just got my own bac!

[RudyB]

just got my own bac!

really, murph? okay, the obvious, please: why 40? um, more is better? you can always go down? my gut says you're right, but please elaborate.

[RudyB]

just got my own bac!

taw, the poison ivy GOES! if anyone ever tells you that you can't possibly beat this beast, they're wrong! bit by bit you KILL it. you slay that motherfucker. you take it out of your life piece by piece. you keep it from making you welt and itch and suffer. this you DO. with abandon.

[Murphyx]

just got my own bac!

If you just add a little, you're not going to break out of where you are now. You need to kick the beast's arse. That's my theory and I'm sticking to it.

[Murphyx]

just got my own bac!

But more importantly; the real problem for you right now is:
HABIT!!!!!
Why are you reaching for a drink?
HABIT
You're indifferent, but the triggers are still all too common.


You need to get away from your triggers.


VACATION. FFS you have 7 weeks of hols left.

[bleep]

just got my own bac!

Murph, you are a wise man.

[RudyB]

just got my own bac!

ergh. schmaycation. maybe. dont want to leave here. maybe some other stuff: hypnotherapy, acupuncture, will power, running, my son, um, rowing, and YES, i'll go up 40. today. fuck it schmuck it. i can and will beat this. and it is not going to push me out of house and home; i want to stay here, so i have to renew my committment to NOT drink, really deepen on that. that will be the deal that i make with myself and with you, okay? so stay on me about it, please. ask me what i'm doing to support my goal of not drinking ANY MORE BEER!

and i get to stay home.

[Murphyx]

just got my own bac!

Yep, and the chicks dig me. I've got it all. It rocks being me.:H

[Murphyx]

just got my own bac!

Don't make a deal with yourself or anyone else. You're using chemistry, not willpower. Willpower doesn't work for us, that's why we're using meds.

[Murphyx]

just got my own bac!

Am I the only one who thinks "white-knuckling" sounds a bit onanistic?

OK, it may just be me.

[RudyB]

just got my own bac!

fuck, murph, i think that it takes much more than chemistry! i really do. i think that i and my mind and heart and soul, and retrospective analysis of behaviors and how they respond to emotions and familiar situations, can and should do a lot to inform my approach to slaying the beast. and i have total confidence in myself that i can take stock and renew my commitment to being sober. i know more now about my experience w baclofen and my tendency to fall into the comfy groove of habit, now that i've slipped into the familar warmth of pale ale. a bit. not drunk, but habit-driven.

my drinking was never so out of control that i couldn't stop until i passed out (except for very occasionally). i only once in 20 yrs of problem drinking missed work because of it. i didn't drink and drive out of habit; it happened rarely and only a few times. my point in saying this is to convey to you that, although i have hurt my life w al, i have always been able to hold myself a safe distance from the brink of real punishment.

so, in the case of my reigning in my renewed habit, i am quite confident that i can and WILL do just that. i respectfully ask you to drop the notion that i MUST go somewhere else to accomplish this. you'll see, i don't need to in order to continue to progress in such a positive direction.

[Murphyx]

just got my own bac!

Then why increase your dose?

[RudyB]

just got my own bac!

onanistic, murph. come on! (not CUM on!!!!) for me it's just an umbrella term (white knucklin) for finding other stuff to do when i think i want to drink, besides drink. it, for me, just means employing a bit of good old fashioned self-control. with my drinking, i have always been able to do that, to a degree. why would i doubt my ability to do that now?

i don't need to promise myself or anyone anything. by promise i simply mean i'm re-committing to sobering up totally for me and for my beloveds. i want to and i will live a good life. and i know that it's not exclusively up to my brain's chemistry to do that.

[Murphyx]

just got my own bac!

OK.

But, in that case, why bother upping your dose?

[RudyB]

just got my own bac!

aww jeez! i believe in both! i think one can help the other. i'm not shunning chemistry entirely. i jsut refuse to believe the notion that i, my mind and hands and behaviours, have nothing to do with my feeling independent of my brain chemmistry. i think there's a balanced way to approach the problem that includes all.

[RudyB]

just got my own bac!

in all kinds of threads here we talk about habit vs craving vs whatever else. and our own conscious part in combatting them all at once, or one at a time.

could others please weigh in on this? clearly i'm failing to get my point across. i'll check in later, after having had no more beer and not being a bit drunk.