just got my own bac!

[Evey]

just got my own bac!

Hi Rudy,

The song sounds lovely, but not being a Spanish speaker it's hard to fully appreciate the song for all that it is worth. I love the lyrics that you have listed. One of my favorites is "Here Comes The Sun" by The Beatles.

Glad to hear that the sun is shining in your life in more ways then one. You seem like a very optimistic person and there does not seem to be much out there that will keep you down for long. The sun will keep on shining...

Evey

[RudyB]

just got my own bac!

have you seen 'the songcatcher,' it's a movie about a woman who goes deep into appalacia way long ago, with a huge sonographic recording device that she had to trail in a wagon up steep paths through the woods. she did a great service to music, which is one great thing that appalacia does have to offer (which is NOT where i live, ftr!). sadly, the fact that this woman was gay led to her house -a former church- being burned to the ground while she was on a romantic picnic with her girlfriend. god, they were backwards in appalacia!

[RudyB]

just got my own bac!

thanks, evey! love the encouragement.

and, yes, i figure it won't appeal to most people who don't understand spanish, but the music sounds super sweet. thanks for the words on the lyrics.

[RudyB]

just got my own bac!



so, i've hired an old friend to help clean and organize my house. she and i had such a GAS yesterday. she found about 10 old purses in a closet, each of them half full. i almost fell down in hysterical hilaria when we found a receipt from an exchange at barnes and noble from 2007! and then she found a check from fideltiy brokerage firm for $.94. that's ninety four cents! oh my god! for that one i DID fall down. and it was from 2009.

(side note: yesterday i also found a current check for $154 in my wallett. i really do net to get organized! watch me, i will soon go put it in the bank, which is right next to the gym. hmm, now there's an idea...)

great news! i have a leg of my plan ready to report. it works perfectly for my son and for me: crafting. think, 3d collage and applique on birdhouses (what's the word, it's not applique, for when you collage or decorate however, then laquer it to a nice pretty finish? it starts w a c and you see it in museum gift shops).

my son loves crafty things, and this helper gal does crafting after school w him. she has a whole bin of stuff to share. and i have random piles of shit (that are getting organized, all on their own, as i type) like cards and notes that i've saved for aesthetic and sentimental reasons, that i've known i'd use one day. and so i shall. and the birds really will use the birdhouses.

speaking of, my husband was/is aggressively averse to doing anything he doesn't want to do. he once had a plan to make and sell birdhouses as his contribution to the family. he also tried to grow rice so we'd have something to eat. in the end we sold my fabulous car for food.

once, a couple of years ago, i was at a friend's house. she had been making christmas ornaments. i, during that time of my life, had been consuming large quantities of vodka. it struck me as a very viable plan: make ornaments to get sober! (i later laughted from deep in my gut with another girlfriend as i shared w her my new approach to getting my drinking under control.)

so, you can see i've gotten back to some really good ideas.

but this time it's w bac, so i think it might work.

[RudyB]

just got my own bac!

so, i've gone and done a very crafty thing. murph, you're gonna love this! i cut the bottom third off of a used tea bag, rinsed it out, and carefully opened it into its second useful function: a snus-holder! now i can eat apples and drink tea to my heart's content, while snussing away. see, i WILL quit smoking, employing many methods all at the same time!

that said, i'm fiercely craving a deep, long drag...

[RudyB]

just got my own bac!

beer? what's that?

maybe i've reached that fabled place, i dunno, but things are feeling very hopeful, which i guess is obvious in my 'manic' posting. it's well past the witching hour for a sunday and i've barely even thought about beer. when i do, i check my desires by imagining sucking on one of those glass bottles and having that bitter ale come pouring in (this is how i get my sexual thrills these days, by badly writing sexual innuendo), and, strangely enough, it has no appeal.

so instead i'll go home and have a few ciggies (not many), maybe eat something, fold some clothes, go to sleep again. i just woke up from a 3 (!) hour nap at my sister's. i got a fairly good night's sleep, but was ZONKED after i took my first bac of the day (60 mg late, at 1:30). i went late to the pharm to pick it up and wowza, i got here just in time. i sat for a chat on the couch and realized i needed to lie down. i was OUT forever. don't even remember a single dream. restorative for sure, tho i'm still sluggish, and i still have 130 mgs to go. guess i'd better go take some of those delightful pills.

(edit: i even said aloud when i woke up, before looking at the clock: "jeez, i feel like i've slept for 3 hours!" when i did look at the clock, it had been EXACTLY that! that circadian rhythm is very much alive in me!)

i kinda wish i hadn't told my sister about my current indifference; the news fell flat on her ears, which is somewhat unlike her, tho she's never expressed enthusiasm about my medicine plan. her hubby has (mostly) managed to stay sober without the help of anything but abundant nicoteine replacement devices. maybe that's it, or probably she just doesn't understand how hard this quitting can be. doesn't matter; I understand.

i may be bac, though my laptop seems to have frozen, so you may have to wait a little longer for more of my inner churnings. that's okay, it'll give you a sec to reply, if you wish.

xxoo isn't this great news?!

[taw]

just got my own bac!

Hope today continued to be a great and AF day for you!!!

[Murphyx]

just got my own bac!

Rudy, if you think you've switched, and you appear to, I am veritably engorged with happiness. Seriously?

Far Fucking Out !


And it saves me from having to make an obvious tea-bagging joke about this:

murph, you're gonna love this! i cut the bottom third off of a used tea bag, rinsed it out, and carefully opened it into its second useful function: a snus-holder!

[RudyB]

just got my own bac!

yesss, me again... so i'll add a caveat to my hopeful switch: i did just stop to buy those evil smokes and i had to chat a bit w my brain about the fact that i really didn't need the ale. i had to face the fact that i didn't really want it, and that maybe it was just my hard-wired response to grab a six pack. maybe it was just a little uncomfortable not to, but i told myself i would survive much better with that discomfort than with the beer. the discomfort has gone, and the beer is not here either. i shall drink some twig tea and enjoy my son, if i can get him off the videos and me off mwo. crafting, here we come...!

[bleep]

just got my own bac!

looking very good rudy! this after a few days of being at 190, if memory serves? give it a few days to be sure, and maybe hit 200, but it sounds very much like indifference! certainly, choosing twig tea over anything at all sounds most unappetizing, so i can't think what else it could be!

fantastic stuff!

[RudyB]

just got my own bac!

thanks bleep, you're the best!

yep, i'm gonna stick at 190 for now. have been there for about five days i think, and it seems to be working. i'll stay here for a bit more and see...

[redhead77]

just got my own bac!

I've got my fingers and piggies crossed for you Miss Rudy!

[RudyB]

just got my own bac!

thanks red.

my god, these se's are killing me! i feel like a zombie. and i'm twitching like crazy. a twitching zombie. scary. my body is so relaxed, adn my mind is a fog storm. all night, i kept flipping over and over cause my body hurt. there's no muscle tension, so it was as if all the weight of anything not bones was pressing onto my skeleton and making me hurt. at least i wasn't having apnea!

and is it the se's or brain wiring that keep me from wanting beer?

i think my son will play video games all day adn i mightn't feel too guilty about it. just for today. i hope the se's will dimish. i want to stay at 190 for as long as it's working, but maybe if i go up 10 mg's they'll abate? please advise. i'd really like to stay at 190. but i've been here for about five days, so i don't know if they will.

guess i'll go do some gardening. moving around is the only way i can function, if a little slowly.

[RudyB]

just got my own bac!

...oh, and i have an incessant chorus of frogs chortling in my ears. my mind is truly a swamp.

[Murphyx]

just got my own bac!

RudyB;1137709 wrote: i want to stay at 190 for as long as it's working, but maybe if i go up 10 mg's they'll abate? please advise. i'd really like to stay at 190. but i've been here for about five days, so i don't know if they will.
I also think you should stay at 190 for as long as possible, but if the SEs are too much then 10 up (or down) might help. So might getting laid ... just sayin'.

RudyB;1137712 wrote: my mind is truly a swamp.

I doubt anyone will argue with that. :H