just got my own bac!

[Bruunhilde]

just got my own bac!

Hi Rudy,

Just wanted to pop in and say you did an awesome job with the revolt, and it was very inventive to give a different quiz to the non-revolters. Did they know they received a different quiz?

Also envious that you have two languages. Our school system needs to require literacy in two languages since 80% of the population in 20 years will be Spanish speaking, I read recently.

[windycitylady]

just got my own bac!

That's great, Rudy. What a relief not to have worry about such things. My boss has a tendency to hang over my shoulder when I'm doing something, and even though my drinking is not where I'd like it, I'm no longer scared about reeking of alcohol. That's something.

[RudyB]

just got my own bac!

thanks gals! shit, i handled a shit storm with as much grace as i could muster. i appreciate that you think i did it well. muchas gracias! yeah, they knew they got two different quizzes, and nobody argued against it. amazing! i'm steering that class como una capitana que no esta segura de su rumbo (who isn't sure of her course). this weekend will see some time devoted to an interactive power point presentation, for their entertained engagement, all to do with when and how to use accents. fun stuff! ha! (but it's what they voted for when i asked them what the feck they wanted me to teach them, those who chose to do the homework that asked that question.)

otherwise in the news, my son LOVED ski school yesterday. he was a real champ gilding up the rope tow, then making those downhill turns, and just jumping into this new experience of sliding around on boards. i, too, loved making those turns (on my one board), all on my own without a child pulling at my attention. gliding all curvy down the mountain was such fun! it's not a lot of exercise, really, the way that i do it, but it is enjoyable, relaxing, and outdoors with people. lately i try to celebrate any little thing that makes me feel good. i guess i've been rather anxious and depressed, but it's not to last long.

what else? food's a-comin', it's a sunday away from my boy, and there's a lot to be grateful for. just trying to stay positive over here. thanks for tuning in, and by all means please do chime in with some of your own nonsense, if you wish.

[windycitylady]

just got my own bac!

The skiing and snowboarding sound awesome. If not too physically engaging, very good for mental health. I'll take depression over anxiety any day. Just ordered some Buspar online. Acts like xanax or valium but works over time and isn't addictive. At least, that's my understanding. Took it for years long ago and loved it.
Thought of you cause I served a table of 12 teachers on their way to the theater. They drank (gasp!) 3 bottles of wine between the 12 of them. They got giggley and a little silly. One by one they kept pulling me aside to apologize for how loud and obnoxoious they were being (they were neither). I got $120 out of it, and they called back the next day to tell my boss how charming I was.
Yay for teachers!

[RudyB]

just got my own bac!

that is awesome, windy! i love that 12 of them got giggly from only 3 bottles! and that they called the next day to say how great you were - which i am sure was TRUE. yeah, teachers can be pretty cool, we tend to be very human. bankers were the worst lot i used to ever have to serve, with their starched white shirts and their exuding sense of entitlement. once, when i was working in a trendy soho vodka, caviar, and cigar bar (where more than once i got too drunk to count my money at the end of the night, but always used to make upwards of 300 bucks), a group of that loathsome kind rang up a bill of over a thousand bucks and then WALKED OUT without paying! the deal when that happened was that the server got stuck with the bill, but somehow i got out of it (i think the lone woman in the group was still around and put it on her card). nightmares i'll never forget!

i have a script for xanax courtesy of dr L, and lately i do use it, but it never gets me high or leaves me feeling dependent. baclofen does seem to be working very well for me, and i wonder if i can thank it for keeping me away from leaning too hard on the xanax.

always so nice to hear from you, windy.

[RudyB]

just got my own bac!

snippets from my life, with thanks to those who wanna know:

first of all (but this is not a 'snippet' yet, actually), i've been meaning to thank all of you who've read my thread over the seasons of my life, and have taken a moment to give a good vibe or two on my behalf. THANK YOU! in the past, i was asking for your support, am sure i got it on a cosmic level if not tangible, and i think it's about time i got back on here to acknowledge that.

things have taken an upswing in my life, insofar as i'm about to settle w the ex, we will be divorced in a few weeks, and in a couple of days i'll move back into my own home. my sis's place has been a godsend sanctuary, but i'm itchy for my own space, mine which is beautiful with its woods and winding stream, three ways to exit, and freedom from neighbors' prying eyes or bad vibes (goodness golly are the folk near me incredibly cool, but not so much by my sister's place!). just as i'm feeling impatient to be home, i'm going there, moving back in on friday, in two days! sure, the divorce is costing me much (ouchie$!), but i am saving myself a lot of torment by staying out of court. everyone who has any knowledge about this stuff tells me that avoiding a trial over a divorce is worth every penny you pay to do so.

so thanks, that is what i mean to say, for rooting me on. your good vibes and my striving in various stages of vigor seem to have paid off. some way, some how, i'll get through the financial hoops that i've put in front of myself. they'll be a lot less tricky, and possibly less expensive, than finagling my way through court.

so, for the snippets, finally:

i dreamed i was a bit lost in norway, and i got mugged. of all places to get mugged, why norway?! (granted, i do have cousins there, and i do admire the country for some of its superior (social, economic) ways, but still... to get mugged there? a metaphor for my life, perhaps? if so, dunno what it could be trying to tell me).

also, just watched like water for chocolate, which was great especially because i could understand the spanish without the subtitles (a rarity for me), and it had a lot to say about the magic of food. (speaking of which, i just made some more awesome fritters with the help of a beloved friend. will post a recepie type thing another time.) and, in another film (in the time of the butterflies - about the era of trujillo, another dictator prick in the caribbean (dominican republic, to be specific)), i saw a young lady slap the face of a really bad man - trujillo himself. good stuff! (except trujillo tortured her father as a result, the prick.)

anyway, a theme of my life right now seems to be about claiming my own authority: in my classroom, with my son, and in general. it's nice to see so many women doing it, even if mostly in films, in their own quirky and dangerous ways. i can benefit from a model or two here and there.

more to come, to be sure. suffice this for now. thanks for reading.

[RudyB]

just got my own bac!

,,,the other thing i wanted to share, which i think is very important on my journey to healing, is that -durrrhhhh, kindof- i've had less exercise than ever over the past few weeks, and i think -no, i know- that that has everything to do with why i've been so down, so depressed. another Obvious.

[GingerDust]

just got my own bac!

Mugged in Norway. That is interesting. I appreciate empowering dramas sometimes too. I just finished a book where the female lead was a powerhouse and really enjoyed it.

I feel better when I exercise, but getting up and doing it is another thing. For some reason my brain resists what makes me feel better and instead wants what will make me feel bad. That thing got its wired crossed somewhere along the line.

[spacebebe01]

just got my own bac!

Great news on the divorce, and the moving back to your home it sounds beautiful. I too know that execise will help me feel better but cant seem to make myself do it.

[sjm]

just got my own bac!

anyway, a theme of my life right now seems to be about claiming my own authority: in my classroom, with my son, and in general. it's nice to see so many women doing it, even if mostly in films, in their own quirky and dangerous ways. i can benefit from a model or two here and there.

yes, rudy! you go, girl! keep doin' it. your first responsibility is to yourself. i celebrate you doing this NOW...and every day that follows. love you! mom

[RudyB]

just got my own bac!

thanks, gals.

i'm procrastinating going for a run with none other than a cigarette. brilliant, huh? i have a quiet moment in my OWN HOUSE, while my son plays with a friend in the dojo.

it took lots of scrubbing to get this place livable again. we were away for two months, and i don't think the floors were mopped once, the furniature was only piled with things, never dusted. my son, though, is happier than i've seen him in a long time. i think he is thrilled to have his home back, too. when he stayed here with his dad, it felt like prison to him. i have a pointed email i need to write to that man today, all about the boundaries we must keep while he lives -for up to 60 days- in his monstrous building with no toilet or running water. i will also include how concerned i am that my son will be living in squalor when he is with his father. argh.

ok, thanks for caring. i'm off for a run. even a gentle jog will lift my spirits, i think, maybe give me the energy i need to finish unpacking...

[Bruunhilde]

just got my own bac!

CONGRATS on getting your home back. It sounds wonderful, woods and a creek, and a pond if I recall? How very Robert Frost. I'll take it all but for the snow.

Time to have the locks rekeyed in the house to keep the ex away.

Hope you're enjoying your weekend even though you'll be cleaning, it will be a reclamation.

Good for you, Rudy.

[RudyB]

just got my own bac!

thanks, bruun. Hi HONEY, I'M HOME!

robert and walt it is around here, and, for the past two days, so is the snow. in fact, i forgot to mention that yesterday was a snow day ~ i didn't have to go to school! what divine timing that was; i got to do all the rugged work of moving back in, and now enjoy my saturday. so here we are, warm by the fire in domestic bliss. (oh how i missed my wood stove! i heated my son's lunch on it, and the heat is up to 62 and the furnace hasn't kicked on since we've been here!)

the run worked (to my great surprise, it did turn into a run, not the gentle jog i had imagined). my spirits are WAY lifted, and i have energy coming out of my pores. i've caught up with my neighbor who had wondered how i was doing -and where i was. i've just scrubbed the fridge handles (gross out!), and now i shall scrub myself. probably i'll even shave my legs! later, a family hike in the mountains. life is as it should be. give thanks.

[GingerDust]

just got my own bac!

You sound great Rudy! I envy your wood stove. The heat from those things is lovely gentle heat, unlike a furnace that seems to scorch the very air. Firelight is wonderfully soothing too.

Good for you for getting the endorphins fired up too. I need to do more of that.

[RudyB]

just got my own bac!

hi ginger! thanks for checking in.

...yep, endorphins! i have exactly five minutes to check in myself here, and i do so to report that, ONCE AGAIN, i am happy as i could be as a result of the run i just did. in my own sunny, beautiful, winding and quiet, slightly hilly home environs! i met a new neighbor, and smiled and said hello with a man, not too old, who was walking very slowly as if he were recovering from an illness. exercise for the soul and spirit -to say nothing of the body- cannot be overestimated in its power to restore.

i can't wait to catch up on the other threads, see how everyone is doing. i had a peek at bruun's, and HAPPY BIRTHDAY LUSHIE! and something else i forget, that i wanted to comment on. i hope everyone is doing well. spring is upon us, and there is a lot to be grateful for, a lot of reason for hope. i try to remember to tell myself this all the time.

blessings, everyone!
xo rudy