just got my own bac!

[Ne/Neva Eva]

just got my own bac!

Hey, Rudy.

oops.

Glad your run was a good one!

[windycitylady]

just got my own bac!

Been missing you, Rudy! Good to hear you're doing well and that you're the same sweet, reflective you. I've been running too (for the first time in years), but for me it's more an urgent expulsion of energy and anxiety rather than something peaceful, but I'm sure that'll change over time. I'm coming up on 2 weeks AF, thanks to antabuse, low dose bac, and the support of people here.
You and G are going to have a lovely spring, I can feel it.

[LadyLush]

just got my own bac!

Hey Rudy, Rudy, Rudy!

So glad to see you.:l

I am also happy things are finally moving forward!
I am starting to run/walk too. It just seems, that goes hand in hand with sobering up to free our minds of crap.

Yes Spring is almost here. We move the clocks ahead next Sunday. Where on earth has this time gone?
I have been fighting this battle openly on MWO for over a year now.
But I believe I finally got it right this time:fingers: I finally got it right!

Hope you have a great evening and I know I owe you a response still! I will work on that as well. Hope you are here to stay for awhile!

Love ya,:l

LL

[spacebebe01]

just got my own bac!

Hi Rudy, great your feeling happy and well, I wish I could run, I love the idea of it my body just wont let me do it, it just starts to hurt then collapses on the floor:H x

[Ne/Neva Eva]

just got my own bac!

edited.

Hope all is well.

[VeTRooTdaf]

just got my own bac!

Services

I apologise, but, in my opinion, you are not right. I am assured. Let's discuss it. Write to me in PM, we will communicate.

[LadyLush]

just got my own bac!

I am giving you a bump my friend. Where are you? Spring Break I know, but that is when we hear so much from you!
Rudy! Come on my friend!


LL:l

[Bruunhilde]

just got my own bac!

Oooh Oooh, I agree, I agree! Lets CHAT!

[LadyLush]

just got my own bac!

Lets get it going on!

[RudyB]

just got my own bac!

hey gals, how sweet of you to pop in. shit. thanks. and i almost didn't check the boards, but a little voice told me to...

i have been having the worst time of my frickin' life. a constant state of holy terror. i am not thinking straight; every challenge is converging on me at once and asking me to solve it (work, personal life, mothering, finances). i have some breaks in the clouds here and there, and they give me hope that one day i will be back to my old familiar self again. i think i'm slowly resurfacing, and it's just a matter of time before i recognize myself.

the good news is that i'm not drinking about it, not one drop. it's pretty amazing, actually. back in the day -tho not so long ago- i would've been hitting the bottle with all the force of my frustration. not so now. 150 mg seems to be my sweet spot: very little in the way of side effects and no cravings. none. instead -but only about once or twice a week- i go for a run, and i run hard. it's like i'm cranking the frustration out of me, the anger, the despair. a nice, healthy coping mechanism.

i should get back to sleep, if i can. just to update you, though, the divorce papers are filed. soon i should be getting the official document telling me that i'm no longer married to the most narcissistic man i've ever known (besides my father). now i just have to figure out how to pay for that tunnel-building not-brilliant project of his majesty's. i think i'll find a way. i think i can, i think i can...

it's lovely that you checked in. thanks.

[spacebebe01]

just got my own bac!

Hi rudy my laptop is on the blink and I have written 2 message and lost both just want to say that you are doing great getting through this and not drinking, soon you will be divorced and this will all be a distant memory. do you have a doughter, its hard to keep up on here, spend some time snuggling up to watch tv thats what I do with my ypoungest son and it great for getting closer and chillling .
xxx

[Bruunhilde]

just got my own bac!

Hi Rudy, Hi Space!

Good for you not drinking, Rudy. Amazing to live without alcohol, isn't it? I don't have the time under my belt you do, but I do know each time I'm abstinent for a while then try a glass or a bottle of wine, it does nothing for me. And it just makes life harder, so its wonderful you're not drinking now. Just think, if you were hungover all the time, you couldn't do half of what you're doing now. Hang in there, what clouds are cluttering your life will be gone soon. That divorce can't happen soon enough! Keep up the positive mental attitude.

[windycitylady]

just got my own bac!

Hey Rudy! Sorry things are so tough right now, but it sounds like you're handling it the best you can. Just think, when you're AF through this, everything after will be so easy! Don't know why, but the lyrics to this Mountain Goats song came to me when reading your post. It's more of a rebellious adolescent song, but singing "I'm going to make it through this year if it kills me" has gotten me through some tough times.

"I broke free on a saturday morning
I put the pedal to the floor
headed north on mills avenue
and listened to the engine roar

my broken house behind me
and good things ahead
a girl named cathy
wants a little of my time
six cylinders underneath the hood
crashing and kicking
aha!
listen to the engine whine

i am going to make it through this year
if it kills me
i am going to make it though this year
if it kills me"

There's more to the song than that that's not really relevant, but I picture your running being like jumping in a car and putting the pedal to the floor.

Rudy, you are going to make through this year if it kills you!

Lots of love!

[GingerDust]

just got my own bac!

Rudy, congrats on your AF time. It sucks when the world seems like a scary place. Hang in there. It will get better. Even when you sound down, your words somehow still seem sparkly and energetic.

[RudyB]

just got my own bac!

thanks everybody so much for the words of support. i have been feeling a bit better these days, thanks in large part to my incredible mother who reminds me to take control of my thoughts, and not to descend into the low vibrations of negativity that draw to me what i don't want. we manifest what we focus on, don't we? i think she's right.

so, my major fear has been money. i've always had just about enough, and now all of a sudden i will have a huge new bill to pay thanks to buying out my ex in the divorce. good, wise counsel from a few experienced people assured me that it would be so much better than going through trial. i think they were right, but now the question is: how do i make it work? my mom says 'you'll be surprised', as i will figure it out. she's right again, she must be. always is.

so, i've got all these wealthy neighbors with all kinds of connections and ideas. i've put a note seeking ideas/leads for the building (which would be great for filming/photographing/housing elephants) into the mailbox of my nearest neighbor, a very successful entrepeneur (sp?!) who happens to see the building if he peeks through the trees from his back yard. and then there's a handful of famous actors and singers in the area who might have ideas. i will craft letters for them, too, and watch what happens. i probably will be happily surprised. i'm holding that vision. i also have a group interested in starting an alternative high school here in an year, so that's a very exciting project to imagine. send me high vibrations that i'll get a windfall of possibilities and that things will take care of themselves. thanks.

i've had a very special friend with me for three months, and today i send him off to the other side of the world (stupid visa laws). so i'm sad about that. but chin up, ol' girl.

once on my own again, i'll have more time to delve into my favorite threads and find out how the heck the rest of you are doing!

thanks again for all of your lovely words. it means a ton to know that you're out there in your respective hogares (homes), caring about me and each other. this truly is a lovely place. it has saved my life, you have.