just got my own bac!

[RudyB]

just got my own bac!

...oh, and funny thing is, the episode of my latest show (medium) that i'm watching tonight features the main character being somewhat taken over by the spirit of a dead serial killer who smokes. she's finding herself stalking a fine little number who works in a grocery store, smoking as she watches her from outside her apartment. my inner response to this sensory experience is weirdly neutral. hmm...

[Murphyx]

just got my own bac!

Whoo-hoo! Looking good, Rudy!

RudyB;1168470 wrote: go get yerselves hypnotized. it's the most effortless way. golly. why would you do it any other way? sheee-it!

Masochism probably.

[sjm]

just got my own bac!

Yahoo, RUDY!

[SlipperyPete]

just got my own bac!

I've been wanting to quit for awhile now, but I keep pussing out. Think I can hypnotize myself to save money?

[RudyB]

just got my own bac!

thanks for the cheers, chums.

pete, you could probably buy a cd for it.

ok, so i've had plenty of things to get all freaked out about in the past 36 hours. but i have not gone and smoked about it. sure, this morning i had a wild fantasy about going out to get a bunch of ale and a pack of smokes and diving into it all good and deep by mid-afternoon, but i didn't. instead, i went about my business, and ate a huge lunch. tomorrow will be the true test, as i have to deal with banking stuff, with the bank that needed the paperwork that i tossed by accident. (just writing that makes me want to smoke!) frig. what will i do if they didn't find it in their vault? right, ok, i'll get copies from the feds and my job and all will be just fine. it'll just take longer is all. and i can't believe i've waited until friday to call them. see, i'm really scared of this shit!

...but smoking won't help with any of it. and there's a KNOWING of that in me that wasn't here before.

so, hypnosis does not take EVERY thought of smoking away. there are still moments when it appeals, but they are VERY few, and fleeting. (it is amazing, what they all say about anything: the craving will pass. just face down the beast, moment by moment.) i KNOW that if i had set yesterday as my quit date without the mind-bending feat i used as my tool, i would have been smoking all day. without a doubt. and tomorrow, and the next day, and the next. and so on, to infinity, with some quits here and there for good measure.

speaking of infinity, my son loves the concept. here are some words from the little lord of profundity:

'i wonder who invented infinity? maybe god? before he died.'

[Ne/Neva Eva]

just got my own bac!

lol to your son's profundity. Great GREAT interview on Tom Ashbrook about a guy who has an affinity for infinity. David Deutsch And The Beginning of Infinity | On Point with Tom Ashbrook if you're interested.

Here's the thing, about the smoking thing. I'm about to go off on a tangent that has absolutely no basis in scientific fact.
I have never smoked more than a pack a day. Never. Until now. My husband didn't really smoke. (Well, his doctor thinks he does, but a guy who smokes less than a pack a WEEK doesn't really need cigs, you know?)
I'm at two packs a day, he's at a pack a day. I think there might be something in our brains that ... I think maybe smokes fills a void.
Point is this: Fill the void with something else.
I don't think I crave cigs anymore. I can go hours without one, with little discomfort, in spite of the fact that I smoke so damn much.
I would love your thoughts about filling the chemical void. If it was chocolate, I would've found it. Ya' know?

And something I never, ever say about our collective brain disorder: Abstain. Just don't smoke. I'm counting on you.
(Sorry about the bank, but imagine how good you'll feel when it's done. Like a grown up! I bounced an effin check last week, an important one, and it took me right bac to that place when the world made decisions FOR me. Fuck that. You got this sister. The world is yours now.) yay!

[Ne/Neva Eva]

just got my own bac!

sorry, maybe? for all the fucks. Is that still allowed?

[Ne/Neva Eva]

just got my own bac!

RubyD! Dude! What's the dealio?

https://www.mywayout.org/community/f2...fen-47958.html

[SlipperyPete]

just got my own bac!

RudyB;1168909 wrote: 'i wonder who invented infinity? maybe god? before he died.'

:H

I don't know what you're telling this kid, but I like it!

[RudyB]

just got my own bac!

yo, ne, dude! took me a sec but i think i figured out your not-subtle hint that i should post my success on that particular thread? err, ok. guess it slipped my attention. if you're trying to say something else, you'll have to be more explicit. i am not always the quickest on the uptake.

the smokes and the void. how interesting that you can go for hours and not smoke. but how the hell do you choke so many down in the course of a day!? yeah, they must be filling -or attempting to fill- something pretty darn hungry! i don't at all mean to sound patronizing, but it's something i have oft wondered lately: how does one smoke two packs a day?! to me, 10 a day is a great lot, and i find -i mean FOUND- myself sucking along compulsively even without really wanting to, especially toward the end. yes, there was definitely a void-needs-filling feeling there! but not a chemical void. an emotional one. like a smoke was a companion. a balm for an irritated moment. an anti-itch for a bug bite. but i rarely felt a nicoteine withdrawl, that i could detect.

but i tell ya, folks, that hypnotherapy did something wonderful. as i've already reported, every thought of a smoke is fleeting, and ninety percent of them are met with complete -or near-complete- indifference. you who wish to quit, take the easy way out. if you please.

so, today, day two no smokes: had a compelling moment in which i envisioned a pile of ale (in bottles) and a pack of smokes, ready to be ingested by yours truly. what a fun way to pass the afternoon, some sick part of my mind thought. that part held court for about four minutes, then again a while later for maybe three. then i started thinking about food, noticing how very hungry i was. then i thought about how boring it is to watch my show when i'm half-buzzed, how everything, really, is quite boring when drunkish. and then i thought of my tail between my legs and how lame i'd feel were i to go back to that lovely hypnotist in his comfy chair with his beautiful voice and tell him that i just said fuck it, i feel like having some drags. then i noticed that i really didn't even want any of that shit. (ne, i say we swear all the fuck we want to, though sometimes i feel like i'm the only one who does anymore.) so i'm at home, working on my third bowl of venison and garden vegetable and hoibs stew, feeling a nice healthy full taking over my belly (as opposed to the bloated burn of a tick's ale belly). my son fell asleep on the way home from the pool, and i shall follow close behind, after an episode or two of 'medium'. or maybe the first few chapters of that eggers book. or both.

but first, i will tell you of my profound thought from this morning. (it truly amazes me the things that my mind comes up with upon first awakening at those odd hours. like the blocks of rationale are gone and the important -or inane- stuff is free to flow.) ray bradbury's story 'the veldt' popped into mind. it's the one about two children whose parents paint them a beautiful nursery in a scene from an african veldt. there are lions in the distance, or suggestions of them, i don't remember. in the end of the story, the children's cries are heard in the distance as those lions gobble them for dinner. this was a reminder to me of the power of the imagination (though i'm sure that wasn't originally the intended essential message of the story). it was a prodding for me to take very seriously the creative force of my thoughts, and to direct them according to my wishes. so, i hereby vow to envision my divorce settling expeditiously and at a good price for me (say, 60 grand), and my work life improving so dramatically that i can quit my job and not fret for a second about how i'll pay for health insurance, or trips to spain. i shall envision these things several times a day, and with the KNOWING that they shall be my known reality in the very near future. i shall act AS IF they are already given (though i'll try to continue to mostly behave at my current job).

[Murphyx]

just got my own bac!

Wow, great update. :l

[RudyB]

just got my own bac!

thanks, murphalicious. love ya!

so, sniff sniff, i'm writing to say goodbye.




...because this is just too much fun and life should be terrible and awful.


okay, i'm terrible and awful at jokes. but i may very well be out for a few days, as power is predicted to go for who knows how long cause of this storm that just visited ne. i'll miss you all.

the good news is, i had a rageful moment today that lasted a good fifteen minutes. when i went to that place of: just go and drink and smoke your head off about it, it had almost no appeal. in theory, i thought, maybe that could work, but only for a very short time. then, it would get very, very -yes- boring! and so i didn't, neither one, not the smoke, not the drink. i keep doubting that i am truly, purely indifferent. and maybe i'm not, and maybe there's no such thing. but i don't care or need to answer this question. i have made tremendous progress and i'm quite happy with status quo. i haven't been drunk in weeks and weeks. and i can't blame it on high tolerance anymore; i simply never drink much at all. in fact, i rarely drink. well lookie there! and the smoking, well, hypnotism is a beautiful magic. aren't i lucky? free at last!

be well my fine and beloved people! wish me limbs attached (body and trees) and power restored expeditiously (i'm assuming it'll go 'cause it does with anything more than a gentle breeze, practically). but instead, why not take this opportunity to use my bradbury-inspired power of imagination: the wind and rain will mow my lawn and prune just the right branches. the food will stay frozen 'cause the power will stay on. all will be well in rubyworld, and i'll see you tomorrow.

nitey nite.

[redhead77]

just got my own bac!

RudyB;1169326 wrote:
. so, i hereby vow to envision my divorce settling expeditiously and at a good price for me (say, 60 grand), and my work life improving so dramatically that i can quit my job and not fret for a second about how i'll pay for health insurance, or trips to spain. i shall envision these things several times a day, and with the KNOWING that they shall be my known reality in the very near future. i shall act AS IF they are already given (though i'll try to continue to mostly behave at my current job).

yup. it's called the law of attraction. here's a page in the secret that explains it. it is a simple book, but worth a read if you're in search of the better life. thanks for reminding me how the world could be my oyster.

secret summaries:

-the great secret of life is the law of attraction.

-the law of attraction says like attracts like, so when you think a thought, you are also attracting like thoughts to you.

-thoughts are magnetic, and thoughts have a frequency. as you think thoughts, they are sent into the Universe, and they magnetically attract all like things that are on the same frequency. everything sent out returns to the source-you.

-you are like a human transmission tower, transmitting a frequency with your thoughts. if you want to change anything in your life, change the frequency by changing your thoughts.

-your current thoughts are creating your future life. what you think about the most or focus on the most will appear as your life.

-your thoughts become things.

:l

[redhead77]

just got my own bac!

How are you today, Miss Rudy?

It is unusual for you not to post I think, if you're not out of town. I'm also hoping you aren't posting because of my last post on your thread. My first instinct is to delete. I try not to be self-centered enough to think this, but I guess I am. :H Truth be told, I'm a bit bac'd out on my current dose. I think I'm mildly 'out there' as a baseline, anyway. Who knows how far gone I am on my current dose. Case in point, I wrote paiges rather than pages yesterday. WTF? I may be dyslexic, but I do know how to spell pages for goodness sake. I find this a tad troublesome.

I still believe the Universe gives you back what you send in...relating to thoughts. I'm glad you reminded me and I'm going to start practicing the same thing because of you.

Anyhoo, back to you. I hope you had a lovely day. I wanted to ask you about your venison and veggie soup. Where do you get the venison? Does a friend hunt and give you meat to stock up your freezer? Where I'm from hunting season is in the fall. Is it all year for you or are you stocked up? I have never liked venison. I know everyone says it's all in the way you cook it, so I guess I've never had it cooked properly.

[windycitylady]

just got my own bac!

Hope you didn't lose power, miss ruby! My friend in NYC said she was rather disappointed in the whole thing. She was barricaded in an apartment with cases of soup, crackers, and bottled water that she had to wait hours to buy. She said it was just like a bad thunderstorm. But you mentioned your power is very sensitive. Maybe a good time to break out some board games with your little philosopher (love his comment on infinity!). Hmmm. Would that situation make not smoking easier or harder? Also, congrats on the apparent success of the hypnosis! Have any of us tried that for drinking?