just got my own bac!

[RudyB]

just got my own bac!

i am not being exclusive here. all are welcome in any language. frenchie, you still around? you could test my memory for fun.

i am so unbelievably tired. like never before. i'm practically weaving down the hallways at work. and banging into things. my head swirls and swims, my eyes do loops. i took naps at work today and yesterday. (not while students were around, fortunately, though i was tempted.)

i'm at 150 starting today. please tell me this will subside. still drinking, but less. i'm sure kicking that habit would help, but, durrr, that's why i'm on bac in the first place. do inform, is this se going to stay forever? is there hope for me and for wakefulness?!

[RudyB]

just got my own bac!

i feel kinda sad. like the threads are too quiet. red just took a break for a while - not forever, i hope - and ne's busy. i appreciate so much all of the posts that ARE happening, but i wish some of you lurkers would chime in. at the moment, i am reading ne's thread from the start, and it is so helpful! she went through stuff similar to what i am going through at this point in our jorneys. that thread wouldn't be there without the input from others that it got.

so, anybody reading this or other threads, and for whatever reason not responding, even if you have the slightest interal reaction i encourage you to share it. you never know with whom your words might resonate, and how that might help them, or what you might find yourself involved with by sharing that could help you in your own struggles.

sometimes we can be crass and acerbic here (is that the word i'm looking for?), but it's all in good fun. even as we poke at each other about spelling and grammar, it's in the spirit of shits and giggles.

please check in here, even just to say hi. we need you lurkers to engage!

[moglor]

just got my own bac!

I'm still here, been travelling allllll day. Had a couple beers, but nowhere even remotely close to getting drunk (although I felt some of the tugs of addiction.) I'll write more about it in my thread later when I get a breather, but I'm still doing just fine.

[RudyB]

just got my own bac!

well aren't we cool and synchronized, mog?! i just posted on your thread, looking for you and your presence.

[bleep]

just got my own bac!

hi rudy,

panic not - i for one am simply watching ted's thread in awe - it's distracting me too much to really post elsewhere for the time being.

the somnolence passes, but even today i get periods of it. this is probably due to the fact that i am terrible at taking the correct dose, so i tend to take too much then too little. when you stop titrating it fades, and it's worse at some levels than at others.

i agree fully with what you say about the lurkers, it would be great if people would chime in, even briefly. lurkers, you can even log in under a different, more assumed name, and we really wouldn't know it was you!

[RudyB]

just got my own bac!

thanks bleep for the tip. i headed over to theodore's thread after i read your post and i can see why you've been distracted! for anyone who hasn't checked it out, go do so!

i am so twitchy! i wonder if it's o2 deprivation, cause i'm not breathing well, very shallowly.

of course i have tons to say, but i have to get through the several pages of ted's thread, but,more importantly, i have to dwnload some new tunes, as i'm going to the gym today for the first time in ages. i'm going to use the row machine and get ready for next week's shell lesson intensive. zoom zoom! ...and i'm going to breathe DEEPLY!

oxxo rb

[Ne/Neva Eva]

just got my own bac!

morning, ruby. happy saturday!

I'm here! My home is remarkably quiet this morning. Even the beloved Goose (my dog) went bac to bed! Seriously! She apparently takes exception to the fact that my day begins well before sunrise, but she makes the effort because she is a Very Remarkable Pig. oops, i mean dog. about an hour ago, though, she gave up on the effort and whined at the bedroom door to be let bac in to her comfy cozy bed. the couch, where she was sleeping, is apparently not quite good enough...i get that, having passed out on it many, many times, only to wake disoriented and disgusted and slink off into bed. the Goose, of course, is not hungover, dehydrated or disoriented. she might just be disgusted that i wake her up for no good reason at 4 or 5am everyday. i understand that too!

lurkers have to lurk. I did it. You did it. We ALL did it. It's the nature of the beast, literally.
that's why it's so important for those of us that can participate to actually participate. imho. i've got to go check on redh and find out what's going on there! and lots of other places/peeps to visit too! yay!

xo, sister, koko. you won't believe the life you're after. it's THAT good.
Ne

[Murphyx]

just got my own bac!

Rudy I meant to ask about your hand. No, not the fact that you're going rowing with only one finger, which is a remarkable feat, but Your injury healing slowly. Did you get the blood tests back? You were wondering whether it was due to baclofen.

Also, could someone please tell me wtf "xo" and "xoxo" means. I see it all the time at the end of people's posts, but it's completely lost on me.

[RudyB]

just got my own bac!

thanks for checking in, ne! i am so glad i have NO animals any more. as you know, i've had 'em all. my beloved pit bull rosita died at 11 yrs old just as my son was beginning to walk. perfect timing. she lived a royal enough life, and died peacefully, ftr.

murphy, xoxox represents hugs and kisses (x is kiss, o is hug). corny enough for you? i can't be bothered with the emoticons, and i am usually so quick to reply that i hit quick reply, so don't have the option anyway (unless someone knows a secret about said option).

quitting smoking will make typing go faster, that's for sure. good thing i LOVE the snus, better order more my supplier is out of town.

thanks for asking about my hand which still does have five fingers (so does the other one). blood tests came back negative for lime, anemia, and arthritis, and it does seem to be having a healing spurt these days, but i still wonder if the bac is affecting things a bit. i think it's tendons, definitely knuckle stuff. any thoughts on this, please?

speaking of my saviour pills, i am sure i only took one dose today, but my pill box suggests i've taken two. so, after much difficult mathematical computation, i figured that my best bet would be to take 20 mg more than my pillbox would have me take, and either be 20 over or 20 under. probably not a big issue if i double check my doses for the next few days and go back to my definite 130 tomorrow.

sometimes it sounds like there are tiny bubbles popping in my head, like i have my ear to a glass of champagne. (oh the wicked stuff - what hangovers it gave the few times i had too much. not nearly as kind as vodka!) i am completely spaced out, and, as i said, i took naps at work twice this week. muy cansada (tired)! the likes of which i've never felt. kinda pleasant to just close the eyes and zonk out instantly. ...except when circumstances don't permit it.

a few posts back i mentioned that i am feeling that white hot need. i was referring to a need of the knob variety, not booze. and i'm getting some of that tonite (the guy i sent the 'wanna fuck' text to, but his car was broken -oh redhead, where are you?!- well, now his car is fixed). so i'll give myself a time limit here, plant some seeds, clear up the house a bit, clean the toilets and sinks, and be on my merry way to a healthy endorfin high.

thanks for caring.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox rubyd/rudyb

[RudyB]

just got my own bac!

ne, yes, i know lurkers have to lurk, i was just plying those who might be about to dive in with a little encouragement (courage?), to liven things up around here.

but, ftr, i didn't lurk long at all! i saw my calling here -one of them- and dove right in.

oh, i made a friend today at the local library fair. we got to talking over a box of small link-together toys that my son would've loved but they would've been all over the house. my son can continue to make fine use of his legos. ne, she reminded me of you. she might even look like you. about my age w a 3 yr old son, and she's a psychotherapist. when she told me that i said, "great, i need one of those!" but i think i'd rather be her friend than her client.

i was saying i needed more friends. look, now i have alla you guys, and a smart local gal to add to my list. (i have enough male friends i've had sex with or who want to have sex with me! time to expand my collection.)

ciao for now! seeds into garden, house tidied, white hot need quenched! watch me. za zaaa zaaaa zoom!

[RudyB]

just got my own bac!

oh yeah, i made it to the gym. i feel great! i'm coming bac around.

and, what happens to a post during editing? does it stay there while i edit and then switch to the new one? what if someone's looking at it while i edit? fascinating questions, i think.

[RudyB]

just got my own bac!

muphy, did you ask or did i misinterpret? i don't capitalize because i dropped out of typing class twice and never mastered all of the keys. it's just easier for me this way. slows my typing waaay down if i force myself to hit that extra key.

[Murphyx]

just got my own bac!

Ahhh I was wondering about the snus and how you were getting on. Are you completely off the ciggies now?

I've decided to give the snus a real go and stop messing about dipping in and out. Problem is all the 12 boxes of snus I have are all dried out. I was keen to try them all, so opened them all on day one. D'OH!!!

So, I'm going to order some more from Sweden. You can't actually buy it in the UK. It's illegal to sell it throughout the EU apart from Sweden.

What brand do you use?

[Murphyx]

just got my own bac!

BTW isn't it a bit late in the season to be planting seeds? Unless the whole "I'm off to plant some seeds in my garden" thing was a euphemism. In which case :blushing:

[RudyB]

just got my own bac!

the fucker must have fallen asleep or broken his car again; i'm not sure i'm getting that booty call, afterall. and i doubt he gets a second chance, however desperate i might get. okay, maybe if he has a really good excuse for still not having called to set up the plan, though he did confirm a few hours ago...

planting seeds was NOT a euphemism, though; there will be no seeds planted in this fertile uterus (sorry murph, i couldn't help using that word, though i'm sure it creeps you out). safe sex all the way!

i love the snus, though i must confess i have found myself more than once smoking while i had my handy tasty pouch in my cheek. i only use the swedish stuff, and mean to order more tonight (hoping i can do that online; share any tips). my bro in law fm nyc isn't due here for a week, and i'll surely run out before then. i, like you murph, have opened and 'tried' both packs that he brought me (the big ones for men, and the small ones for lady-like ladies such as myself, we who don't text men asking: 'wanna fuck?'.) but i do intend to get rid of this cancer-causing heated-tobacco shit that keeps my tongue in a charred-stake state. ouch, it is.