just got my own bac!

[Murphyx]

just got my own bac!

Try sleeping on your side with your head slightly tilted back. This will keep your throat open. Send some photographs of your position in bed so I can see if it looks right :H. You're so tired, you probably won't move from that position. Either way, as Ne says, it's not going to kill you. You'll just wake up and catch your breath. It's not at all scary. Tomorrow get those nasal strips.

Sleep.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

just got my own bac!

Geez, Rudy. I'm so sorry.
On so many levels. What you're going through sounds horrific.

I hope we can touch base this morning.
I REALLY hope you got some sleep.

:l :l :l

[RudyB]

just got my own bac!

in the end i got one hour maybe tad more. but i'll trade this non-hung state (no murph, i don' thave a small penis. do you get the reference?) any day for the adrenaline or whatever that got me out of bed and onto my feet and determined to get some food into my belly ass and son into car and no bac until i'm 30 min into my 45 min commute and with hopes that i don't have such a wackadoodle day here (ok, folks, need more adjectives here) as i did yesterday. no commas gotta rush.

son is so beautiful you wouldn't believe it and i feel i see him so much more clearly his divinity and utter exquisite cuteness from having one day sober. working on two here. it's like a curtain was lifted. not that i didn't see it before. just didn't see anything as well.

ok, food, clothes, lunch, ahhhh. wish me luck folks. check in after work.

ne i'll give you a buzz fm the road but if you can't answer i und cause thsi is a crazy time of day for many....
xoxoxo rudyb

I MADE IT THROUGH THE NIGHT UN-DEAD!!!!

[Ne/Neva Eva]

just got my own bac!

RudyB;1123875 wrote:
I MADE IT THROUGH THE NIGHT UN-DEAD!!!!

and :H
I'm so glad you're undead!

Call me. I'm here.

[Murphyx]

just got my own bac!

Rudy, I just realised, you do trapeze, I do fire breathing and juggling, now all we need are a troupe of humourous midgets and a clown and we got ourselves a circus. No wait, clowns freak me out and I?ll probably just trip over the midgets. Oh well.

Glad you managed to keep breathing?.and sober.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

just got my own bac!

In order to see little people you've got to stop looking up (w that silly grin on your face.). Hard to do after indifference...

[moglor]

just got my own bac!

I am so sorry you're having issues Rudy. I hope your work day goes smoothly. I'm thinking about you!

John

[RudyB]

just got my own bac!

hey thanks, all. thanks for your presence on my thread. helps a lot. (coming here is a nice treat-alternative to alcohol-buzz crap)

murphy, i can juggle, too! maybe we could get some livestock (goats and chickens) and have a fair-circus with some special vending on the side.

wow, can't believe i'm still standing. definitely going on adrenaline. i had a much, much better day! (goes to show that al and bac don't mix well; i did a thousand times better on 1 hr of sleep and no al than i did on my usual pint of medication and 8 hrs of sleep. ...and i thought i wasn't hung over!)

but hey, murph, it WAS VERY scary! (you said in a previous post 'it's not that scary'.) i kept cueing in my mind your post about your choking episode. my roots may be english and vt yankee, but i didn't get the stiff upper lip for ALL occasions. just some. like dick wad exes and house goats and hand and foot injuries. but wondering what'll happen to my son if i stop breathing and don't start again is very scary, dude! (i know, it's highly unlikely that i'd not start breathing, but still... what if i choked and choked and he saw that... we're alone and it's rural and who'd he run to? guess i'll put some locals on speed dial and teach him how to use it. ...not to sound panicky or ignorant or anything. just sayin'.)

anyway, thought you deserved a ribbing on that one.

needless to say, i'm a little frightened to go to sleep tonight. should i take some benadryl? kinda wonder if that would make it hard for me to wake up if my throat does close... so i'll not do that. nevermind. but i did get the nose strips. and i finally got to sleep once i sat up. my head nodded fwd a couple times, but i instantly woke up.

love the support, guys! i'm here drinking vitamin water. no booze tonight. PHEW! crossed my mind a few times but it had no real pull. viatmin water by my side, son here in full focus. here's hoping i won't be seeing you at 3 am again...

xo rudy

[Murphyx]

just got my own bac!

Ne/Neva Eva;1123868 wrote: I hope we can touch base this morning.

RudyB;1123875 wrote: ne i'll give you a buzz fm the road but if you can't answer i und cause thsi is a crazy time of day for many....

Ne/Neva Eva;1123877 wrote:
Call me. I'm here.

Oh talk about a secret society! Sheesh!!!

[Murphyx]

just got my own bac!

RudyB;1124174 wrote:
murphy, i can juggle, too! maybe we could get some livestock (goats and chickens) and have a fair-circus with some special vending on the side. Hey, we could sell placenta burgers. But you'll need to make some more raw ingredients first. Maybe you need to try and convert your gay ex bf.

RudyB;1124174 wrote: but hey, murph, it WAS VERY scary! (you said in a previous post 'it's not that scary'.) i kept cueing in my mind

Exactly, it's all in your mind. You think you might stop breathing, but you won't. My chocking thing only happened the once and was probably nothing to do with bac. Maybe I was just having a nightmare about the whole dog tea-bagging episode and it sent me into a panic. Who knows?

Use the nasal strip (make sure you put it on in exactly the right way. You'll know when it is.) and sleep in the position I suggested (not sitting up unless you absolutely have to) and you'll sleep fine. You just need to relax and know it isn't dangerous.

[RudyB]

just got my own bac!

got it. and in our secret society mtg ne told that thing about the fear factor. makes it worse. having survived it twice (first time it happened just once), i think i can rest easier and sleep lying down, alone, with a thing on my nose.

[RudyB]

just got my own bac!

i feel like i am on the deck of a steamliner, waving goodbye with my hankie to my old 'friend' al, as we depart from shore at an honorable pace. al's getting smaller and smaller. the feeling is somewhat of fondness, but mostly of relief at the momentum of the ship.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

just got my own bac!

Morning Rudy!

Just a thought for when you face such things at night, when you're alone:

There is no such thing as idle thoughts. All thinking produces form at some level.
~B'aha U'llah

That includes the negative ones, too, of course. A mantra is good. I thought of Redthread's dream. I'll tell you about it.

That and the Fear Factor. It breeds on itself. Not that it's not legit. Oh, no. It's legit. But it's a side effect and it needs to be managed.

XO! Can't wait for the note regurgitating to start!
Love,
Ne

[RudyB]

just got my own bac!

my breathing has been really shallow. coordinates with the whole sleeping breathing thing quite perfectly. i'm sitting outside, watching the deer run around, delaying going to bed cause i'm a bit scared (and this is fun). but i'm gonna feel the fear and do it anyway. ...in a few minutes (which i said about a half hour ago on my other thread).

i forgot to mention on my apnea thread that last night i felt something prick my foot. i felt around and it pricked my hand. it was a briar thorn and my finger started bleeding profusely. sure made me feel even less welcome in bed. but i put the thorn on my ex hubby's car seat so i think i'll sleep okay tonight. jokes.

...ok, i'm clearly stalling here.

i feel like an ass for smoking so much, especially with the apnea and the fact that my tongue feels like burned steak. smoking seems to have jumped up with the baclofen uppage, like red and ne said about their own experience. i have so many reasons to quit, and i will. soon. one thing at a time. for now i will cut back. remind me that i said that. snus comes tomorrow.

three days sober here, hooray, after weeks of very few days af, if any. didn't keep track. probably none. so this, combined w the horrible apnea, makes me wonder if i should stay at 110 mg for extra long. what do you good people think? if i were to follow my general 5 day (plus or minus) schedule, i'd have gone up roughly yesterday. i don't want the se's to worsen, but maybe they'd get better if i go up. but i've no desire to drink. but i have the weekend coming up, and probably time without my son... oh the ways of the balance...

i have to remind myself to take a deep breath. most of the time i'm only using a teeny bit of my lungs. i'd better get my butt to yoga.

still stalling. but there was one other thing, but it escapes me.

oh yeah, my dr called today to tell me that i should get bloodwork done cause my hand is still swollen. check for arthritis and lime disease. it'll be good to get the fingers sorted out, but i'll probably tell him about the bac. (he knows about my drinking and has always been very gracious and encouraging (to stop, not to keep on chuggin!)) i don't want any trouble, here. i'm sure he may have heard of it, but i sure as shit don't want any negative feedback. probably by the time i meet with him, my sobriety will be impressive (for me), so maybe he'll just roll with it, or, better, maybe it'll put a bug in his ear that he can look into for others who struggle similarly...

alright. i'll take my notebook to bed (not my laptop!), so when i think of that niggling other thing i'm forgetting i can write it down. as well as any wild dreams i have tonight ~ and may i have many!

wish me luck.
xo rb

[moglor]

just got my own bac!

I would really discuss the bac with him. He won't prescribe it for you (probably) but he can't really force you to stop taking it either, and can't do anything else about it (dr/patient confidentiality,) but it may help him rule out or rule in different possibilities for your hand and apnea. Worst that can happen is he frowns at you and lectures you for taking illegally obtained off-label meds. :-) Did you bleed unusually profusely from the thorn? You should mention that along with the apnea. It would definitely be worth getting the blood work done, especially if you think you're bleeding more than you ought to.

Until you get the blood work and the apnea sorted out, I wouldn't suggest going up in dose.

Good luck!