just got my own bac!

[bleep]

just got my own bac!

looking for love in all the wrong places will give you cold sores. so i'm told.

and murph is right, again. these things have been happening to you all along, read your thread. only now you're noticing them for some reason, most likely cigarettes. you can convince yourself the universe is conspiring to make you have a smoke, if you try hard enough. i've done it several times.

i've not weighed in on recent happenings, since this is an area i'm fairly inept in - the day you take my advice on relationships is a day you must really start to question yourself!

[RudyB]

just got my own bac!

okay, so, i spoke to my lawyer a bit ago, and it left me totally stressed out, even though there were plethora solutions in that chat. i have focused on the challenges part, and for a second i thought i had to solve them all RIGHT NOW. not so. not so, either, on solving all of my addictions at once. whereas the hypnosis has done something very real to kill my desire for smoking, i did pull into the smoke store and bought a pack. my son said, 'mommy, why are you buying those smoking things?' i told him i'd explain in the car, which i did, all in the context of stress and the hypnosis (which i had told him all about). and i just smoked one. and i don't feel terrible about it. i don't have to solve it all RIGHT NOW. it's enough that i didn't buy beer in that same store. it didn't even occur to me for one second. i'll give myself respite from having to get everything fixed. and i hope that i haven't undone the hypnosis by taking some puffs. i doubt i have. i'll let myself have maybe 3 a day, not the 1/3 pack a day i was at yesterday. for now. in fact, when i got home last evening, all stressed out, a good friend who doesn't even smoke suggested that maybe i'm putting too much on myself all at once, and that expecting yet another miracle of myself is maybe not the best approach, bac-induced indifference or not (as it may pertain to smoking). so, there's my latest confession. and i bet nobody here will judge me for it. heck, even my sister said basically the same thing that my friend said.

[Murphyx]

just got my own bac!

RudyB;1146633 wrote: in fact, when i got home last evening, all stressed out, a good friend who doesn't even smoke suggested that maybe i'm putting too much on myself all at once, and that expecting yet another miracle of myself is maybe not the best approach,

YES! This is what I also said. One thing at a time Ruuuuuudy! Alcohol first. Other shit later.

[sjm]

just got my own bac!

I continue to shout from the rooftops for the progress you are making...for the beautiful expression of Spirit that you have been and are...for your gift to me of a grandson who loves his Nannie...for the many, many qualities that I have admired in you for decades that shine through in spite of "circumstances".

My advice: Kick stress out with strong affirming thoughts. Remember who you are first and foremost: a perfect expression of Spirit. Constantly count your blessings; that's a great attitude adjuster.

You have the tools, the skill, the support needed. Now celebrate your victories, forgive yourself your trips, take each day as it comes, and look (inside) for the joy. You can do this life thing! I luv u. mom

[Doggygirl]

just got my own bac!

sjm;1146685 wrote: I continue to shout from the rooftops for the progress you are making...for the beautiful expression of Spirit that you have been and are...for your gift to me of a grandson who loves his Nannie...for the many, many qualities that I have admired in you for decades that shine through in spite of "circumstances".

My advice: Kick stress out with strong affirming thoughts. Remember who you are first and foremost: a perfect expression of Spirit. Constantly count your blessings; that's a great attitude adjuster.

You have the tools, the skill, the support needed. Now celebrate your victories, forgive yourself your trips, take each day as it comes, and look (inside) for the joy. You can do this life thing! I luv u. mom

You are a fabulous Mom!! I love your whole post but especially the bolded part. Will you be my 'nother mother????

DG

[sjm]

just got my own bac!

Perhaps I'll change my moniker from sjm to 'nother mother. Yes, I have an abundance of love, advice and cheers from the sideline for anybody who asks for them. I celebrate my crone (wise woman, nothing more, no broom or cackle) status, not that I know everything YET!!!

[moglor]

just got my own bac!

Oh, SJM. I love my own mother dearly, but I could never tell her of my struggles. It would break her heart. The encouragement and love you give to our RudyB overflows, and I derive strength from it myself. Thank you for being here!

[RudyB]

just got my own bac!

wtf??!! i just awoke, drenched in sweat but not a bit hot. i had to change every bit of wet clothing. it's a bit late for this though (it's almost 4:30; usually this happens by 2:00).

[Murphyx]

just got my own bac!

RudyB;1146932 wrote: wtf??!! i just awoke, drenched in sweat but not a bit hot. i had to change every bit of wet clothing. it's a bit late for this though (it's almost 4:30; usually this happens by 2:00).

Ummmm, are you sure it was sweat?

[bleep]

just got my own bac!

what else could it be, other than sweat??

i, too, awoke drenched in sweat in the wee hours of the night. oh no, i thought, i've caught rudy's mysterious ailment! then i realised the electric blanket was on its hottest setting, and i had been slowly cooking myself the entire night. problem solved.

rudy, when i stopped smoking, all sorts of weird shit happened to my body, and it was a horrible week. are not most of these symptoms somehow related to that?

[Murphyx]

just got my own bac!

Bed-wetting is a common occurrence for Bactistas. If it is that Rudy, you shouldn't be embarrassed, it's happened to lots of people here and no one will care.

Personally it's never happened to me and I find it hilarious. I'll point at you and laugh and call you names like piss-pants, 'cos I'm mean like that. :H

[RudyB]

just got my own bac!

it was definitely sweat. i am familiar w those other fluid possiblities, and it weren't those. and bleep, i didn't quit smoking (though in the past when i did, i sweat like crazy then, too). i am giving myself free reign on that one for now. the stressors are innumerable at the moment, and i'm not trying to punish myself right now. that would surely drive me to drink!

onto the next saga in my plight...

i went to the vw dealer to have them fix my keys and suit me up w a spare, being quite willing to pay their premium so i can be done w the car fiascos. only to find yet another fiasco wating and ready to bite my ass. they didn't have the parts to fix my keys, even though i had an appointement and they knew what for! four guys were at my car, puzzing things out, when i discovered that the temporary solution they came up with did not work for me. car just wouldn't stay running when i got it started. damn these computer-dependent keys! i had been there two hours already, and was starting to feel the blood pressure rise. when some dude offhandedly remarked that, no, they don't have a loaner for me so i could get home and get on w my day, i totally lost it. i stomped my feet and cried (some more). i had a true tantrum in their lot, full of cars not being used. a kind woman asked if she could help. i said surely not, i didn't need to tell my laugable story to yet another well-intentioned soul. then she said she worked there, and i told my story. she proceeded to tell me hers, something about her horse fencing not passing zoning laws, and i wanted to say thanks for trying, but your priveliged headache does not mitigate mine. she said she'd drive me home, but i pointed out that that wouldn't help, as then i'd be stuck at home without a vehicle to get me anywhere else. a few strings easily pulled, and i drove away in a spiffy new jetta. problem solved, for now.

said woman also told me not to cry. i asked why everone always says don't cry. she said it doesn't solve much. i wanted to get into it with her on that one, but i bit my tongue. afterall, i had her to thank for my transportation. but seriously, why do people feel so averse to crying?! i swear, many adult people have serious issues because as children they were told to stifle their emotions. crying solves A LOT when you do it as the NEED arises. yesterday on the phone w the computer tech guy, i started crying and his response was 'why are you crying!' i said because i was totally frustrated, and crying was helping. he said at least twice more that i SHOULDN"T cry! fuck you, i wanted to say. but i didn't, as he was promising to help me fix my computer. which he didn't. here i am, in the most stressful period of my life, generally unable to cry, and when i do, i have morons telling me not to do the only thing that still feels good to me, when i can manage to do it. i swear, we should have a world cry-in day. i'd be the first one to sign up for that. those laugh-therapies that help so many people would have some real competition in the criers.

i'm done w the tears for now. and tomorrow, i have another kind soul helping me get a new car so i can stop crying over my vw woes.

[RudyB]

just got my own bac!

i just scored an appointment w my intuitive massage therapist for sat am. lord there is a heaven! she said she has had a similar week to mine, as have some other people she knows. it's somehow comforting to think that there may be some unniversal cosmic miswiring going on, that it's not just me.

i'm looking for and finding lessons in everything that i'm experiencing, not just the obvious one that i need a new car. i'm also deepening on the good things that are going on in my life. here's a partial list: i am sober; i am healthy; i am more fit than ever before in my life; i am beautiful inside and out; i have loving family; my son is a gem; my lawyer rocks; i have enough money; my garden grows in utter glory; i am bringing food from garden to sis and our sons; i get to go rowing; i shan't catch too many crabs; i wash my clothes from the salvation army in a washer that works; i have a fly loaner car to use, oh, maybe for a few days, until it's convenient for me to return it and pick up my old thing that will sit undriven in the drive since i'll have a new car by the end of tomorrow.

the goose hangs high, and i shall keep my eyes looking upward.

[SlipperyPete]

just got my own bac!

Rudy, that's great you're able to focus on the positives. People in AA meetings would always say that making a gratitude list is very important. That's not to say I did it, but it's essential to see the good in situations.

And as far as catching crabs goes, even one is too many...

[RudyB]

just got my own bac!

just had the worst row of my life! but it wasn't my fault. two beginners in a four person boat = very bad idea! i kept the boat afloat, was in the bow, and did much of the rowing to finally get us back to the dock. this clearly isn't a good time in the cosmologies. it can only get better.