just got my own bac!

[Isolde]

just got my own bac!

Lo0p;1119865 wrote: are you fragmenting your sentences on purpose too?

not on purpose! i think i am putting in so much concentration on not capitalizing, that i am forgetting basic sentence structure in the process. maybe it will be like writing with your non dominant hand - it's supposed to stimulate the other side of your brain and bring more subconscious thoughts to the surface. i tried it. all i ended up with was a page of chicken scratch. maybe by not capitalizing, i'll end up spilling a bunch of subconscious thoughts here. either that or i'll end up with a post full of gibberish.

[bleep]

just got my own bac!

i tried that sort of thing as well Is, only i thought I would do it brushing my teeth. i nearly took my eye out, and if i had carried on, my teeth would have all rotted and fallen out a month later. my left hand is absolutely fucking useless, despite all my attempts to train it.

[RudyB]

just got my own bac!

well, i'm up here at four am, typing on my stoop in the pitch black. i'll definitely leave the shift key for another time.

i've still been drinking, though i never finish what i have, which feels like progress. i'm also having that happy se of euphoria. at work, i'm a different person. i want to just love up all of my students. i suppose it helps that the year is about to end, too. but i would love if this happy feeling doesn't end. definitely my favorite se so far!

[Ne/Neva Eva]

just got my own bac!

i'm still happy! :-)

don't love up your students too much. they're teenagers. they still suck. oops. did i write that?

4am is my very best friend. now. i miss it. slept until 530 this morning. grrr.

xo

[Isolde]

just got my own bac!

bleep;1120210 wrote: i tried that sort of thing as well Is, only i thought I would do it brushing my teeth. i nearly took my eye out, and if i had carried on, my teeth would have all rotted and fallen out a month later. my left hand is absolutely fucking useless, despite all my attempts to train it.

:H this had me working very hard to contain a snort when i read it at work yesterday! i had also thought about using my left to brush my teeth and instantly dismissed the idea. most of my coworkers think i'm a lefty because i mouse with my left hand. i just decided to switch one day and it took me about a week to become really proficient at it. it works out really well, actually. when i'm creating reports and spreadsheets (i work with numbers), i can mouse to where i need with the left and keep the right on the number pad. i even switched my mouse to the left side at home now too.
i try to change up other things, too. it's something i've been doing for a long time. i'll vacuum with my left, sometimes wash dishes, etc. part of it is vanity. my right arm/shoulder is all buff and toned just because i do everything with that side, and my left arm looks like it belongs on another person! :H

ftr, i had to go back and remove all of the capitals from my first sentence. old habits!

[RudyB]

just got my own bac!

hi all. how liberating to skip the shift key again.

isolde, i thought of you many times today, as i floated through work on my bac high. i do feel so good! and could see myself chasing this feeling, as you described. but i think that being sober (getting there!) will take its place, as i remember always being so very happy when free of the demon.

isolde, if you have a baby, you'll get a strong left arm. for about two yrs my son was always on my hip, tucked-in by my left arm. it got strong. (i am right handed, too, so needed it to do everything while i constantly held my baby/toddler.) good news is, he now walks, and i think my upper body looks pretty balanced. but i think your approach is sound. not only is left-arm-imbalance not a good reason to procreate, i've heard it's good for the brain to be ambidextrous. if you've been my kind of drinker, your brain could use (i just spelled that 'yous' ~ good ol' bac-stoned-state!) a workout.

ne, teens, yeah, they do suck. but this bac is making them seem -most of them- like angels. i try to remind myself, also, that their pre-frontal cortexes (cortesies? corti? cortexi?) are under construction, so they really can't be held too much accountable for their horridness.

also, ne, how's your new restaurant job?! school? guess i'll mosey over to your thread in a sec...

sipping a drink here, not guzzling. didn't think about it all afternoon. i'im getting there. think i'm at or almost at 90 mg. (i took the suggestion to use a pill box, and seems to be helping avoid bloody -just wrote 'bludy'- vomit. it also allows me to forget my dosing for a second.)

ok, onto other treads. thanks for helping revitalize mine.

xoxo rudy

ps, some of you call me ruby (ne?) and i just want you to know that is just fine (until a real ruby shows up on the threads), 'cause i can't remember my own name lately. :H

[RudyB]

just got my own bac!

...oh, and i seem to be gaining some weight. could be the bac, could be the late-nite post-drinking (just wrote 'frinking') gorge-eating (how's that for punctuation!). could be the injured foot and lack of exercise. probably all three.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

just got my own bac!

don't worry dear, your butt still looks the same size from here!
(i just wrote butt. oh wait. i meant to write butt. oh, yeah. that's right. i'm not all bac-d out on bac. i just pretend...)

[RudyB]

just got my own bac!

yeah, ne, i was wondering what was your excuse... insert laughing emoticon

[bleep]

just got my own bac!

Is, i'm trying to mouse with my left hand as a result of your post. man, it's tricky. i'm finding the hardest part is the click - i constantly keep right clicking when i want to left click.

i'm also really enjoying this boycott of the shift key, and wished i posted like this all the time. it's much easier and more pleasant to type. i notice ne has started slipping uncapitilised sentences in in other posts elsewhere on the forum, i'm tempted to do the same! i find myself thinking that there should be special punctuation for small letters - baby exclamation marks and the like.

[Murphyx]

just got my own bac!

do we really have to stop capitalizing? shall i stop apostrophizing too? perhaps not.

redhead77;1118520 wrote: Next you'll stop telling us about placentas, please, no more talk of placentas or i?ll have to stop reading your thread.

RudyB;1119341 wrote:
SIDENOTE: My ex is a total fucking prick. of course he's a prick, he's your ex. unless he's your ex because of all that placenta business. in that case he's a sensible chap.

RudyB;1119356 wrote: Oh yeah, has anyone else found their fists clenching,

not since I started taking bac, no. bac put an end to that for me.

RudyB;1120537 wrote:
i've still been drinking, though i never finish what i have, which feels like progress.

it certainly is. you're getting there.:goodjob:

RudyB;1120537 wrote: i'm also having that happy se of euphoria. at work, i'm a different person. i want to just love up all of my students.

not a great idea. teenage boys find that sort of thing terribly distracting. i remember my french teacher miss davies was very friendly. i never learnt a word of french, but I do remember the blouses she wore.

[Isolde]

just got my own bac!

bleep;1120885 wrote: Is, i'm trying to mouse with my left hand as a result of your post. man, it's tricky. i'm finding the hardest part is the click - i constantly keep right clicking when i want to left click.
the trick is to switch your mouse buttons, so that your primary button will be the one closest to the keyboard and you'll use your index finger, just like when it's on the right side. that makes it much easier.
give it some time. it's incredibly frustrating at first, but once you get the hang of it, it's second nature.

bleep;1120885 wrote:
i'm also really enjoying this boycott of the shift key, and wished i posted like this all the time. it's much easier and more pleasant to type. i notice ne has started slipping uncapitilised sentences in in other posts elsewhere on the forum, i'm tempted to do the same! i find myself thinking that there should be special punctuation for small letters - baby exclamation marks and the like.

i'm having a very difficult time with it. it takes conscious thought to not use the shift key. you'll notice that i am even bolding things i want to emphasize, in lieu of capitalizing them. in every post i still end up going back and uncapitalizing things. i guess using conscious thought while posting isn't such a bad thing... ?

[RudyB]

just got my own bac!

wow! no capitals and poetry inspired by my thread! i'm flattered. thrilled, really.

just came back to my own thread, kinda forgot about it, and it is nice to find some responses. thank you!

murphy, stop reading here. my ex would've supported my eating the placenta had i chosen to do that (eeew!), he's kindof a hippie at heart, not sensible at all (you should see the colossal building he made, which he uses a mere 4 hours a week!). but to his core he's spiteful and narcissistic. a truly damaged individual. but i have a kick-ass lawyer, so i'm good.

i'm grooving up to 110 mgs today. feeling sleepy, and spaced out like a true astronaut. not at all a bad feeling, but it certainly slows me down. i'm also fixating on my ex (bf not hubby), which is weird and not fun, not one bit. so unlike me. part of what's on my mind is: where was my dignity? he clearly did not want to sleep with me, barely wanted to see me, yet i persisted like a groveling gopher. eew x 2. this too shall pass.

good news is that i'm not fixating on finding a replacement guy. that horny white heat has abated, and i'm getting grounded in the notion that i need to get sober and be happy with myself before i can attract the right man for me. i can mow my own lawn, always have. (hubby didn't believe in it. he didn't mind having ugliness all around him. didn't mind if others, such as his wife, hated it. if i can handle the technology, someday i'll post before and after pictures of my property.)

i'm off to cut the grass (not smoke it, alas).

xo rb

[Murphyx]

just got my own bac!

RudyB;1122360 wrote: murphy, stop reading here. my ex would've supported my eating the placenta had i chosen to do that (eeew!) I thought you did eat it. If you didn't eat it what did you do with it? Feed it to the house-goat?

RudyB;1122360 wrote: i'm grooving up to 110 mgs today. feeling sleepy, and spaced out like a true astronaut. not at all a bad feeling, but it certainly slows me down.

When does the school year end? At least as a teacher you'll get a long break over the summer where you can go for broke on the bac and not worry about doing something crazy in front of the kids.


RudyB;1122360 wrote: i'm also fixating on my ex (bf not hubby), which is weird and not fun, not one but. so unlike me. part of what's on my mind is: where was my dignity? he clearly did not want to sleep with me, barely wanted to see me, yet i persisted like a groveling gopher. eew x 2. this too shall pass.

The past is irrelevant. It's the future which counts. Plus dignity is overrated.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

just got my own bac!

ha! What Murph said.

Humility, however, is not overrated, imho.

He's just kerfuffle. The boyfriend, I mean. A distraction from the business at hand. We all NEED that. Fixate away, sister. Don't put anything in writing where anyone can see it, don't sign anything, and don't let the guy parent your kid. The rest? ha. Whatev. My suggestion would be that you find some very young eye-candy a la lo0p** without the brains, and have at it. But that suggestion is often met with derision from my girlfriends, and may not be very healthy. Still. That's what I'd do. Really.

bleep;1120885 wrote: Is, i'm trying to mouse with my left hand as a result of your post. man, it's tricky.

You don't need a mouse if you've got a mac.

**i meant that looks like lo0p. lo0p is too damn smart. he talks too much, too, imho.