hour, and it tasted awful. the next i cracked, but couldn't stomach it so dumped it out. phew. i was trying to go somewhere -on the slightest inspiration- and quickly realized that it would take too much effort to get there, and i didn't really want to arrive, anyway.
phew.
oop, friendly neighbor is here to help me clean.... lucky me!
nite all.
xo rudy
i'm feeling entirely blah right now. it's getting cold, and dark early. there is a very intimidating pile of laundry on my son's bedroom floor, and the kombucha is getting crowded out. i was going to go for a run to put some kick in my dick. no wait, that doesn't work. umm, to put some pep in my step? that'll do. but couldn't bother getting changed. i probably should've listened to some music on my way home. Obvious. but didn't have the energy for even that. i guess sometimes you just gotta rest, and sit with the silence and boredom of everyday life. it's not so uncomfortable, afterall (and i feel better now, probably from checking in here, writing it all out).
i'm still really glad every time i don't look to ale to fill this emptiness. yesterday, after my glory moment in court, all the way down most of the twelved miles home, i was telling you about how great it was that i wasn't going to drink in celebration, even with my freedom from my son for the whole day. but then, strangely, a mile or so before the beer store, i changed my mind. i trotted in for yet another pack of smokes, and threw in two oil cans of fosters bitters for good measure. when i got home, of all people ex hubby's recent ex gf was walking down the driveway. she had come to drop off some of the sleuth's things. i invited her in; she was gushing viscerally with the need to talk. she told me all about how awful he had been to her, not surprisingly in the same ways he was awful to me, but with a few more atrocities thrown in. like cheating and other gross stuff. funny timing, that, right after my court date where i was vindicated. at the end (though she didn't seem to want to leave), we hugged and i gave her my number, encouraged her to call. we are a pair of allies, in my book.
then i remembered the beer (back in the day, i would've been thinking about it the whole time). drank one over an hour, and it tasted awful. the next i cracked, but couldn't stomach it so dumped it out. phew. i was trying to go somewhere -on the slightest inspiration- and quickly realized that it would take too much effort to get there, and i didn't really want to arrive, anyway.
phew.
oop, friendly neighbor is here to help me clean.... lucky me!
nite all.
xo rudy
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